Darkness [Part 4]

[Lose 881]

As I emerged from the room I was surprised by how dark it was. I didn't know what I was expecting, but this wasn't it. I looked at my Shadow clones; they were easily gray compared to this unnatural darkness. I looked around and saw the familiar light illuminating about 10 feet in all direction. I searched for the crack I came from but found nothing. We were back in the temple -- alone but determined.

 

I decided that my best plan of action was to spin around and then point in a random direction. After succeeding in doing that whilst only falling twice, I ran in that direction, the nauseating spotlight and my Shadow clones following me. I ran for what seemed like a few eternities before I suddenly sprawled towards the ground. Somebody, or something, had tripped me. I got up to see what damage had been done to me; the only thing I could see was a nasty gash on my right forearm. Gritting my teeth, I got up and looked for what I tripped on. After about five minutes, I saw what I tripped on. I looked down and took an intake of breath so sharply I thought my lungs would implode. It was the body. The fake body of Ethan.

 

Shaking with anger, I got up and looked around. The hopelessness of this situation started to sink in. I was alone in a massive temple, with unknown powers and an unknown villain. But then something clicked in my brain; a realization that could change everything.

 

If I can remember the angle I first saw the body at, I could find my way back home.

 

I managed to find that certain angle and I ran the was I came from. I saw the familiar towers and pits, but with my new Shadow powers they weren't that big of a deal. I would use my Shadow to make a fallen pillar disappear and then make it appear as a bridge for a pit. I was running for about thirty minutes before I heard something that almost made me fall again. 

 

It was a scream. Very distant, but there was no mistaking who it was.

 

"I'M COMING ETHAN," I bellowed, charging towards the noise, "DON'T DIE ON ME!"

 

I ran towards the screaming, which was constantly growing louder. I eventually stopped to catch my breath when the screaming suddenly stopped. I stood completely still in disbelief then bolted again towards his screams. About ten minutes later I found the real Ethan, curled up in a ball, shaking, and crying.

 

"Ethan," I said, my voice cracking with emotion, "I'm here! What happened?"

 

Ethan rolled on the ground to look at me. His face whole front side was covered in blood. 

 

"J-Jack," Ethan said shakily through tears, "W-What are you d-d-doing here?"

 

"I'm here to save you," I said, "Come on, we don't have much time."

 

His face suddenly lost all blood in it. "H-He'll know," He said, "He'll know I'm gone. Go before it's too late!"

 

"No," I said defiantly, "You're coming with me. I brought... friends... to help us if we encounter trouble."

 

Ethan reluctantly got up and followed me as I ran to where I thought the exit might be. We had barely started to get into our paces when Ethan stopped.

 

"Jack," He said, "Do you hear that?"

 

I stopped and listened carefully. I could hear a periodic rumbling, getting louder and louder each rumble. I knew what it sounded like and I didn't like it.

 

Footsteps.

 

We stood there in silent shock as the rumbling got louder and more intense, nearly knocking us off our feet. Then the footsteps stopped and we heard a low, rumbling voice.

 

"You have made it this far. I congratulate you. You have made it through multiple trials, experiencing grief, pain, sadness, and misery, but also hope, happiness, determination, and strength. You were chosen to be part of the trials to find the best people for the Attack.

"I now speak to you to present an offer. Join me, at the cost of your friends and family, and earn unlimited fame and glory. You will have all you need in your new life. Just come over to my side. The Attack will be ready with you."

 

"But there are consequences," the voice said, "If you do not comply. You will die. I will hunt your friends and family and you will never see them again. All of this can be prevented if you join me."

 

Ethan, who was frightened, had gripped my arm in fright when the voice started speaking; my hand was completely numb.

 

"Relax, just let go," I whispered to him, "We can do this."

 

I looked up at where the voice was coming from.

 

"So what if we die," I called up to him, "If we die fighting you, its a death I'm willing to take."

 

Two Shadow swords materialized in my hands. I gave them to Ethan, who looked surprised at first but then a look of grim determination took over. Two more appeared in my hands.

 

Ethan and I looked at each other, nodded, and charged.

 

-Lose

 

 

Sorry for the very long wait for this piece, life always has unexpected surprises.

 

The Darkness Series:

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

The 999 Series:

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

[kaisdf 3,320]

Article approved.

 

Nice work! Strong continuation of the series, with some good character development; I like it :)

 

One small tip: your concept of time feels slightly off - running for 40 minutes with essentially no breaks sounds just about believable for teenagers/adults, but the impression I got was that these were kids, who might not be quite as fit. Another instance was when the main character tripped over, and needed "five minutes" to see what he had tripped over - you're in bright light, you can just look at your feet and see the body right there...

 

Edits:

• Words changed for flow
• Small edits re the times point
• Spelling and grammar were great!

[Cyber2_O.o 64]

*Round of applause* Lose, your stories are awesome! Thanks for sharing them in AWS.  ^_^

[Person_Random 4,991]

Excellent story!  However, (drumroll for criticism), you serious need to vary your sentence starts.  Every other sentence starts with a pronoun, and you want to lower the prevalence of 'i' or 'we' sentence starts, or else the piece will turn out to sound very basic.  Anyways, great work, excellent plot, and I can't wait!

[Lose 881]

 

Article approved.

 

Nice work! Strong continuation of the series, with some good character development; I like it :)

 

One small tip: your concept of time feels slightly off - running for 40 minutes with essentially no breaks sounds just about believable for teenagers/adults, but the impression I got was that these were kids, who might not be quite as fit. Another instance was when the main character tripped over, and needed "five minutes" to see what he had tripped over - you're in bright light, you can just look at your feet and see the body right there...

 

Edits:

 

• Words changed for flow
• Small edits re the times point
• Spelling and grammar were great!

 

Adrenaline can work wonders in times of need, but I'll admit it still seems off. I'll plan to fix that. Also about the bright light, that's just a fluke on my part :P

 

*Round of applause* Lose, your stories are awesome! Thanks for sharing them in AWS.  ^_^

Cheers mate! :D

 

Excellent story!  However, (drumroll for criticism), you serious need to vary your sentence starts.  Every other sentence starts with a pronoun, and you want to lower the prevalence of 'i' or 'we' sentence starts, or else the piece will turn out to sound very basic.  Anyways, great work, excellent plot, and I can't wait!

Currently working on sentence starting. Thanks for the criticism and the compliments!

[TankiNoob2000 231]

It is compeer to your other stories. WONDERFUL!