Other [Issue 11] Ugliness in Tanki

[jokjinari 160]

Perhaps you remember the articles that Lhamster and hogree wrote on the beauty that they see in Tanki. They had very good opinions, but they left out one thing: although there may be beauty in places, ugliness can be found anywhere. That is why I have decided to write an article about what I think are some of the uglier parts of Tanki that don't always get the fair representation they deserve.


First off, let me give you a definition of ugly, so that you can see the criteria upon which my conclusions are based:


adjective

ug·ly

\ˈə-glē\

1 : frightful, dire

2 a : offensive to the sight : hideous
b : offensive or unpleasant to any sense

3 : morally offensive or objectionable <corruption—the ugliest stain of all>

4 a : likely to cause inconvenience or discomfort <the ugly truth>
b : surly, quarrelsome <an ugly disposition>




Let's begin with the ugliest weapons:

3. Smoky.

Now smoky may not be terribly ugly, but it certainly does not possess any beauty. In my opinion it is a nondescript sort of gun, small and stubby, with a barrel projecting from a rectangular base--unworthy of much attention. People see it, yet it is never really noticed. The M2 and M3 upgrades of smoky give it more details and add a protruding wedge on the top. This makes me think of a Mohawk, which only detracts from its overall appearance, and which is why I added it to this list.

2. Twins.

I think that Twins fits the definition for ugliness perfectly. Not only is it hideous and offensive to the sight, it is also likely to cause inconvenience or discomfort. This weapon reminds me of certain people that I know--both hideous and bothersome. Twins consists of a flat, squarish base with double barrels sticking out. A very simple weapon, really. It becomes a bit more rounded and sleek as you upgrade it, but not drastically enough to give it any beauty. I find it very unfortunate that such an unappealing gun has to be so powerful.

1. Thunder.

Thunder is a strong weapon as well; I even used to play with it, but the ugliness became too much for me so I switched to Railgun. I actually think that the ugliness is too much for a lot of people, which explains all the protective Thunder paints we can see on the battlefield. As to looks, Thunder is a flat kind of gun and it almost reminds me of an upside down spatula. Really? Who would want to flip eggs on their tank? This Spatula (a nickname that I hope will catch on) is by far the ugliest gun. I think that the developers must have realized this, so they gave it splash damage, an amazing feature, hoping that it would become more attractive. I am one of the few who sees through their ploy.

Now, the ugliest hulls:

3. Dictator.

This hull is not only ugly but awkward to use. I'm surprised that anybody even buys it, and even more surprised that hogree and Lhamster gave it good reviews. All I can say about Dictator is that it looks like a boot, and seriously? Driving a boot around on the battlefield is not cool.

2. Viking.

Viking's most prominent feature is its flatness. This, although useful in battles, makes Viking look like a flat little dwarf. Another thing that makes Viking ugly for me is how commonly seen it is, at least in the lower ranked battles. After a while, my eyes have become tired of seeing it. I don't know why it is so popular, but 'Fitting in' isn't my sort of thing, so I decided not even to buy it.

1. Titan.

I'm sure you agree with me on this point. I can't imagine anyone liking the way Titan looks. What's even worse is that whatever weapon you equip, no matter how good looking, Titan makes it look bad. It is a tank that doesn't go with anything. At least before the rebalance, Titan was all but nonexistent in high ranking battles. Now, even Generalissimos use it, a fact that pains me.







And finally, our ugliest paints:

3. Safari.

This is a very common paint for low ranks because it has good protection from Isida. That's the only reason that people buy it though, because it is uuuugly! As its name would suggest, this paint gives your tank the appearance of a zebra. Now actual zebras do look amazing, but a zebra tank? Come on! For me, this design is just too repetitive and boring--black and white stripes all over. It hurts my eyes.

2. Needle.

Needle is a greenish type of paint that is made up of a grass-like texture. In my brain, this just doesn't compute. Why would anybody want to paint their tank like grass? Maybe for camouflage, but there are plenty of other paints that can do that. The only good aspect of Needle is its huge protection from Smoky, but in my eyes, that doesn't make it any more attractive. In fact, I think that Needle is even more offensive to look at than Safari.

1. Prodigi.

It pains me to write this, but Prodigi is definitely the ugliest paint that can be bought. It is grayish in color, with a design a bit like Digital. I can't stand it. If not for the looks Prodigi would have been my dream paint--46% protection from Railgun. I was very disappointed and even a bit sad to see that such an ugly paint had the exact protection that I always dreamed of.




