Take a sword and challenge him to a duel. What would you do if you got paid to play Tanki?

A MAGNITUDE-BASED OPINION Discounts. Everyone loves them, right? Those all-you-can-buy sprees on eBay amazing moments where the prices of all products - or even the prices of prices - get slashed anywhere in the range of 10% to even 90% of the original price! Why do we love discounts? It's because we get a chance to whine for more we're always looking for opportunities to use less crystals while buying something (everyone's a miser here!), or we don't want to use/or don't have that many crystals to purchase a new item. Often, we get stuck in dilemmas as to what to buy, and hence we fail to exploit make use of the fall in prices, or we make a wrong choice out of desperation and end up cursing ourselves for the rest of our career. Otherwise (and many of you would have experienced this in the low ranks), one gets so excited on seeing the words 'X % off on Y for 24 hours' that his adrenaline pumps up, causing him to buy a new item simply for the sake of jumping on the bandwagon, and it could also turn out that one was so excited at the prospect of getting his first M1/M2/M3 that he simply bought whatever fit into his crystal range. And that, is the biggest mistake one could make - resulting in loss of precious crystals as well as the humiliation of owning something one would never use anyway. The overview Basically, I'm going to go over the various types of sales and delineate how to go about them, and how differently-ranked tankers can find the item they want! Also, more importantly, I'm going to be advising you about buying items you need - because it is necessity that spawns a new purchase, not a fad. After reading this article, I guess you'll be thorough with the do's and don'ts while there's a discount! Happy reading! DISCLAIMER - Please don't mistake this for a buying guide, because I've not exactly repeated the word 'discount' everywhere. Thanks. HOW TO PREDICT DISCOUNTS Discounts usually happen for something special within Tanki - it could be a festival (a major one, mind you!), a special in-game occasion or it could even be completely random. However, there is one foolproof way to predict Discounts. WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU SEE A DISCOUNT Well, I guess the only two things you can do during discounts are - buy something, or ignore the discount. But, again, I repeat - what to buy? The answer, read on for the discount-type-wise guide for buying stuff. I guess we've all seen discounts like this in the forum, the most recent example being the triple hull/turret sale as dictated by StarSeries champions All In. These are great opportunities to kill two birds with one stone and buy the - or possibly some - item(s) of your dreams. The discounts are usually placed in hierarchical order - no two items will have the same magnitude of discount - some are placed higher over the others. These sales are almost always decided by votes - either of the community, or (see the picture) of a particular clan. If it is decided by the community's vote, then I'm afraid you'll not always get what you want - you will obviously vote for something you need, but your vote is insignificant among thousands of others (unless they're voting for the same thing as you!). Okay, suppose the results are out and you get two unfavourable turrets and one favourable one - what do you do? The answer is obvious - buy the favourable one. However, it's not so simple. Read on to find out. The M0/M1 stage - M0 users will naturally be looking for something new to add to their kitty, therefore they tend to experiment with different combinations. However, how does one utilize this effectively without wasting crystals? The answer is, vote for something that is cheap to buy. That's the biggest factor. Then, if you're comfortable with short range turrets, vote for one. The same goes with hulls, too. As for M1s - first decide: is the discount sufficient to get the thing I want? Will I be able to buy it and still have some stocks of crystals remaining? Do I play well with it? Find the answers to your questions, and choose suitably. The M2 stage - By now, you must have sorted out your priorites, and must know what you want. If you like the M1 you already have, I'd suggest buying the next modification - if it goes on sale. If it doesn't, don't just buy something that is! Chances are, you won't like it and it will sit in your garage collecting rust. So will your hard-earned crystals! Remember, in this stage, you are potentially saving up for the Gissimo phase and you need all the resources you have! If you don't see the item you want on sale, save for the next one. It's useless buying something you're never going to use. The M3 stage - You're typically in a situation wherein you need the latest modification (i.e., M3) to stay abreast with the rest of the pack. This will kinda be a deja vu situation of the M2 stage, where you need to decide your priorites. If you have an M2 you sparingly use, don't upgrade it for the sake of getting an M3. You're one of the elite now, you need your combo to be at it's kicking best (and you, too!). Therefore, I'd say that it's better to have one good M3 combo than ten other, average M1s or M2s. Although this picture depicts only turrets and micro-upgrades, I've decided to include hulls as well, for the sake of saving space. Plans for these kind of sales are almost the same as the scenario above; it just becomes a lot easier as every single item is on sale and the discount percentage on each is the same - 50%. However, a universal word of advice to all ranks alike - Don't get carried away. I've seen people lose their heads in such a vast sale and make a beeline for their garage, buying every single thing that pops up white instead of red, and immediately regretting wastage of crystals after spending two minutes with their new combos. This causes a lot of embarrassment and jealousy among tankers as they look at other tanks' flashy, sparkling awesome combo with pangs of envy. Thus the main point. Just. Get. What. You. Absolutely. Need. I tell you, 50% sales on everything might be awesome - but their main purpose is not to get everything there is. The idea is that there is a larger variety of hulls and turrets on sale so that every tanker can choose something according to their fancy - or needs. As for MUs, follow the same principle - check out what your turret is really lacking, or what you're uncomfortable with. If the damage of your Railgun is less - upgrade it. If the balance of your Hornet is less - upgrade it. Wanna show off to your friends by doing the Harlem Shake - don't upgrade the turning speed. This is another reason where tankers lose out, they see the word 'MU' and start upgrading everything. Just upgrade the things you need to, and leave the rest. If there is a discount on speedups, only then do you do so. Never speed up an upgrade unless you've got tons of crystals - let it take it's time. Paints- one of the most important aspects of the game - both strategically and aesthetically! Without them, tanks would look transparent! But I admit, it'd be fun to be transparent. The possibilities....... Anyway, buying a new paint is a very important stage in someone's career. It marks the end of domination by a particular turret, and a new age of pwning. However, if we don't choose our paints correctly, we'll be left with what is practically a shell and the feeling of regret for at least a month. Wrong paints waste valuable crystals, and we'll be forced to play with inferior ones. While buying a paint, however, one should keep in mind that they will soon outrank the paint - it will become useless as we progress to a rank where we need bigger and better paints. Therefore, to prevent wastage, here I am with rank-wise tips on buying paints! The M0/M1 stage - Alrighty. You've just come to know about protective paints at this stage, and you want to get one, simply to gain an advantage over a particular turret. In this case, I'd like to ask you people