Review [Issue 36] Treasures of the Archives: Issues 1 to 4

[Kevred 1,586]

 

We all know the feeling. After spending three hours, you reach the end of the last line of the last paragraph of the last section of the last article of the latest issue. But you want more! More awesome puns! More cool interviews! More captivating stories! More ridiculously detailed guides! More, more, MORE!

 

So what to do? (besides crying and stomping your feet)

 

Two words: the Archives. For some, it's that old dusty, cranky,  creepy little room at the top of the house, with four kilos of spider webs every square centimetre. For others, it's a place to find treasure. And the Newspaper Archives indeed contain, well, treasure.

 

Okay, at this point your face probably resembles something like this:

 

Not to worry, I'll explain. No, the Archives don't have Gold Boxes. No, no chicken either *general disappointment*. However, what they do have is written treasure! After all, if you've finished this issue's articles, read the previous ones'! I know what you're wondering: "But, Kev, I already read them last month!". Yeah? Well I'm ready to bet 3 kg of prime quality chicken you never even knew articles from Issue 1 existed...(not talking to any Gissimos out there).

 

Honestly, they're quite worth a read. And for those who are still hesitant, I have assembled here a group of what I call, the 

                                Treasures of the Archives. in no particular order

 

 

Uno

 

The first treasure is found at the very entrance of the attic, inside a album lying right in front of the stairs. As you open the dorr the the mystic room it bumps into the book, creating a obvious *thump*. Hunching, you pick up the leather covered object...

 

Perhaps less of an article, 's collection of computer wallpapers is nonetheless definitely worth a view. Different environments, different subjects, different creators, everyone should find a wallpaper for his own taste. Whether it be the eerie feeling of a Shaft aiming across a lake or the dynamic shot of a Thunder annihilating his target, they, without question, give your PC a very special feeling. True, it uses the old Tank designs, but in my opinion that only makes it even more neat.

 

The layout of the article can be slightly confusing at first, so, to avoid you the same problems I encountered, here's some tips on finding your own favourite wallpaper: 

 

Firstly, you need to know that the wallpapers are represented by clickable rectangles. These rectangles are grouped into, well, groups, according to who created them. My advice would be to open all of them in separate tabs and then calmly look through them, choosing your own coups de coeurs.

 

---

(Example wallpapers below)

 

 

 

 

 

See more:

-Issue 1

-Issue 2

-Issue 3

-Issue 4

 

---

 

Dos

 

You put the album back down as you head to the far end of the attic, each of your footsteps raising a cloud of dust. There, you're greeted by the important figure of a 1945 antique armoire. Taking extra precaution as to not break or even scrape the priceless wood, you slowly pull the twin closet doors. And then suddenly, woosh! A huge pile of books comes crashing into you.

 

@Tommy60's Smoky XT Chronicles not only happens to be the first story series of the Newspaper ever, its also the first ever written series altogether! (I said "written" because Les_Alterman's Wallpaper series also began in Issue 1). The story revolves around a newbie Smoky who has his first battle, and readers accompany him as he meets all the other weapons, experiences his first re-spawn, in short, has his first experiences. 

 

The most interesting thing about this series is that it combines the concept of "Tanki is a real world" and the concept of "Tanki is a game". Most stories to date concerning Tanki are either situated in a "real" universe "inspired by Tanki, or are centered around a player who is playing the game known as Tanki. So...what would happen if both were combined?

 

---

 

 

Sample 

 

"Within the next five or so minutes, I have gloriously destroyed many more enemies, and have achieved the rank of <>. I find that I am now able to speak. However, it comes at a cost. I can only use my voice when I am completely still. That being so, I do not speak very often. Why bother, if it does not help me in battle? I have killed many people who are too busy blabbering on about what they think.

