BLASTER872's Creativity

[BLASTER872 1,892]

Next main article coming soon

[BLASTER872 1,892]

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Main Article

How to Avoid Scammers

 

Scammers. A sure-fire way to lose your crystals, and maybe your account. We've all encountered many types of scammers, to the cumbersome type who just straight-out ASK for your password, such as "trade accs"? And you get a generalissimo for your pro Brigadier account which has M3+ equipment already and the account he offers you is M0/M1 mult account who is banned forever. There's also the sly tanker who creates a fake forum, or people offering to give you "crystal cheats" which DON'T ask for TO password but aaactually are viruses which steal all your computer's passwords! Well, here's a few tips on how to avoid getting scammed by these noobs!

 

1. Is it too good to be true?

Think about it. Is it likely you're going to get 999,999,999,999... (you get the point) crystals for waiting 2 minutes for some virus to download? Do you think you're really gonna get a good generalissimo account (or one at all) with a MAJOR account? The answer: It's as likely as me closing TM. There you go. (For any nugs who don't know, I'll just tell you it means it's not likely at all.)

 

Solution: If it's too good to be true, just block the nub and you won't be tempted to get scammed.

 

2. Is he trustworthy?

No, this isn't some rant about "always trust your friends", that's supposed to go in the Sentiments place (if you reading this as an article, check my creativity topic out #ShamlessBlamelessAdvertising). The best way to scam someone is to scam a gullible friend of their's and soften you up and lower your defense - wait, this is a guide how to NOT get scammed now why am I helping the scammers - to scam you and make you cry because you lost over 9000 crystals.

 

Solution: Learn your friends' habits. Maybe even have a "password question", where you say something and they respond something back, e.g. "cookies", and then they reply, "are delicious".

 

3. Why is he doing it?

So first of all, WHY should he get you crystals? Why would he choose you out of a bunch of RANDOM people to give... 999,999,999,999 crystals? A generalissimo account? Obviously to take advantage of you and steal your account Exactly! He has NO incentive to give you crystals except for your account hhh.

 

Solution: Learn to think the way scammers think, if you haven't already.

 

4. What if I still am getting scammed?

I'll tell you how to be IMMUNE to scammers! There's 3 steps on how to do it,so enjoy this step-by-step guide.

1. Press Alt + F4

2. Press the "Power Off" button

3. Throw your computer out of a high window on the 666th floor of the 21st highest tower in the world

 

Alright, now the noobs are gone, I hope you enjoyed this article! And stop giving your password to random people like GoldRock and the low quality tweezers! They will ruin your account D:<

 

 

Rants || A Series of Complaints

Episode 3 || Stop Blaming Mods

When an update that people don't like shows up (yes, I do not deny there has been a few pointless updates), here's the same response from the community:

 

"I can't trust devs with this bad update. They used to be doing things right but now everything is going downhill, prioritize. The moderators are also very bad, why would they allow this update to happen?"

 

No, you CANNOT assign the blame to moderators. They know so little about the updates before it is actually released. A lot of questions have the same answer: "I don't know." It is not the moderator's fault.

 

Then, do we blame the admins? No, they pretty much have the same power as moderators regarding updates, which is the same as our power as a community: None. Then, we have dictator CM Cedric Debono. He is doing an awesome job communicating with the community and knows some answers. However, he has a minimal impression on updates.

 

Do we blame the developers?

 

Don't blame the developers. We shouldn't assign blame to people. Developers do not take us as a community seriously because we do not take them seriously. "Noob developer" is not the right answer. That is the only reason they do not take us as seriously as they used to, and quite frankly, they should. It is all our faults -- or rather, nobody's fault, altogether. Stop giving blame. Start giving respect -- and above all, remember, they are the ones who programmed the game we enjoy in the first place.

 

#RantComplete

Sentiments

Discontinued for this issue, sorry guys.

 

Question Of The Week

Is it OK to flip your teammates or hinder their gameplay when a gold box is dropping?

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Edited August 19, 2016 by BLASTER872

[BLASTER872 1,892]

It's all done! Enjoy! It's mandatory!!!!!1!

Edited August 12, 2016 by BLASTER872

[BLASTER872 1,892]

Forgot to add my "How to not get scammed"

 

Will do right now :D

[BLASTER872 1,892]

I might post some odd articles and then fit them in with the newspaper, idk. Anyway here's what I've got planned for my next "ediiton".