to refrain from buying the basic coloured paints - unless you're a diehard fan of camo and you want to ruin your account. Choose between the four basic protective paints - Forester, Marine, Swamp and Flora. These rudimentary paints can give you a lot of protection from one turret each, depending upon what you fear in the game. And, if you want, you could go in for a low-costing double protection paint, but don't go to protections above two. You won't need it. The M2 stage - You've now come to know which turrets irritate you the most in the game. You want to place some solid resistance to the turrets that don't let you play properly. You could be a master at negotiating some turrets, but could suck at the others. Therefore, my advice would be to analyze what turrets bother you and look for a paint protecting you from all the said items. If you don't get a paint, get one which protects you from at least two-third of the aforementioned. You need to save up your crystals and can't afford to make a wrong choice, therefore don't go in for an extravagant paint just because it's got high protection. The M3 stage - Chances are, you would have started playing PRO battles, including XP and BP. You could've started to fight duels and some might even be involved in SLTV cups. Therefore, get turret-specific paints and micro-upgrade their protection. Once you're a high-ranker, you're looking for more protection, not more options. Buying flashy and expensive paints is just a sign of showing off (although you are getting it at half-price), therefore don't buy paints protecting from too many turrets unless your need is sincere. I won't go into detail here, please refer a paint guide to make the right paint choices. Overall, I'd just say that the M3 stage is one where you see 'homogenous battles' - almost all the people in the said battles are using only one turret - so, before buying your paint, decide your priorities! A general advice to all would be - buy a paint according to your need, not according to your eyes. Flashy paints are of no use to you unless they actually protect you the way you want. And, as always, the usual - don't buy many paints just because they're on sale! Again, there is no rank-specific advice for this sort of discount. There is no buying limit for a particular rank - anyone can do it. Well, when I say everyone, I mean everyone who can and would do it. Most people don't. However, I do admit that it's a pretty quick way of getting crystals. Just a quick tip - think whether you desperately need the crystals. This can be useful if there is another discount running parallel with this one, or if you are simply saving up for the item of your dreams. If you have sufficient crystals, don't buy crystals. Spend your money on snacks at the nearby convenience store instead. And then, if you are buying crystals - DON'T OVERDO IT. Buy only as much as you need - twice as much, in fact, seeing that there's a sale. A lot of people end up spending their entire month's pocket money (or salary, if you work) on the game, rejoicing in the temporary limelight. However, one does rather have a tendency to blow crystals on the game - yes, on supplies too! If you think you don't blow crystals, note the number of crystals you have now. Now, one month later, check the crystals you have left. No, it's not black magic! I swear you used them yourself! So I guess that's it from the buying point of view (but honestly, I don't buy, so feel free to go broke over this game). Let me tell you this - getting addicted to drugs is BAD. Don't do it. Drugs are those irritating, eye-avertifying boxes which make other people call you 'drugger noob.' Well, I'm kind of neutral towards supplies at the moment, but that could change. All the same, there's no denying that they really give your tank an advantage. And 50% off on them, along with passes? Head over to your garage now! Supplies are good in sparing amounts, but used too often, it often downgrades your status in the game. However, storing them up to use in the future is just about the best thing you can do. DON'T try buying drugs individually - they just waste your money, heh? Fortunately, I happen to have some advice! Wait. The passes are clamouring for their turn in the limelight too. Okay, okay. The M0/M1 Stage - You've just come to know what supplies are, or you're slowly realizing their importance. In your case, you badly need them to get quick crystals to gain access to that M1. Alternatively, you need a lot of them to experiment with them and finding just the right combination. In this case, you can make use of the downfall in prices and buy around thirty of each supply - this is just an estimate. I'm not forcing you to buy them. However, be careful with the repair kits - they cost thrice the amount other supplies do. If you're not satisfied with the drugs you bought once they're over - let the matter rest; don't buy more. Save those extra crystals for some other sale. The M2 Stage - Technically, this is the time when you start experiencing drug wars - however, this does not mean that you exploit your available crystals for the sake of a discount. Get a few supplies in bulk - here I'd recommend buying them if - and only if you're running short. I know my dear readers can do very well without supplies - or can they? Anyway, this is also the time when you unlock format battles - that is, XP, BP, XP/BP and Parkour. These are also a good way to escape from the world of nug battles and just immerse yourselves into some good old, proper and organized battles! A PRO battle pass is a must for you here. I'd also recommend SMPs - especially if you rank very slowly. The new SMPs are more economical than the old ones - with the discount, that's one feather you have to add to your cap! The M3 Stage - You now play more PRO battles and drug wars than ever, and in normal battles, people with three symbols hovering over their tank are a common sight. You need a lot of drugs to ensure your name doesn't grace the bottom of every battle table - at the same time, you need them in bulk, and cheap too, because you have to get a lot of stuff done - obviously, the price will be cheap because of the discount, but not cheap enough. My suggestion? Buy drug kits. Also, don't waste money on SMPs if you're a Generalissimo - if you're just entering the M3 phase and need a lot of XP to reach Generalissimo quickly, then full steam ahead, I say. It doesn't need to strictly be Smoky^. These kind of sales used to occur...well... periodically last year - a 70% sale is announced, but the catch - only for an hour. So, you don't have much to lose in this sale (because 70% is a lot), except for time - there's no knowing when it will go on sale. So, I'm going to be really short with this - Just decide if spending time is worth it - is the turret something you like? Or need? Never buy stuff like this just for the novelty of a 70% discount - you might regret it. If it's something you really detest - like, I don't know, you might want to skip the chance. Having good somethings sounds better than having mediocre everythings. And finally, do you have the time? If it doesn't coincide with your comfort zone, don't go out of your way. Just wait for another sale. Again, not necessarily PRO battle passes... anything could come under the sale. Remember the 90% off on In-Love during Valentines Day? This sale is really profitable, just keep in mind these tips - The M0/M1 Stage - BUY IT! The M2 Stage - BUY IT! The M3 Stage - BUY IT! So that's it from this guide, dear tankers! I hope, that after reading this, you'll cease playing in the spendthrift mode and become a miser. Because, the results you obtain from following this guide are going to be way more satisfying than just simply buying an item - so satisfying that you won't even notice people calling you M0 noob! Such is the power of good advice :lol: This was TNT. Follow the advice, save your money, and greet every discount that comes with open arms! Good luck, and have fun using your newly discounted garage equipment!

