im lonely

[Person_Random 4,991]

Hey everyone,

 

My friend in real life is far too busy for me, and I need to find something to do to fill up that time that we used to spend together in the summer.  Ideas?  Is there something that I can do besides making surveys?  Oh, and maybe some music suggestions, if you can.  I'm listening to "N Y L A" by blackbear, "listen before i go" by Billie Eilish, and "Never Not" by Lauv.  Any other sad songs I can marathon to?

 

Or am I being a mope, like my parents keep saying?  Whenever I feel sad they just talk about my relatives who got depression and tell me not to be like them.  Am I really like this?

 

Anyways, if you're reading this, can you do this survey?

Edited September 11, 2019 by Person_Random

[loginci 877]

Well, I don't know how old are you but you can read books, listen to musics and more. But you need a few friends in the life because it's hard without friends, I know it from my self. 

 

Or if you are studying at highschool you can study for exams, one of the best ways to spend time. 

[Person_Random 4,991]

Well, I don't know how old are you but you can read books, listen to musics and more. But you need a few friends in the life because it's hard without friends, I know it from my self. 

 

Or if you are studying at highschool you can study for exams, one of the best ways to spend time. 

I'm in high school.  I am studying for my SAT, but sometimes, when I take a break, I just feel like there's a hole in my heart since there's no one to ask for help.  My friend always asked me for tips but it's time for me to take the test they aren't helping me.

[Tofu 6,773]

Start a rpg

[Viking4s 10,791]

Join HD server, with fellow writer you will have plenty to share, give and receive..

[Person_Random 4,991]

Join HD server, with fellow writer you will have plenty to share, give and receive..

link meeeee pls.

[Tofu 6,773]

Join HD server, with fellow writer you will have plenty to share, give and receive..

ShamelessAdvertisment

[Viking4s 10,791]

ShamelessAdvertisment

The HD Server is the best ever, plus the food is great we have sweet and tasty Tofu.

[u812ic 1,629]

The first thing that popped into my head was, "How come this person doesn't have any friends from school?" That's usually where friendships are formed. 

 

There's a reason why you are reaching out to a gaming community of strangers for personal advice, rather than sitting down with your parents and having a heart to heart talk. They are you teachers of life and survival. 

 

There isn't enough information to accurately advise you. Do you live in a small rural community or in the big city? Are you afraid to talk to strangers face to face? Why? 

 

Are there any clubs or organizations available to you? 

 

Do you have any mode of transportation besides your Mom and Dad's taxi service?

 

This is just an idea: I know a 10 year boy whose close friend went on a family vacation for most of the summer. He had casual friends in school, but because of personality clashes, he didn't want to hang out with them outside of school. He was bored and nothing seemed to interest him. He had a skateboard and went down to the skateboard park, but that started to get a little boring. He also had a bicycle that he rode out into the rural country for a change of scenery. 

 

One day, a neighbor came over and asked his Mom if she would mind running to the store for her to pick up a few things for supper. Both kids were sick and she couldn't leave them alone. His Mom complied. That gave him an idea. He had a bicycle and there was a little red wagon hanging up in the garage that no one was using. He rigged the wagon to the back of his bicycle and went around the neighborhood, knocking on doors and ask if he could run any errands for them. At first, everyone said 'no', but he kept it up, making his rounds everyday. 

 

As he was going around from door to door as was his routine, a woman told him that after he left yesterday, she thought of something she needed from the store, but she didn't have his phone number. He went to an office supply store and got a big pack of index cards. He thought of a unique name for his "business", included his name, his phone number and a catch little phrase. As he went around from house to house, he gave everyone on of his 'calling cards.' His business picked up. 

 

When he ran errands for people, they would ask how much they owed him. He explained to them that he wasn't doing this to make money, he just wanted something to do for the summer. At first, they gave him a dollar or two, but as they learned to trust him, those couple dollars turned into five dollars. If one person wanted him to go to a few places, they would give him fifteen or twenty dollars. By the end of summer, he had a very lucrative business. His territory extended from his neighborhood to other neighborhoods. When school started up again, he kept his business running on the weekends. 

[Tofu 6,773]

The HD Server is the best ever, plus the food is great we have sweet and tasty Tofu.

Ah so it was an invitation to feast on my voluptuous self

[Person_Random 4,991]

The first thing that popped into my head was, "How come this person doesn't have any friends from school?" That's usually where friendships are formed. 

