Wat? Simple?!?! Doing that is even harder than finding Fen in a crowd of kindergartens!

His name is Kyles. He lives in Holland, in a town called Michigan. No wait that didn't sound right. And I'll send a real pic of him to anyone who hunts him down. PM me. }:-)

They're currently permanently open. Show 'em Prat' :D

Some general advice but extremely well written

There was this guy telling me that no, I wasn't playing with Commanders, because its not called a Commander, its called a Field Marshal, but, really, Marshal, Gen, Commander, Field Marshal, they're all the same. All with big guns that go pew pew and make your tank go boom boom. NO, I'M NOT ASKING YOU TO LOOK AT THE SCORE GAH It's the first time I played with so many friends...it was fun. I guess. I wasted a bunch of drugs, flipped and fell twice every second, did absolutely no damage to anyone whatsoever and got a total of 24 crystals for my efforts at the end, but it was fun...ish.

Wait, canadarules left?!?!

Me? Dislike your club? No, no, no! One topic is enough for all the issues. After all, a magazine such as Time has one internet address, not ten trillion.

Praty! How have you been doing? Finished creating that space-ship yet? :D

Guys, can you publish your articles in this topic instead of making an individual topic in the Off-Topic section every time? And, in any case, they should be in Your Creativity, not Off-Topic section. Obviously posting them in Off-Topic section is where they will receive the most attention, but...

There's nothing better than driving a sexy beast... Except catching a 6k Gold with a sexy beast. (btw, that Polygon battle was seriously glitched. A gold dropped every minute. A fatal error happened every 5 minutes. But it was worth it.)