Sorry about that, mate. You'll see them next issue!

Oh yes I have.... *don't you worry, don't you worry child...... see, heaven's got a plan for you......* :D

What party? :P I'll celebrate when my articles get published xD *gets teary with happiness*

Um, you're supposed to combat what the previous person said, so if the previous post was 'he no ded,' then you should end your post with 'he ded'

PEACEKEEPING CONFERENCE, BARDA 9:00 AM Generalissimo Ehrlich looked up from his watch, and then to the massive clock hung behind the speaker's podium, just to cross-check. There was a furrow on his brow, and he was pacing up and down the dais. He was worried. Behind him, the hall slowly gathered with representatives from each of the State's districts; Kungur, Osa, Magistral. The General of the Serpuhov Regiment shuffled in, and, Generalissimo Ehrlich was happy to note, even the military spokespersons of Rio and Iran had taken the pains to come overseas to attend this historic meetings. The clock chimed nine, and Generalissimo Ehrlich slowly walked across from his seat to the podium to initiate the welcome address. He twisted the microphone towards his mouth, and spoke. "Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me a very great pleasure in welcoming you all to the recently instated Peacekeeping Conference. Welcome to Barda!" Everyone put their hands together and started clapping. Once the din had died down, Generalissimo Ehrlich cleared his throat and continued. "This year, in an otherwise peaceful State, we have had certain... ah..... disruptions by the triads who call themselves 'Decateurs'. They have raided treasuries, plundered our districts and killed innocent people. I'm sure you all know the rather shocking news that the death toll has risen to triple figures." There was mutinous muttering throughout the conference. Every seat was abuzz with discussions on the Decateurs, and the damage they had wreaked. Ehrlich took advantage of the disruption in proceedings to rake his eyes over the chairs in the hall. All were filled, except for two - the chairs for the representatives of Barda and Gubhakha. The Barda Chair, of course, was his own. But the Gubhakha chair's occupant's absence..... that was the one which worried him the most. He was the one who had formulated the plan to eradicate the Decateurs. Without him, the whole fightback was useless. Where was Connor Lynch? *** At that moment, Connor Lynch was peeping out of his window, waiting for the two shady-looking people standing outside his front door to disperse. He should have left half an hour ago, but he was tensed as to what would happen if the men (or thugs, as his paranoid mind called them) turned out to be hostile. After all, he did have really important documents to give Generalissimo Ehrlich. He could have emailed it to Generalissimo Ehrlich, but he needed to be there for the conclusion of the meeting - the part where he unveiled his master plan. The one that would change the face of the State - and that of the Decateurs. Faces would be changed, if he could get out of his house first. His paranoid brain went into action mode again - What if those guys are planted by the Decateurs to kill me? He shook off that thought. If they wanted to kill him, they would have broken in long back. He looked at his watch. He really needed to get to the conference. *** 'Got a signal lock yet?' 'Analysis shows that the action is ninety percent executed, sir. You'll just have to wait.' 'Dammit, that Lynch sure is one tough nut to crack......or track.' 'Nice rhyme, sir!' 'You fool! Get on with your work! And the peacekeeping conference?' 'Blueprints are obtained, sir. All we need to do is download the security features and booby traps onto our device.' 'Good, good. Now, I want Lynch's whereabouts within the hour. Make it fast!' 'Patience, sir. We've already got sepoys posted outside each of the sixteen locations in which Lynch could be residing.' 'Good. I've got a bone to pick with him.' *** Meanwhile, Generalissimo Ehrlich was now tapping his feet incessantly and looking at his watch every other second, putting off speaking further in the slim hope that Connor would make his usual, dramatic entrance and dictate his plan to wipe out the Decateurs. A murmur of impatience rose from the audience, waiting for Ehrlich to speak. Still, he feigned ignorance at this outbreak and whistled away to himself. However, when a shout drowned out his whistle, Ehrlich started and looked at his watch, alarmed. It had been fifteen minutes since he had last spoken. With one last, exasperated glance at the clock, he sighed, shuffled his notes and began to read. *** Meanwhile, Connor formulated a plan in his mind. He'd message the draft of the plan to the Generalissimo, delete every trace of it from his house, and make a dash for the conference. Of course, he had his Wasp ready in the garage. With one quick look at the two men outside, he switched off the lights. Immediately, they tensed, and turned in the direction of the door, as if waiting for him to come out. He crouched under a table, drew up the file of 'Operation Decateur' on his phone, and with three, swift taps of his keyboard, emailed it to Ehrlich. Then, casting furtive glances all around, he deleted the file. He was ready to go. He dashed to his garage through the connecting door and fired up his Wasp, cursing his lack of maintenance for the racket it made. That gives me a window of about ten seconds to get past those men. He opened the garage door, and drove past. And then, he stopped dead. The two men had machine guns pointed at his Wasp. 'That's a 20mm calibre gun,' he observed. 'One shot, and I become rubble.' He gunned the engine and slotted it into first gear. As he did, he gaped in shock. The first man gave him a piercing stare through his hood. That's Alan. These two men were Decateurs. And moroever, Decateurs he knew well. He set the sat-nav for the peacekeeping conference and gripped the steering wheel tightly, praying silently in his mind, as well has hoping he got to the peacekeeping conference. Without him, the whole State was doomed, as they had no way to fight against the Decateurs. Lesson learnt - always trust a paranoid mind, Connor thought. He stepped on the gas and ran for it.

