The Great Adventure

[rus0806 265]

Never had Manny been this excited in his life! It was finally time for him to go back to the exciting and adrenaline filled game, Tanki Online, where he could play with his friends and hang out with other fantastic players. Little did he know that the gameplay he intended for today would turn into something big; something bigger than he could ever imagine.

 

As a low ranked player, Manny had few un-upgraded equipment, as well as some simple paints. He hadn't had much experience in game-play, just few stuff-arounds and flukes which got him to his current rank. As a beginner, Manny didn’t really know anyone other than his best friend, Jake, who went to the same school as him. As a team, these two tankers visited parkour maps, match-making battles… They had enjoyed it since they weren’t under the pressure of ranking up or fights or whatnot.

 

Today, though, was special, because it was Manny’s birthday. He had decided to throw a mini-party, consisting of only two people – Jake and himself. The friends were not going to do much except for playing around on Tanki and experimenting on parkour. Jake and Manny opened up the browser and went onto the Tanki webpage, where they started to log into their accounts. Just as Manny and Jake hit enter, both of them blacked out, and their minds sunk into the greyness.

 

Aleksandrovsk:

Manny woke with a start. He felt groggy, dizzy, and sick, and immediately he started to vomit. Just as he started to settle down from the vomiting, he realised, with great displeasure, that he was not in his room, but instead on a road, which turned left a few meters in front of him. Contemplating where he might be, Manny stood up, and at once started to scream his lungs out, trying to get someone’s attention. Unfortunately, there was no one except for him in the area. Manny began to walk forwards, into the bend that would eventually lead him onto a bridge. There, Manny saw something which he had dreamed of for days, a tank combination which he desperately wanted to get. Yes, it was Thunder M0 and Viking M0. Manny rushed towards the tank, and climbed onto the turret, where there was a little hatch, not big nor small, but just enough to welcome him into the snug environment inside the tank. There was a mouse and keyboard, resembling a gaming set, with the set-up being exactly like his one at home. Suddenly Manny realised something. Instead of playing the game Tanki online, he was actually inside it, experiencing the game to its maximum. As he suited himself to the controls of the tank, a staggering electronic voice, which he had heard countless times before, started to speak. “Hello? Hello? Is there anyone here?”

 

Zone:

Same as Manny, Jake woke up dizzy and ready to vomit. The only thing that was different was the place he woke up in. The environment was sandy and hot, with the occasional dry heat waves blasting into the surrounding buildings. As Jake helped himself up, he caught sight of the sanded down concrete pathways, with 4 tall and dignified towers watching over them. Jake looked around him and found that this place was deserted. Well, deserted except for a tank combination, which Jake envied for a long time. Yep, it was Isida M0 and Hornet M0. Just like what Manny did, Jake climbed into the tank via a hatch on top of the Isida, and a keyboard and mouse was presented to him the very same way it was presented to Manny. However, there was also another object, something alike an old telephone, which stood beside the gaming set. Jake, as soon as he saw this, held up the telephone and shouted into it, “Hello? Hello? Is there anyone here?”

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks for reading this! More parts coming soon!

If you do not understand the story currently, wait for more to come.

Like this article if you think I could become a reporter :D

[kaisdf 3,320]

Article approved.

 

Interesting article, but I like it! Already looking forward to future instalments in the series!

 

Pretty accurate overall, just a few small corrections.

 

Really sorry for the amount of time it took for this to get approved, I've been pretty busy with irl stuff and events.  :wacko: 

 

Edits:

• Turrets and hulls are proper nouns, hence they need to be capitalised. For example "Isida", not "isida".
• Make sure to keep tenses consistent.
• A few words edited for clarity.

 

 

[rus0806 265]

Article approved.

 

Interesting article, but I like it! Already looking forward to future instalments in the series!

 

Pretty accurate overall, just a few small corrections.

 

Really sorry for the amount of time it took for this to get approved, I've been pretty busy with irl stuff and events.  :wacko: 

 

Edits:

• Turrets and hulls are proper nouns, hence they need to be capitalised. For example "Isida", not "isida".
• Make sure to keep tenses consistent.
• A few words edited for clarity.

 

 

Thanks for the feedback! I will keep these in mind for the rest of the series!

[P.4.R.K.O.U.R 329]

*cough*

Interesting article, but I like it!

[Pyre 3,485]

*cough*

Its technically not wrong...

It could be made more clear by either removing the "but" or changing "interesting" to something more negative.

 

 

About the story: Very nice!

[thethiefofvictory 339]

#NoTextWalls

 

Other than that, and a few things regarding style (please don't hint at big stuff so explicitly, wait haven't I done that, if so apologies), good story! It does feel a tad cliched though, but that doesn't seem to be a problem.  ;)

[P.4.R.K.O.U.R 329]

It could be made more clear by changing "interesting" to something more negative.

Interesting is not negative...

[Pyre 3,485]

Interesting is not negative...

Ne'er said it was.

[P.4.R.K.O.U.R 329]

Ne'er said it was.

It could be made more clear by either removing the "but" or changing "interesting" to something more negative.

[Pyre 3,485]

 

Ne'er said it was.

It could be made more clear by either removing the "but" or changing "interesting" to something more negative.

 

Yeah. "But" means opposite of whatever came before it. he said ..."But I like it", which implies that whatever came before it is not negative, so I suggested one fix for it would be to make the word before it negative.