Conclusion:

There you have it. Although you may disagree, those were my opinions on the ugliest things in Tanki. What's funny to me is that you don't often see any terribly ugly combinations on the battlefield, which leads me to believe that tankers actually do care about their looks--just like in real life. So keep up your beauty tankers! Appearances are always important, at times even more so than the actual abilities or features of your tank.

~jokjinari~

 

Edited July 31, 2017 by Hexed

[I3loodShot 3,119]

Wut. Prodigi is not ugly D:

[MusicJam19 737]

Disagree with you on Viking and Dictator :P

[ThisDictator 23]

Dictator is so good though!

[splitterpoint 10,986]

I'm going to get Progidi, and Smoky M3 once I hit Marshal :lol:

I personally find it great looking on a Mammoth

Edited May 4, 2013 by splitterpoint

[already.dead 360]

needle is ugly :blink:

[Raphael2 3,263]

wut

Let's begin with the ugliest weapons:

3. Smoky.

It is the best looking in my opinion :(

 

 

 

1. Thunder.

M2's ugly. M3's beautiful ^_^

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now, the ugliest hulls:

 

3. Dictator.

 

This hull is not only ugly but awkward to use. I'm surprised that anybody even buys it, and even more surprised that hogree and Lhamster gave it good reviews. All I can say about Dictator is that it looks like a boot, and seriously? Driving a boot around on the battlefield is not cool.

 

2. Viking.

I find it cool ,at M2 and M3. What is your pronlem with it :angry:

 

 

 

 

 

 

And finally, our ugliest paints:

2. Needle.

 

This paint look so amazing for me :mellow:

1. Prodigi.

 

 

And I find that cool to. This paint is just.. epic

~jokjinari~

I don't agree with everything, but it is still a good article. ;)

Edited May 4, 2013 by Raphael2

[mchen 162]

Dictator ugly!!!! :angry: :angry: :angry:

[robbie56 2,403]

Nice article , it made me even laugh :)

[RiseOfCucumber 651]

In love is ugly

[mkkmkk999 33]

Totally. Agree. Joki.

[jokjinari 160]

I'm going to get Progidi, and Smoky M3 once I hit Marshal :lol:

I personally find it great looking on a Mammoth

I knew you'd disagree splitterpoint :lol: But we all have different opinions -_-

[MONKBLOB 33]

I remember using Titan way before rebalance, now it stings my eyes when i see it. Great article jok!

[Hop1337 1]

Prodigi is NOT ugly :angry: :angry: :angry: :angry: :angry: :angry:

[HichigoShiiro 4,378]

You are on my black list for calling thunder ugly.

[skitee 555]

The weapons and hulls is so so true, completely agree +1 (except that Freeze is uglier than Twins, Freeze is basically a hoover with a little bit of style.) Paint-wise, Flora, Red, Marine, Cedar, Python, Urban, Inferno, Zeus, Jade, and the post-rebalance Clay are all more ugly than the paints you have listed I'm afraid. Good writing though, well-written article.

[HichigoShiiro 4,378]

Skitee you are on my black list for calling Inferno AND freeze ugly.

[skitee 555]

Hichi you are on my black list for disagreeing with my taste. My taste is sacred!

[r_SwagBoy110 421]

I knew this would become a controversial discussion topic.

[I.Devastation 2,053]

Nice article, it was a read worth my time :D

[Gulp 210]

prodigi is beautiful no ugly.

[SilentShadow 104]

Beauty, as well as ugliness, is in the eyes of the beholder.

 

I respect your opinion but I believe Viking is one of the most sleek, elegant, and beautiful hulls in the game!

Dictator as well!

 

But you are right, Zebra does hurt my eyes :lol:

[jokjinari 160]

Thank you guys for your appreciation and also not appreciation!

 

prodigi is beautiful no ugly.

In what way is it beautiful? It is a drab paint.

 

You are on my black list for calling thunder ugly.

Suit yourself man, but surely you don't disagree that Thunder resembles a spatula?

I still can't believe you changed your nickname to that.

The weapons and hulls is so so true, completely agree +1 (except that Freeze is uglier than Twins, Freeze is basically a hoover with a little bit of style.) Paint-wise, Flora, Red, Marine, Cedar, Python, Urban, Inferno, Zeus, Jade, and the post-rebalance Clay are all more ugly than the paints you have listed I'm afraid. Good writing though, well-written article.

Thank you skitee, but I have no choice except to disagree. The paints you listed may not be able to win a beauty pageant, but I am certain that they couldn't win an ugliness one. Especially Inferno. It is one of the prettiest paints in my opinion.

[r_The-Player20 313]

Dictator actually has the best balance of any tank.

[lizerdgirl108 397]

You forgot ugly ranks... which you said was mine -_-