You forgot to add a vital point - he ran into it, not at it. He no ded

WITHOUT CHANGING YOUR BROWSER SETTINGS OR YOUR COMPUTER The Isida next to you suddenly starts doing the Harlem shake for no reason. Shaft beams suddenly gain the ability to pass through solid surfaces. Your tank becomes a creaking, rusting, hologram. The dubstep-ish sounds playing in the background decide to metamorph into mobile notification tunes. Nah, it's not a parallel universe - it's called lag! What is lag? Lag is when you travel in a plane and have difficulty in adjusting to the time zones, or when you are really far behind someone or something and have to catch up. Hello, this is Tanki Online we're talking about. Simply put, lag is when your computer lags behind the server time and therefore you notice a prominent time-lapse, simply put, everything loops for a while and then speeds up and comes back to normal. Or, if you guys, like my dad, choose to go only with the best, here is the dictionary's definition - Lag Lag is impaired computer functionality (slow application responses or reduced/choppy framerates) resulting in high latency, packet loss, or low-performance (generally video) hardware. That's it in pro language, but if you couldn't understand, let me clarify - when your gameplay goes wonky, you know it's time to run around the house with your arms up, shouting for the Telecommunications Government to fix your connection. What are the types of lag? Good question. Really good question. But the frank answer is, lag isn't classified yet. But never fear, people! I'm here with a few unofficial classifications of my own! *Na na na na na na TNTman!* There are two types of lag, IMO, depending on how serious the lag is. The first, and the less harmless, is what I call 'temporary lag'. It's when your computer does not show obvious signs of lag, just that there is a time lapse of perhaps ten seconds tops. It doesn't affect your gameplay, just that other tanks appear to be Ferraris to you, and you appear to be a Ferrari to other tanks. The second, apocalyptic lag, is what I call 'non-temporary lag' (notice I didn't use the word 'permanent' here, and thank your stars, I didn't, because it'd mean that you'd be staring at a parallel dimension and could never play Tanki again!). This kind of lag is often serious, resulting in all the symptoms described in the first paragraph of this article. It often causes you to refresh your page, and when you come back, you find out that you slipped down three positions in the battle list, your team is losing by fourteen flags or six gold boxes dropped in the five minutes you were out. And that, is the lag we'll be dealing with in this guide (be patient, I've got to complete the formalities first). What are the symptoms of lag? When you feel you aren't killing anybody, you're not picking up drop boxes or flags, when other tanks start playing 'carousel', and when your tank starts skydiving instead of blowing up when you jump off the edge of a map and into a void. Next. What to do when you have lag? First, abuse the caps lock button on your keyboard, and belt out all the bad words you can find (yes, you can say 'moron' all the times you want!). Then, rage-quit and head over to the forum, and belt out a topic in the 'Problems and Solutions' section saying 'I AM LAGGING PLZ PLZ HELP ME I CANNOT PLAY PROPERLY HELP ME PLZ!!!!1!11111!!!'. You'll get a dozen replies saying 'Use Standalone Flash Player', or 'Clear your game cache', or even 'Refresh the game, if it still doesn't get solved, go to................................. *insert incredibly boring computer directories here* and change your settings'. After the dozen replies, a mod will come, quote the snazziest most precise reply and say, 'Please follow these steps. Closed' in a veni, vidi, vici kind of way. If you don't want to endure all that, you've come to the right place. And now, we arrive to the main topic!!!! *Clap clap clap* HOW TO LESSEN LAGS WITH EXPERTS' ADVICE Do what they say - change to Standalone Flash if possible, and clear your game cache. Oh, and also use Mozilla Firefox, because Tanki runs most smoothly in that browser. However, if you can't follow this advice due to some reason or the other, then this guide is for you - to lessen the lag you experience without changing your resources. HOW TO LESSEN LAGS WITHOUT EXPERTS' ADVICE Well, if you want to survive in the game without doing all the namby-pamby, switty-swotty things the 'experts' tell you to, you'd better follow the steps given below - they're all classified into different categories based on how much your need is, or how much lag you have! So get ready, tankers, for a wild ride through the following pieces of advice! 1. Choose between aesthetics and quality What this means is, if you play with full-blast graphics, you're only going to lag. Strip it down to the bare minimum, switching off mip-mapping, and switching off the skybox, and all the bells and whistles of high graphics. For god's sake, you're a player, not a game critic. If you play with basic graphics, you'll find yourself enjoying reasonable FPS, and your PING will also not go down that much. Well, if you don't do this, your tank will start teleporting, that's it. Seriously. Please, go ahead and try. The thing with high graphics is, it needs many more online packets than regular graphics to run, so it becomes a little taxing on your computer, as a result of which....... well, it's history. And, never switch on adaptive FPS if you lag, because your game will be stuck at 5 FPS. Thus the title - if you want your game to be beautiful, feel free. But, if you want to actually play the game, you'd better endure dreary graphics. Here's an example of what ideal graphic settings should look like - 2. Is YouTubing so important? Look here, I very much appreciate your admirable sentiments to share this wonderful game with the rest of YouTube, but sometimes, use your head if you're lagging. I know for a fact that most of you will shirk away from buying a proper screen recorder and will end up using Bandicam (which casts a horrible watermark on your screen by the way). Time for some logic! *Feigns deafness at the groans of everyone*. If you're a YouTuber, you'll naturally be looking for Spectator Mode. If you want Spectator Mode, you'll need subscribers. If you need subscribers, you need high graphics to woo them, and that violates point 1 heavily. Even if you don't have subscribers, 90% of you will be using Bandicam. And Bandicam's most commonly used viewing mode is the 'box mode', which involves the recording of everything within the area of a box drawn on your screen. That, my friends, eats up your FPS. Now, most of you will be thinking, 'it's PING which affects lag!' But, if you have an FPS of less than five, would you ever be able to play properly? Lozix. It's the strain of performing two simultaneous tasks that makes your computer so underefficient. Especially when you're recording videos. It feeds on your RAM. If you still feel like recording videos after this mini-lecture, strap on your low graphics and head over to screencast-o-matic, which is a purely online recorder and has much less chances of affecting your gameplay. 