 

There's a reason why you are reaching out to a gaming community of strangers for personal advice, rather than sitting down with your parents and having a heart to heart talk. They are you teachers of life and survival. 

 

There isn't enough information to accurately advise you. Do you live in a small rural community or in the big city? Are you afraid to talk to strangers face to face? Why? 

yeah, it's not really that. see i tried to talk to my parents but they just went like "your xxx relative xxx got depressed and then they lost their job and xxx xxx some other things like that and i dont want that to happen to you" and im like mom that isn't what i was talking about i was talking about me being sad since my friends are far away and they're like "xxx depressed relatives xxx" WITHOUT EVEN LISTENING TO WHAT I'll say.  I live in a suburban over antisocial community and most people make friends via social media  For now, break is over, I'll continue later.

[Pythor 1,354]

OK this just proves your parents dont care about you 

 

cut them out of your life once you get financially stable and move on

Yeah don't do that...

Edited September 13, 2019 by pythor20000

[AncientFire 1,894]

Yeah don't do that...

why not

[u812ic 1,629]

as of your age, it makes sense about what you typed, it may BE YOUR experience but not everyone is cut for this stuff

 

example school, maybe school was different back when you were a kid... it has changed now, really really hard to make friends unless you aren't one of the "cool dudes" which includes expensive mobile, amazing watch, lots of money, awesome clothes/hairstyle etc

 

AND next UP, parents... maybe you had nice parents, not everyone has them, not everyone is comfortable sharing their feelings with their own blood, there is a reason why most people ask help online. and that is because of anonymity, its pretty easy to pretend to be someone else on the internet, but not possible face-to-face

 

most people dont even have parents, more like manipulative narcissists, oh well im lucky to not be one of them

 

for the location thing, i can agree, its really easy to find friends in rural areas, mostly because everyone knows each other and they live like one giant family.  Also its a problem with many people being introverts these days, and as one myself, i can confirm that i literally hate people who even LOOK at me, ugh so annoying

 

and the story you told is just not right, kids should not be working... EVER, unless they want to themselves, maybe small chores here and there are fine but not straight up jobs like that and at TEN years old? ridiculous

Yes, school has changed since I've been in, but that doesn't mean I don't know what goes on. What hasn't changed are the kids. I went to a small school in a big farming community. The school I went to was founded in 1945 (or around that time). My brother's graduating class was the largest in the school's history (at that time) at 102. Mine was the second largest at 90. That was because at least half on the kids quit school after the 6th grade. At that time, farming was simple. All you needed was read'n, writ'n and 'rith'atic. The rest was taught by the parents. High School was only for the college bound kids. 

 

 

There were 2 groups of kids, the Haves (rich kids) and the Have Nots (poor kids). There was no in-between. I was one of the Have Nots. At the beginning of the school year, I got one new outfit and a new pair of shoes. The rest of the clothes I wore year after year until they got too small or too old to patch anymore. I made friends with kids who were just as poor as me and some even poorer. For as poor as we were, there were times when I felt blessed for having what little I had. At least I lived in a decent house, some of my friends lived in run down shacks. Both of my parents worked. My Mom quit school when she was 16 because of the bullies. When she got married, she thought her husband, my Dad, was going to take care of her. As it turned out, when we moved to the small town, my Dad had a difficult time competing with the businesses that were already well established. My Mom had to go to work. She was hindered by the fact she didn't have a High School diploma. The nearest school she could go to get her GED was 40 miles away. (That's one way).

 

I had very strict parents who made us kids toe the line. If I had a problem at school, the pat answer was, "You're a smart kid, you figure it out. Use your brain." There was a clique from the other group that bullied me. I told my parents about them. My Mom said, "Turn the other cheek. Be bigger than them. Ignore them and keep on walking." My Dad said, "Fighting only makes matters worse." Well, I got into a fight with the Ring Leader and they were right, it only got worse.

