[Story] Immune (Chapter 8 + Chapter 9 + Chapter 10)

[Kuhaku 87]

Let's cut to the chase, here are the next three chapters, but first, here is a little something for all my readers out there.

 

Want to read from the beginning?

Prologue + Chapter 1: http://en.tankiforum...howtopic=353453

Chapter 2 + Chapter 3: http://en.tankiforum...howtopic=353500

Chapter 4 + Chapter 5: http://en.tankiforum...howtopic=353669

Chatper 6 + Chapter 7: http://en.tankiforum.com/index.php?showtopic=353823

 

'What we can reveal so far' #2

 

 

Immune

Chapter 8 + 9 + 10

 

 

Chapter 8

 

When I woke up, I was in the dungeon. And for about an hour I waited, and thought about what would happen to the farmer and Hailey. I could've been unconscious for about six hours, but no more than that. And if the farmer was planning to leave tomorrow, what would happen when I wasn’t back by then? Would he come searching for me? Or would he just leave for the bunker. I hoped that he would just leave for the bunker because the princess was a priority of course, but at the same time, I was slightly scared of what was to become of me.

 

I heard footsteps, and suddenly a man walked up in front of my prison cell. He was very official looking; had multiple badges on his uniform, and was holding up a wanted poster that had my name on it, as well as my face.

 

“Well, Jonathan, who might this be?” he said with a sinister voice, shoving the paper in my face.

 

“I don’t know sir, that isn’t me, I’m sure you’ve gotten the wrong person. My name is Joseph”. I had used Joseph multiple times, my common alias, but then he showed me another wanted poster with the same face, just a different name on it, Joseph.

 

“Well then lucky us, guess we have both prisoners, don’t we? How stupid do you think we are? Of course we know that Joseph and Jonathan are the same person. You’ll be spending the rest of your life here my friend. Two meals a day, and a hour of sunlight a day. Good luck surviving past a decade.”

 

With that, he and his guards left, laughing. I guess my crimes had finally caught up with me.

 

* * *

 

Chapter 9

 

I, of course wasn’t gonna stay, I knew how to pick locks for quite a while, and always kept a pin on me. By the time had closed the dungeon door, and was out of sight, I had already unlocked my chains, as well as the lock on my cell. However, I quickly locked it again; worried that somebody would see me. As a result, I decided to wait until nightfall to escape. With that thought in mind, I took a quick nap.

 

When I woke up, it was nearly dusk, I quietly crept up the stair and opened the door, thankfully the main dungeon door wasn’t locked, so I silently opened it and crept out. I started running towards the exit when suddenly I heard the same man who was talking to me while I was in the prison talking about weapons. However, there were a few words that sparked my curiosity so I peeked through the window and saw him talking to a few generals of the Military Police. Suddenly I realized that this man must be quite important. I started eavesdropping on his conversation and what I heard stunned me.

 

Not only did this man start the plague, but he somehow managed to create these ultra weapons that could create matter itself. He called them Yusvengal Weapons and gave everyone in the room the same book about them. He then showed two weapons, a sword and a bow.

 

The sword, he called Dark Vortex, and the bow he called White Light. However, what most interested me was the bow. It had no arrows but somehow whenever he pulled the bowstring back, an arrow would magically appear, and then he would shoot the arrow. He claimed that it rarely missed and never ran out of arrows, that is as long as the Yusvengal crystal was never removed. However, because I didn’t hear the entire briefing, I didn’t catch all the details, or even what a Yusvengal weapon was.

 

He next introduced the sword, which he called Dark Vortex. He claimed that it was the sharpest sword in the world, and could cut through almost anything. He also claimed that it could never be dulled.

 

None of these things made any sense to me, but one thing did, and it scared me. He talked about his plan, how he killed the king and the queen, because he wanted to take over the kingdom, and how he created the plague. However, the plague had gotten out of hand, so he was forced to create a cure. He then distributed the cure to the rest of the Military Police generals, and told them to drink it. There were no spare cures, so I couldn’t steal any. But what was definitely sure was that I had to steal a book on the Yusvengal weapons, as well as possibly a weapon.

 

I quickly hid myself and waited until the generals, as well as the Military commander, whose name was Commander Sarinthious, left the room. Once they were out of sight, and I was sure that they wouldn’t return, I quickly picked the lock on the door and entered the room. I found a book that was left behind, so I snatched it, along with and was still able to grab both weapons. I couldn’t get out through the main gate of course, but the secret tunnel Hailey showed me was very close to here. Furthermore, Taunter was close to the exit of the tunnel, I could carry the weapons in a makeshift backpack, along with the book, and hurry through the tunnel.