 

 

 

 

 

Edited August 12, 2016 by BLASTER872

[DageLV 940]

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Main Article

How to Avoid Scammers

 

 

1. Is it too good to be true?

 

Well i went in TO battles and asked "Who wants Free XT key!" it is quite good and i did not scammed anyone.

 

3. Why is he doing it?

 

I gave XT keys for no reason.

So those 2 points arent true.

Edited August 16, 2016 by DageLV

[BLASTER872 1,892]

So those 2 points arent true.

Umm, how do you get scammed with TX keys. TX key is not an impossible thing. They exist. 999,999,999,999 crystal generators do not exist.

 

 

And you did it since you hate TX but others love it so you wanted others to benefit, I guess

[DageLV 940]

Umm, how do you get scammed with TX keys. TX key is not an impossible thing. They exist. 999,999,999,999 crystal generators do not exist.

 

 

And you did it since you hate TX but others love it so you wanted others to benefit, I guess

:D Now.... Show me anywhere where i have said i hate TX.

[BLASTER872 1,892]

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Main Article

How to Join the Noob Army

 

Welcome. Where? To the place where we live...

Who are we? The Noob Army. We are a group of people with the ability to be completely noob. || Very few people meet our requirements. Who am I? I will be your inspector. Good luck...

 

And expect someone like me to come with a remark such as, "How do I join up??" I bet you asked that too. I know you wanna be a noob too! Those 5 -- wait, make it 10 -- types of noobs I have posted about in my writing career... it's time to become ALL of them!

 

1. Ask annoying questions.

What's the most annoying question? That's hard. Definitely not "was gold?" Try something more like "how to turn turret?" Remember, never use grammar or capitalization, and make it short, instead of "How do I turn my turret?". Always use punctuation, to punctuate the hope that the Noob Army is just a myth!

 

2. Make them mad.

Of course, asking "was gold" doesn't make you noob at all if you scored first in a 1 hour Polygon CP and had a KDR of over 9000. You've got to do something to make them mad. Steal a pickup when you don't need it and they do? Exactly. Push them into the void? Sure! Anyway, here's a state-of-the-art example:

pushed, rekt, owww... Rekt! Now I'm one step closer to getting to the Noob Army!

 

3. Insult them.

When you push them off - I mean, they ruin a play, obviously, - what do you do? Obviously, you shower them with verbal abuse so they leave and so you get more of the fund! Anyway, having a good flame war just makes them mad. And then they leave!

 

(Note from author: Don't do this, if you do this I will push you into the void k.)

 

Just follow my tips, and I think you'll do fine for the testing of applicants for the Noob Army!

 

Hello again. I see the work you've done. You seem to be a brilliantly crafted and well-learned - oh, who am I kidding, noobs are never well learned - and you are a perfect fit for us. Pushing that professional @BLASTER872 off... You have served me well. Your master @tweezers is satisfied with his revenge...

 

For now.

 

Hey everyone, thank you for reading this article! Keep turning your turrets, and this is BLASTER872...

logging out.

 

 

Rants || A Series of Complaints

Episode 4 || "Education" System

Hey all! I did say I'd rant about life sooner or later aaand...

Here I am! The little bit of education I received was insignificant. First of all, all the school supporting parents have kept saying "school is social even if u dont learn"

Well that's a surprise! Didn't know sitting in a desk, rotting your brain, not talking for 45 minutes at a time is called social! And school isn't educational either! Drawing stuff doesn't help everybody learn! How does drawing a stupid "cover page" help? All I see is people remembering how boring it was or the drawings, not the FACTS! And I had no idea that you needed to learn grammar to be a.. carpenter! Now we don't have choices on what to take! I do NOT care about grammar, since when does not knowing how to form a sentence injure your ability to simulate? The only thing I can't do is simulate a nerd k, and I don't need to.

 

#RantComplete

 

When you could be spending time learning what'd actually help and at your own pace instead of the perpetual boredom that eventually overwhelmed me and had me decide to drop out of high school. I am successful because my colleagues see my skill, and I don't need a degree to prove I can make a better simulation then people who wasted their time completing school. You can be successful no matter what, you do not need the low quality education that is offered.

 

And I know, some countries are not this bad, but I went to America's education program and went to America's school. It's like counting sticks!

 

What's Going On

Hello nugs, welcome to my new section. Since I'm a troll and not a sentimental guy, I guess I just made this. This is to explain what's going on: My plans, ans stuff. Just announcing that the new section is out. Not much else to say. Hope you enjoyed!

 

Question Of The Week

When does trolling become not OK?