 

Suddenly, I realize that a new tank has entered the field. This one is different from others. It has a larger, wider chassis, and a turret with a metallic pipe instead of a thin barrel, like mine. It has not moved since it spawned, so I decide to investigate it. As I near the newcomer, he begins to move. Startled, I stop. From his turret comes a tongue of scorching red-orange flame! I feel myself being melted, and after many incredibly painful moments, I die. Spawning again, I am cautious not to enter the enemy’s range of fire, since it appears to be limited to the length of his flame. Circling around the middle plateau, I see the big guy chasing one of my kind. Knowing that he is near death, I fire upon my twin, destroying him, and giving me the ecstatic feeling of the kill. I can hear the "flamer" roar in rage, and I see him rush towards me. I simultaneously fire and retreat. “Gee, this guy is slow,” I think to myself as he explodes a good couple of decameters from where I stand. Not a single flame reaches me."

 

Read more:

-Chapter 1

-Chapter 2

-Chapter 3

-Chapter 4

 

---

 

 

Tres

 

You manage to stick one arm out of the mass of books you're buried under, then the other arm, then a leg, and finally, bruises covering your skin everywhere, you manage to extract yourself. "Ugh", you wipe your wet forehead. You then notice a white folder, lone amongst the red and black covers of the old books. Curious, you pick it up...

 

The very history of Tanki! Yes, true, there already is a series on the origin of the game we're playing today. But it doesn't matter. Why, you may ask? Because this article is special. Indeed, @cablaz wrote the fictional history of Tanki Online.A short but interesting read. 

 

---

 

Sample

 

"Let me tell you an old Tanki Legend.

A long long time ago, when Tanki was newly formed, the Developing gods created four main Tanks. Each with their own special and unique qualities. They were called - Wasp, Hunter, Titan and Dictator. They had companion partners - Smoky, Firebird, Twins and Fearmachine.

 

Mr. Wasp was a nice Tank, small, easy to handle and pretty fast

Mrs. Hunter was a balanced tank, had some speed and can take some hits.

Dr. Titan is a whole new idea. Full of armor, can take quite a few hits

But Professor Dictator them all to another level, Dictator had the speed of a Wasp, the HP of a Titan and the balance of a Hunter."

 

Read more

 

 

 

Cuatro

 

Leaving the folder on top of the previously created pile of books, you close the armoire. Unfortunately you don't know your own strength, and the armoire ends up crashing onto the floor, including a pile of orange boxes sitting on top of it. The latter roll interminably before finally crashing into the wall, and guess what you find inside? More white folders!

 

Ever wondered how Tanki's first gun came into existence? No no no, don't tell me that the devs sat in front of their computer with a Coke and typed a whole bunch of lines into the source code of a page...Instead, tell me how one clever engineer from Tanki Weapon Production came up with the brilliant idea of creating Smoky. After your read @cablaz's work, of course.

 

---

 

Sample

 

"They took this gun, mounted it on a normal tank and drove it to Tanki Test server grounds. The administration throwing many tests at it, some including steel penetration, smoke test, reloading speed, explosion radius and how many hot dogs can it fry. Smoky aced all of these tests and was able to fry 2814 hot dogs while burning 1462 of them. Next it was put against real tanks, Smoky took them all out with ease. (Good thing it was robot controlled!)

 

Everybody celebrated this event with Free Hot Dogs! Somehow... many employees' found steel shards in their hot dogs and this has remained a mystery to the company even to this day!"

 

Read more

 

And if the plain dull Smoky just isn't enough, read on the fictional history of Smoky XT instead. By @chriswu.

 

---

 

Cinco

 

Putting all the white folders into a white folder made for holding other white folders, you then dig deeper into the box, eventually having your fingers meet with a sheet of age-old papyrus. Struck by curiosity, you bring it under the single dirty window of the attic. Holding it in the little sunlight you have, you manage to make out a few words...

 

The Newspaper. For some it's the only reason they're still playing Tanki (that'd be great *rolls eyes*). For others, well, it's the occasion to make some quick crystals (sadly, this is the most common occurrence). No matter what the reason, the Newspaper is now an essential part of the Tanki culture. Who knows what would've happened if no one came up with the idea for it. Who knows what would've happened if the people who did come up with the idea for it never even joined Tanki?