3. Show-off or Showstopper? You know what I mean - would you prefer to show off your prowess in huge maps like Dusseldorf, or just have a quiet, action packed game in Hill? The first option *facepalm+groan*. Okay, what if I told you there were no girls on that map? Finally, you saw sense. Such big maps will not lag. Why? They'll never load. Even if they do, you'll be wondering, 'hey, how the hell did this map go all "Star Trek" ?' The simple answer is, they're so big that a lot of data has to load. And the data which goes into keeping your gameplay smooth, will go into simply sustaining such a big map. Therefore, my advice - don't play in a map of a size greater than Polygon, yes, that includes SLTV maps! And also, don't play in a map with props that are way too complex, like 2042 or Noise, because your internet will have trouble processing all the rich textures. So that leaves us with a few choices - the small maps. Which one is best, and which one will give maximum benefit to laggers? Hill? No. Too boring. Combe? Well, maybe, but the reverse CTF spoils the gameplay. Duel and Ping-Pong? Go ahead, if you're PREPARED TO DIE OF BOREDOM. Island? Well, it's not bad, but it's a wee bit too small. Then, what do we have left? I believe I have the answer - ^Yup, Sandbox it is! 4. Multitasking? 'No papa!' Fourth, golden rule. Many nubs (not you, dear readers!) open YouTube tutorials or something while playing, or put something to download while accessing the game. Let me tell you, this eats up your internet capacity worse than Bandicam. Yes, worse! As the title says, stick to one thing. If you want to put something to download, it can wait till you're done. Opening text content like the forum is fine, but try avoid videos, streams, or downloads, 'cause your page's never gonna open. 5. To stay or not to stay, that is the question Next (albeit not-so-important) point is the time for which you stay in a battle. This is not directly affected by lag, it's just affected by how bad your lag is. If your computer makes it a point to lag at least once in 15 minutes, do the logical thing and join a 15 minute battle! If your computer lags twice (yes, can you even imagine?), then you could take the risk and join a 15 minute battle, hoping your computer doesn't hang, or join a 30 minute battle, willing to refresh your page but slip down in the battle ranking (and claw back to the top again, if you have skills). Either way, you shouldn't be playing for more than half an hour at a stretch. Helps to solve an addiction problem too, right? Now you'll be asking, 'what if I have minimum lag?'. Should you even be asking this? Just go into a PRO BATTLE AND NO-LIFE FOR 999 MINUTES! 6. Blunder from afar, or dominate through kamikaze Another important thing - the turret and hull you choose will have a great impact on your gameplay. Avoid using turrets with delay between shots, or those turrets which have very high turning speed (you're excused, Twins!). For example, if you fire up a shot with Railgun, in the space of the one second that the orb takes to disappear and the beam to appear, your computer will do the L word and you'll find yourself shooting the enemy, followed by a series of 'GO HOME MULT' messages in your battle chat. Even Shaft could be included like this, because there's a high tendency for the turret to 'wobble', and once you lag, you could be shooting the wrong person - or just into thin air. As for hulls, avoid using Wasp or Hornet, because their speed also effects a lot of lag in your server. You're going simply too fast for your internet to register. The ideal hulls to suit your lagging setup are Hunter and Viking, and you'll find yourself going steadily along. But I've still not answered the turret issue - which one to use? Well, the turrets which are affected least by lagging are the ones without any recoil, and the ones with fairly high turning speed. Say hello to our three role models for all lagging turrets! The reason why they're so perfect is, they don't have any recoil. So it's easier for the server to recognize their movements faster. Need I say any more? 7. In different places at once Again, this depends purely on the intensity of your lag. If your lag is reaaallllly high, try camping. You won't move much and there won't be much strain on your internet. If you lag moderately (like me), then strap on a Viking or a Hunter and go midfield! If you have minimal lag, then, well.... ATTACK! NO MERCY! Also, if you're lagging heavily, let me drop a hint - avoid playing CTF as much as possible. Because, due to lags, you'll glitch, and you'll find yourself dropping flags and someone else taking your hard-earned experience points. For that matter, don't play CPs either, but if you find a juicy Polygon CP, flock to the centre and kill off as much of the crowd as possible, while capturing whatever few points your computer allows you to. DM and TDM are the best, because kills aren't affected too much by lag. Honestly, this is a combination of all you read so far in this article. It depends on the combo you take, the position you prefer, and of course, the style that your lag favours! COMPLEX ISSUES DEALING WITH CONSISTENT LAG If you lag too much, you'll see your computer freezing every few minutes, and you'll have to refresh your computer every now and then. This becomes too cumbersome and time-consuming. Fortunately, for you trigger-happy tankers, there is an interim solution - If you see your computer lagging, go to your taskbar, where the internet connection icon is displayed. Click it, and HAMMER the refresh button in the top-right side of the dialog box that appears. Guaranteed (well, almost), within a few seconds, your game will get back to its normal, minimal-laggy way. For those of you who are confused which menu to open, this picture illustrates it very well - Easy, right? It's just like spamming, just that in place of letters, you have to click the mouse many times! However, if you still have desperate lagging issues after reading this article (I repeat, desperate! Don't come to me saying that your Hornet somehow managed to cover two feet instead of the usual one foot in a second! That's either really minor lag or you've picked up a speed boost.), then try the methods suggested by the people who reply to your topic in Problems and Solutions - yes, the dreary old DNS cache and stuff - because they know better than I do about lags. Also, you can refer this topic for further clarifications. When do I know that I have stopped lagging? There goes a saying - once laggeth, always laggeth. If your computer lags, it will never stop. The most you can do is get a better PC or a better internet connection, but then, the whole point of this article was how to reduce lag using the limited resources you already have! But you can know when you're not lagging for the time being - trust your instincts. If you can play without frisbeeing your keyboard around, you're not lagging! Congratulations! What was the whole point of this guide? To tell you that I can write stuff To tell you that you can reduce lagging without doing everything the self-acclaimed 'geniuses' say! Oh, wait, is it genii? Naaah, I'm getting confused now. So, tankers, I hope that you, with the help of this guide, were able to play in a self-induced, indigenous and lagless state of mind! This was TNT. Till next time, have fun, play safe, and don't lag! See you on the battlefield!