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Edited August 20, 2016 by BLASTER872

[BLASTER872 1,892]

Sentiments has been replaced with "What's Going On." Please enjoy.

[BLASTER872 1,892]

Upfall || United in Death is out. 872 Newspaper will not be for a long while, I apologize! Every time I upload an Update Overview I will upload another volume on 872 Newspaper. I am sorry but you know I do not have unlimited time, 24 hours is all there is in a day, and is it not just 38600 (or some number I don't care about) seconds?

Edited August 26, 2016 by BLASTER872

[BLASTER872 1,892]

upfall || splattered is out, made a mistake on the title so it appears as upfall ||, enjoy!

[BLASTER872 1,892]

Upfall || Doors and Slammers is out on my Creativity Topic, enjoy!

Edited September 13, 2016 by BLASTER872

[BLASTER872 1,892]

Here's a new poem from 872. Enjoy!

 

We've been taught

How hard we fought

Striving for success

We accept no less

 

We stand proud and tall

All our enemies fall

We fight with pride

For our brothers who died

 

We fight to the end

Our land to defend

We will fight

For what is right

 

The end comes near

We hide in fear

The war pains

And our blood rains.

 

We'll take a stand

And defend our land

Defend our land

Bones laying in the sand.

 

It's about war.

Edited September 14, 2016 by BLASTER872

[BLASTER872 1,892]

A new story. Will appear on 872 newspaper as well, oh and for you upfall nubs NO it's not Upfall!!!

 

Ensnared

"It was so funny, right? Remember when he tripped on the root? Who could be so clumsy, am I right?"

 

Jeez, why can't they realize, I didn't trip on a root? If I wasn't under strict obligations, I would just blast him into nothingness. These people can't understand anything, can they?

 

Just then, the boss came and hollered, "Shut the hell up! If I don't have the project done it'll be you paying me during payday!"

 

Huh, I guess we do lack funds...

 

"Alright, alright, calm down... Geez, for heaven's sake, if we didn't have us workers here to cover the work, where would you be?" everyone hollered. It seemed like a staged, prepared, and ready rebellion.

 

They all pulled something long, wide, sleek, and metallic. What is it? It's probably a weapon of some sort.

 

"Now, Jared, now!"

 

I pulled out the weapon. Shot a black hole, sucked those damned traitors in. I don't know why I did it, perhaps I have no conscience. I just murdered a hundred people without a thought of their families, and I'll have to murder more to stay free from the cops.

 

I'm a terrible person, aren't I?

 

Wee-woo-wee-woo blared the sound of the police cars. There were cops, searching everywhere and attempting to find the person who murdered the people at Taurus Weaponry Production, Unit A-5.

 

I'll find the person who did this, I swear I will!

 

After decades of searching, long after the case was forgotten, and the people were far over grieving, a lead had been provided on the case file.

 

This person named "Johnathan" gave me a lead, and he led me out into the open fields. For some reason, I feel this isn't a real name, and that it is a trap, so I set the place we met up to be far away. The time to meet has been passed by 15 minutes, so I ask the Captain what I should do. I pressed the walkie-talkie. That's a static -- no response. Again. Static -- no response. I almost press a third time, but out of the corner of my eye I see the head of Captain Jeremy appear.

 

"Oh, hello, Jere--" The head of Captain Jeremy appeared to be freshly severed, and Jared came in, holding the head of Jeremy. There was a deafening scream, and then all was silent.

 

After a few days, a surviving cop decided to look for the remains of Captain Jeremy and saw the severed head of Captain Jeremy, Jared, and the officer who got assigned to the Black Hole Case. On the back of Jared's head was the message: "I did it."

Edited September 28, 2016 by BLASTER872

[BLASTER872 1,892]

Thought Update Overview was dead? Think again!

 

Hey all, this is BLASTER872 here with another review on an update, and this time, we'll be taking a look at Alterations.

---

 

I'm pretty sure that 0% of you guys are scratching your head, banging your monitor, and asking "What are alterations, a figment of your imagination?" But, given my luck, and just for trolls, let's define alterations.

 

Alteration - An over-expensive way to modify the parameters of your turret. There will be one for every modification.

 

 

List the facts

 

- There are 11 alterations, 1 for every turret

 

- They are 50,000 for the M1 alterations, and 100,000 for the M2 alterations

 

Um... well, since it's a relatively small update, I guess there's not much to go upon? However, it means there are a LOT of ideas that could be implemented for it:

 

Ideas for Improvement

 

- Make the alteration prices more balanced

  Take a look at the Smoky alteration. It's +27% or some number and... NO CRITICALS??? You couldn't pay me to  use this alteration! And now look at the Firebird alteration. +50% ammo used, 100% more damage and 100% more burn time. I'm pretty sure that's like another modification, not "a change to fit one's play style." You can say   whatever you want, but the fact remains that certain alterations need a boost/buff in regards to their prices.

