The Leaky Mult #4 - October 2019

[Merovingian 656]

"You can laugh about everything but not with everyone," - Pierre Desproges

 

 

Note for paranoids, very serious peoples and YouTuber's fans: This is a work of F.I.C.T.I.O.N. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents either are the products of the authors' noob and overdrived imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. This is not a witch-hunt neither a personal Vendetta. 

 

Greetings honourable readers, long time no see! Or 好久不見 (Hǎojiǔ bùjiàn) as they say in China. After a rather long break, the TLM is back for a fourth edition. Let's say it is a warm up for a fresh restart of the series. In this edition the content is an awkward patched up of different projects from me: three articles, one special fan letter and a contest to wrap up! It is a solo act this time, as the previous contributors, fearing for the their precious butts, left me at the altar. @Illuminati went in Rio's rain-forest in hide there as a native savage, @mydoom.exe locked himself out his PC while fiddling with a rogue ransomware (this is karma bro) and @GrandExecutioner is putting his merciless axe to good use to study Medicine. Trouble, danger or death are only a little price to pay to support an independent newspaper uncovering and exposing the truth for the benefit of its readers. Anyway it is time to be enlightened, have a good read!

__________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Divide et Impera
The Latin phrase “Divide et Impera” is an old ruling principle from the powerful, when war and politics where tightly entangled. This maxim literally translates to “divide and rule”, in other words “split the opposition so that it ceases to threaten your own power.” This warfare tactics is attributed to Julius Cesar who successfully applied it during the “Gallic Wars”. The interesting thing is that this principle can be observed when it comes to dealing with game balance of any game in general, and in Tanki in particular. Let us see below how this relates to TO in a form of a short story involving ancient gods.

 

 
   The mighty Siberian God Opex (a.k.a. Hazel The Great Nutty One in the Western part of the Tanki-Realm), the great leader of the Gods of the Mount Alternativa, reigns as a feared and sardonic tsar over the Tanki-Verse and the lower god entities. In charge of the equilibrium of the forces that animate this world, he uses and abuses his ultimate power to demote or promote his sub-gods as he sees fit or just out of boredom.
 
   Goddess Isis and her legion of Isidas has been deemed too powerful, they had lots of fun for a long period of time, but this had changed. In his omnipotence, Opex demoted her, slowly but steadily. Now we all can witness the result of his action: Her devoted legion has lost their overpowered self-healing ability. On the other hand, the Thunderous legion of estranged god Zeus has regained fresh vital strength and power, confirming the return to grace of this old demoted god. Zeus was not the sole beneficiary of Isis demotion, Thor himself has rejoiced when the Nutty One altered his hammers weapon, by doubling its power it tilted to his advantage his legion of Vikings.
 
   However, the cunning Opex had more tricks in his bag and a new “kid on the block” was invited among his court, the vigorous and handsome poster god-boy, known as Striker, with his new-born and volatile legion of Rocket Launchers. No other god than the almighty god could govern with such Machiavelli-like behaviour: Giving or taking power, and slow to forgive (Isis knows what we are talking about here), in order to remind the submitted lower gods who’s the boss around here and who holds the unchallenged authority. Just to further dismay them, and show off his wicked spirit, he has plan for a new and powerful god, Ares, who is going to rule the battlefields and rumble upon the earth with his legion of Magnums and will at the same time tamper with the ambitions of the just newly promoted gods.
 
   Once he was done for the day, Opex sat back and contemplated with content that his subordinate deities were now all fighting among themselves with their legions in order to get his grace and attention. The omnipotent being thought that this new set of order is going to be fairly amusing... for a time.
 

In this epic story, we can see firstly how the constant buffing and nerving of equipment set players against each others whom ask for de-buffing the one they don't use and de-nerfing the one they favour. And secondly how the constant introduction of new turret divide even further and weaken the player base turning versus the head game developer. As for the moral of the story, remember that the ancient civilisation always praised the gods and never challenged their will for fear of their wrath (especially if they live near an active and unpredictable volcano).

