Joke of the Day - Have any?

[Tofu 6,773]

^Those jokes were heavenly

[Metaphor 538]

^ That pun deserved ''s

Edited October 14, 2016 by Metaphor

[Boeing_787 1,455]

Steve Jobs dies and goes to heaven. Some time later, Bill Gates sees Steve in a dream. "How's Heaven?" he asks. Steve Jobs replies, "Heaven does not have any Windows or Gates!"

[Richarz123 52]

'Forget everything you learned in college. You won't need it working here.'

 

'But I never went to college.'

 

'Well then, I'm sorry. You are underqualified to work here.'

[jazz20 1,181]

Spell out PIG backwards, and then say "in bed" after that ;)

Edited October 16, 2016 by jazz20

[Metaphor 538]

It takes 10 muscles to smile, 6 muscles to frown, and only 1 muscle to flip the bird ; therefore it is more efficient to flip the bird when making a statement :P

[r_I_already_won0 2,339]

It takes 10 muscles to smile, 6 muscles to frown, and only 1 muscle to flip the bird ; therefore it is more efficient to flip the bird when making a statement :P

Actually, it takes 3 if you're doing it the right way. ;)

[Metaphor 538]

Jack strode into ‘John’s Stable’ looking to buy a horse. “Listen here” said John, “I’ve got just the horse your looking for, the only thing is, he was trained by an interesting fellow. He doesn’t go and stop the usual way. The way to get him to stop is to scream "hey-hey";

the way to get him to go is to scream "thank God". Jim nodded his head, “fine with me, can I take him for a test run?” Jim was having the time of his life this horse sure could run he thought to himself. Jim was speeding down the dirt road, when he suddenly saw a cliff up ahead “stop!” screamed Jim, but the horse kept on going. No matter how much he tried he could not remember the words to get it to stop. “Yo-yo”, screamed Jim, but the horse just kept on speeding ahead. It was five feet from the cliff when Jim suddenly remembered “hey-hey!”, Jim screamed. The horse skidded to a halt just one inch from the cliff. Jim could not believe his good fortune; he looked up to the sky, raised his hands in the air, and breathed a deep sigh of relief and said with conviction “Thank God.”
 

Edited October 17, 2016 by Metaphor

[Ninja 10,468]

Jack strode into ‘John’s Stable’ looking to buy a horse. “Listen here” said John, “I’ve got just the horse your looking for, the only thing is, he was trained by an interesting fellow. He doesn’t go and stop the usual way. The way to get him to stop is to scream "hey-hey";

the way to get him to go is to scream "thank God". Jim nodded his head, “fine with me, can I take him for a test run?” Jim was having the time of his life this horse sure could run he thought to himself. Jim was speeding down the dirt road, when he suddenly saw a cliff up ahead “stop!” screamed Jim, but the horse kept on going. No matter how much he tried he could not remember the words to get it to stop. “Yo-yo”, screamed Jim, but the horse just kept on speeding ahead. It was five feet from the cliff when Jim suddenly remembered “hey-hey!”, Jim screamed. The horse skidded to a halt just one inch from the cliff. Jim could not believe his good fortune; he looked up to the sky, raised his hands in the air, and breathed a deep sigh of relief and said with conviction “Thank God.”

 

Besy joke EVER. :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Metaphor 538]

^ I know right ;)

 

Dad: "Can I see your report card, son?" 
Son: "I don't have it." 
Dad: "Why?" 
Son: "I gave it to my friend. He wanted to scare his parents."

[Tofu 6,773]

The rotation of the earth really makes my day

[Metaphor 538]

^ * crash of tambourines *

[r_I_already_won0 2,339]

Patient:  "Doctor, I'm scared.  This is my first operation.  Will I be safe?"

Surgeon:  "Don't worry.  I'm a brilliant surgeon.  In fact, I'm so experienced I can do this operation with my eyes closed."

Patient: "Really?"

Surgeon:  "Of course.  Nurse, my blindfold..

 

Now hand me that sharp thingy."

 

 

 

2. What do you call a man who was born in Wichita, grew up in Alaska, and then died in Texas?

  

Dead.

 

 

3.  John has 150 candy bars.  He eats 112.  What does he have now?

 

Diabetes.

 

 

"ba dum tsss"

Edited October 24, 2016 by r_I_already_won0

[Duchess 741]

You're cold? Sit in the corner.

 

 

It's 90 degrees.

 

[HichigoShiiro 4,378]

No meg, get out. 

[Duchess 741]

No meg, get out.

 

Shh.

 

I want a job cleaning mirrors...

 

 

it's something I really could see myself doing.

 

[Classy_Dude 126]

really? http://prntscr.com/cyxs08 < - you think he is telling the truth? hahaha

[Tofu 6,773]

What does DNA stand for?

National Dyslexic Association

[Duchess 741]

Thought I would do a Halloween joke :P

 

Why is Dracula so unpopular?

 

 

Because he's a real pain in the neck.

 

[HichigoShiiro 4,378]

Thought I would do a Halloween joke :P

 

Why is Dracula so unpopular?

 

 

Because he's a real pain in the neck.

 

No meg thats not a joke 

[dan146_tanker 770]

Thought I would do a Halloween joke :P

 

Why is Dracula so unpopular?

 

 

Because he's a real pain in the neck.

 

looool :LOL:

[rizwin 59]

A guy walks into a hardware store with a duck on top of his head. The clerk asks, "how may I help you?" The duck replies, "do you have anything that will remove this guy from under me?" :blink:

the duck is savage xDD Edited November 1, 2016 by Duchess

[hhgb 2,655]

In capitalist America, bank rob you!

[malval 49]

A woman walked in to the fishmongers and asked "Can i have cod please".

The man looked up and said "Sorry ma'am we have no cod, only haddock." The lady then said "Yes please a nice piece of cod." "We have NO cod" the man repeated. "Oh i want the cod not the haddock son." The man was getting pissed now so he turned around and wrote "CFOD" on a piece of paper, and showed it to the lady, who stated "There is no eff-in' cod." The man then said "Thats what i was trying to tell you"

 

 

What is the formular for water?

 

H I J K L M N O ( H to O )

Edited November 2, 2016 by malval

[Guest]

What is full form of DNA?

 

Daddy ki najayaz aulaad.