 

At the beginning of the high school year, the teachers always said, "The only stupid question is the one that isn't asked." I asked questions, but everytime I did, the class insulted me or made rude comments, or worse yet, laughed at me. So, I learned not to ask questions. Consequently, my grades were below average. It wasn't because I didn't study, I studied for hours, but the information didn't seem to be there. What I found out years after I graduated was that my brain was wired a bit differently. I didn't learn in the present, I learned in the past. The informations was there, it just took a long time for it to be processed and filed away. The following year, all that information I had learned was clear as a bell. But that didn't help me for the present year. I became an introvert, too. But I turned that around to actually work for me. I found out if you keep your mouth shut and your ears open, you learn a whole lot about life. Very few kids in my school knew that our little town was a Peyton Place with a Key Club. (I'll let you look that up.) I had fun eavesdropping on conversations, it becomes a skill. We had 2 policemen in town. The Chief of Police and one Patrolman. They weren't so innocent, either. 

 

When I was a kid, it wasn't at all unusual for high school kids to start working when they were around 14 (on average). My brother got a job when he was 12 delivering newspapers on his bicycle every morning before going to school. I started babysitting when I was 13 and kept that up until the 11th grade. In the 12th grade, I got a job waiting tables. 

 

The 10 year old kid, I mentioned, is in his early 20's now. No one told him he had to work. This was his own idea to fight boredom. He discussed it with his parents and they were really iffy about it. Finally, they agreed, but on a trial basis. When he ran errands, he didn't ask for money, in fact, he refused money. The people were appreciated his help so much, they insisted he take the money. At first, it was just a couple of dollars, but as time went on, they were giving him five dollars, sometimes ten dollars and on rare occasions, 20 dollars. Never once did he ever ask for money. There were some that didn't pay him, but that was okay with him. He wasn't doing it for the money, he was doing it as a Community Service.

 

 

So, don't tell me how tough school is when you are in the Have Nots group. I know how it is. Times have changed, but the kids haven't. You're going to school with the same kids I did. Sorry this is so long, but I wanted to share with you where I was coming from. You and I are not that different. 

Edited September 13, 2019 by u812ic

[Person_Random 4,991]

Yes, school has changed since I've been in, but that doesn't mean I don't know what goes on. What hasn't changed are the kids. I went to a small school in a big farming community. The school I went to was founded in 1945 (or around that time). My brother's graduating class was the largest in the school's history (at that time) at 102. Mine was the second largest at 90. That was because at least half on the kids quit school after the 6th grade. At that time, farming was simple. All you needed was read'n, writ'n and 'rith'atic. The rest was taught by the parents. High School was only for the college bound kids. 

 

 

There were 2 groups of kids, the Haves (rich kids) and the Have Nots (poor kids). There was no in-between. I was one of the Have Nots. At the beginning of the school year, I got one new outfit and a new pair of shoes. The rest of the clothes I wore year after year until they got too small or too old to patch anymore. I made friends with kids who were just as poor as me and some even poorer. For as poor as we were, there were times when I felt blessed for having what little I had. At least I lived in a decent house, some of my friends lived in run down shacks. Both of my parents worked. My Mom quit school when she was 16 because of the bullies. When she got married, she thought her husband, my Dad, was going to take care of her. As it turned out, when we moved to the small town, my Dad had a difficult time competing with the businesses that were already well established. My Mom had to go to work. She was hindered by the fact she didn't have a High School diploma. The nearest school she could go to get her GED was 40 miles away. (That's one way).

 

I had very strict parents who made us kids toe the line. If I had a problem at school, the pat answer was, "You're a smart kid, you figure it out. Use your brain." There was a clique from the other group that bullied me. I told my parents about them. My Mom said, "Turn the other cheek. Be bigger than them. Ignore them and keep on walking." My Dad said, "Fighting only makes matters worse." Well, I got into a fight with the Ring Leader and they were right, it only got worse.

 

At the beginning of the high school year, the teachers always said, "The only stupid question is the one that isn't asked." I asked questions, but everytime I did, the class insulted me or made rude comments, or worse yet, laughed at me. So, I learned not to ask questions. Consequently, my grades were below average. It wasn't because I didn't study, I studied for hours, but the information didn't seem to be there. What I found out years after I graduated was that my brain was wired a bit differently. I didn't learn in the present, I learned in the past. The informations was there, it just took a long time for it to be processed and filed away. The following year, all that information I had learned was clear as a bell. But that didn't help me for the present year. I became an introvert, too. But I turned that around to actually work for me. I found out if you keep your mouth shut and your ears open, you learn a whole lot about life. Very few kids in my school knew that our little town was a Peyton Place with a Key Club. (I'll let you look that up.) I had fun eavesdropping on conversations, it becomes a skill. We had 2 policemen in town. The Chief of Police and one Patrolman. They weren't so innocent, either. 