 

Well, in this article @Tommy60 has reunited the stories of the first ever Reporters. How they joined Tanki and the evolution of their career.

 

Trivia fact: This happens to be the FIRST article of the EN Newspaper! How cool is that!

 

---

 

Sample

 

"So we both went on Tankionline.com and clicked the start button, the homepage looked pretty cool, I scanned through the stats.

Total Players 254,414

Online 2714

So I guess that was pretty popular. I searched around for a register button-There was none on the homepage, confused I scrolled down and clicked every link and button there was. Still couldn’t find the register button, at last I decided to press the big glowing orange “Start!” button. Thinking that I don’t even have an account yet does this require accounts? As it loaded I realized this was where you register, feeling stupid I did so.

As it started to load, I laid back in my chair and waited. And waited…and waited… I leaned forward in my chair, thinking “Is this even loading?! Jeez hurry up”! I actually went to go eat a bag of chips in the kitchen, hoping that it’ll be done once I came back, guess what? It didn’t. After 30 minutes of loading it finished, I was automatically put into a game and a help screen popped up showing the controls. I studied it realizing that it was fairly simple."

 

Read more

 

---

 

Seis

 

You fling everything, books, papers, and folders, back into the box and continue your trek through the attic. You end up in the opposite corner without finding anything worth a shot, when you trip on a box. Nearly breaking your nose, you, in an anger fit, fling the box across the room. The cover flies open, and out comes...more white folders. "Seriously guy? Just...seriously?! SERIOUSLY?!" You mutter.

 

It simply wouldn't be right to present fictional histories of Smoky without including the other weapons from Tier 1: Firebird and Freeze, for example. Not to worry, @chriswu has got it covered with his "Background Stories" series. Once again, a rather short story but worth the read.

 

---

 

Sample

 

"It was a beautiful day when he was contentedly fishing by a small pond, when Ivan heard a thunderous crash and loud whoosh from across the water. The long legged birds which had been wading in the banks clamorously took to the air in a flurry, filling the air with feathers, leaves and dust. Out of the surrounding trees, Ivan watched as his old friend, Buran, rushed into the scene with an odd contraption spraying a synthetic looking material meters ahead. A few unfortunate birds had been caught in the line of “fire”, froze in mid-air, and splashed back into the water.

 

“AHAHAHA!! IT WORKS!!” Buran cackled.

 

This was obviously something new."

 

Read more

 

Prefer something hotter instead? Roast all the chicken you need with Firebird's fictional history

 

---

 

Siete

 

Finally, after classing white folders into white folders into white folders into MORE white folders, you flip the box over and shake everything out. There's some baseball cards, a baseball glove, a baseball cap, a baseball bat, a baseball yellow box, a- wait. A yellow baseball box? Examining it more closely, you find a '1000' marked on it, followed by a blue gem.

 

The Gold Box. Arguably one of Tanki's most iconic features. Present in nearly every section of the forum, and every section of the player's mind. But how did it come to be? Why was it added? What were its first steps? What was the players' reactions at the time? The world may never know...

 

Naw just kidding. Now, instead of extremely rudely not laughing at my joke, read @Tommy60's story on the path of the GOLD.

 

---

 

Sample

 

"Within a week, however, the “gold boxes,” as they were called, stopped falling onto the battlefield. Players were outraged for weeks! At last, the box was brought back, and to its normal parameters; same worth, same time for dropping, etcetera. After a time though, it was noted that the game was losing a small percentage of its normal income. The loss was traced back to the boxes, which were now realized to be containing a ridiculous amount of in-game currency (Crystals.) The boxes’ values were cut by ninety percent, resulting in them being worth a measly one-hundred crystals. The players were upset for quite some time, but eventually realized that they should be happy with the presence of a gold box at all. Profits for the game continued to increase at their normal rate."

 

Read more

 

---

 

Ocho

 

Putting the Gold cube back into the box, you continue your activity of dumping everything out of the box. And it seems the latter didn't reveal all his secrets yet; a folded manuscript awaiting to be read by eager eyes slides out.

