I mean, i generally have fabulous timing hh

hiiiii just thought i'd pop in, beautiful day, lotsa spam, #blametheNS kthxbai :)

Oh, this was well done. A pleasure to read :) The humor was excellent! (Personally, loved the Snape vs. Krum thing... T'was brilliant B))

Lol. :D Though to be honest, without Goldmult to annoy, I have no idea what I'd do. That was at least half the job description.

Okay, the nickname's a new one. Quite like it :lol:

Hm... I don't particularly like the paragraph format. http://en.tankiforum.com/index.php?showtopic=303891&hl= < looking back at past issues here, it seems that keeping things shorter, with a more varied format (e.g. some one liners) is more effective. I did like the humor in this issue of the Dictator. Keep it up. ^_^

Looking good, folks.

Tweezers, I got chills reading this. Chills. :blink: how u rite so gud plez teach

Hello dear readers. I've finished my first semester of college (without dying, thank you very much) and find myself with a surprising amount of free time. Thus it's time to bring the pen...er, keyboard...out once more before goldmult decides to fire me. We find ourselves once more looking at the start of a new year. 2017 is revving up to go, and what better way to salute what's coming than to glance back at where we've been. _________________________________________________________________ To that end, I've decided to cook up a long-overdue edition of the Treasures of the Archives series. The last time this happened was in Issue 41, and you should definitely read it because Hogree's take on this was masterclass. Continuing where he left off, I've drawn the best of the best from Issues 42 through 59, and it has been an absolutely fantastic trip down memory lane. Read on, and I hope you enjoy the selections! Category: Stories Memory Series - Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV By: Tweezers This fantastic gem of a series is one of my personal favorites. The plot is intriguing, the characters believable, and the writing excellent. Short stories are difficult to produce, but Tweezers pulls it off with ease, showcasing enviable talent time and time again. If you haven't read Memory yet you absolutely should take the time to do it now. You won't regret it. (But, then again, there's no accounting for taste...if you do regret the read, just blame the NS. Problem solved.) Between Tabs Series - Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, Part VI Part VII, Part VIII, Part IX, Part X, Part How-Many-More-Parts-Does-This-Series-Need? By: Shedinja All joking aside, (I was kiiiiding Shed, no h8 B)) it can be safely said that Between Tabs Part V is the reason I joined the paper. It's the story that originally interested me in the paper, and what set the ball rolling towards me becoming a reporter. Between Tabs will always have a special place in my books, and though it's a long read, it's a fantastic story that honestly portrays what it's like to be a Tanker 'irl'. Momma Waited 'Til the End By: Sonofchrysalis3 Sonofchrysalis3 knew how to speak to his audience on an emotional level, and he didn't pull any punches with this one. 'Momma Waited 'Til the End' is a powerful, touching story, the likes of which don't often grace the paper. While Soc3 (aka Stratus) is no longer with us in the paper, he made a significant contribution which earned him a well-deserved spot on this list. The Reporter Simulator By: Thekillerpenguin Fashionably asymmetrical doorknobs; not one, not two, but three Night-Sisters; lots of innovative and unusual ways to die; background music...this article is, simply put, a really fun read. Thekillerpenguin (aka TKP aka Pengu) did a fantastic job with The Reporter Simulator. It's hilarious, engaging, and well-crafted. A must-read. Category: Guides Subcategory - Map Guides New Year Map 2017 By: viking4s My first thought when reading this one: :o!!!1!1@@!11!!111!11!!. Though new to the TO reporting world, if this article is anything to go off of, Viking will have a long and fruitful writing career. His information-packed, analytical breakdown of the New Year map is superb. This article is one of the best map guides the newspaper has ever come out with, which is saying a lot. I, for one, am looking forward to seeing what else this guy can do. Guide to Monte Carlo By: Night-Sisters I distinctly remember that throughout the process of writing this piece, Multrock Admin kept insisting that "Monte Carlo is a tactic-less map" and "it's a pointless guide. There's no strategy involved." I believe the inclusion of my article in a Treasures of the Archives finally settles the point. There is strategy involved in playing Monte Carlo. d3s Gold. Subcategory - Info Guides Paint Separation Update By: Fen-Harel Fen wrote this Special Review on the fly to ensure relevancy after the update. He skillfully discusses the implementation, pros and cons, and nitty-gritty mechanics of the paint separation update. It's comprehensive yet efficient, and well-written, of course. The Game Balance Update By: Goldrock If there's one thing Goldrock (aka goldmult, gildedbrick, multmin, etc.) knows how to do, it's writing a text wall. He does so in the Game Balance Update with the utmost class, providing useful information in a digestible manner. I emphatically agree with comments such as this one. Well done, Gold. This one's a keeper. Downloadable Defenses - A Guide to Module Types By: Shedinja A common theme running throughout 'info guides' in the paper is that they're...y'know, informative. The ones that made it on this list are the ones that were/are of most functional value to the community. Downloadable Defenses satisfies this criterion, and then some. If you ever find yourself in need of module-related stats, this article is the one to go to. The Mid Ranker's Handbook: All About Crystals By: Sagittarii The Mid Rankers Handbook was one of our most popular series, a cut above the rest, certainly. Sagittarii (aka Zenith101 - y u change ur name nug????!11?