The Man on the Porch:A Halloween story

[TankiNoob2000 231]

I just finished giving out candy for Halloween. I ended up turning on my Xbox to play Madden 18. As I grabbed the controller, the doorbell rang. I rushed over there as fast as I could and found a man standing there wearing all black.

Strange, I thought to myself. Why would adults go trick or treating? I decided to play it cool and open my door the bucket of candy in my hand. I expected him to say trick or treat but for some reason at all he didn't say it I stood there for a moment of silence across from him. Eventually, I said, "Trick or treat!" and gave him some candy.

I closed the door and continued playing my game until I heard my doorbell ring at 10:30 PM. I got real annoyed and checked to see who it was. I was shocked to see the same man standing on my porch waiting for me to open the door. "What is he still doing here?" I asked myself. I opened the door again and told him, "I already gave you candy. It's half past 10." I shut the door and continued playing Madden.

It was midnight now and I decided to call it quits. I still had thoughts of whether the man was still there. I brushed my teeth and went to bed. I got only a couple minutes of sleep until I heard my doorbell ring again. I cursed something under my breath along the lines of, "My gosh. I already told him to leave now what does he want?" I stomped downstairs and told the man in an angry tone "Alright now you're angering me. Get off my porch and go back to where you came from." I slammed the door so hard that my neighbor next door nudged me. I went back to bed and got a decent amount of sleep. I woke up at 03:55 to a loud banging noise on my door

I told myself "Oh come on!" I looked out my window to see the man trying to kick down my door. My first option was to call the cops. I called 911 and told the operator "I see a man outside my window trying to kick my door down. Can you send the cops?" The operator replied, "The cops are on the way." The man kicked down my door and I said to myself, "Oh crap." I told the operator that the man broke in and she told me to hide and stay on the line. I hid in my closet and prayed that the cops would come in time.

The man was getting closer to my room and I told the operator "I am going to die!" She told me not to panic. Then the man found me in the closet. I tackled him and held him long enough for the police to come. When they arrived, they arrested the man. I thanked them for coming, and they cops congratulated me for taking the risk and attacking the man. The cops took the man away and I was able to sleep well.

I woke up happy even after what had happened and told myself that I would never give out Halloween candy again.
The incident would come back to haunt me one day when Halloween would strike back.


The end

[kaisdf 3,320]

Article Approved.

 

A good piece, very spooky, though you missed Halloween by a few weeks :P

 

Edits:

• Make sure to use punctuation before starting direct speech, like a comma
• Quite a few misspellings, which were noticeably more frequent in the 3rd paragraph

[Magenta 5,165]

Doesn't... make... sense?

[P.4.R.K.O.U.R 329]

I am trying my best not to be harsh, but did you even spend time checking and editing this? Your article needs a lot of improvement in order to make sense.

Edited November 18, 2018 by P.4.R.K.O.U.R

[Person_Random 4,991]

I am trying my best not to be harsh, but did you even spend time checking and editing this? Your article needs a lot of improvement in order to make sense.

I think I agree with Parkour and also Magenta.  I'm not saying it's bad, but then you might want to check it more by drafting it on paper or making sure you have an idea down before you start writing.  Also, grammar, my expertise subject, is a matter that you might want to work on.  You have a decent amount of dialogue, but then you should enter and add another paragraph to make it make more sense.  (Cue the descriptive dialogue speech I gave Thor)

[Pythor 1,354]

# Breaking Person Randoms post line

[Person_Random 4,991]

Nah it ok Thor.  I do evil critiques and I think he's glad you broke my line.