We all know the feeling. After spending three hours, you reach the end of the last line of the last paragraph of the last section of the last article of the latest issue. But you want more! More awesome puns! More cool interviews! More captivating stories! More ridiculously detailed guides! More, more, MORE! So what to do? (besides crying and stomping your feet) Two words: the Archives. For some, it's that old dusty, cranky, creepy little room at the top of the house, with four kilos of spider webs every square centimetre. For others, it's a place to find treasure. And the Newspaper Archives indeed contain, well, treasure. Okay, at this point your face probably resembles something like this: Not to worry, I'll explain. No, the Archives don't have Gold Boxes. No, no chicken either *general disappointment*. However, what they do have is written treasure! After all, if you've finished this issue's articles, read the previous ones'! I know what you're wondering: "But, Kev, I already read them last month!". Yeah? Well I'm ready to bet 3 kg of prime quality chicken you never even knew articles from Issue 1 existed...(not talking to any Gissimos out there). Honestly, they're quite worth a read. And for those who are still hesitant, I have assembled here a group of what I call, the Treasures of the Archives. in no particular order Uno The first treasure is found at the very entrance of the attic, inside a album lying right in front of the stairs. As you open the dorr the the mystic room it bumps into the book, creating a obvious *thump*. Hunching, you pick up the leather covered object... Perhaps less of an article, 's collection of computer wallpapers is nonetheless definitely worth a view. Different environments, different subjects, different creators, everyone should find a wallpaper for his own taste. Whether it be the eerie feeling of a Shaft aiming across a lake or the dynamic shot of a Thunder annihilating his target, they, without question, give your PC a very special feeling. True, it uses the old Tank designs, but in my opinion that only makes it even more neat. The layout of the article can be slightly confusing at first, so, to avoid you the same problems I encountered, here's some tips on finding your own favourite wallpaper: Firstly, you need to know that the wallpapers are represented by clickable rectangles. These rectangles are grouped into, well, groups, according to who created them. My advice would be to open all of them in separate tabs and then calmly look through them, choosing your own coups de coeurs. --- (Example wallpapers below) See more: -Issue 1 -Issue 2 -Issue 3 -Issue 4 Dos You put the album back down as you head to the far end of the attic, each of your footsteps raising a cloud of dust. There, you're greeted by the important figure of a 1945 antique armoire. Taking extra precaution as to not break or even scrape the priceless wood, you slowly pull the twin closet doors. And then suddenly, woosh! A huge pile of books comes crashing into you. @Tommy60's Smoky XT Chronicles not only happens to be the first story series of the Newspaper ever, its also the first ever written series altogether! (I said "written" because Les_Alterman's Wallpaper series also began in Issue 1). The story revolves around a newbie Smoky who has his first battle, and readers accompany him as he meets all the other weapons, experiences his first re-spawn, in short, has his first experiences. The most interesting thing about this series is that it combines the concept of "Tanki is a real world" and the concept of "Tanki is a game". Most stories to date concerning Tanki are either situated in a "real" universe "inspired by Tanki, or are centered around a player who is playing the game known as Tanki. So...what would happen if both were combined? --- Sample "Within the next five or so minutes, I have gloriously destroyed many more enemies, and have achieved the rank of <>. I find that I am now able to speak. However, it comes at a cost. I can only use my voice when I am completely still. That being so, I do not speak very often. Why bother, if it does not help me in battle? I have killed many people who are too busy blabbering on about what they think. Suddenly, I realize that a new tank has entered the field. This one is different from others. It has a larger, wider chassis, and a turret with a metallic pipe instead of a thin barrel, like mine. It has not moved since it spawned, so I decide to investigate it. As I near the newcomer, he begins to move. Startled, I stop. From his turret comes a tongue of scorching red-orange flame! I feel myself being melted, and after many incredibly painful moments, I die. Spawning again, I am cautious not to enter the enemy’s range of fire, since it appears to be limited to the length of his flame. Circling around the middle plateau, I see the big guy chasing one of my kind. Knowing that he is near death, I fire upon my twin, destroying him, and giving me the ecstatic feeling of the kill. I can hear the "flamer" roar in rage, and I see him rush towards me. I simultaneously fire and retreat. “Gee, this guy is slow,” I think to myself as he explodes a good couple of decameters from where I stand. Not a single flame reaches me." Read more: -Chapter 1 -Chapter 2 -Chapter 3 -Chapter 4 Tres You manage to stick one arm out of the mass of books you're buried under, then the other arm, then a leg, and finally, bruises covering your skin everywhere, you manage to extract yourself. "Ugh", you wipe your wet forehead. You then notice a white folder, lone amongst the red and black covers of the old books. Curious, you pick it up... The very history of Tanki! Yes, true, there already is a series on the origin of the game we're playing today. But it doesn't matter. Why, you may ask? Because this article is special. Indeed, @cablaz wrote the fictional history of Tanki Online.A short but interesting read. --- Sample "Let me tell you an old Tanki Legend. A long long time ago, when Tanki was newly formed, the Developing gods created four main Tanks. Each with their own special and unique qualities. They were called - Wasp, Hunter, Titan and Dictator. They had companion partners - Smoky, Firebird, Twins and Fearmachine. Mr. Wasp was a nice Tank, small, easy to handle and pretty fast Mrs. Hunter was a balanced tank, had some speed and can take some hits. Dr. Titan is a whole new idea. Full of armor, can take quite a few hits But Professor Dictator them all to another level, Dictator had the speed of a Wasp, the HP of a Titan and the balance of a Hunter." Read more Cuatro Leaving the folder on top of the previously created pile of books, you close the armoire. Unfortunately you don't know your own strength, and the armoire ends up crashing onto the floor, including a pile of orange boxes sitting on top of it. The latter roll interminably before finally crashing into the wall, and guess what you find inside? More white folders! Ever wondered how Tanki's first gun came into existence? No no no, don't tell me that the devs sat in front of their computer with a Coke and typed a whole bunch of lines into the source code of a page...Instead, tell me how one clever engineer from Tanki Weapon Production came up with the brilliant idea of creating Smoky. After your read @cablaz's work, of course. --- Sample "They took this gun, mounted it on a normal tank and drove it to Tanki Test server grounds. The administration throwing many tests at it, some including steel penetration, smoke test, reloading speed, explosion radius and how many hot dogs can it fry. Smoky aced all of these tests and was able to fry 2814 hot dogs while burning 1462 of them. Next it was put against real tanks, Smoky took them all out with ease. (Good thing it was robot controlled!) Everybody celebrated this event with Free Hot Dogs! Somehow... many