War For The Kingdom (Part 10)

[dupuy 318]

     

      The sun shown with full strength on the Lothington countryside, its rays glimmering through the forest and creating blocks of wavy light on the snow covered ground. This serene and quiet scene of midwinter slowly began to tremble due to a rising sound far away. As this noise drew nearer, its source quickly came into view - a single rider mounted on a coal black steed. The equestrian was pushing his animal to the limit of its abilities. It would appear that he was in no mood for a friendly discourse

      "That fool Bartholomew," he mumbled to himself. Just thinking of that treacherous name made his muscles tense with rage. What would his commander think, knowing that one of his trusted spies had betrayed him?

      "If those three Leaartrieyan royal buffoons hadn't carried Bartholomew and the others away, I would have cut them down myself!" he burst out in a tirade. Those low minded scum should have known that they were to fight for their commander or die trying. Surrender was never an option in the rules of the Dark Lord and Black Knight.

      The rider beat his animal harder to gain more speed. He knew there was a sense of urgency surrounding the situation. With this betrayal came consequences for the plans of the supreme commander. If that treacherous Bartholomew were to tell all he knew, then the invasion of this miserable kingdom would end in failure.

      Finally, the tree line gave way to a dirt path that led down into the bottom of Lothington valley. Horse and rider quickly swept down its length and into the open plain below, with Lothington castle as their destination. The dull thudding of horse's hooves on the solid earth soon gave way to a steady clopping on the wooden drawbridge that led to the mighty fortress's entrance.

      "Get out the way ya brigand!" growled the rider in the general direction of the gate guard. The guard stepped aside willingly, not wanting to be run down by the galloping horse. Besides, everyone already knew who Desmond "the terrible" Lackley was.

      Lackley dismounted his horse once inside the castle gate and stomped angrily from the gatehouse to the keep - the location of the Dark Lord's headquarters. Desmond was still angry, but with each passing moment he was getting increasingly fearful for his life. The supreme commander had a tendency to unleash his wrath on any bringer of bad news, and this news was such that could drive him to blow the roof off the great hall with rage.

      "Stop! Who goes there?" snapped a guard at the entrance to the Dark Lord's chambers. Desmond Lackley sneered. Apparently, this fool did not know of his reputation.

      "Well, he will learn soon enough," he thought to himself.

The guard lurched backwards and fell against the corridor thanks to Lackley's vicious backhand. He lay still.

     "Maybe that'll teach ye to mind yer manners when yer n my presence, foolish knave," said Desmond Lackley to the motionless figure. He sneered once again, then turned to knock on the door of the Dark Lord's chambers. Almost immediately, the door was flung open, and his supreme highness stood behind it.

      "My dear Desmond," he addressed Lackley in a smooth, polished, serpentine voice. "Do come in. What news do you bring? I hope that-" The Dark Lord stopped mid sentence as his eyes fell upon the motionless guard that lay at his feet. "Desmond, again? You know this is the third one you have disabled in your fits of rage. All things must be done in moderation and balance! You must learn to control yourself." Desmond's stern and angry countenance momentarily transformed to a sheepish look, before he brusquely snapped out an apology. The Dark Lord called over another guard from across the courtyard.

      "Attend to this fellow," he said to him. The guard knelt down to his comrade and began checking him over, feeling for a pulse and vital signs of life.

      "Sir, he's dead," replied the guard. The Dark Lord remained entirely devoid of emotion.

      "Well, get him out of here," he said. "I have more important things to consider than the worth of human life." With that, he quickly turned  and went back into his chamber, followed by Desmond.

      "Now then, Desmond, what was it you were going to say before we were so rudely interrupted?" Desmond winced slightly, very much unwilling to lay this unpleasant news before his commander.

      "Your supreme highness, I regret to say that Bartholomew has surrendered to th' enemy. Not only that, but 'ees actively working against us now."

       The Dark Lord's face turned as crimson as the tunic which the hated enemy general Sir William wore, and he clenched his fists with pent up rage. Desmond Lackley winced again, fully expecting to receive just as hard a blow as the one he had given the guard. After a tense moment of silence, Desmond slowly lowered his outstretched arms and looked up at his commander. The Dark Lord's face was still flaming red, but he appeared to have relaxed somewhat. With arms crossed behind his back, he strode slowly towards Desmond with contorted rage written on his face. He began speaking in a slow, quiet voice, behind which his seething wrath was but thinly veiled.

