other [BDay] TWNC - Summer 2020 Edition

[Pythor 1,354]

What’s up fellow tankers and welcome back to a brand new, full length TWNC broadcast. We at the studio are happy to announce the return of the show, featuring the weekly weather forecast, hot news, and very relatable topics. The lineup for today’s special production will include a sneak peek into the world of TO personalities, some advice regarding which stocks you should invest into in a post-FOVID-19 Tanki Online, as well as an extremely touching song parody entitled “The Sounds of Tanki”. We will also be acknowledging the best AWS articles of the past few months and awarding these amazing authors with some worthy prizes. Finally, if you’re feeling lucky, at the end of today’s broadcast you’ll find all the information regarding the very first Tanki Online powerball. Hope everyone enjoys! This is the Tanki Weather & News Channel at 6:00.

If you would like to quickly browse through any of the sections, the links are provided below.

  Weather

  News

Entertainment

 Stock Report

 Article Awards

Powerball Contest

 Outro/Sponsors

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~TWNC~

[Person_Random 4,991]

 Weather

No TWNC issue is complete without the most fundamental part of the issue - the Weather stories and forecasts!

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Tropical Storm Hazel Heralds Torrential Downpour

Hurricane season last year was no walk in the park. In July, Hurricane Nives completely obliterated the capital city of Kolhoz as well as the surrounding countryside. Homes were lost and supply factories suffered severe destruction, the damages totaling up to nearly 100 million crystals. We all know summer means cookouts, pool parties, and freedom, but it’s also a season of hurricanes. As we enter the warmer months, those of you living on the Tankiverse coast should expect quite a few storm systems moving through your area. Unfortunately, this year could quite possibly be worse than the last due to the steadily worsening effects of pay2win warming. 

These past few months have been routinely dry for Iran’s dusty township; heavens refusing to grace the arid streets with even one inch of rain. However, within the next 24 hours, that statistic could be drastically altered. We at TWNC have been carefully monitoring a strong storm system that just recently formed about fifty miles off Rio’s shoreline. The southwesternly current flow in the Marcus Sea coupled with the violent winds native to that region make this area a hotbed for fledgling hurricanes. Tropical Storm Hazel, dubbed so to honor our beloved developer, is currently only a category 3 system, but over the weekend has the potential to exponentially grow into a massive hurricane. This past Thursday, Hazel skimmed over the Archipelago, situated just twenty miles off the Rio coast, bringing that county five feet of rain and various power outages. We can only guess the damage it would have caused had the storm hit the islands straight on. As of this morning, Saturday, June 6, the system lies stagnant over the outer banks, trapped between the cool sea breeze and the hot bands of wind blowing East from Iran. During Hazel’s “pit stop” over Rio, the storm will be gaining additional force and is expected to evolve into a Cat 5 before the weekend is over. Rio’s beaches were closed Thursday afternoon after a whopping six foot storm surge eroded multiple parts of the shore. The local police force has warned residents up to 30 tankometers inland to seek shelter until Hazel has passed. This region is expected to be receiving an unceasing bout of rain until the middle of next week with severe flooding evident in adjacent Iran county, due to its extreme depth below sea level. Flood waters will also pose a serious threat to the Penguins' home stadium, located just inside the Rio-Iran border. Luckily for the clan, last month their manager invested in waterproof tank tarps for each player's garage, ensuring maximum protection in case of a flash flood. For more info about how the storm could affect the team’s season as well as an in depth look at the current situation in Rio, let’s go over to our very own hurricane analyst, P. Random. 

"Currently, in Rio, we're seeing high winds and a potential of a whopping 40 centi-tankometers of rain per hour, which, is going to surpass the previous record of 27.9 centi-tankometers by a long shot. The winds, though, are quite mild compared to the floods, at a relatively slower 25 tankometers per second, but of course, sheltering inside is recommended - no, required, now that flood waters are going to ravage Rio's coasts. Tankers in need of shelter will need to sign in into the Rio Tower basement, as well as three other shelters, which will be providing aid for those in need. The rest of the residents are advised by the Tanki Weather Storms Board (TWSB) to check the shop showcases to stock up on necessities, which will be delivered via Tanki Emergency Drones to any homes in need, as severe outages following the beating over Rio may result in extended shop closures.