/) making a rather lengthy guide entertaining yet useful. A mid-ranker himself, he shows a thorough understanding of the difficulties that plague the median ranks. The Mid Ranker's Handbook: Gameplay By: Goldrock Now, I know what you're thinking here. "Oh lookee, another article by gildedbrick. That must mean..MORE TEXTWALLS!" Well, you're not wrong in the slightest, as the final word count comes out to a nice, even, seven thousand seven hundred and seventy-eight words. No, I'm not kidding. Out of curiosity, I stuck the thing in a word doc. This was the result: But that's not all. Gold wrote this article, while masterminding the first revamped paper. For that alone, he'd have my admiration, but the fact that this is not only quantity, but also quality, and good enough to appear in Treasures of the Archives is staggering. Respect. Subcategory - Weapon Guides Scrutinized: Ricochet By: Contradiction Contradiction's very first published piece in the newspaper showcased a thorough knowledge of Ricochet. The information condensed into this guide is truly impressive, and the diagrams, though few, complement the article perfectly. Contra's writing stands out, and this piece is worth the read. The Ultimate Guide to Railgun By: Thekillerpenguin Pengu's broad outlining of the history and general rail tactics is a refreshing change from the usual detail-oriented guide. It's a new take on a subject that's been written about many, many, times before, and executed well enough to be a top pick for an archive treasure hunt. Subcategory - Player Guides Three Ways to be the Exemplary Tanker By: Phoenix-Warbird Phoenix-Warbird, one of my best friends on Tanki, debuted in the paper with this article. Quality writing and a much-needed message makes for an article that stands out, and this one in particular is no exception. I think we can all take a few permanent mental notes on what she's covered here. What Makes a Good Reporter Application? By: Fen-Harel As someone who's dealt with numerous reporter applications that range from absolutely abysmal to not-quite-up-to-snuff, Fen's advice on how to craft a decent submission is valuable to the community at large. The content is spot on, and was one of the better articles we've published. Category: Entertainment Ten Reasons Why Tanki Is Good For You By: Goldrock The sarcasm is real!!! Gildedbrick (aka overachieving mult) makes this list yet again with an undeniably amusing read. 8/10 for writing, style, and humor. -2 for that stupid font. (Of course, it's still worlds better than Comic Sans, but I think that one's a bit more of a unanimous agreement.) Female Tankers: Myth vs. Reality By: Night-Sisters Short, sweet, and to the point, this one went over well with the community, delivering some insight into the mysterious world of the female tanker. My job here was to break some of the most common theories that oh-so-many seemed under the impression of. (You know what they are, who you are, and now, where to find the truth ;) ) Dictator Academy Students By: Fen-Harel One of the few comic strips to grace the Tanki Online Newspaper, this one leaves no one disappointed, if only for the fact that it wasn't a permanent installation to the paper. After all, it's usually a bit easier to manage the Sunday paper when there's a few cartoon clips in the back to look forward to. The Expert's Guide to Potatoes By: LHamster Yeeeeaaaah, the name says it all. I don't think this one warrants a whole lot of explanation. Category: Interviews Winter Holidays Around the World By: Flexoo The lone contender in the interviews category is frankly one of the best the paper has ever put out. It's appealing to the eye, contains intriguing content, and even comes with pictures. Hats off, Flexoo, this is truly remarkable. Category: Reviews Revolutionary Map Changes By: Flexoo Flexoo did some excellent detective work for this one. A walk down memory lane for any veterans in the game, the interesting concept and precise execution make this article a surprisingly pleasant read. The pictures contrasting past and present are a unique facet that I particularly enjoy; they display a few of the 'minor tweaks' in TO's history that improved game quality and balance overall. It just goes to show that it's not only major changes that matter, but the attention to minute details that make the game better. Map Awards 2016 By: Vikingsrallentando This categorical review of reporter's opinions on all the good, the bad, and the ugly maps in Tanki is well put together and interesting. The amount of consensus amongst reporters is most intriguing. Do great minds really think alike? (More to the point, can any of the reporters be said to have minds, let alone great ones, in the first place??? :huh: #BrainSuckingAlienInvaderConspiracyTheories.) *Aherm* annnyway, Vikingsrallentando did a fine job with this one, and its place in the Treasures of the Archives is well-deserved. oh yeah, since I made the quote...here's the music. Enjoy! _________________________________________________________________ And that concludes the line-up of some of the most valuable articles that '16 has bestowed us. I feel compelled to admit that picking the gems from the entirety of last year's papers wasn't quite the cakewalk I expected, with so may pieces taking place in my first repertoire. If this is a testament of what has been, the sky's the limit with future articles.

wellp, guess that didn't get linked. :ph34r: you saw nothing.

Fiction is an art unto itself that required more time and space than was available here. I'll definitely get round to it at some point.

And, the results of Dramatic Gold are in! After much deliberation, here are the top entries for your reading pleasure. Well done to all who participated, and thank you for a host of interesting reads. I enjoyed running this one, and hearing all about the best golds of your respective TO careers. In first place winning 25,000 crystals: @Bugs.meeny In second place, winning 20,000 crystals: @bc200214_777 In third place, winning 15,000 crystals: @Jwimmer Honorable Mentions, winning 5,000 crystals each: [entry here] [entry here] @austen_pierce [entry here] Crystals will be distributed on the 10th of October. Congratulations to the winners!

That's how I always play haha

Good point... it's awfully easy to forget that there is a person behind every tank. Of course, this also makes it rewarding to push beyond the 'typical' boundaries of the internet and actually develop real friendships.

Nope, that's not the point ;)