The Nightmare - Part 1

[I3.R.0 1,700]

The Nightmare

December 21 2010 -

It was a really pleasant day, we had shifted from Southampton to London, a place anyone would love to visit. We had our own bungalow, a huge one, thanks to my dad, all this was the outcome of his hard work. Let's not forget mom's sacrifices too, she had played a huge part in dad's success as well. I (James Smith) am a 14 year old Englishman, who has spent his childhood in Southampton and now has come to London to complete his high school studies.

 

It didn't take much time for us to adjust the school stuff, though it was really difficult because I had given my word that I'd complete the entire syllabus within 3 months so that I'm prepared for exams. However good things may be, it takes time to adjust to them. Time went by and we were getting adapted to the conditions.

 

December 24 2010 -

Three days at the new home. Life was comfortable but at the same time, I felt somewhat disturbed at the new place. I always wanted to have a  big room for myself, which only had my own stuff and nothing else. When I had it, I felt like, well..it's not as good as expected. There was nothing to do. The main problem was - I had NO FRIENDS. Back in Southampton, it was buzzing all around and so noisy to the core, that I'd not be able to concentrate on my studies because of my friends playing Cricket and here, it was totally the opposite. No noise whatsoever. The lawn was big enough that I could play golf or cricket with my friends. It was Christmas Eve and there was no Santa. I always used to wait for Santa back in Southampton. I was sad and I just sat at one corner playing chess with the computer AI. Chess, then comics and then back to chess. The time went very slow indeed. To add salt to my injury, my mom and dad decided to go back to Southampton to perform some official formalities. My Mom said "Jimmy, we are leaving. Don't create  havoc, we'll be back home by 3 or 4 days. I know it's difficult to stay alone but you are not a kid anymore right? Take care baby." I thought "What, 4 days? That's 96 hours! That's 5760 minutes! Omg that's deadly 345600 seconds!" and said, "Mommy are you kidding me? I can't stay alone in this place. It's so big and no one is with me. It's like a haunted house." Mom replied (helplessly shaking her head) "Sorry son, we got no alternative. The official people need the presence of both of us, or else I'd have preferred staying back. Anyways, we got to go now. Take care".

 

That Night -

It was 9 at night and I decided to dine then. Mom had already kept the dinner ready at the table for me. After eating, I decided to call up my immediate friend Robert. We talked for more or less 2 hours. It was approximately 23:30 by then. I went to bed and wished I could sleep ASAP. I've always felt afraid of staying alone. Surprisingly, I started hearing noises of dogs barking around. I thought, "Well, I have someone to give me company huh?" I opened the window of my room and gave a sneak peak out of the balcony. To my surprise, I found nothing. I closed the window and entered inside. Hey wait, I heard something again. This time it was sound of many dogs barking together and I also heard the sound of some bird in the middle, probably some owl. I could also hear wind blow as if a cyclone was near. I opened the window and whaa? Nothing is there. I closed the window and the sound begins again. I got mad and I started weeping for help. I started searching up each and every corner of the big bungalow for something which could help me, but to no avail. I went to the main door running and voila! The door was locked. I became even more depressed. The sound had decreased but I was still scared. I started running again and ended up coming near the so called conference room. My dad said that its lock was old and tight, which needs to be fixed. Suddenly I saw that the noise frequency had increased even more. I ran back to my room and I noticed that the sound frequency decreased. I concluded that there was some clue in that conference room. I decided to open it. I pushed it, hit it but in vain. I was scared but I was also curious to know what the truth was. I gave it a huge smack and bang, the door opened. I entered the room and ............

Hey Guys, thanks for reading this article. I really hope I can bring you the second and the final part of the series as soon as possible. Don't forget to check out other articles I've written  :) Thanks again, let me go and mult in Highland now, baaaai!!!

 

 

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Edited January 6, 2018 by I3.R.0

[Destrod 2,634]

Approved.

 

-Multiple spelling edits

- Addition of words to make the sentence understandable

- Changes in formatting 

- Correction of 1st and 2nd form mistakes

- Removal of multiple caps lock sentences 

 

The story is average at best, it seems rushed and none of the events that succeed each other seem to add up. It seems to me that you need a bit more work on your expression and proper thinking about the grammar that you use. A valid attempt nonetheless! 

[shafter9 156]

^What he said. Try breaking up your text walls into shorter, more concise paragraphs that add up in a linear fashion. Focus on the setting in one brief (say 5 sentence) paragraph, then on the actions, then on your emotions, then back again to settings.

"Suddenly I saw that the noise frequency had increased even more."

I have never seen a noise frequency. Try "observed."