How did you get here?

[eminem9870 605]

You wake up, but not as yourself. You wake up and see yourself as a Hornet and Railgun, your favorite Turret and Hull. You were Human last night, but today? You seem to have turned into a tank. You try to figure out what happened; there seems to be no way to change back. You look around and see other tanks trying to strategically destroy each other, so you run to the nearest hiding spot, behind a small house where you can't be seen. You try to get out of this tank you're in but you can't do it, and so accept defeat. After so many failures, you decide to play along and try not to get destroyed. ZOOM, a Railgun shot skims by you, barely missing you as you retreat to your hiding spot.

 

"Am I in a dream?" you ask yourself, "it must be a dream...".

 

As you continue hiding, you see that your whole team left, leaving 6 players on the opposite team all rushing to destroy you. As you wae about to surrender and accept your doom, you see a portal. You leave your spot, tracks spinning faster and faster as you get nearer to the portal. You are confident that once you get through the portal, you'll turn back into what you really are, a human! The opposing team try to get some last second shots on you but you enter the portal. You emerge into a pit of darkness, nothing to see and no emotions to feel. "Is it hell?" you ask yourself. A random countdown starts in your head... 3... 2... 1... ZAP!

 

You're now in the Tanki Online lobby. You see a full list of chat channels, so you hop into one and start typing. "Where am I, and why am I here?" you ask the chat. No one replies, busy with their own conversations. Someone then asks you for a 1v1 duel, so you accept, but only so you can get answers as to why you're here. You enter the battle and start asking him crucial questions. He thinks you're crazy and he continues on with the duel. As he pushes closer to you, you try to avoid him, but this time, there is no portal. You have no chance but to fight back. You both shoot at each other, both landing heavy blows. You hide behind your house as he nearly hits you with another shot. You try to counter with a shot but your Railgun won't reload. He hits you, and you're back in pitch darkness. A deep voice starts speaking, "Go to bed and stop playing or this will be your life". You realize why you were in here, it was because you played Tanki too much and needed a break, so this was to teach you a lesson.

 

12 hours later, you wake up, all confused, but you hop back on Tanki and continue playing.

 

---

 

Thanks for reading, if you did. It's my first article and needs improvements but one step at a time. Thank you for your time :)

[kaisdf 3,320]

Article approved.

 

Great piece, especially for a first attempt. Very good overall, but I would suggest trying to improve and vary your vocabulary a bit more. Instead of "He failed a lot, and accepted his failures. After many fails...", try something like "He couldn't do it, ,and so accepted defeat. After these failures/After this setback..." etc. Also, perhaps instead of "big shots", "heavy hits". Short examples, but I hope they get the idea across.

 

Grammar and spelling were almost perfect, just one small thing about ending speech with punctuation (see Edits spoiler).

 

Love the ending though, brilliant little twist!

 

Also, going 1v6 in a MM battle is a bit too relatable :P

 

Edits:

• Split into paragraphs. Try to avoid text walls, they deter the reader and make the piece harder to read.
• Changed vocab, changed some repeated words, etc.
• Make sure to add punctuation at the end of speech. "For example," he said. "Why not?" was the reply. 

[Lose 881]

nice story dude

[Hex 11,520]

Great piece, definitely one of the better ones I've read in a while. Keep it up, man!

[Person_Random 4,991]

Wonderful work, I really enjoyed it!

[eminem9870 605]

Article approved.

 

Great piece, especially for a first attempt. Very good overall, but I would suggest trying to improve and vary your vocabulary a bit more. Instead of "He failed a lot, and accepted his failures. After many fails...", try something like "He couldn't do it, ,and so accepted defeat. After these failures/After this setback..." etc. Also, perhaps instead of "big shots", "heavy hits". Short examples, but I hope they get the idea across.

 

Grammar and spelling were almost perfect, just one small thing about ending speech with punctuation (see Edits spoiler).

 

Love the ending though, brilliant little twist!

 

Also, going 1v6 in a MM battle is a bit too relatable :P

 

Edits:

• Split into paragraphs. Try to avoid text walls, they deter the reader and make the piece harder to read.
• Changed vocab, changed some repeated words, etc.
• Make sure to add punctuation at the end of speech. "For example," he said. "Why not?" was the reply. 

Thank you, I will definitely take your advice for the next story I make so hopefully there will be a lot of improvements :)