 

One of the more "solemn" stories of the early Newspaper (and also one of the longer ones), @chriswu's article presents a legend surrounding a Temple, giver of life to an entire civilisation. What is there more to say? READ.

 

---

 

Sample

 

"Aeons went by. The lackluster shelters became tents, then clay houses. Eventually as the pool of man’s intelligence began to overflow, houses, factories and buildings replaced the castles and tents of old. Yet through it all, a haunting remnant of primeval civilization remained: the life giving well in which long gone beings had practiced their obscure ways and worshipped their gods; the whole reason for the surrounding landscapes’ industrial, residential and urban attributes. Through the ages, a great temple had been built and rebuilt around the well, proclaiming it as an object of civic pride, as well as a sacred place.

 

However, as people became more intelligent and empirical in their observations of the world, cynicism and doubt followed. People began to disregard the archaic temple built about the well. As the Earth shifted, the well ran dry, and the ages old object of worship, which had been the savior to those ancient nomads long, long ago, was lost. The memory of the temple was forgotten, until the awakening of some spirit that had laid dormant since the dawn of the world. Resultant of this awakening, an object of great power was be discovered: the secret of the Lost Temple."

 

Read more

 

For a more action-packed story, read @cablaz's "The Legend of Sparky" series:

 

-Chapter 1

 

-Chapter 2

 

---

 

 

Finally, after an entire day of reading in this dusty attic, you get ready to leave the mythical area. Turning back on the upturned boxes, the open and cracked armoire, and the...multiple white folders, you let out a satisfied sigh. "It was hard work, but it was worth it". A content smile on your face, you go down the stairs, closing the door behind you, but promising yourself to, one day, come back.

 

Note: Underneath this spoiler is the full list of all published articles within these four issues of the Newspaper. To view all articles written in the Newspaper, please visit the "Newspapers Summary - The Archives".

 

Issue 4

[issue 4] Main topic
[issue 4] Editorials
[issue 4] History of: The Gold Box
[issue 4] The Map Awards!
[issue 4] Parkour for Battle
[issue 4] Ten Reasons why Every Tankmen Should be in a Clan
[issue 4] Contest: "What Map is it?"
[issue 4] All You Need To Be a Pro - Weapons
[issue 4] Background Stories: Smoky XT
[issue 4] War of the Servers - Part 2
[issue 4] Battle Etiquette: Second Edition
[issue 4] Smoky XT Chronicles: "The Journey"
[issue 4] Secret of Lost Temple Part 2
[issue 4] Tanki Wallpapers part 4
[issue 4] "Designer of Tankionline" : Results!

Issue 3

[issue 3] Main topic
[issue 3] Designer of Tankionline!
"Designer tankionline" discussion topic
[issue 3] Origination of Firebird
[issue 3] Secret of The Lost Temple
[issue 3] All You Need To Be a Pro - Paints
[issue 3] Background Stories: Freeze
[issue 3] Siege
[issue 3] Interview with Clan leaders. - PART TWO
[issue 3] Special Battles
[issue 3] Smoky XT Chronicles: "Escape"
[issue 3] Legend of Sparky: Chapter 2 Mysterious Box
[issue 3] War of the Servers - Part 1
[issue 3] God of The Air - Zeus
[issue 3] Tanki wallpapers part 3
[issue 3] Contest: "Spot the Differences!"
[issue 3] Contest: "What map?"