Thanks :D

UhmaGerd! TantalumSodiumPotassiumSulphur!

*ahem* http://en.tankiforum.com/index.php?showuser=410011

Thanks a lot guys! :rolleyes:

SAVOURING THE SATISFACTION AND ENSURING THAT DAYS OF HARD WORK CONCLUDES IN STYLE Every tanker wants to see that golden pillar of light illuminate his tank, and make it stand out among others. Every tanker wants to see that glaring icon of his newly achieved rank be announced to the whole server. And above all, every tank wants to make sure he signs off his old rank with a bang! Of course, one might do this by smashing the computer into bits, or detonating @TriNitroToIuene on it. But, however, one must choose how he wishes to rank up; simply killing a random person in a random battle doesn't have the moolah to be called a proper rankup. And similarly, capturing the flag doesn't have the effect. What one needs, is style. Style is a major factor during a proper rankup, and decides whether the tanker is a pro or a nub (seriously, many people rate each other by YouTube skills.) Therefore, the objective of this guide - how to effect a proper rank up party, and ensure nothing goes wrong, and that you attain the next rank in the snazziest way possible. THE PROTOCOL Please welcome your holy grail for today - the protocol. A set of *ahem* guidelines which you may or may not follow to get the best possible rankup scenario possible. Follow these rules, and people will be hailing your rank-up video as 'worthy of Rent-A-Spec', albeit without spectator mode. Firstly, decide if you want to take the easy way out or the hard way out. The easy way is so easy, it can be done within seconds! Here's how: Go join a random CTF battle. Kill people and cap flags till your XP bar fills up. Voila! You have been promoted! To all you non-nug people out there, d'you seriously want that? Now, you want to do it the 'pro' way - all those flashy Firebirds creating a wall around your tank as the rank symbol magically appears without shooting anyone - that's the kind of rankup everyone looks for. The glamour quotient is what gets rankup videos their, um, popularity. Video Quality So first up, the video quality should be excellent! Nobody wants to see a pixellated tank magically teleporting to another end of the map, and the rankup symbol appears, then disappears as suddenly as it became visible, right? You can either go for the best by asking a spectator to preside over your rank-up : these guys are the best things that can happen to it! Popular YouTubers like @Ilia.ArchangeI and @shayanshiny possess this mode and use it to great advantage to record videos. They certainly won't miss a chance to record an opportunity like this - namely, your rank-up! And as far as I know, Chat Mods have Spectator Mode to bust people secretly in the game. If you don't have the patience to arrange for a spectator to come and record your rank-up or are too scared to request one to do so, you can just turn your graphics to full blast and record it yourself, or ask some other player who is attending it to record it for you. Either way, quality is the fundamental unit of rankup videos, guys, keep this in mind while getting 'promoted'! Whom to Invite You can't just rank up alone, you know. There has to be some tank/tanks waiting to be killed by you for you to achieve the next rank. I mean, you could atleast kill some tanks who are in a particular formation, like a pyramid, or line, or tower. The question is, who do you rank up with? Let me tell you one thing - you certainly can't type 'plz someone attend my rankup party' in the battle chat, and wait for someone to say 'yes.' If you do that, the players will most certainly mult in the final stages and ruin the whole thing. You'll have a fail rankup. Go cry. You can't even just invite some of your known friends moments before you rank, because they'll not know what to do, and you'll end up having a really disorganized rankup. Therefore, my advice is - plan it out with trusted friends at least two or three days in advance through PM, and decide mutually as to how you can rank up. Also, the question arises, how many players do you need? It all depends on the way you want to rank up. If a quiet procedure is fine by you, one friend is enough. However, if you want to up the ante and go for the glamour quotient, invite no less than ten people. Surely, your rankup can't go wrong after such planning! Choosing the right battle Now, the next issue one must address is, which battle to choose? Again, it depends on how many you want to kill. If the number is somewhere in between five and ten, create a player-specific DM, and fill the vacant spots as fast as possible, otherwise some random tank who doesn't know English will amble in and be delighted and puzzled to see tanks queueing up to get killed by him (or so he thinks). If you need to kill many people at the same time, create a TDM - but this will mean shelling out five thousand crystals as the only way in which everyone other than you will be in the opponent team is creating a PRO battle with autobalance off. However, this is worth the price (if you don't already have a pass) as you get more time, as well as more enemies to destroy and complete your rankup! If killing tanks isn't enough for you, and you want to commemmorate your rank up with something more, then go for a CTF battle. The second half of this paragraph will be the same as that of TDMs. I don't, however, recommend CPs. Ranking up while capturing a point doesn't have any feel of aestheticness - at all. The point will, in all likelihood, hide your tank from view and the 'capturing line' looks rather ugly compared to the golden glow of your rankup. Again, these are my opinions and just some general guidelines which you can use as the framework of your rankup battle! Each man to his own! Choosing the correct location Aha! No rankup can ever be complete without a map, right? But, finding the right map to rankup is important. You can't just rankup in a random place like Station or Gubakha, you know! The minimum requirements for a 'beautiful' map are symmetry and props. A map has to be symmetry, no matter how you rank up, because when you look back at it, months later with a tinge of nostalgia, you'll be looking more at how beautiful the map was, rather than what rank you attained. Also, ranking up in the center of a symmetrical map can give a feeling of unmatched satisfaction. However (and unfortunately), all maps are not suitable for something like rankups - choosing the wrong map puts a dampener on the celebrations, really, it does. How does one avoid such mistakes? Simple! By reading the list below, which comprises of trusted rankup maps with plenty of testimonials to their name! (Some of them are from me, though. That's your spoiler alert!) 