As for the reigning champion team Penguins, they have already booked a backup practice arena and may travel there via Ares should conditions get worse. However, at the moment, they're hunkering down in their locker rooms, hoping the rain won't hit the garage. This hurricane, seeing that it will hit most of Desert County, will likely postpone many regional exhibition matches, such as the ones between Penguins and their rivals Eternity. That doesn't mean the Penguins will stay dormant for long, though. They are actively practicing using experimental VR to hone their skills for the upcoming tournaments, and making backup plans, though many matches have been postponed or canceled due to the circumstances. Their season is far from over, with many new events coming to eSports soon. We hope to see them back in action following this little hiccup in their training schedule." 

Thanks, PR. The mayor of Rio, Tink Widdlesticks, has declared a state of district emergency for as long as Hazel casts its sinister shadow over the county. Relief organizations remain poised to assist the populace as dark clouds gather above the skyscrapers. Both Rio and Iran have severe storm and flood warnings that will be in effect until 12:00 PM STT (Standard Tanki Time) Wednesday. As of now, it’s hard to predict in what direction the storm will be heading as we enter next week, but, according to our radar, it’s most likely true that Hazel will veer north and away from the coast. Even so, the nearby counties of Bobruisk and Monte Carlo have a thunderstorm watch until midnight, June 12. Here at the studio we will be constantly monitoring the system, ensuring you are up to date on the current movements of the storm. 

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Wildfire Rages Through Edinburgh

In a vastly different area of the Tankiverse, one county struggles to contain the disastrous effects of an out of control forest fire. Yorkshire has always been a place to admire stately homes, ancient bridges, and beautiful castle walls. Unfortunately, many of these structures lie in grave danger of being utterly gutted by flames. No one knows exactly how it began, but eyewitnesses say they first noticed the fire in the forest behind Juggernaut Hill. Yorkshire native Teewald Harrington was out walking his drone Monday morning, when, much to his chagrin, he discovered a camp site completely enveloped in fire. He snapped a few pictures before rushing to alert the local Freeze Corps of the incident. However, a lack of communication between head FC employees resulted in the corps instead being deployed to aid a Mrs. Floo in retrieving her cat from a mulberry bush. Meanwhile, the flames surged through the forest. By the time the corps found out Mrs. Floo was actually a Mister and that he didn’t own a cat or a mulberry bush, the flames had already spread to the outskirts of town. The National TankiBall Museum was the first to go, quickly followed by the entire residential area of the East End. Desperate residents' attempts to aid the corps members, who eventually arrived on the scene roughly two hours after the original alert, their actions proved to be futile, only seeming to enrage the fire even more. All through Thursday night and into Friday morning they worked, dousing homes, saving unwitting civilians, and controlling the extent of the devastation. After untold damages, the corps managed to retain the fire from spreading further.  By Friday night, the flames seemed under control, trapped by the central river flowing through Yorkshire. It is far from over though; many smaller fires still currently lie smoldering throughout the east half of the city. Thousands of citizens are without homes and have either sought refuge in West End hotels or gone to temporarily live with out-of-county friends and family. While indeed the situation is bleak, a few stories have surfaced highlighting the heroic deeds of civilians during the last few days. One such basement dwelling Hornet risked his own life to save an oblivious toddler caught in the upper story of a house on fire. We at the studio congratulate him on his truly unselfish deed. 

If you would like to contribute to the Yorkshire rebuilding efforts please donate your sum on www.makeyorkshiregreatagain.com. 

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Ten-Day Outlook

In today’s weekly weather forecast we will be featuring the bowl-like valley of Parma, home to the most recent set of Blitz tournaments. This afternoon looks fairly sunny at a high of 82 degrees, but as we move into the evening hours, we might see the temperature cool off a bit, possibly dropping as low as 65 overnight. These cooler temperatures are evidenced due to a massive, slow-moving cold front drifting in from the southeast. This front could lie dormant over Parma for up to five or six days, giving the region a much needed break from the countless Firebirds we’ve seen populate the valley’s bottom. As Sunday morning dawns, the temperatures will continue to drop, so much so that there is a slight chance for an early Freeze. You might need to bring out your hoodies one last time, folks.

Taking a peek at the ten day outlook, Monday will bring some scattered Thunder and rain as the tip of Hurricane Hazel makes its way through the area.  Other than that, clear skies should characterize the rest of the week. The blueness will be broken on Thursday when it’s estimated the cold front finally continues its journey south. As the weekend sets on, a return to high temperatures will make conditions ideal for a few bouts of Smoky. We at TWNC recommend you attach those foghorns (yes, we know you've got quite a few lying around your garage) to the front of your tank. As always, we hope you stay safe this week and avoid those pesky Railgun natives.