 

When I was a kid, it wasn't at all unusual for high school kids to start working when they were around 14 (on average). My brother got a job when he was 12 delivering newspapers on his bicycle every morning before going to school. I started babysitting when I was 13 and kept that up until the 11th grade. In the 12th grade, I got a job waiting tables. 

 

The 10 year old kid, I mentioned, is in his early 20's now. No one told him he had to work. This was his own idea to fight boredom. He discussed it with his parents and they were really iffy about it. Finally, they agreed, but on a trial basis. When he ran errands, he didn't ask for money, in fact, he refused money. The people were appreciated his help so much, they insisted he take the money. At first, it was just a couple of dollars, but as time went on, they were giving him five dollars, sometimes ten dollars and on rare occasions, 20 dollars. Never once did he ever ask for money. There were some that didn't pay him, but that was okay with him. He wasn't doing it for the money, he was doing it as a Community Service.

 

 

So, don't tell me how tough school is when you are in the Have Nots group. I know how it is. Times have changed, but the kids haven't. You're going to school with the same kids I did. Sorry this is so long, but I wanted to share with you where I was coming from. You and I are not that different. 

okey then

 

but still, right now, i cant listen to my music because loud children keep talking.  i used to be friends with them but i fell out with them after i ditched them for a group of friends that left to other places.  it's been three years.  we keep hanging out in the same places, but we just dont connect anymore.  back then we were all have nots.  now i'm the only one.  but whatever.  it's friday.

 

Also on a totally unrelated note, Tanki is like a second family to me, so that's why i ask yall instead of people at school or at home (also since my parents would rather me go study than ask how to cure me)

[u812ic 1,629]

 

Also on a totally unrelated note, Tanki is like a second family to me, so that's why i ask yall instead of people at school or at home (also since my parents would rather me go study than ask how to cure me)

Parents don't have all the answers and they certainly don't want their children to think they are dumb or stupid, so they create ways of hiding their shortcomings. I couldn't talk to my parents, either. Seems they always tried to use logic where logic didn't seem to fit. 

 

From the world of introverts comes scholars, tinkerers, inventors, crafters.  

 

Scholars read in search of knowledge

Tinkerers try to improve on what's already there.

Inventors think outside the box to come up with something new.

Crafters create models...something out of nothing. 

 

What do all of these have in common, besides being introverts? They are thinkers. But to do this, you have to train your brain to focus. How do you do that? First, find a way to have silence. You don't need to stay home to think. Where ever you go, you take your brain with you. Your brain is your tool. Learn to use that wonderful, mysterious tool. When was the last time you spent a couple hours in a library? You don't need to read. Just grab a book, any book, off the shelf. Open it up to any page and just stare at it...not read, but stare (try not to fall asleep, Librarians frown on that). Well, if something catches your eye, then, yes, read it. Point is, a library is quiet, very conducive for thinkers. Maybe, with all this thinking you're doing, you'll come up with a solution to your problems. 

[babyofRosemarysbaby 256]

original post

In my experience loneliness is a manifestation of feeling like you don't belong anywhere. A sort of an identity crisis as it were.

 

If you're in social situations with your parents and friends you don't really care for, take space from them. And i'm not talking emotional space, but physically put yourself in different places. These sort of situations hold you back from reforming an identity, It's like putting yourself in front of a box of chocolates every day when you're trying to diet, eventually, you'll just give into habitual behavior.

You can try to spend one-on-one time with friends to try forming less socially charged and more personal connections, however, this doesn't work with everyone, some like remaining fairly closed even alone.

 

You like music, great go for walks, cycling etc. with headphones. These sort of habits require barely any arranging, automatically give you space. I'd especially recommend visiting places you haven't previously been at, or maybe places you have fond memories of in order to spark up some emotion and get you further out of your normal thoughts.

 

Once you have some personal space/relationships you can truly think of what matters to you. Don't give up if you can't find those things immediadely, they're often way less obvious than you'd think. But once you can direct more of your thoughts and actions towards them the feeling of belonging and fulfillment will also come.