      "Lackley, you are my head of intelligence, an experienced spy, and from my previous observations, an excellent judge of people." He paused and turned to face the wall before continuing in the same tone of voice.

      "Yet you were stupid enough to choose a traitorous wretch to carry out one of the most important espionage missions of this entire operation." Desmond stood unmoving, still looking apprehensively at his commander.

      "And you!" The Dark Lord shouted out these words at the top of his voice while thrusting a condemning finger at Desmond's face.

      "You and you alone will bear total responsibility for your failure." The supreme commander grabbed Desmond by the collar of his surcoat and hissed directly in his ear.

      "I want that traitorous Bartholomew eliminated and I will only be satisfied if he is killed by your own hand. If you send a subordinate to do the job, I will hang you. I repeat, only you can carry out this task if you expect to live another day under my glorious banner. So what is your decision?"

      Desmond's fear of the Dark Lord's anger quickly turned to eager anticipation at the opportunity of getting revenge upon the traitor that had caused him apprehension and concern. An evil smile broke upon his merciless face.

      "I'll do it."

Edited November 18, 2020 by dupuy

[Pythor 1,354]

Article Approved!

 

Dupuy continues to deliver in the next installment of "War for the Kingdom". Part 10 outlines the brutal tenacity and inhuman disregard for life that both the Dark Lord and Lackley possess. Revenge is now the name of the game. Will evil triumph or will their plotting be foiled again? 

On the personal side, this might have been my favorite chapter yet! I'd go so far as to say that this was one of the cleanest AWS pieces I've had the privilege of editing in my year long tenure as a reporter. You have just the right amount of sophisticated vocab but still manage to relate the plot in a clear and understandable manner. Great job once again!

 

Edits -

Spoiler

- Minor tweaks regarding commas and hyphens.

- Clarified some confusing pronouns. Make sure that the reader always has a clear understanding of what a specific pronoun is modifying. 

 

[dupuy 318]

4 hours ago, Pythor said:

Article Approved!

 

Dupuy continues to deliver in the next installment of "War for the Kingdom". Part 10 outlines the brutal tenacity and inhuman disregard for life that both the Dark Lord and Lackley possess. Revenge is now the name of the game. Will evil triumph or will their plotting be foiled again? 

On the personal side, this might have been my favorite chapter yet! I'd go so far as to say that this was one of the cleanest AWS pieces I've had the privilege of editing in my year long tenure as a reporter. You have just the right amount of sophisticated vocab but still manage to relate the plot in a clear and understandable manner. Great job once again!

 

Edits -

  Reveal hidden contents

- Minor tweaks regarding commas and hyphens.

- Clarified some confusing pronouns. Make sure that the reader always has a clear understanding of what a specific pronoun is modifying. 

 

Thanks for the complements! I'm glad to hear that this is entertaining. After all, my goal is to entertain. I thought that showing the other side of this conflict would give some more plot development, in addition to indicating what might happen in the upcoming chapters. I'll continue to watch my commas and hyphens, as well as pronouns.

[Iron_Man 2,376]

On 11/14/2020 at 7:54 AM, dupuy said:

     

      The sun shown with full strength on the Lothington countryside, its rays glimmering through the forest and creating blocks of wavy light on the snow covered ground. This serene and quiet scene of midwinter slowly began to tremble due to a rising sound far away. As this noise drew nearer, its source quickly came into view - a single rider mounted on a coal black steed. The equestrian was pushing his animal to the limit of its abilities. It would appear that he was in no mood for a friendly discourse

      "That fool Bartholomew," he mumbled to himself. Just thinking of that treacherous name made his muscles tense with rage. What would his commander think, knowing that one of his trusted spies had betrayed him?

      "If those three Leaartrieyan royal buffoons hadn't carried Bartholomew and the others away, I would have cut them down myself!" he burst out in a tirade. Those low minded scum should have known that they were to fight for their commander or die trying. Surrender was never an option in the rules of the Dark Lord and Black Knight.

      The rider beat his animal harder to gain more speed. He knew there was a sense of urgency surrounding the situation. With this betrayal came consequences for the plans of the supreme commander. If that treacherous Bartholomew were to tell all he knew, then the invasion of this miserable kingdom would end in failure.