1. Stadium. Say no more. A lot of open space in the middle for all sorts of rankups and events, and the perfect place for setting lineup records (other than Dusseldorf). With a rich skybox and an elegant ground texture in summer mode, it goes perfectly with the rankup colour. Ranking up in the center of the map/center of the 'goals' with symmetrical arrangement of either tanks or props is one you will remember for a long, long time. The video will look cool, and the screenshot will be a keeper! To have an idea of what I'm saying, look at this picturesque rank-up - 2. Rio. Believe it? Nah, of course you will! Now you'll be telling me, 'Rio ain't symmetrical, homie, you contradicted what you just said!' True, it's not symmetrical, but it has some of the best rank-up spots in the world of Tanki. The beach is perhaps the most romantic and picturesque place to rank up. Why? The yellow sand and the blue sky contrast beautifully, and it's surrounded by palm trees all around. Perfect for sunbathing. Also, one could rank up atop the skyscraper or atop the building connecting the red and blue bases. Either way, it's one of the top rank-up destinations you can get! Here's valid proof - 3. Iran. This might seem like a slightly quirky choice, but if you observe the centre of the map closely. you'll notice a green oasis sheltered by palm trees with symmetrically arranged buildings on all four sides. Oh, and not to mention, the buildings around that spot are draped in blue carpets. What's the word? Correct again, it's contrast! The buildings gel as well as contrast beautifully with your tank, and people will be staring open-mouthed at the video for aeons to come (assuming the Earth lasts that long, obviously). Now, I want to spare the arduous task of making you read on and on and on, therefore I'm just listing three maps here. However, there are many more available on the server for you to choose! Take your pick, and all the best with a picturesque rankup! Rank-up Styles How does one rank up? Is it by killing one person? Many? After scaling a building? With a flag in hand? By a spin shot? The basic questions are endless. And even once I answer those, more still flow like a waterfall. Do I use Firebird? Do I make use of Railgun's impact force? Do I have a multiple rank up? All these questions can be answered by this single bit of information - rank up categories. As we all know (by observing YouTubers), the most gala rank-up parties have a distinctive style to them - they're not just the boring old killing-people-till-your-XP-bar-is-full routine; they're special - that's one big reason why they're famous. Rank-ups can be of many types - from a single kill and capturing a flag, to seemingly rank-up in midair without appearing to shoot at all! This is how I (the unbiased judge as always!) classify types of rankups : 1. Single Kills - The most rudimentary kind of rankup, single killing involves killing one person in a secluded spot, in a secluded map, in a secluded server in a not-so-secluded game. Once you arrange yourself in some sort of basic formation (facing each other, V-shaped, etc.), just HIT THE SPACEBAR! Watch your opponent die, totally at your mercy, and best of all, voluntarily! Hee hee hee. It's really easy to execute, just do this - 2. Multiple kills - The act of killing many tanks at once, multiple killing is a totally badass way to rankup, but can further be classified into subdivisions - Line Killing - When you arrange your victims in a straight line, and finish 'em all at once with a double damage equipped, fully MUd Railgun M4 (after enduring allegations of 'drugger noob'), it's called 'line killing'. It's pretty simple to understand, yet one of the toughest to master, as you have to invite many people and co-ordinate them. I mean, how many people will actually do that for you? All you have to do is create a Dusseldorf DM (Remember, it is a 'beautiful' map!) and invite fifteen of your friends to it, and tell them to come in Wasps and a protectionless paint. Make all rebel Mammoths rage-quit. This is your special moment! Once they're all in a single file, watch the ethereal orange glow at the tip of your barrel come to life, and eliminate the opposition! Oh, joy! Perhaps, a pretty good example will be @GoldRock's rankup to Marshal, where he killed 16 tanks at once - Pyramid killing - This needs slightly less tankpower, and a lot more co-operation than line killing, because your victims need to be arranged in a stack - each row will have one tanker less than the row below. Then, you pick a weapon with splash damage, reduce their health to almost zero, and then, before the final shot, arrange them into a pyramid and shoot! It's a beautiful way to rank up, and the fruits of your labour will certainly pay off. However, there is only one weapon you can use in such circumstances - Railgun won't do because it can only shoot in a straight line (and so does Shaft, by the way). Firebird and Freeze require you to be near the opponents when you kill them, but however, that doesn't look good and it completely spoils the effect. Hammer, too, for that reason, fails to impress. Therefore, the only turret remaining is : Thunder. Yes, a turret capable of killing many tanks at once and also having a high rate of splash damage, Thunder along with a pyramid will ensure a successful rank-up. A pyramid cannot be exemplified more than this one, which featured in 's final rankup - Wheel of Fortune - This is a little-implemented, yet one of the best and simplest ways to rank up. All you need is five friends max (and 5 kills to go till your rank up). Make them stand in a circle around you. Then, start spinning your hull and turret around and press spacebar randomly and kill one person. Since you're continuously turning, there's no way of telling who you're going to kill, since you're continuously spinning. Repeat this process till you've achieved your rank-up or you've run out of enemies. If you've still not ranked up after the latter, repeat this process again till you do rank up. Don't worry, you need only five of your trusted friends for this, so there's almost no chance of it going wrong. Also, remember that your opponents should close in after the death of one of their comrades. Any turret is good for this, but I recommend Firebird and Railgun - Firebird as all opponents are experiencing afterburn and anyone can die (hence the name!) and Railgun because of the shot delay. Happy ranking! A pretty good example of this will be @Tareq.Jami's rank-up to commander (he was known as omarzidan then) - 3. Accessory-included rankups - This one is kind of obvious, isn't it? Accessories include anything other than tanks..... yes, beams too! But, there are easy pickings for this one. I mean, how many accessories do you find in the game? Let me tell you. It starts with F, ends with S and contains the word 'lag' in between. It's flags! I had complete faith in my readers to get that one correct! Or did I? Anyway, holding a flag while ranking up makes the whole experience a lot better - it makes you look more tankly. It kind of gives the message somewhat like presenting *insert nickname here*, bearer of flags, forerunner of rankups! And it's absolutely right. Especially when you use props to their maximum advantage (keep reading), a flag is something that can enhance the quality of rank-up videos. An an alternate note, you can also rank up by capturing a flag. It so reduces the hassle of killing people! And this tactic is particularly effective when you powerlevel let your friends let you capture everything. Either way, a flag is something that is sure to catalyze or beautify your rank-up! Take this rankup for instance, starring Shaft Beams - Or, if you wanted to have an example involving flags, refer this - 4. Parkour rank-ups - The most amazing and adrenalistic kind of rankup, parkour involves ranking up atop a building (obvious). For example, on top of the skyscraper in Rio, or the flat-topped towers in Madness. This escalates your feeling of importance (probably because you're located above everyone else) and the video is a keeper. With a flag, you'll look like a mountaineer scaling an especially treacherous peak! On YouTube, half of the rankups are done by parkour. Need I say more? Here's a picture to demonstrate the best use of such a mode - 5. 