 
 
Tanki Offers Huge Bonuses for Bug Hunters
In coordination with the implementation of HTML5, Alternativa has launched a paid bug-hunting campaign for Tanki Online. Half a year ago, we would have been certain that it was the end of the road for the game, but against all odds Tanki Online continues to top the box office of the Russian Online Game Industry, unlike its second game Tanki X who is now closing down for certain. More recently TO has reconnected with success due to its latest move to the mobile Platform that attracts millions of players every day.
 

 

To ensure the continuity of its golden goose TO (and its golden box), Alternativa has no choice but to provide a service technically flawless. That is why the Nutty-one, its top-level game designer, has decided to address the issues by requesting help and support from the Russian community. This young and boisterous community is well known for its hacking hum...coding... skills and all-around knowledge of the video game mechanics. The launch of the campaign “₮ankoins versus Bugs” relayed via the collaborative platform “Electrolux Zerrobug”, which lists campaigns of bug hunting, has proven to be a huge success.

 
As a result, every person who finds a significant flaw or technical bug on Alternativa's servers, clients and web platforms, will be given a consequent reward in the hard and noble currency: ₮ankoins (₮). On Electrolux Zerrobug website, it is possible to follow the rewards given and the money paid by TO in the "Bug Bounty Program" topic. Rewards range from 10 ₮ for small flaws to 5 000 ₮ for critical incidents. In addition, it is possible to follow the progress of the resolution of the bugs live streamed.

 
For now, the publisher has already redistributed nearly 500 000 ₮ankoins to the bug hunters. Therefore, if you do not know what to do with your time, partly because you quit the game and still part of an incel life, in desperate need of Tanki currency and you are gifted in noob hacking skills, well you know now what you have to do!

 
 
Chain Letter Appeal for a Good Cause
For every issue we select one reader’s request among the pile of mails we received. And in this issue, we would like to share with you a moving and truly sad letter from Lunassimo a young unfortunate player. Let’s read it first to see what twisted fate he his enduring before providing our full support and council.
 

 

Hi TLM, I am 13 years old and I’m suffering from an acute and very rare case of cerebral Noobomia. This condition causes me severe brain tantrums and in its terminal illness phase it will force me to write a “Goodbye Tanki Online” topic. The doctors have informed me that I would probably never be able to learn to turn a turret and that I have been given only four months before I leave TO.
 
As part of my last wish, I wanted to start a chain letter to inform people of this particular brain condition and to send people the following message: Play Tanki to the fullest and enjoy every events it holds, because this is a pleasure that I will sadly lose soon.
 
Furthermore, the Russian Cerebral Noobomia Cociety and several corporate sponsors have agreed to donate three crystals toward continuing Noobomia research for every new person that gets forwarded this message. Please give me and all the Noobomia victims a chance to continue playing Tanki for a longer time.
 
Add @Fight4Noobomia to the list of people that you send this to so that TO will be able to calculate how many people have contributed to the donation. If there are any further questions regarding the payment process, please send them to Tanki Helpdesk.
 
Three small crystals for every person that receives this letter turns out to be a lot of crystal considering how many people will get this letter and how many people they, in turn, pass it on to. Please go ahead and forward it to whoever you know, it really doesn't take much to help out for such an awful disease. 
 
If you don't forward this message to ten friends in the next 24 hours something tragic will happen to you. A player did not do it and his turret was not able to deal any damage for six months. Another forgot to forward it before 24 hours, after that he could not stop lagging and got error message on every battle he tried to join, in the end he had to quite the game.

 

Please help me, this sickness really sucks big time. Everyday I try to be happy but it's getting harder and harder. I really wish I had a M4 Wasp and a M4 Railgun, and I wish I could kill many mults whom steal my Goldboxes during double drop weekend. I am already a third Lieutenant  rank but only have M0s equipment and I keep dying. I hate that very much.

 
Thank You.
The boy with just a Wasp M0-0, and Smoky M0-0 for combo.
 

TLM advice to you, poor little boy: Life is tough, so buckle up buttercup!
 