      Finally, the tree line gave way to a dirt path that led down into the bottom of Lothington valley. Horse and rider quickly swept down its length and into the open plain below, with Lothington castle as their destination. The dull thudding of horse's hooves on the solid earth soon gave way to a steady clopping on the wooden drawbridge that led to the mighty fortress's entrance.

      "Get out the way ya brigand!" growled the rider in the general direction of the gate guard. The guard stepped aside willingly, not wanting to be run down by the galloping horse. Besides, everyone already knew who Desmond "the terrible" Lackley was.

      Lackley dismounted his horse once inside the castle gate and stomped angrily from the gatehouse to the keep - the location of the Dark Lord's headquarters. Desmond was still angry, but with each passing moment he was getting increasingly fearful for his life. The supreme commander had a tendency to unleash his wrath on any bringer of bad news, and this news was such that could drive him to blow the roof off the great hall with rage.

      "Stop! Who goes there?" snapped a guard at the entrance to the Dark Lord's chambers. Desmond Lackley sneered. Apparently, this fool did not know of his reputation.

      "Well, he will learn soon enough," he thought to himself.

The guard lurched backwards and fell against the corridor thanks to Lackley's vicious backhand. He lay still.

     "Maybe that'll teach ye to mind yer manners when yer n my presence, foolish knave," said Desmond Lackley to the motionless figure. He sneered once again, then turned to knock on the door of the Dark Lord's chambers. Almost immediately, the door was flung open, and his supreme highness stood behind it.

      "My dear Desmond," he addressed Lackley in a smooth, polished, serpentine voice. "Do come in. What news do you bring? I hope that-" The Dark Lord stopped mid sentence as his eyes fell upon the motionless guard that lay at his feet. "Desmond, again? You know this is the third one you have disabled in your fits of rage. All things must be done in moderation and balance! You must learn to control yourself." Desmond's stern and angry countenance momentarily transformed to a sheepish look, before he brusquely snapped out an apology. The Dark Lord called over another guard from across the courtyard.

      "Attend to this fellow," he said to him. The guard knelt down to his comrade and began checking him over, feeling for a pulse and vital signs of life.

      "Sir, he's dead," replied the guard. The Dark Lord remained entirely devoid of emotion.

      "Well, get him out of here," he said. "I have more important things to consider than the worth of human life." With that, he quickly turned  and went back into his chamber, followed by Desmond.

      "Now then, Desmond, what was it you were going to say before we were so rudely interrupted?" Desmond winced slightly, very much unwilling to lay this unpleasant news before his commander.

      "Your supreme highness, I regret to say that Bartholomew has surrendered to th' enemy. Not only that, but 'ees actively working against us now."

       The Dark Lord's face turned as crimson as the tunic which the hated enemy general Sir William wore, and he clenched his fists with pent up rage. Desmond Lackley winced again, fully expecting to receive just as hard a blow as the one he had given the guard. After a tense moment of silence, Desmond slowly lowered his outstretched arms and looked up at his commander. The Dark Lord's face was still flaming red, but he appeared to have relaxed somewhat. With arms crossed behind his back, he strode slowly towards Desmond with contorted rage written on his face. He began speaking in a slow, quiet voice, behind which his seething wrath was but thinly veiled.

      "Lackley, you are my head of intelligence, an experienced spy, and from my previous observations, an excellent judge of people." He paused and turned to face the wall before continuing in the same tone of voice.

      "Yet you were stupid enough to choose a traitorous wretch to carry out one of the most important espionage missions of this entire operation." Desmond stood unmoving, still looking apprehensively at his commander.

      "And you!" The Dark Lord shouted out these words at the top of his voice while thrusting a condemning finger at Desmond's face.

      "You and you alone will bear total responsibility for your failure." The supreme commander grabbed Desmond by the collar of his surcoat and hissed directly in his ear.

      "I want that traitorous Bartholomew eliminated and I will only be satisfied if he is killed by your own hand. If you send a subordinate to do the job, I will hang you. I repeat, only you can carry out this task if you expect to live another day under my glorious banner. So what is your decision?"

      Desmond's fear of the Dark Lord's anger quickly turned to eager anticipation at the opportunity of getting revenge upon the traitor that had caused him apprehension and concern. An evil smile broke upon his merciless face.

      "I'll do it."

Must say, it's my favorite chapter. Keep it up!!