Issue 2

[issue 2] Editorials
[issue 2] Legend Of Sparky: Chapter 1 The Invitation
[issue 2] Origination of Smoky
[issue 2] Jade
[issue 2] Staff Interview-Radio DJ's
[issue 2] Battle Etiquette
[issue 2] Interview with Clan leaders - PART ONE
[issue 2] Smoky XT Chronicles: Dominaiton
[issue 2] Interview ~ Contaminated
[issue 2] Tanki Online World Cup +
[issue 2] Clan Logo Contest - Winners
[issue 2] Tanki Wallpapers +
[issue 2] Contest: Spot the Differences

Issue 1

[issue 1] Main Topic
[issue 1] Interview - Koolwalky *
[issue 1] royjonesjr interview *
[issue 1] Our Stories *
[issue 1] The "Perfect" Combination *
[issue 1] Prehistoric TankiOnline to Now *
[issue 1] Smoky XT Chronicles: "Discovery" *
[issue 1] Clans *
[issue 1] Clans FAQ *
[issue 1] Tanki Wallpapers *
[issue 1] Magadan *
[issue 1] Limited Vs. Unlimited & Update 1.78.0
[issue 1] "Clan logo" Tanki Online Contest *
[issue 1] "What maps?" Contest *
[issue 1] Tanki Online Сrossword *

 

 

                                   

Edited January 7, 2018 by Hexed

[PetertheGeniusGamer 74]

Kevred, I think ur taking spanish classes.

[BlazingCoder 108]

Yes!

MORE MORE MORE

[Kevred 1,586]

Kevred, I think ur taking spanish classes.

Doesn't everyone in college? :l

[genak138 950]

Thank you for adding another hour of reading time into my to-do list :P

[anuclearbomb 220]

now i feel old, i have read everything in the archives already, now hopefully more people will to, great article

[depredatorshark2 4]

i speak spanish and english

[anuclearbomb 220]

oh and i would like my 3kg of chicken:)

[Guest]

nice

[fightermalikio20115 374]

Doesn't everyone in college? :l

 at 13,college?

[Kevred 1,586]

 at 13,college?

It's called college over here. Don't know what you guys turned it into.

[Penguin40 1,714]

oh, sorry, Kevin, didn't know you could be in college at 13 in your country, whichever it is. Wait, why do I want to annoy you all the time?

[Darren4Turbo 4,913]

Nice Kevred :).

[opidude 437]

Yassss kev highfive for chicken!! ( ^_^)/ \( ^_^ )

[greyat 2,972]

Very interesting. I envision you spent many an hour spent perusing the archives.

Edited July 20, 2015 by greyat
To avoid angering Kevred and thus suffering an agonizing death.

[Kevred 1,586]

I envision you spent many a happy hour spent perusing the archives.

Remove one word, and it'll be a correct sentence. You know, that word with 5 letters, between 'a' and 'hour'.

[greyat 2,972]

Remove one word, and it'll be a correct sentence. You know, that word with 5 letters, between 'a' and 'hour'.

Right, could you be possibly suggesting that much of the archives consist of junk?

:o

[Kevred 1,586]

Right, could you be possibly suggesting that much of the archives consist of junk?

:o

Whaaaa?! M8, saying the archives are junk is just like saying chicken isn't tongue-lickingly tasty.

 

It's just that clicking links then clicking back then more clicking then right clicking then a load of clicking consists of about 90% of the 'perusing'.

[greyat 2,972]

Whaaaa?! M8, saying the archives are junk is just like saying chicken isn't tongue-lickingly tasty.

 

It's just that clicking links then clicking back then more clicking then right clicking then a load of clicking consists of about 90% of the 'perusing'.

Easy solution. Obtain a supercomputer (or buy a load of RAM), and open all the links at once!

[eminem9870 605]

Nice mate

[Kevred 1,586]

Easy solution. Obtain a supercomputer (or buy a load of RAM), and open all the links at once!

Yes, let's buy a super-costly super-computer for no other goal than to be able to open more links at once! Why didn't I think of such a wonderful idea before?

 

Having a bunch of links open can be confusing, and its especially rage-inducing when you've opened all the links, then, due to some water on the trackpad, accidentally one-click close all of them.

[eminem9870 605]

You're an awesome reporter, you and electro

[1stsuperwhitedragon 408]

Dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, seis, siete and ocho; what do they mean :mellow: ?

 

BTW nice

[genak138 950]

Dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, seis, siete and ocho; what do they mean :mellow: ?

:mellow:

[1stsuperwhitedragon 408]

:mellow:

?