1.) A Chinese and Steven Spielberg were drunk in a bar. Spielberg suddenly slapped the Chinese..
Chinese: why?
Spielberg: Because you bombed Pearl Harbor! My father died there!
Chinese: But I am Chinese, not Japanese.
Spielberg: You fool! Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Taiwanese, you are all the same.
The Chines punched Spielberg.
Spielberg: Why did you do that?
Chinese: That's for sinking the Titanic.
Spielberg: But Titanic was sunk by an iceberg, stupid!
Chinese: Iceberg, carlsberg, spielberg, you are all the same!!
2.) Q. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A. Anyone can roast beef.
3.) A little kid asks his father, “Daddy, Is God a man or a woman?”
“Both son. God is both.”
After a while the kid comes again and asks, “Daddy, is God black or white?”
“Both son, both.”
The child returns a few minutes later and says, “Daddy, Is Michael Jackson a God?”
4.) A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mothers pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. they were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer to 10%, for starters, explaning that even 10% was probably more pain the father had ever experienced before. However, as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and "kick it up a notch."
The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husbands blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing at this point, they decided to try for 50%. the husband continued to feel quite well.
Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.
The wife delivered a healthy baby boy with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mail man was dead on the porch.
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