Ghost Story

[Mursal 58]

Lost and lonely, I hastily yet nonchalantly trudged along the narrow pathway filled with the flesh of decayed corpses and thick blood. Stumbling from the many rocks planted inside the ground – sometimes completely falling over – I heard the birds triumphantly crying as if something was waiting for me and hiding until it was the right time to pounce. 

It was 4pm on a bitter and cold November. The sun breathed its last dose across the forest, with only millimetres reaching me as interlocked branches and trees squeezed together to prevent anything invading past them. In the ferocious wind, the trees lashed and crashed against each other like drum sticks in the hands of a giant. As I nervously attempted to look past them, the trees were the only thing in sight, smiling at me like silent sentries. 

I had no light, no phone, nothing. I was doomed. 

Why had I been placed in the wrong place at the wrong time? I imagined the latest news for our county: ‘Teen boy missing for three days’, stamped on every lamppost, door, and shop. 

Clinging desperately on the branches were the half-dead leaves, crumbling into pieces as it gets mauled by the merciless wind. The wind kniving my cheeks howls as it reverberates inside my ear; the din is almost deafening. I feel dizzy and begin to imagine things in front of me: shadows, little girls with their horrifying black hair in front of them, dolls, the grim reaper!

Petrified at the sensation of a phantom stroking my shoulder, I stumble into a choking, acidic air that tasted like sour blood. Trepidation had struck me as it had never done before. Goosebumps over goosebumps, shivering from both the cold and sheer fear and the bursting urge to scream for help. But no one would be there.

I could feel my hands firmly locked with something, like two love couples holding hands – clearly, this was not a date, but a nightmare. My boots were covered with wet mud and soil, squashing at every step, and strangling my feet tight. My eyelids were covered with dust, and I could sense insects in my eyebrows, they too searching for safety. 

In the distance, I found a very small house; it looked more squalor than what I had been tramping on. Without thinking, I resorted to try and stay in there until the next morning had arrived. A large sign attached was inevitable to see. It said ‘Parkinson Ravens’ with a neat line crossing out the words, which looked like some sort of liquid; however, I was too exhausted to examine it. I gingerly opened the door, nudging the door feebly a good while. 

The floorboards instantly creaked as I placed my foot. I realised there was a cup of tea placed on a table, steam still coming out. A body was motionlessly on a surgery table; blood gushed out everywhere. Dead bodies were hanging from the ceiling in the other room. As I was about to exit from horror, a large, meaty hand (and I knew this was real) grabbed my left shoulder.

[Person_Random 4,991]

Approved.

And yet another great story - it's too bad I hadn't approved this earlier, because it would have gone very well with the Halloween spirit. Anyhow, it's a very descriptive piece; the plot is just gushing with description and imagery, which is executed perfectly. The plot is pretty gripping, but of course, the little cliffhanger ending does make me want to know if you have more in store. Do keep me posted if you have more to share!

Edits: minor grammar changes/tense changes.

Spoiler

The story begins in present but shifts to past, so I decided to make it all past tense as it was mostly in past. You can try reading it through and ensuring that the tense is consistent - I find that it is the best way to do so. Otherwise, there were few major grammar issues, so good job!

 

[Mursal 58]

14 hours ago, Person_Random said:

Approved.

And yet another great story - it's too bad I hadn't approved this earlier, because it would have gone very well with the Halloween spirit. Anyhow, it's a very descriptive piece; the plot is just gushing with description and imagery, which is executed perfectly. The plot is pretty gripping, but of course, the little cliffhanger ending does make me want to know if you have more in store. Do keep me posted if you have more to share!

Edits: minor grammar changes/tense changes.

  Hide contents

The story begins in present but shifts to past, so I decided to make it all past tense as it was mostly in past. You can try reading it through and ensuring that the tense is consistent - I find that it is the best way to do so. Otherwise, there were few major grammar issues, so good job!

 

Well yes, you are right, it has been a full week before you managed to approve this. I presume it is due to your three heavy blocks that you have signed up for that are making you tightly busy. On the bright side, I am thankful for your feedback and edits! 

You know, all the people who have read my writing say the same thing; I always alter between the past and present tense! Good thing you pointed that out.

Next Halloween, I may just continue with this but Christmas is coming just around the corner so I think I may write something related to 'A Christmas Carol' by Charles Dickens. I'll try and give it my best.

Edited November 8, 2020 by Potato

[dupuy 318]

On 11/8/2020 at 6:02 AM, Potato said:

Well yes, you are right, it has been a full week before you managed to approve this. I presume it is due to your three heavy blocks that you have signed up for that are making you tightly busy. On the bright side, I am thankful for your feedback and edits! 

You know, all the people who have read my writing say the same thing; I always alter between the past and present tense! Good thing you pointed that out.

Next Halloween, I may just continue with this but Christmas is coming just around the corner so I think I may write something related to 'A Christmas Carol' by Charles Dickens. I'll try and give it my best.

I would love to see what you do relating to Dickens. He is one of my favorite authors!