Saturday	High 85 (Low 65)		60% Rail	40% Fire
Sunday	High 73 (Low 60)		80% Rail	20% Freeze
Monday	High 61 (Low 50)		40% Rail	30% Thunder	20% Freeze
Tuesday	High 58 (Low 49)		80% Rail	20% Freeze
Wednesday	High 63 (Low 52)		80% Rail	10% Thunder	10% Freeze
Thursday	High 75 (Low 62)		60% Smoky	40% Rail
Friday	High 82 (Low 70)		50% Smoky	30% Rail	20% Fire
Saturday	High 81 (Low 69)		50% Rail	30% Smoky	20% Fire
Sunday	High 88 (Low 81)		60% Fire	30% Rail	10% Smoky
Monday	High 88 (Low 78)		60% Fire	40% Rail

 

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~TWNC~

[Person_Random 4,991]

 News

Wondering what's popping in the Tanki Online community? Then look no further, we've got the best reporters covering the news, as well as a handy traffic report. Read on!

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Vandals Rob Molotov Bank: Chaos Ensues

It was dawn on the morning of June 2nd. The streets of Molotov were nearly void of traffic save for the occasional Wasp rushing to an early work shift. The sun was just peeping out over the horizon, creating a hazy line which divided the city into half shadow and half illumination. Everything appeared normal on the western front as the city began to wake. However, all was not well at the famous Cedric Memorial Bank. At precisely 6:30 AM, a loud cry was heard by multiple civilians residing on the street directly opposite the bank. Immediately afterwards, according to a nearby taco vendor, a group of four or five masked tanks burst out of the west end of CMB dragging several large briefcases later discovered to have contained approximately 50 million tankoins. Within seconds, they had made their getaway and were last seen headed towards the country’s northern border. Police suspect they might try to smuggle the stolen goods into adjacent TankiX, and border patrol units have doubled down on their security measures. For the moment, the TWNC team advises those of you located north of the crime scene to stay indoors, keep a sharp lookout, and stay safe. 

Meanwhile, the Molotov police department has begun construction on a military base located near the outskirts of the city. Through this they hope to discourage other robberies and disruptions in the downtown area. Blue and red crates containing military weapons have been set up inside the half-finished base, and two ramps lead from the second level platform. Police captain Cole Huntington put it this way. “We hope to achieve the maximum level of safety for our beloved residents of Molotov. If they feel vulnerable and unprotected, then we have not done our job.” The base should be finished being built by the end of July, according to multiple sources. 

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Juggeryeti Sighted in Remote Village

We’ve all heard the tale of the Juggeryeti. Mothers sometimes scare their young with references to a mountain-dwelling cannibal, while men oftentimes allude to the beast when sharing campfire horror stories. Avid hunters of the legendary savage frequently scour where they think he might turn up, but with no success. Many tankers blow the entire story off, refusing to believe that such a creature could ever exist within the Tankiverse. But what if these stories are true? What if enough evidence could be obtained to confirm the Juggeryeti’s existence? Experts think a set of photographs taken Monday morning could prove just that. 

Widely regarded as the “last frontier”, a small, secluded village located at the foothills of the Kirov mountain range has recently become the talk of the Tankiverse. The town first garnered national attention last week when a local tavern owner discovered a mysterious trail of footprints leading from the rear of his building up into the nearby mountains. This was quickly followed by multiple sightings of a large, hairy beast over the next few days, although concrete proof of the creature's existence was still absent. This brings us to Wednesday, when a group of tourists were able to obtain the visual evidence yeti-hunters have desperately been seeking for. The photos, taken from varying angles and distances, depict a lanky, ape-like figure en route along one of the mountain ridges. According to one of the witnesses, the party attempted to get closer but were stopped upon arriving at an impassable ravine. One particularly clear picture shows the creature deploying what appears to be a blue force field. When activated, this field repelled all nearby snow and other debris at a stunning outward velocity. Professionals seem to think this is indicative of what they call an “overdrive” characteristic, but this is yet to be confirmed. Avid Juggeryeti hunters have since flooded the tiny city up to the point of danger, and in the past few days multiple tour outfitters have sprung up to supply ample mountain guiding. Their goal - to catch this legendary beast. Will they succeed where many others have failed? Only time shall tell. 

