poem [Fools] How to be a good teammate (for the enemy team)

[LOLKILLERTOTHEDEATH 1,921]

Did you know that if your team doesn't win a match or draw, you lose? No? Well, you can thank me for bringing it to your attention (if you'd like to, I wouldn't refuse any payments for divulging this secret either). Thus, I bring these five tips on how to be a great teammate for the other team!

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5. See supplies? Just take them!

Whenever there's a supply box or a Nuclear box, make sure you take it yourself. This step is quite essential because it can distinguish a decent teammate from a great one. You see a nuclear box. Say you're using Wasp, and you see a Dictator teammate without its OD charged (and yours is charged), make sure you activate your bomb, take the nuclear box and then carry on. That noob Dictator doesn't really need their OD anyways. If you see someone carrying the enemy flag on fire, about to die, and there's a repair kit, make sure you take it! It doesn't matter if you're at full health. Taking a repair kit never harmed anybody, so make sure you do. For bonus marks, make sure you stop and type in the chat, "hippity hoppity this RK is my property."

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4. Always interrupt someone trying to aim!

If you see someone trying to aim, make sure you bump into them. This step is quite essential for anybody trying to be a great teammate for the other team. Whether it be a striker, a Magnum, or a Shaft, always make sure that you ruin their aim. Bonus marks if you do it right as they're about to shoot. After all, how does it matter that they're trying to destroy an enemy? They'd have to be delusional not to understand the importance of you wanting to pass by to claim the speed boost which nobody wanted to take. Your team might lose the game, but then again, this is a guide to being a great teammate for the other team. 

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3. There's only one game mode, and that's TDM

If you're playing a game mode that's not TDM, the key is to pretend it's TDM. Say you're playing Rugby. Why you ended up playing Rugby is of no consequence. What is of consequence is kills, so make sure that instead of trying to assist the person with the rugby ball or trying to score yourself, you go out of your way and try to kill enemies. Playing a match of Siege? PFFFT who's got the time to go waste 25 seconds standing around some dumb point. That's boring. Instead, I urge you to try to find the strongest enemy tank and try to take them down. Of course, you might die, but at least you can show those good-for-nothing fools in your team how Siege is played. For bonus marks, make sure you use low or no protections, Hunter or Viking with Ricochet, never turn your turret and always try to ram enemies.

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2. Only noobs turn their turrets. 

Never turn your turret, never use supplies, and only use protections below 20%. Yes, times have moved on, and supplies are practically required, but that doesn't mean you have to move along with time. Play like you did in the good old days, without supplies and protections. Who needs protections or supplies anyways? Only weak players, that's who. Additionally, you can save some energy by not turning your turret. Who's got the time to bother anyways? Not you! No, you're too busy showing the lousy players in your team how it's done! For bonus marks, use sub-5000 GS equipment as a legend and call those people buying into the turret-turning conspiracy "buyer noobs."

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1. Oh there's this ability which takes a while to charge and when you activate it, you perform a powerful action of some sort? Well make sure you activate it at random times on a single tank randomly!

Always, ALWAYS use your overdrive on a random tank for no reason, without any second thought. This is, by far, the most important thing for you to do. Fortunately, lots of players already do this without any prompting. For those of you who don't, make sure you use your overdrive on a tank randomly for no reason. You see someone escaping with your flag? WHO CARES! Activate your Viking's OD and kill the defenseless 7000 GS support nanobots Isida instead! Are you defending in ASL as a Hunter? Did someone just capture the flag in your base? Well, then now's the perfect time to activate your OD! There's no sense in waiting for someone else coming towards your base with a flag. Are you using a Titan without AP immunity in Siege? Is there a Hunter using AP Freeze coming to attack you? Are you in a secluded corner of the map, far away from any possible Siege points? If you said yes to all of those, activate your OD! You gotta show that clown how to play this game! What better way to do so, than to activate your dome in a random corner of the map, against an enemy using AP Freeze and Hunter with a charged overdrive? Bonus marks if you use Viking with any turret, never turn your turret and ONLY use your OD on a tank when you have 5 team mates with you and they're alone, without supplies and nearly dead.

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Conclusion: So yeah, I hope you guys learned how to be a great teammate for the enemy team. It makes me quite happy that a large majority of players (who actually know what they're doing) follow these tips religiously. For those that don't, I sincerely hope you transition to this clearly far superior style of playing the game.

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Note: Any loss incurred is not my (LOL...DEATH's) fault. Still, if you want to talk to a manager, note that you will only get compensation of two (2) oatmeal raisin cookies, assuming @brother_of_pro hasn't eaten them first. If he has, we'll ask @kaisdf to make some more, hopefully within this century. Oh also, I'd like to thank Sabry for the banners. Somehow, he hasn't made it into the design team. Hopefully, they see his potential and take him in. Please @Pout, consider his banners and his art.

 

[LOLKILLERTOTHEDEATH 1,921]

6 minutes ago, At_Shin said:

Very helpful guide. Also, thanks for making this banner a piece of art for us snabry!

I got you fam. Yes, this banner ought to be displayed in museums, alongside all those other painter dudes.

[Sabry 1,074]

1 hour ago, At_Shin said:

Very helpful guide. Also, thanks for making this banner a piece of art for us snabry!

np np 

[Referee 3]

I follow these tips since 2013 with great success, not something new for me.

P.S. Why isn't Sabry administrator of the designers team aleady?

[LOLKILLERTOTHEDEATH 1,921]

44 minutes ago, Referee said:

I follow these tips since 2013 with great success, not something new for me.

P.S. Why isn't Sabry administrator of the designers team aleady?

Excellent! We need more players such as yourself playing Tanki! Honestly, I have no idea. I mean, given the quality of the banners, it seems clear he ought to be the admin for the designers, but for some strange reason, Pout didn't accept him.

[Sabry 1,074]

3 hours ago, Referee said:

I follow these tips since 2013 with great success, not something new for me.

P.S. Why isn't Sabry administrator of the designers team aleady?

Idk :(

[JESUSaves2 98]

  I see plenty of people do this already....

[LOLKILLERTOTHEDEATH 1,921]

1 hour ago, JESUSaves2 said:

  I see plenty of people do this already....

Yeap, and hopefully we see more doing this! We need more such players!