 
The top five things that Developers do not want you to know about!
 Must read! Now! (Says a very enthused average Tanki player and core supporter of the TLM)
 
When it comes to transparency and openness, Alternativa is as clear as mud. Behind the enclosed walls of the game company building, lays many mysteries and untold stories, that the Developers do not wish you to know about. Secrets so vital that they might shake down the sheer foundation of its lucrative business model, and tales so preposterous that you might think they come from Otakus’ wildest dreams.
To unravel the dark truths about Alternativa, I consulted on the subject with a variety of experts, ex-players and random persons. After rather much discussion involving Juice Spud - Fermented and Distilled - (SJFD) and Oreos delicacy, I summed up below the top five of what I would call: “scandalous revelations”.

 
#5- Goldboxes are not made of gold! Shocking! My whole life is a lie?!
Instead the shiny box is made of cheap yellowish brass alloy. Even worse, to make it seems like the supply feels heavy, the witty Developers have them filled with rather large carrots, the “Marcus carota sp. sativus”: A sweet species endemic to Perm Region. “Why?” A noob will ask. “Because carrots are a cheap raw material compared to 24 carat gold! To be honest they should have used a more noble raw material like potatoes.'' An anonymous local potato farmer confided to the TLM. Also for technical reasons if the precious heavyweight metal was used, the current small parachute would not sustain the load and would break, and the boxes would drop at a faster speed. Developers knows that if the Goldboxes are not made of the real thing, players will find them less appealing, and they would stop trying to desperately catch them. Consequently developers imagined this cheap ploy and they would boldly deny any rumours or wrongdoing about it.
As we now know better, we can only encourage you to disregard any further of this sham goldbox for the time being and leave them to the newbies!
 
#4- Tanki is a subsidiary of Illuminati. Jaw dropping! Ouch!
However this is old news for an intellectually inclined reporter like me. I heeded rather easily the many clues, disseminated here and there both in the game and in the forum, that hinted about the involvement of this secretive and so powerful group called Illuminati. Seriously, on the forum, who did not see the constant written references and fingerprints of the chicken industry influence (a group well-known for supporting Illuminati)? A connection shamelessly exhibited in the Newspaper’s and The Dictator’s articles via the blatant promotion and advertising of chicken consumption (The Expert's Guide to Eating Chicken).Without players noticing, the secret society, constantly in need for more funds to finance its global supremacy objective, have coxed TO into developing more and more pay-to-win (P2W) in-game features (e.g. drugs, drones …).

Fight back and stop eating chicken to dry out Illuminati’s incomes, and let’s switch to the healthier and more respectable vegetable known as “potato”.
 

 
#3- Developers never played the game ever – they can’t be bothered! Say wat!?  :blink: 
Some astute players have already sensed this fact, and heavily complained about it (in the complaint topic).“The game is broken and unbalanced. It is clear that the Developers are not playing the game they are developing!” One enlightened tanker wrote. There is a good reason for that, and it is the rather most interesting secret of all. It was discovered by one of our free-lance reporters, let’s call him Sevin to keep his anonymity, whom worked at Alternativa undercover as a Community Mariachi. “The Developers, to make their life easier, created a secret keyboard sequence that allow them to play with immortality, endless supplies, full micro-upgrade equipment and infinite Overdrives!” He said. Rapidly Developers grow bored of always winning and of the game overall. Nowadays once they finish to code a new feature, they pretend to test it, but in reality, they are playing other games. If they are caught at it, they pretend to undergo competitive intelligence to investigate new P2W features.
Knowing that, there is no need to demand game fixes or to whine about bad updates. More importantly if you wish to play with or against them, don’t play Tanki but any other game! (It appears that they were great fan of Aliens Colonial Marines).
 
#2- Players Maf and Hate are taking over Alternativa! Mwhahahaha! Good job Guys!  
Have you not noticed the growing predominant apparitions of this pair of helpers in every aspect of Tanki, day after day, month after month and year after year? Rumour has it they are the reason behind [Nives] and [Ostrica] departure. The source of the hearsay is one of Alternativa’s janitors, a very clean and proper informant, who got the word out of the building via private messages hidden in empty bottle of Vospudka^TM binned in the restroom. The content of the messages which were noted on toilette papers, explained in lengthy details on how the pair has slowly raised to power by moving strategically within the different helpers’ position over their time of service. Thus building up a network of allies and fervent enthusiast while gathering precious Intel for leverage. Ultimately they gained full power in the company: They can change their nickname at will (exhibit number one: Maf moofing around - see screenshot below), become the voice of the V-log (exhibit number two: V-log 188) and pull the strings behind the scene in Moscow during the TankiTrip 2019 (exhibit number three: image posted) - Hate took over the forum, the chat and the Anime discord server (building an army of powerful Otakus).