employees' found steel shards in their hot dogs and this has remained a mystery to the company even to this day!" Read more And if the plain dull Smoky just isn't enough, read on the fictional history of Smoky XT instead. By @chriswu. Cinco Putting all the white folders into a white folder made for holding other white folders, you then dig deeper into the box, eventually having your fingers meet with a sheet of age-old papyrus. Struck by curiosity, you bring it under the single dirty window of the attic. Holding it in the little sunlight you have, you manage to make out a few words... The Newspaper. For some it's the only reason they're still playing Tanki (that'd be great *rolls eyes*). For others, well, it's the occasion to make some quick crystals (sadly, this is the most common occurrence). No matter what the reason, the Newspaper is now an essential part of the Tanki culture. Who knows what would've happened if no one came up with the idea for it. Who knows what would've happened if the people who did come up with the idea for it never even joined Tanki? Well, in this article @Tommy60 has reunited the stories of the first ever Reporters. How they joined Tanki and the evolution of their career. Trivia fact: This happens to be the FIRST article of the EN Newspaper! How cool is that! --- Sample "So we both went on Tankionline.com and clicked the start button, the homepage looked pretty cool, I scanned through the stats. Total Players 254,414 Online 2714 So I guess that was pretty popular. I searched around for a register button-There was none on the homepage, confused I scrolled down and clicked every link and button there was. Still couldn’t find the register button, at last I decided to press the big glowing orange “Start!” button. Thinking that I don’t even have an account yet does this require accounts? As it loaded I realized this was where you register, feeling stupid I did so. As it started to load, I laid back in my chair and waited. And waited…and waited… I leaned forward in my chair, thinking “Is this even loading?! Jeez hurry up”! I actually went to go eat a bag of chips in the kitchen, hoping that it’ll be done once I came back, guess what? It didn’t. After 30 minutes of loading it finished, I was automatically put into a game and a help screen popped up showing the controls. I studied it realizing that it was fairly simple." Read more Seis You fling everything, books, papers, and folders, back into the box and continue your trek through the attic. You end up in the opposite corner without finding anything worth a shot, when you trip on a box. Nearly breaking your nose, you, in an anger fit, fling the box across the room. The cover flies open, and out comes...more white folders. "Seriously guy? Just...seriously?! SERIOUSLY?!" You mutter. It simply wouldn't be right to present fictional histories of Smoky without including the other weapons from Tier 1: Firebird and Freeze, for example. Not to worry, @chriswu has got it covered with his "Background Stories" series. Once again, a rather short story but worth the read. --- Sample "It was a beautiful day when he was contentedly fishing by a small pond, when Ivan heard a thunderous crash and loud whoosh from across the water. The long legged birds which had been wading in the banks clamorously took to the air in a flurry, filling the air with feathers, leaves and dust. Out of the surrounding trees, Ivan watched as his old friend, Buran, rushed into the scene with an odd contraption spraying a synthetic looking material meters ahead. A few unfortunate birds had been caught in the line of “fire”, froze in mid-air, and splashed back into the water. “AHAHAHA!! IT WORKS!!” Buran cackled. This was obviously something new." Read more Prefer something hotter instead? Roast all the chicken you need with Firebird's fictional history Siete Finally, after classing white folders into white folders into white folders into MORE white folders, you flip the box over and shake everything out. There's some baseball cards, a baseball glove, a baseball cap, a baseball bat, a baseball yellow box, a- wait. A yellow baseball box? Examining it more closely, you find a '1000' marked on it, followed by a blue gem. The Gold Box. Arguably one of Tanki's most iconic features. Present in nearly every section of the forum, and every section of the player's mind. But how did it come to be? Why was it added? What were its first steps? What was the players' reactions at the time? The world may never know... Naw just kidding. Now, instead of extremely rudely not laughing at my joke, read @Tommy60's story on the path of the GOLD. --- Sample "Within a week, however, the “gold boxes,” as they were called, stopped falling onto the battlefield. Players were outraged for weeks! At last, the box was brought back, and to its normal parameters; same worth, same time for dropping, etcetera. After a time though, it was noted that the game was losing a small percentage of its normal income. The loss was traced back to the boxes, which were now realized to be containing a ridiculous amount of in-game currency (Crystals.) The boxes’ values were cut by ninety percent, resulting in them being worth a measly one-hundred crystals. The players were upset for quite some time, but eventually realized that they should be happy with the presence of a gold box at all. Profits for the game continued to increase at their normal rate." Read more Ocho Putting the Gold cube back into the box, you continue your activity of dumping everything out of the box. And it seems the latter didn't reveal all his secrets yet; a folded manuscript awaiting to be read by eager eyes slides out. One of the more "solemn" stories of the early Newspaper (and also one of the longer ones), @chriswu's article presents a legend surrounding a Temple, giver of life to an entire civilisation. What is there more to say? READ. --- Sample "Aeons went by. The lackluster shelters became tents, then clay houses. Eventually as the pool of man’s intelligence began to overflow, houses, factories and buildings replaced the castles and tents of old. Yet through it all, a haunting remnant of primeval civilization remained: the life giving well in which long gone beings had practiced their obscure ways and worshipped their gods; the whole reason for the surrounding landscapes’ industrial, residential and urban attributes. Through the ages, a great temple had been built and rebuilt around the well, proclaiming it as an object of civic pride, as well as a sacred place. However, as people became more intelligent and empirical in their observations of the world, cynicism and doubt followed. People began to disregard the archaic temple built about the well. As the Earth shifted, the well ran dry, and the ages old object of worship, which had been the savior to those ancient nomads long, long ago, was lost. The memory of the temple was forgotten, until the awakening of some spirit that had laid dormant since the dawn of the world. Resultant of this awakening, an object of great power was be discovered: the secret of the Lost Temple." Read more For a more action-packed story, read @cablaz's "The Legend of Sparky" series: -Chapter 1 -Chapter 2 Finally, after an entire day of reading in this dusty attic, you get ready to leave the mythical area. Turning back on the upturned boxes, the open and cracked armoire, and the...multiple white folders, you let out a satisfied sigh. "It was hard work, but it was worth it". A content smile on your face, you go down the stairs, closing the door behind you, but promising yourself to, one day, come back. Note: Underneath this spoiler is the full list of all published articles within these four issues of the Newspaper. To view all articles written in the Newspaper, please visit the "Newspapers Summary - The Archives".