 

- Add alterations for hulls

  Well, even though I have never used it, I know that dictator is quite a clumsy hull, or maybe hornet's drift might be annoying. So I thought, "What if you could alter a hull?" I'd gladly sacrifice some HP on dictator to improve its speed, acceleration, et cetera. You know why? Because Dictator is good for catching golds, and I'm pretty sure that you'd like to make Dictator catch so many golds he's richer than a... Dictator.

 

- Sales for alterations

  Yeah, yeah, "BLASTER872 greedy noob can't save crystals so go cry in a hole nooob!" Yeah, it's partially because I want alterations at an affordable price, but also, putting anything on sale makes it more welcome (like the rebalance update coming up, which makes me happy cuz m3 thunder is buffed). And most importantly, why spend the effort (and money   :ph34r:) for an update that nobody is gonna use because they can't afford it? If they put up an occasional sale or two once a year or so, more people will be able to enjoy this new update. Besides, the developers can just say "go cri in a hole, huh you say it's too much? we already gave you a 75% off sale yesterday!" It'd be kind of amusing   :P.

 

Conclusion

Alterations need serious balancing. Some are upgrades. And, seeing as they are, in developer words (not exact, just kind of an idea of them) "meant to adjust, not enhance, the turret to fit someone's play style", a mere adjustment should NOT cost so much. Oh, and they better take a look at the Smoky alteration. Underpowered. Hey, GoldSock! Mafiaso! Dabono! Whoever's listening! Tell developers Smoky alteration is underpowered, please!

And Firebird alteration is OP!

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Alright guys, thanks for reading my article! And this is BLASTER872...

logging out.

Edited October 19, 2016 by BLASTER872

[BLASTER872 1,892]

Are you tired of joining a seemingly-intense Polygon CP battle to find out half your team has done NOTHING? Or playing an XP/BP battle... with teammates who lack the ability to turn their turret? Well then, THIS guide is for you, and it's the final part of the "Noob" series which I have ran out of ideas for and I hope you enjoy this.

 

So, for organization, I'll be creating a step-by-step guide of things you need to learn to do. If you already know/did one of the steps, you don't need to learn/repeat it again.

 

1. Identifying Noobs

Identifying noobs is one of the key principles to avoiding them. "To avoid you must recognize," said - hold it, who said that again? Let me search that up... - BLASTER872 in 2016. But seriously, to avoid a noob you must know what a noob is. Don't be avoiding Godmode_ON and hanging with that guy with 2 M0s at Warrant Officer 2 and who can't turn his turret. That being said, how do you identify a noob? Well, there is no distinct line, but I'll tell you a few things to watch for.

 

- Experience playing

This does not mean rank. This means how well he is playing, whether he is playing, and if he is honestly trying to win. As well as some decent knowledge (as you don't want to run in a base with shaft, you want to run in with firebird and snipe with shaft), along with - you guessed it - equipment.

 

- Equipment

This doesn't make someone who has M2 equipment at Lieutenant Colonel that doesn't happen to have 50 MUs on them is noob. You're fine with M2s at Lieutenant Colonel. But if you have, let's say, M0s microupgraded 30-40 times, that's pretty much a "noob indicator".

 

2. Play on the same team as friends

If you don't want noobs on your team, instead of trusting your luck and joining a random battle (let's face it, your luck isn't good there), you should play with a group or friends on your side, or just a friend or two. Well, if you're like me and have no friends (ouch), then consider joining (or making) a clan called Tanki Masters! I'll be dividing friends into 3 groups and will tell you how to get some.

 

- Tanki Online

You can get friends in Tanki Online by playing Tanki Online. It's not that hard. Just socialize and chat a bit, but NOT to the extent where you're a mult *cough cough BLASTER872 cough cough*. You can easily make friends if you talk about something everyone knows, such as "lol hey guys remember when cedric multed in 2021 and caught that gold box?" Don't intentionally lie though, such as "u suk b872 u only has thunder m3 i has thunder m7!1!" That's a one-way ticket to making someone mad.