Come and show your support to them as soon they will boss around the Developers! TLM will send you your weight in free range potatoes, all for free!* (*exclude import cost and fee of transportation which are at your charge) 

 

 

#1- Lag will never be fixed because it is created on purpose. MiNd BlOwInG! No way! Call 991! Seriously?!
Any new game started with some lag but over time they managed to tame it to a zero annoyance, but not with Tanki Online. It is absurd (and suspicious) that after 10 years we still suffer intense lag and the crazy thing is that it worsens whenever an update is implemented! A notorious online game specialist, Dagelvi Noital, head game designer at AV-Gamers, explained to the TLM: “Games are virtually lag-free by design, and only incompetent network architecture design and poor coding would cause major lag, but even that can be fixed in no time.” Surprisingly the answers of the continuous lag experienced by tankers lays somewhere else: Marketing and cost saving. Felix Rigellito, a professor emeritus at the Game Academy of Wolfenstein and author of Conspiracy Theories: Mults and Lag in Tanki Online, declared: “Numerous consumer research studies done by marketing companies revealed a strong and positive correlation between lag and the time spent playing online by teenagers. In other words the more lag the longer teenagers stay playing online.” The second reason, cost saving, is found in the annual corporate financial report of Alternativa, which TLM managed to obtain for analysis. The documents list the savings generated by lags, and detailed the contribution to saving from lost crystals, experience not counted, no damage dealt, and uncatchable glitched goldboxes.
This is a truly the most horrific Alternativa's secret and it explains the long-lasting “no comment” policy of the company regarding this matter. I will stop playing Tanki to show my displeasure, … starting tomorrow,... or maybe after this month's challenge.
 
Well that is five big cats out of the bag, my life is now in present and clear danger. However, do not worry, I have taken all the necessary dispositions prior to the publication of this article, and I am presently living in an off-grid and safe location. Consequently, it would be pointless to come and check my Grand-ma’s basement, because I am not hiding in that obvious hideout. Also, I am certainly not killing time in her dark cellar eating Oreos and playing TO all day long. To finish, I would obviously not use and enjoy the secret TO’s cheat sequence to power-level my account (“up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, shift”).

 

So long Mults…
 

 
Contest: Mult Crosswords!
This is our very first Mult contest! Yes, what is Mult Newspaper without such feature? A fake newspaper indeed! Consequently we looked for an awesome contest idea that suit our intellectually inclined readers, and we found one quite rapidly it was just around the corner: I give you Crosswords. 
 
TLM stole with pride a contest idea from the forum, it is worth noting that many good ideas have been sprouting on the forum lately. However, we have added several tweaks to the initial concept:
1/ The level of difficulty is at least for Legend Grand Master participant. 
2/ A rather high number of words to guess, a mere sixteen.
3/ Two bonus words to guess after you completed the crosswords.
4/ Fill in the answer in the Google form, no screenshot required.
5/ Awesome rewards! 
 
Without further ado, impatient readers, let's start! - Actually the crossword grid will be posted in about a week after publication. You can still have a peek at the blurred crosswords. 

 
The Mult Crosswords:

 

 

Mult Clues:

 

Horizontal

H 1 - I am good for support as long as you don't leave me alone.

H 2 - I unlock at captain.

H 3 - With my twin brother I used to help the space shuttle.

H 4 - I am good at sharing, stay by me.

H 5 - I worth 20 k crystals.

H 6 - Hold the steering wheel.

H 7 - Find a cosy spot and nest.

H 8 - Bolt is the fastest one.

 

Vertical

V 9 - I killed my father with a knife.

V 10 - Don't mistaken me with a mounted police officer.

V 11 - I can deceive and prank others but I am not a hacker.

V 12 - Kamikazeeee.

V 13 - We are not cheap supplies.

V 14 - I stare at the sea to prevent death.

V 15 - I loath spider.

V 16 - If you answered right all the questions above, then this is one of the last two among the sixteen.