'Magic' rank-ups - So called because rankups happen by magic here. Just joking. Ranking up without appearing to shoot is known as a 'magic' rank-up. This is simply done by placing a mine somewhere in the map (and out of video recording view) and at the time of rank up, ask someone to step on it. BOOM. You've got your rankup. (Unless your victim had used double armour). Optimal Rank-Ups So, what is the optimal way of ranking up? Well, based on the four tips given above, an optimal rank-up will be one in which two or more elements above are combined into one. However, to achieve a feasible result, be practical. You won't achieve your rankup anytime soon if you try and kill eight people in a pyramid formation atop a building in Kungur or you try and do a wheel of fortune above a hut in Iran. However, two among the list which I think can make it to every single rankup are points 3 and 5. Flags are really easy to pick up, and planting mines is easier. Just one key to the right of the Speed Boost button! Honestly, these two are what gives your rankup its charisma. Think about it. You take a flag and stand in a strategic location, and then you pose comfortably for the cameras when you rank up majestically, as if influencing the servers. Feasible, no? And, point 4 can also make it through if you're not planning on a multi-kill (actually, you can do a multi kill from atop a building, but staying on the ground is preferable) and you know how to do parkour. Don't just stand on a tank and call it a 'parkour' rank up, because it ain't one. Anyway, try these tips, and people are surely going to break the upvote button when you post the video in POTD! Coronations If you're not satisfied with the regular effects, you can go in for something I like to call 'coronations' - it means ranking up amidst tanks shooting away from you, or upwards, forming a sort of wall of honour. This is best exemplified through Firebird and Freeze - making them shoot upwards creates a mystical wall between which you can rank up. Also, if possible, create a PRO battle with autobalance off and make people stand on either side of a road and fire at you. Then, pass through the flames and voila! For example - Here, you'll observe that there is no shooting going on, but there is in fact a guard of honour. That does the trick as well, you know! However, Fire and Freeze are the best turrets for this effect as their shots are the only ones in the whole game which can be seen clearly even without an enemy around. That was 'coronation' for you, have fun ascending to the throne! Iron out the Niggles Every thing has a flipped phase to it. Yes, even rank-ups! In fact, there's a lot to keep in mind while attaining the next rank. For one, you need timing - a sense of when to kill people will be much appreciated. This is especially important when you're doing a coronation - you need to wait for the shooting to start, and at the same time, be aware of when the shooting will stop. Find the perfect time window, and that's one niggle covered. Next, you need to make sure none of the people attending the party are AFK (and check yourself too, for that matter,) and be on the lookout for lag. Lag is something that has wrecked the best rankup parties there are - it's not nice to see the culmination of weeks of hard work being washed off by a simple shift in figures. Thirdly, be aware of your surroundings. Plan beforehand which mode you're going to use - Summer Mode or Winter Mode. For both scenarios, you need a contrasting paint for best effect. In Summer, try using a light paint like Tundra or Swash (there are many more, check it for yourself) and for Winter Mode, don't use a white paint. Simple. How many white paints are there anyway? Let's see, White......Irbis........ I dunno. Anyway, the next thing you need to see is whether you want to rank up in Day Mode or Night Mode. In Day Mode, you're spoilt for choice of maps. However, in Night Mode, there are only six maps from which you can choose, so it makes decision-taking a lot easier. Honestly, I feel Night Mode generates better rankups (one such example is @P_A_N_T_H_E_O_N's famous 'high above Rio' rankup). As for choices, see Summer Mode for Night Mode reference, and vice versa. Last (but obviously not the least), be practical. Don't get carried away by what you're trying to do, but at the same time, don't do too less. Go in for just the right method that suits you. I mean, it's useless trying to do the coronation if your friends don't co-operate with you, and it's absolutely ridiculous to even attempt doing a pyramid kill when you don't know how to climb another tank. All the same, there are restrictions for everything, nothing is flawless, you know. Stick within the limits and pay attention to all the minor details; get the creases smoothened out, and your rank-up will be just as smooth! Be Practical I guess that's it from this article, then. Just a collection of a few tips and tricks, plus some personal experience to make your rank-up as smooth as silk! You should, I repeat, should become a pro at ranking up after reading this. Don't come at me saying 'TNT, I still can't climb the skyscraper in Rio, now how do I rank up?' These were just my humble opinions. As for the lack of illustrations, jeez, how many times can one rank up in time to write this article? All the same, I have inserted a few illustrations in here, the pics and the words combined should take you through comfortably into your next rank! But, before I take your leave, I guess it's only fair for you to have an insight into the way I rank up : The 'Pro' Way Goes to a Polygon CP. Shoots a random person and ranks up. Forgets to press 'PrintScreen'. :lol: So that's it from this article, tankers! Follow the steps given above and avoid following my example, and you could be the next hit YouTuber of Tanki Online! See you in the battle! Although, to become a hit YouTuber, you need to know a lot more than just ranking up.

He was wearing the armour. He ded.

@GoldRock :D

The armour was cracked! He ded

3550

You know, the Ray Williams punch line 'he ded'

Shedinja lives in the untied states? :blink: better edit that.

^Ditto

Shedi, I must say, this series is a masterpiece! For one, it's actually based on real experiences in Tanki Online, and the plot is full of cliffhangers and 'wow' moments! Keep it up!

I'll start - A person gets bored to death by his math teacher who was lecturing him on failing the half-yearly exam. He ded.

This game involves a person naming a situation in which a person dies (comical, please, not serious!) and the next person will have to contradict the person above by naming a situation in which the said person does not die. Then person three will come and contradict person two.......... you know how it goes, right? Example - Player 1 - A person jumps out of a plane without a parachute. He ded. Player 2 - But the plane was not airborne yet. He no ded. Player 3 - The plane was strapped on another plane which was flying. He ded. Player 4 - He jumped onto an eagle and landed safely. And so on. Remember, guys, use your creativity and keep changing the scenario every now and then, or else this game will get boring! And above all, don't forget to say 'he ded'/'he no ded' after making your point! Have fun! :)

It's pretty cool! Yes, and the camera angles were good too!