@bdouble0

What are the odds...I always knew Gold wasn't human. Bravo Gold :)

You can only blame yourself.

And of course, you downvoting all my posts demonstrates your amazing maturity, along with the last event, when you went on your alt and called the mods stupid because your main account got banned.

Not really "find", because I decided to randomly try out one of the links, and the fist one I tried turned out to be the incorrect one. Some luck eh :D

I don't see the resemblance between " oh this is stupid" and Therider's post.

'Cept I don't see anyone who did that to the UN.

... Right. So no one wants negative comments. So from now on, whoever comments something negative gets banned. Got it.

As you can see, the part in red and everything after it is there to describe what "spam" is. As such, it is "spam" that is forbidden, not "posting comments which the topic creator did not give consent to receiving. So, ^this is incorrect. Consequentially, if they posted once "this is annoying", it should not break any rules.

The link of the Otis family story is wrong.

Are you saying that commenting or criticizing a topic is forbidden?

^ The recent articles of this newspaper aren't linked, and knowing that they have to go through pages of topics to find an article might discourage potential readers.

I'm okay with everyone (mults, trolls swearers) and all the bunch except for one specific type of player. MAMMOTHS ON DOUBLE ARMOR I mean, what's the fun in fighting an entire team of Godmode_ONs?

But the point of studying is to have knowledge, which which gives you power. Through Power you gain Victory. Through Victory your chains are broken. The Force shall free you. Okay, random but cool Star Wars aside, knowledge is for you to have a good job, do the right choices, etc. And the point of having a good job, etc. is to enjoy life more. But since you enjoy gaming...a little bit can't hurt :-P