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Traffic

Before we move on to the entertainment section of today’s broadcast, let’s quickly take a look at the current traffic situation. A major crash near the Barda suburbs has forced lane closures on Route 420. Apparently, a military personnel truck hauling a large supply of Striker rockets was rammed by an eager, impulsive Firebird. The semi immediately exploded upon impact, and the resulting debris clogged the left two lanes. For the inbound 420, it’s going to take approximately two hours just to get from Saboteur Road into downtown Barda, a ten tankometer long stretch that normally takes just 15 minutes. We highly advise you to seek an alternate route into the downtown area for the next few hours. A couple of other minor crashes include a three tank spin-out on the Kofflehart Highway as well as an incident involving a Mammoth towing a mini-garage on Route 19. It’s going to be about fifty minutes from central Alexandrovsk to Ryker Road on the outbound Kofflehart. On Route 19 a few gapers have slowed traffic down enough to induce a twenty minute backup along the stretch between Knight Boulevard and Blitz Road. Heading into Iran on 24th Avenue will take roughly a half hour due to a downed bridge thanks to T-Storm Hazel, while the inbound 90 Edinburgh is completely closed as a safety precaution against the fire. For Kolhoz it’s going to take an hour on the Opex Rah bypass. This is traffic on the eights, presented by Toyota - “Tanki runs on Japanese tank manufacturers”. 

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~TWNC~

[Person_Random 4,991]

Entertainment

Looking for something relaxing to read? Take a break and stop to look at our Tanki Parody or get acquainted with a new Tanki Personality!

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Tanki Song Parody Collab: "Sounds of Tanki"

Lyrics

Spoiler

Hello update my old friend

Flirting with pay to win again

Complaints begin swarming in

Players calling all changes a sin

And the devs sweating profusely, safe within their office walls

Unheeding desperate calls

From the sounds… of tankers

 

Trying not to explode

Waiting for my Rail to reload

But I failed to see the bomb he dropped

From my vantage point behind a prop

So when I drove out into the open, I was met with a deadly blast

But my Mammoth’s maxed

I survived the sounds… of Tanki

 

And in the battlefield I saw

Ten thousand tankers, maybe more

Players capping without moving

Players killing without shooting

Players catching golds that battle mods never dropped

And no one dared

Disturb the sound of… of Tanki

 

Developers would never agree

To change the problems that we see

“Fix the problems so that I might play

And earn a couple Tankoins today”

But our complaints, like supply boxes, fell

And echoed in the depths of Tanki.

 

And we tankers wandered off

To find our savior, Semyon Kirov

And he emerged in all his glory

Left the players prostrate, bowing

But he only said:

"The updates you seek are

Long gone as we speak

Hope may look bleak

But it’s hidden in the sound... of Tanki."

 

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TO Personalities

Yes, yes, it’s me again, @Person_Random, bringing you even more Tanki Personalities. Earlier, I was trying to keep my sanity during my pastor’s doomsday sermon, and suddenly, I found a new source of inspiration for my personalities: some… unique people from my church.

Today’s personality: the toxic teammate.

One day, he’s your best buddy, the next, he will have “forgotten” that you even exist. Lovely, ain’t it? This dude loves to switch around best friends until he’s sucked out every last hitpoint from them. Of course, his key move is something you wouldn’t quite expect for an Isida: kill stealing. He lurks around, watching you deal damage until he thinks it's time, and then takes the credit. It’s his specialty. Oh and did I mention that he always takes the repair kits you so desperately need every single time?

Equipment: Dictator, Isida, whatever trendy paint there is.

Exclusive Footage of our very toxic teammate lying in a storage house known as the Tanki Online Wiki.

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~TWNC~

[Person_Random 4,991]

 Stock Report

We're coming to you live from our studios with an exclusive stock report. Grab your crystals and invest in our top picks - you're sure to succeed!

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We’re coming to you with a new column: our new stock report. Stocks have shown a bit of a downward slide since recent updates, but most are recovering. Let's take a peek at the best performers:

 

Nivestech (NVT) - Our Top Pick!

Our advice: Get your crystals - quick - and pour them all in this new stock. You've got a great chance to bring in a great profit, so get started right now! Nivestech is making great strides on the latest Tanki Technology, providing the engines that help the new Ares hull hover and bringing us the new status lights so we can see who's firing up an overdrive by the flag. Whatever tank tech you need, Nivestech has got it - better than all others, which is really bringing its stock up out of the unknowns since its early 2020 IPO. Invest right now to get a doubling of your crystals before the holidays are over!