 

Bonus words

To find the two bonus word use the seven letters from the dark green cells and the twelve letters from the pale orange cells in the crossword. Once you have rightly guessed, enter the newly formed words at the bottom of the google form.

Clue for dark green bonus word: Goosebumps

Clue for pale orange bonus word: xxxxx-xxxxxxx

 

Mult Rewards:

 

At TLM we treat our readers with the upmost premium rewards. Therefore the top 3 winners will receive their body-weigh in purple potato! The king of potato family. Lucky you! 

In the unlikely case that a winner don't like potatoes, you can still do the crosswords just for fun and prove that you are a proud reader of this high IQ friendly newspaper. Seriously thought, I have 40 GB that I will drop for low rank accounts - 25, 10 and 5 for the top 3. 

 

Update: The Contest is closed. Winners announced

Well done for our winners, "la creme de la creme"

First: @adhik123 - I will drop 25 GB for you.

Second: @Specky  - I will drop 15 GB for you (but not on your legend account, too high for me).

Third: @Given who only find one of the bonus words. - I will drop 5 GB for you.

 

The answers are:

 

 

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That's it for today folks. Thanks for reading. The next issue is brewing and maturing slowly and will come after potatoes' harvest season (with another brand new contest). Your comments, wishes or aspirations are welcomed in the section below.

 

 

---

Previous issue of The Leaky Mult

+ TLM # 1 November 2017 by Illuminati & The Merovingian
+ TLM # 2 New Year 2018 by Illuminati & The Merovingian
+ TLM # 3 St Valentine's Day 2018 by GrandExecutioner, mydoom.exe & The Merovingian
+ TLM # 5 December 2019 by Given, Viking4s & The Merovingian
+ TLM # 6  December 2020 by Tokamak & The Merovingian

TLM is the world's first truly independent, non-profit, viewer-supported news and documentary service. It does not accept advertising, government or corporate funding in order to provide real and independent news imbued with verifiable facts, history and context. Its mission is to engage millions of viewers in solving the critical problems of our times, and fighting against the evil chicken industry that we vow to put down once for all. Say "No to chicken" and join our cause. If you read this then you have very good eyes or you stand too close to the screen which is not good for your eyes.

Edited December 7, 2020 by Merovingian

[Tidebreaker 1,669]

Edits:

Nada.

 

Approved.

 

It looks like we've found a competitor for the TWNC! I really loved the sheer amount of imagination and creativity that you put in to this issue. Keep making these quite frequently and you might even have a chance to be featured in the Newspaper! You formatted this article very nicely, and I respect that because I can't format that well myself

 

Oh boy, if you were to team up with the TWNC crew...my imagination is going off right now. Keep these pieces coming!

[Pythor 1,354]

Lmao

 

The game summed up nicely.... "Hush-Hush Tanki".

[Merovingian 656]

 

Thank you that was a quick release. Good job Tidebreaker for your commitment to the AWS.

I also want to thanks the anonymous and essential proofreaders. They will recognised themselves. :) (bow)

Edited October 13, 2019 by Merovingian

[r_Given6 859]

Did anyone else hit the like button before starting to read?

[Person_Random 4,991]

welp i thought u was ganna ask me for joining the leaky mult.  welp i guess not its fine im busy too.  good work, i cant humor.

[Pythor 1,354]

welp i thought u was ganna ask me for joining the leaky mult.  welp i guess not its fine im busy too.  good work, i cant humor.

The TWNC has control of you through 2020  :ph34r:

[Merovingian 656]

The TWNC has control of you through 2020  :ph34r:

Someone did not read the small characters at the bottom of the contract :D

[Person_Random 4,991]

Someone did not read the small characters at the bottom of the contract :D

no puedo leer

[Merovingian 656]

no puedo leer

You are free-lance reporter anyway. Sell your articles to the highest bidder.  :ph34r: (do you like potatoes?)

 

 

 Keep making these quite frequently and you might even have a chance to be featured in the Newspaper! 

TLM is the world's first truly independent, non-profit, viewer-supported news and documentary service. It does not accept advertising, government or corporate funding in order to provide real and independent news imbued with verifiable facts, history and context. Its mission is to engage millions of viewers in solving the critical problems of our times, and fighting against the evil chicken industry that we vow to put down once for all. 