 

- Tanki Forums

While, let's be honest, almost nobody uses the forums, there are still some great people who you can befriend in the Forums. I mean, there's no restriction for you in the Forums since you're reading this article in the forums! Also, this is my article, I'm a user, et cetera, so you can be my friend too because contrary to the facts popular belief, I'm a person too! (Ouch.) Oh, wait, you're supposed to be avoiding noobs, so I guess that kicks poor me out of your options.

 

- Real Life

Finally, we have the real world. Yes, everyone, and that shockingly includes you, has a life. Well, you'd better not consult me on how to GET friends, because remember, I have none. However, you might want to hook your irl friends into Tanki Online or meet up irl or skype call your friends and play Tanki together, while wrecking some people.

 

- Clans

"But BLASTER, you said we'd have 3 sections!" No, I said we'd have 3 groups of friends. Anyway, once you've got some friends, wherever they may come from, consider making a clan together or joining a common clan. Preferably Tanki Masters! Clans give you advantages that are exclusive to clans or easier to earn as a clan. After all, don't you think there's a reason that the prominent writers are all in clans? Clans are for awesome people! So join a clan, 2016.*

*This may or may not have been sponsered by Tanki Masters Recruiting Department.

 

3. Go Outside

I get you've been staying inside glued to your computer the last 2 years, but you could also go outside, you know. The benefits will be listed below.

 

- Health Improvement

Exercise has been shown to improve health. What a breakthrough!

 

- No more noobs

There are no "noobs" in the real world. So that means *gasp* you won't encounter another noob! For the duration of your time outside..

 

Which, we should clear up, is about 3 - 5 seconds.

 

Alright guys, I hope you have enjoyed this article! And this is BLASTER872...

logging out.

Edited October 22, 2016 by BLASTER872

[AshsPikachuDwij 1,035]

Nice articles!

[BLASTER872 1,892]

Nice articles!

Thanks! More will be coming out soon.

[AshsPikachuDwij 1,035]

k... I will follow this topic :D

[BLASTER872 1,892]

k... I will follow this topic :D

Thanks lol?

 

Anyway, Upfall coming out.

 

Very soon.

[BLASTER872 1,892]

Hello readers, I have made a few adjustments to Upfall before uploading this -- "The Realm of The Dead" had California listed as it's location and that has been changed, improper uses of Daylight Saving has been changed too, if you can see anything else wrong in the "future world's facts" including days of weeks, times (as in AM and PM or '5 hours later' as 1 PM - 8 PM) please PM me.

Read Part 1 here

Read Part 2 here

Read Part 3 here

Read Part 4 here

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Upfall || Ends and Beginnings

 

Unknown, November 11th, 12 PM

 

Why did these children die?

 

Is it not obvious?

They possessed a deadly secret.

 

A secret that could destroy my world.

One that could destroy yours.

 

They possessed my secret.

 

They were taken care of.

All except for one.

 

He didn't do a good enough job.

The child still survives.

Even if he is not aware of it, he knows he possesses my secret.

He could destroy you.

 

I had to go, and so did these children.

 

For the best of the world.

 

Oregon, 1 PM

 

"The fool's spirit has been permanently contained inside the Realm of the Dead. Unfortunately..." the chief's voice trails off, "The children have no way to return."

 

"Is that so, Boss?" asked one of the employees, "That's unfortunate."

 

"Yes. Luckily, Johnathan has done a great job of containing and disposing of the criminal."

 

"Thanks, Boss," Johnathan speaks.

 

"Sir! Sir! The children are returning!" exclaims a researcher.

 

"With whom?" inquires the chief.

 

"With," the researcher chokes, "Gary."

 

The Realm of the Dead, 1 PM

 

It was so easy, Gary thought. The man who killed me attempted to close the loophole I used. But he didn't even close the RIGHT loophole. Now I got an army of brainwashed children, thanks to him, and now I can use that to my advantage.

 

A man dressed in white robes blocks Gary's path.

 

"You have used these children," declares the man. "Only your victims may leave."

 

Oh crap, he knows! Gary pulls out a gun and begins shooting the man.

 

The old man blows the bullets and suddenly, the bullets fly right into Gary's head. His head excretes a slimy liquid that's green. It resembles slime, but is a lot stickier and a lot greener. He stomps on the ground and jagged rocks surround him.

 

"Enjoy yourself, Gary." he taunts.

Edited November 1, 2016 by BLASTER872

[NERF836 202]

Great job! keep up the good work! I will read!

[BLASTER872 1,892]

Great job! keep up the good work! I will read!

Thanks, will keep it up ;)

[BLASTER872 1,892]

New section out, I need to work on Upfall now...