As I crashed through the front door and stumbled down the hallway after yet another pretty horrible date, I could barely make out this figure sitting on my couch. He was sleeping, again. Just lying there snoring on my couch. If any average person came home to a half-ton, baby-faced angel wearing nothing but a nappy on their living room couch, they would be lost for words. However, this was normal for me. I walked up to him and slapped him in the face. "Get up you fat, lazy ball of lard” Kade, my guardian angel, moaned as he slowly gained consciousness. His eyes darted around the room, searching for the girl I had just been with. “It is just me here. She’s gone.” I said under my breath. “Mate, you’re gonna make me lose my job if you keep this crap up.” Kade, my guardian angel, said while taking a swig of the vodka in his hand. “Look, Kade, I’m sorry, I truly am. Just she wasn’t the right girl for me.” “Of course she wasn’t, no one is the perfect girl for you. You take any damn flaw they have and turn it into a stupid excuse to get out of seeing them again.” He said with a pissed off tone. I put my head in my hands, trying to show him that I have had enough of him already. “So...” he said with a smirk on his face and a sarcastic tone in his voice, “what excuse is it this time?” I let out a groan and fell down on my back and started to study the wood patterns on the ceiling. “Well? Come on, I’m intrigued to hear the reasoning behind the inevitable failure of this one.” “She…” I hesitated for a second. I had given him some pretty ridiculous reasons such as eating with her mouth open or having short hair, but this, this was the worst reason yet, and I knew Kade would go absolutely mental when he heard it. “um… her eyes don’t even share the same postcode.” Kade looked at me expressionless. I don’t think he understood what I meant so I made it easier for him. “Her eyes are closer to the edge of the universe than…” “YES, I know” He buried his hands in his palms and let out a massive sigh. “Eyes that were too far apart aye. She is basically flawless mate. Fun, flirty, outgoing and caring, but no, Mr. Impossible Expectations didn’t like her eyes. Of everything she had, you turned her down because of her freaking eyes.” “I know; I just couldn’t see us together. She was great and all but I just couldn’t get over that.” I mumbled. “Here’s some news for you buddy, it ain’t all about you, there is me as well. If you keep this trash up, I’ll get kicked out of heaven and end up sitting at the end of the unemployment line.” "Look. I’m actually at the point where I couldn't care less if you get the boot, or end up as a homeless scum trying to get a job. Your current job is to find me someone that I love, and so far, none of them has met my requirements." He walked over to me, grabbed me by the collar and threw me up against the wall. As he gritted his teeth he said “Listen to me, you fool. You need to learn that you ain’t the only one on this planet. If you could learn that the world doesn’t just revolve around you, maybe you could keep a girl in front of you for longer than an hour.” And just like that, he went into a meltdown. He threw me to the ground and kicked me in the ribs. As I curled up clutching my ribs to try to see the pain, I could see him storm out the door and in that moment I realized that I might be forever alone.
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