Kirov.inc (KRV)

Our advice: The man who could do no wrong - Semyon Kirov, is back at it again, but now taking a stab at industry. His new company funds the very Matchmaking battles that we play. Due to the lockdown, we've seen a huge upward spike - players are playing more, bringing up the valuation of this stock. A shaky investment though, one player reported spending 10 000 crystals on fifty shares of the stock and losing a good number because of closed markets, and by the time he could sell, his 15 000 crystal profit had dwindled to a mere 5 000.

Tanki Discord Merch (TDM)

Our advice: A new merch shop featuring pictures of our Discord team. You wouldn't want to miss out on the shirts - nor the uptrending stock! Buy a shirt and some stocks today - you won't regret it at all!

One of their bestselling products, by the way:

Only available in Adult XXXXL

Whatever stock you choose to invest in, invest wisely, don't throw away every crystal, and be grateful for every little bit of profit you make. Good luck with your stock investments!

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~TWNC~

[Person_Random 4,991]

 AWS Article Awards

After a bit of a hiatus, Article Awards returns - now with crystal prizes!

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Many of you have been asking: "Where is Best of AWS 2019?". While I can't give you an answer to that, I can undoubtedly give you some article awards - from 2020! These awards are for writers who have been active in the past half of the year of 2020. Each article winner will receive 10 000 crystals, and the winners of special distinctions 25 000 crystals.

 

Overall Awards

Let's start off with the Most Active Writer of 2020 Q1/Q2: @Sabrytoun_Superman. Give it up for this consistent writer!

Our next winner will take home the Most Valuable Writer Award: @Lose. He's written many great pieces in 2020, and has improved with each new article!

We'll get into the Article Awards next:

Article Awards

DarkOperative, our love

by @Sabrytoun_Superman

This is undoubtedly the best one out of Sabry's interviews. Detailed, informative, and intriguing, it shows us the real face behind one of the members of the chat moderation team. It's a great interview, so if you're looking for an example on how to conduct one, look no further, just go and read!

Forumavirus, Explained

by @TSY_the_crazy

TSY gives us a shot of humor that really made the team chuckle. It was a great piece that parodied the coronavirus crisis and gave us a good laugh to stop thinking about quarantine and isolation and all that fun stuff. Keep it up!

Creativity Awards

What should I name this?

by @Lose

Great, great story. I had quite a laugh while reading this. It really brought me back to the annoying semi-competitive writing days of old, where I would scramble to come up with an idea with two days left before my piece was due. I had a great time reading this, and I believe you will too. 

Poetic Chat (Episode 2)

by @Cyber2_O.o and @ILiveOnTheChatBox123

This was a playful poem that took a different voice from TSY's Forumavirus. Instead of a humorous approach, these two used the art of poetry to lift the spirits of those around them with a lively chat about the pandemic, the "new normal", and of course, poetry. It is definitely a calm and relaxing read, so if you need a break from the everyday stress, you're at the right place.

The Village of Stone

by @foxer_XXX

This was one of the longer stories, but definitely, one of the best. Foxer uses description to great lengths here, giving us an amazing amount of background information about each and every character. The plot, however, is even better, going at a perfect pace and filled with suspense as it ends dramatically. Great work!

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~TWNC~

 

 

[Pythor 1,354]

All the information for the very first Tanki Online powerball contest can be found below. Juicy prizes await!

Powerball Contest

 

And with that, our broadcast wraps up for the day folks. We hope you have enjoyed this latest issue of TWNC. Stay smart, stay safe, and we will see you next time. This is Tanki's very own Weather & News Channel at 6:00. 

 

                                                                                                                                                                   

 

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~TWNC~

[arnav0506 2,777]

Amazing, you two )

[yakko123 32]

Is the powerball contest a troll? The link doesn't lead to anything to register with

 

[Pythor 1,354]

14 minutes ago, yakko123 said:

Is the powerball contest a troll? The link doesn't lead to anything to register with

 

That was indeed a mistake. Thanks for the heads up. 

[ILiveOnTheChatBox123 936]

On ‎5‎/‎13‎/‎2020 at 11:38 AM, Person_Random said:

At precisely 6:30 AM, a loud cry was heard by multiple civilians residing on the street directly opposite the bank. Immediately afterwards, according to a nearby taco vendor, a group of four or five masked tanks burst out of the west end of CMB dragging several large briefcases later discovered to have contained approximately 50 million tankoins.

I would bet there have not been 50 million tankoins earned in the entire game. What a robbery!

[Person_Random 4,991]

1 hour ago, ILiveOnTheChatBox123 said:

I would bet there have not been 50 million tankoins earned in the entire game. What a robbery!

Hmm, depends on how many buyers there are