Earth's End Chapter 2

[SpartanB312 12]

I sat in silence as the Xenos came closer and closer to my hiding spot. I tried to move but I accidentally broke a glass cup that was on the side. Swiftly, I got up and started shooting at the Xenos with my weapons. I managed to kill all of them, wondering to myself, "How did they get here?" While fleeing the scene, I found an intel piece from one of the dead Xenos. It was unresponsive when I picked it up, so I shook it. I heard an audio recording but it was mainly static. As soon as I was about to dispose of it, I heard, "Get the human!" That's when I knew they were all coming for me.

 

I sprinted into my armory and gathered all that I needed for the fight against the Xenos. I was not sure what they wanted me for but I knew that they were relentless, and they were trying to capture me at all costs. I was still shaken by what had happened earlier but I knew I had to get rid of that fear. I gathered ammo, set up a gun station, and placed a machine gun turret aiming outside. I decided to wait out the Xenos but that's when they came in. The Xenos had SMG's and they started to fire at me. I gave them a taste of their own medicine and fire right back at them with a rocket launcher. I managed to hold them off long enough but I held them for too long that I ran out of ammo for everything. I then realized that Person_Random had missiles ready just in case of an emergency. I ran back for cover and I contacted Person on comms. I told him about the invasion and I asked him about the missile that he had. 

 

Person eventually managed to get the missile to target the Xenos and he told me to find cover. I jumped behind a rock and saw the missile flying down from the skies. The impact was devastating and I almost fell victim to the explosion. I came out and readied my weapon, just in case there were any survivors. I didn't find any, but somehow, a Xeno came from behind and shot me in the leg. I fell to my knee, turned, and shot the Xeno. I inspected the wound on my leg and limped to my house as quickly as possible. I sat down and found some band-aids and a cast. I wrapped it around my leg to let it heal. I contacted Person on comms and thanked him for the assistance. 4 hours passed with no sign of a Xeno. I thought it was over until a Xeno pod crash landed to earth. Quietly, I snuck to my machine gun. I took a frag grenade and pulled out the metal ring. I threw it at the Xenos and it blew up right in front of their faces. That's when I got their attention and started firing my machine gun at them.

 

I saw some Xenos entered my base, so I picked up an M90 shotgun and started shooting at them up close. I later learned that there was strength in numbers and there seemed to be an endless amount of Xenos coming at me. One however managed to knock me down by whacking me with his gun and 5 more Xenos came with him. As they all tried to kill me, Kaisdf out of nowhere came in and shot all of them with a rocket launcher. I swiftly climbed to my feet and asked Kaisdf, "How did you know what's happening?" Kaisdf, with his rather silent protagonist persona, only replied with, "It's a long story." He tossed me an SMG and a knife and we both fought off the Xenos. We eventually managed to kill all of them and we gave each other a handshake since we had not seen each other for nearly 25 years. 

 

Kaisdf asked how this came to be and I told him I had no idea, other than that they had ambushed me. I told him that we had to prepare for the next day as they will invade again and again. We managed to get more ammo and weapons and we were waiting for our next target. It was already dawn by the time this happened and I heard Kaisdf saying that humans were dying every second at the hands of the Xenos. He later told me that we were about the only humans left on Earth as the Xenos were out in force to make Earth their planet. I was shocked as I got back to the task at hand. It was the two of us vs all the Xenos. I was looking around until I heard something bounce to our feet. I turned and saw that it was a grenade with 5 seconds remaining, and shouted to Kaisdf to get away. The bomb blew up and we both evaded it but Kaisdf hurt his leg. We were on the ground when a whole army of Xenos aimed at us ready to make the human race extinct once and for all.

[kaisdf 3,320]

Article approved.

 

A thrilling second instalment! Can't wait to find out whether or not we can defeat the Xenos or not. Also, I am liking the depiction of a silent protagonist persona :)

 

You are using several phrases far too much. "I later did this", "I decided to do this", etc. In most cases, this is unnecessary, and is improved by just shortening it to "I did this".

 

Try and use a wider range of vocabulary. Instead of, "I told", try "I explained", "I shouted", etc. Instead of "I found," try "I picked up," or, "I discovered". It adds context, and makes the whole thing flow better and makes for better reading.

 

Edits:

 

• Spelling and grammar were both good
• A lot of words changed, broadening vocabulary
• A lot of rearranging sentence structures to avoid the, "I did this. I did this. I did this.", which becomes very repetitive after just one paragraph, let alone five

[Viking4s 10,791]

:ph34r: I have some intel: The leader of the Xenos is called FleX00

[Person_Random 4,991]

:ph34r: I have some intel: The leader of the Xenos is called FleX00

hmmmm sounds familiar.....

[Person_Random 4,991]

You are using several phrases far too much. "I later did this", "I decided to do this", etc. In most cases, this is unnecessary, and is improved by just shortening it to "I did this".

 

Try and use a wider range of vocabulary. Instead of, "I told", try "I explained", "I shouted", etc. Instead of "I found," try "I picked up," or, "I discovered". It adds context, and makes the whole thing flow better and makes for better reading.

I agree with Kaisdf, however, I'd like to suggest changing the "I later did this" to "Later, I did this", which will also vary up the sentence starts.  For the "I decided", I'm thinking make the character have to choose between two things, and then add in "I decided" for a bit of an effect and transition.  Overall, though, you've improved a lot in your work from the first one. Can't wait for part 3!

[Viking4s 10,791]

I love googling around:

Xenos (Greek), a Greek word meaning "stranger" or "alien"

And something related to Warhammer 40,000 game (whatever that is)

 

You used quite a lot the word Xenos (20 times), maybe tried to use other words like: aliens, invaders, monster, ...

Edited May 23, 2019 by Viking4s