The TLM will never be featured in a newspaper owned by the evil chicken industry.

[LIMITFULL 1,793]

LONG LIVE THE GREAT POTATO!!

:wub:   :wub:   :wub:

Thanks for new paper [member=Merovingian]

[Adab 2,896]

Umm by the looks of it, seems like it will be a nice read.

 

 

Will read one day.

 

[Merovingian 656]

Umm by the looks of it, seems like it will be a nice read. Will read one day.

Take your time. :)

These articles are timeless.

 

 

 

LONG LIVE THE GREAT POTATO!!

:wub: :wub: :wub:

Thanks for new paper [member=Merovingian]

And its mashing army.

Thanks for reading it, and helping behind the scene.:wub:

Edited October 11, 2019 by Merovingian

[Merovingian 656]

The Contest is now ON Good Luck to all.

[Merovingian 656]

Are there any crystal/ container / goodies prizes to be won ???  or is the satisfaction of solving such an elaborate cross word puzz the prize.. in that case no thanks.

The 40 GB supplies are for real. Just mind that as I dropped them in a private battle, we need to have compatible ranks to join the same battle and that you may require to buy a pro-pass to access private battles.

Satisfaction of solving is primordial but not exclusive.

[Merovingian 656]

I am really impressed by the results so far. Maybe it was not difficult enough.

[GrandExecutioner 1,403]

oNe dAy I wiLl wRiTe fOr tHe LeAkY MuLt

[Merovingian 656]

No more challenger for the Crossword?

Well i will announce the result Friday then.

[Merovingian 656]

Merovigian is the new Yisroel

I am actually way better, and I am old news since 2017.

[mydoom.exe 5,154]

update: I have dealt with the ransomware and I ̱̠a̱͕͡m̲̤̯̦̮̙͜ ̢͙p̯̜̰̹̫ę̶̱̯͠r̸͇̦̠̮̱͞f̵̡̰̱e̳̳̝̪͕͎͎c̨̼̳͎̰̞̗̥͞t͉͖̩̥̩̱̫l̶͓̳̼̥̜͍̙y̨̠͙̥͖͈̭̱̱̬͝ ̹̝͎̮̠͜f̷̧̪̘̺̰͈͉̥i҉̯͉̜͘͜n̛͝҉͚͔̮̻̝̯̖̱e͍̥̻͇͕

[Merovingian 656]

Update: The Contest is closed. Winners announced below!

 

Well done for our winners, "la creme de la creme"

First: @adhik123 - I will drop 25 GB for you.

Second: @Specky - I will drop 15 GB for you but not on this account (too high for me).

Third: @Given who only find one of the bonus words. - I will drop 5 GB for you.

 

Well-done to them. See answers on the first post.

Edited October 26, 2019 by Merovingian

[Merovingian 656]

Allrighty here we go.

Firstly I would like to acknowledge two gentleman who declined their rewards - only doing challenges for sport: Given and Specky. There GB will be used for the next contest.

Secondly, congrats to the top one, adhik123, for his speed on solving the crossword. Enjoy your 25k crystals!

 

 

That's all folks.

Edited November 5, 2019 by Merovingian

[Merovingian 656]

.

Edited December 7, 2019 by Merovingian
fixed now

[Merovingian 656]

Greetings honourable readers, the fifth edition is around the corner. In this new edition, two talented writers has joined the rank of the TLM @Given and @Viking4s. 
We will cover the mood of the EN community, unearth a mystery around estrange apparitions in Wolfenstein castle, expose the atrocity of the first war and finally reveal the truth about the mysterious MOOF! 

Soon to be available on your potato computer.

[Viking4s 10,791]

On 12/10/2019 at 9:53 PM, Merovingian said:

Greetings honourable readers, the fifth edition is around the corner. In this new edition, two talented writers has joined the rank of the TLM @Given and @Viking4s. 
We will cover the mood of the EN community, unearth a mystery around estrange apparitions in Wolfenstein castle, expose the atrocity of the first war and finally reveal the truth about the mysterious MOOF! 

Soon to be available on your potato computer.

when?