humour [Halloween] The Dictator

[Hex 11,520]

 

 

Greetings, readers! Here at the Tanki Online Newspaper, we are writing the segments of this article in the midst of lurking shadows, scary footsteps and occasional howls. Celebrations are in full swing, as indicated by the various sinister faces carved rigorously into pumpkins and murky cobwebs covering houses.

 

The community of Tanki Online is second to none in hopes of achieving the title of Best Costume this time around, but more on that a bit later. Here are some incoming headlines from the event...

 

 

Pumpkin juice alternative for tank fuel; scientists say
By @Hexed

 

Studies coming out of the University of Dusseldorf claim that pumpkin juice could have some qualities that could make it a viable alternative for local tank fuel, which is currently produced in areas surrounding Aleksandrovsk and Skyscrapers. Pumpkin juice, as the study claims, can be up to ten percent more efficient in running costs as well as distance over time on average, as in simpler words, it provides the engine with far more power than regular fuel. 

 

This means that trips to local markets in Red Alert or a stroll though Berlin should now cost up to twenty percent less than usual, depending on other factors such as the make and model of your car. Nonetheless, the study also claims that this alternate choice is also much more economically and environmentally friendly, including production. It cleans your engine as it runs, and produces far less carbon dioxide and other exhaust gases including carbon monoxide and oxides of nitrogen and sulpher.

 

If you're looking forward to trying something new this Halloween, head on over to the special refill stop in the special map and get your own tank full now. First few customers get to enjoy a great deal that comes with a three bottles of pumpkin fuel free of cost!

 

 

Paranormal sightings in Osa, Gubakha and Kungur

By @Hexed

 

Numerous calls have been made to the Tanki Online Center of Paranormal Activity in the past few days - almost all of them describing the same thing: a cloaked flat figure with large canines and red stains around its mouth. Ring a bell?

 

Yep, vampires.

 

Vampires have been sighted across the neighborhoods in Osa, uptown Gubakha and plains of Kungur. Known for being extremely dangerous, tankers have been instructed to keep away from the aforementioned areas at all costs. Vampires are also known to have enhanced movement speed and hitpoints, mind control ability and increased physical strength.

 

Last year, Godmode put up a fight with a vampire less than half his age and still ended up on a meager 1124hp while flipped upside down, luckily saved by few other tankers that rammed the vampire with their four Mammoths, all on Overdrive.

 

I absolutely can't stress this enough: If you see a vampire, run.

 

 

Tonnes of product damaged after hit-and-run driver hits Titan carrying pumpkins

By @Hexed

 

Driver of the Hornet, identified as a local resident named Kumat Min Oobs has been arrested. He was spotted almost keying another tank wearing the prestigious Champion paint. If not stopped in time, millions of crystals of damage would have had to be compensated.

 

Mr. Kumat had the following to say:

 

"I have nothing to say."

 

We, at this time, proceed to caution everyone to take care of their personal belongings during the entire Halloween event. Reports of crystals draining from accounts have been coming in in large amounts already.

 

 

AD: Upgrade your collection!

By @Hexed

 

For a limited only... the special edition Halloween 19 Pumpkin Head "head" and Rusty Royals Suit with Orange Tie "suit" are available at lower prices!

 

 

 

Tanki Online Halloween Outreach

By @Person_Random

 

Ahh, Tanki Online!  At this time, tankers enter the game to find the usual rewards from a monthly challenge, plus increased battle funds and gold box drops, sales, and of course, a special Evil WAR.

 

In addition to the in-game Halloween festivities, Tanki Online is introducing a new event - the Halloween outreach.  All you need to do is download this flyer (which has a Tanki invite code unique to you), make as many copies as you want, and pass them out as you go trick-or-treating! For more information, please do contact us.

 

And of course, there’s a stockpile of goodies coming your way for this event! For each person you invite, you receive the usual invite rewards as well as 5 000 crystals, five Gold Boxes, and a container. Anyone who invites more than ten people is automatically entered into a drawing for a Dream Tank.  

 

Happy inviting!

 

 

Newspaper View Fee

By @Person_Random

 

Hello there, tanker! 

 

One hundred crystals have just been deducted from your account for viewing “The Dictator”. Thanks for your continued support of the Tanki Online Newspaper!

 

 

Sample Heading 1

By Member=X

 

Not an error, calm down.

Totally not copied. Original 100.

 

If you want to read more from The Dictator, here are the news reports from previous months!

 

The Dictator Issues

- July 2014
- August 2014
- September 2014
- October 2014
- November 2014
- January 2015
- February 2015
- March 2015
- August 2015
- December 2015

- January 2016
- February 2017
- March 2017
- April 2017
- May 2017
- June 2017

- July 2017

- September 2017

- October 2017

- November 2017

- December 2017

- January 2018

- February 2018

- March 2018

- April 2018

- May 2018

- June 2018

- July 2018

- October 2018

- November 2018

- February 2019

- July 2019

- SECRET ISSUE

- SECRET ISSUE

- SECRET ISSUE

- SECRET ISSUE

- SECRET ISSUE

- SECRET ISSUE

- SECRET ISSUE

- SECRET ISSUE

The Dictator Specials

- The Dictator Special | Origins of Nives

 

[Tidebreaker 1,669]

AD: Upgrade your collection!

By @Hexed

 

For a limited only... the special edition Halloween 19 Pumpkin Head "head" and Rusty Royals Suit with Orange Tie "suit" are available at lower prices!

 

Welp, looks like I'll be selling my soul to the devil again this Halloween...

[Initiate 1,306]

Nicely done once again!