 

It took me nearly the entire night to make it back to the village and the farmer’s house. It took quite a while and I was exhausted from hunger and lack of sleep. But when I finally reached the house, danger was all around us.

 

* * *

 

Chapter 10

 

“Where were you? I was scared to death!” the farmer shouted.

 

“I’m sorry, a bit of trouble occurred, but I have a lot to tell you” I quickly told him how I was imprisoned, and escaped, as well as all that I had heard about the assassination of the king, as well as the Yusvengal weapons. I showed him the sword and bow, and how the bow could shoot arrows out of thin air, and showed him the book. The problem was, neither of us could read and write, so we couldn’t understand it.

 

“Wait, are you telling me that this man, Commander Sarinthious, killed my family through a plague, that he created?” Hailey asked.

 

“Yes, but, he didn’t mean to kill the entire palace and start a massive killing, he only meant to kill your father and mother. Not that it justifies his actions in any way, of course.” I said quickly.

 

“This disease is becoming more and more frightening.” the farmer said.

 

“But there is a cure–”

 

“–But there aren’t anymore left, not that we know of at least.”

 

“I guess so…”

 

“Here Jonathan,” Hailey said. ”Give me the book, I can read quite well, I’ll be finished by the time we get to the bunker.”

 

“Wow, thanks, it would be really helpful if we could understand these two weapons. Maybe we can even use them against the Commander!” I said, handing her the book.

 

“I hope so. Even though I know that my father deserved to die, I’m still saddened by the fact that he was murdered, and not–”

 

“–I know very well.” I said, interrupting ”We will do all that we can to kill Sarinthious, and put you on the throne”.

 

She bowed her head slightly and said ”But after all this, I don’t know whether or not I deserve to be Queen. I ran away in a time of crisis, proving that I’m not fit to be Queen.”

 

“Yeah, I understand how you feel, but if you stayed you would’ve been killed.” I said comfortingly. ”Besides, even if you did stay, you would’ve–”

 

“Alright, we’ve had enough arguing for now.” the farmer said, interrupting. ”We just need to worry about keeping ourselves safe, and not dying. Earlier I heard rumors about the Military Police searching for the infected and isolating them so the plague wouldn’t spread. And if you’ve escaped, and they find out, there will be definite trouble there.”

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cause any extra trouble.” I said.

 

“I completely understand Jonathan, but either way, we need to head to the bunker now. You can sleep on the way there. Hailey here did an excellent job of packing the food and even caught some wild game too.”

 

“It wasn’t much,” she said blushing. ”just a couple of rabbits is all”.

 

“Well, in that case, looks like we’ll have fresh meat after all.” I said, smiling. “Pick a horse Hailey, the farmer and I both have our own, oh, and the clothes I bought are in Taunter’s storage bag”.

 

“Well in that case, we’re all set to leave, let’s get to it shall we?” the farmer said.

 

“Let’s do it”, we said together in unison.

 

* * *

 

 

As usual please comment any tips are suggestions to my writing. Thanks!

Edited April 2, 2017 by Kuhaku

[Yisroel.Rabin 16,224]

*Twiddles fingers.*

 

Okey, umm, nice story, really enjoyed it, was quite interesting. Nonetheless, you unfortunately won't be getting the "in-depth" corrections like "I changed 'me and him' to 'him and I'," because I may or may not have closed the tab while proofreading. I was able to recover the proofread story, but not the logged corrections. Hope it's not too much trouble. 

 

 

Anyway, here are the list of basic corrections and changes:

 

- Slight rephrases to help read more fluently;

- Fixed punctation errors;

- Added consistent formatting as well as a title;

 

Note: In punctuation, I honestly don't know if the way you made quotes (when people talk) is right or wrong, because there's a couple of ways of going about it, and they're all right, so I simply changed them to the way I would write them.

[Blackdrakon30 2,943]

Nice story.  :ph34r: I definitely enjoy the plot line and writing style, and definitely hope you continue this more. Really my only suggestion is try to build the dialogue in a way where it expresses the personalities of the characters a little more. You did a much better job at this than a lot of people do, and I don't know 100% how you would improve the dialogue, but making sure you know the characters as well as possible yourself is the only thing I can think of off the top of my head.  :P 

 

AKA good job.  ;) 

[Kuhaku 87]

Thanks guys, it means a lot when I receive these congratulating comments, I'll make sure to work on all your suggestions!