 

Also for a music recommendation, I'd give Buzzcut Season by Lorde, "I live in a hologram with you" stuck with me for a long time. In the end, when we close our eyes and block our ears it's just us alone, but that is no reason to feel lonely :)

[AncientFire 1,894]

so i tried doing your survey a second time but whenever i would click on submit it would just send me back to the 6th page, idk why. i filled in all sections

[u812ic 1,629]

Okay, maybe this loner gig isn't your bag, your cup of tea. You want to make friends with others your age bracket. Then you have to go where they go. Teen Socials, a park, basketball court (even if you don't play basketball). Does your church have a teen night? If not, talk to your Pastor and see if you can spearhead one. Is there someone in school you have never spoken to? Seek that person out and strike up a conversation. 

 

Thing of it is, if you want to be a loner and you enjoy your own company, then develop that by doing things you enjoy. If you want friends to hang with, then you have to go where they go. The group isn't going to come to you. Do anything that will not get you into trouble with your parents or the Law. Sitting around moping is not the answer. You become mentally stagnant, emotionally deprived. That can lead you down a path you don't want to go. 

 

You came to us for advice. You've gotten a lot of it. Now, the ball is in your court. What are you going to so with it? You can choose to ignore the contents of this post, which you created, or do something with it. Change is hard, for anyone, including adults. Decisions have to be made and acted upon. 

 

The world is constantly moving, changing. If you don't move and change with it, you'll be left behind. No one is going to grab you by the hand and choose a path for you. You have to muster up the courage to walk down a beaten path many have gone before you. Or you can forge your own path into the dark and unknown. Life is one big adventure with many twists and turns. Embrace that adventure. Climb that mountain, hack your way through the jungle...whatever it takes, do it. Just don't idle your time and watch everyone else go by. That isn't the way life was meant to be lived. You're in your youth, this time will never be again. As you get older your teen years will become memories. Make them lasting ones that you'll want to visit often. Too many adults look back on their childhood and say, "I wish I had done (this)" or "I had the opportunity to do (that) but didn't." You will never pass this way again. Time marches on and you need to be in that parade. 

[AncientFire 1,894]

 

agree with the last two paragraphs

[Person_Random 4,991]

so i tried doing your survey a second time but whenever i would click on submit it would just send me back to the 6th page, idk why. i filled in all sections

did you answer any maybes or third choices?

 

Okay, maybe this loner gig isn't your bag, your cup of tea. You want to make friends with others your age bracket. Then you have to go where they go. Teen Socials, a park, basketball court (even if you don't play basketball). Does your church have a teen night? If not, talk to your Pastor and see if you can spearhead one. Is there someone in school you have never spoken to? Seek that person out and strike up a conversation. 

 

Thing of it is, if you want to be a loner and you enjoy your own company, then develop that by doing things you enjoy. If you want friends to hang with, then you have to go where they go. The group isn't going to come to you. Do anything that will not get you into trouble with your parents or the Law. Sitting around moping is not the answer. You become mentally stagnant, emotionally deprived. That can lead you down a path you don't want to go. 

 

You came to us for advice. You've gotten a lot of it. Now, the ball is in your court. What are you going to so with it? You can choose to ignore the contents of this post, which you created, or do something with it. Change is hard, for anyone, including adults. Decisions have to be made and acted upon. 

 

The world is constantly moving, changing. If you don't move and change with it, you'll be left behind. No one is going to grab you by the hand and choose a path for you. You have to muster up the courage to walk down a beaten path many have gone before you. Or you can forge your own path into the dark and unknown. Life is one big adventure with many twists and turns. Embrace that adventure. Climb that mountain, hack your way through the jungle...whatever it takes, do it. Just don't idle your time and watch everyone else go by. That isn't the way life was meant to be lived. You're in your youth, this time will never be again. As you get older your teen years will become memories. Make them lasting ones that you'll want to visit often. Too many adults look back on their childhood and say, "I wish I had done (this)" or "I had the opportunity to do (that) but didn't." You will never pass this way again. Time marches on and you need to be in that parade. 

I think I'll consider many of the options.  Thank you (all of you) for the support.  I knew there was still a community out there I could reach out to.

[Lose 881]

I answered your survey, I hope you like it  ;)

[AncientFire 1,894]

did you answer any maybes or third choices?

i did everything :/

[beihai 18]

i did everything :/

Wildthing you !

[Vegas 960]

all what you need is GF man trust me :)