Review [Issue 75] Editorials: 10 Reasons Why Tanki Is Becoming A Sport

[GrandExecutioner 1,403]

 

Introduction

Right now, the only exercise I get from playing Tanki is occasionally moving my fingers. Some players don't even do that. It's common knowledge that someone with Twins just leaves a brick on their space bar.

If you clicked on this article because you read the title and hoped it was some sort of brutal clickbait, then I bring you disappointing news. It's exactly what the title says. I am part of a 1 member society where I believe that Tanki is about to go from an online game to an actual physical game. Apparently, they call it sports.

No, you didn't hear me wrong.

Tanki will want us to go outside and actually play the game with your body. As in movements and stuff. Yuck!

Before you start pelting me with potatoes, hear me out. I've collected solid evidence which I've structured into 10 reasons as to how Tanki are giving us subtle hints that they are moving towards becoming a real-life sport.

So let's dive in...


10. Clans v Clubs

Remind you of something? Yep. In the real world, we have the professional teams (i.e. the clans) which compete to get to the top. There are also the casual teams (i.e. the clubs) which you can join just to enjoy the sport in your free time with some friends. This system was recently added to Tanki eSports and sneaks into my top 10 on why the eSport is about the lose the 'e'.

I liked the post to blend in okay. Don't judge me.
 

So basically the clubs are the Sunday league teams anyone can join, while clans are the competitive teams working their way up the leagues. Which brings me neatly on to my next point...

 

9. Gotta move up 'em Leagues

Hmm, another fairly recent update to eSports. And yet again another striking similarity to real life sports. Coincidence? I think not.

Let's put this into sports terms. You're a new team (i.e. a newcomer clan). You've got to win those matches to get promoted to the next League (i.e. the Second League). Are you there? Great. Now you've automatically qualified to play in some of those major tournaments where you can win some big prizes. For football fans, I'm talking about the Champions League. For basketball fans, it's the play-offs. For the Tanki geeks, I'm talking about the International Championship.

I know. The resemblance is uncanny.

 

8. Referees = moderators

At number 8, we have the Helpers.

At the slightest foul play, they'll whip out a red card and send you off the game with a ban. That's right the Helpers in our community make up the refereeing body. They are not afraid to dish out suspensions to the players that have broken the rules. Maybe it was a nasty tackle (i.e. flooding) and so naturally the ref/mod thought you needed to sit out the game for a while.
 

Some poor chap had the misfortune to be banned for flooding. And no, before you ask, it wasn't me. Yes, I'm sure.

 

 

7. @Godmode_ON the streaker!

Streakers. We have them in all sports. They run on to the court or the pitch and capture the players' attention until they're eventually chased off.

In Tanki, there's one notoriously well-known streaker. @Godmode_ON. He joins a battle with the sole aim of attention-seeking, refusing to leave until he's killed (i.e. caught by those people in the bright yellow jackets).

The last documented appearance of Godmode_ON stealing the limelight as usual.

 

There is one key difference though. In real life, these streakers are usually fans whereas @Godmode_ON is not an ordinary player.

 

Wait, hang on! Isn't Tanki working on a new Juggernaught mode where the players can essentially become @Godmode_ON until they're killed? Hmmm, not fishy at all.
 

 

6. Transfer Windows

At number 6 we're back to eSports. This time it's all about Transfer Windows. From time to time you hear about a sports team making a record signing for a player. Their new signing becomes registered under the new team as part of a contract and will go on to play for them in official matches.

Well, I hate to break it to you, but Tanki is doing the SAME!

All clans (i.e. the professional teams if you remember from No. 10) are expected to register players in the transfer window if they are to play for that team in official tournaments.

Still not convinced? Fine. It's time to turn on the heat and break out the top 5.

 

 

5. Druggers ruining the game

Lately, 'drugging' has become a major problem in Tanki (actually it's been a problem for a while). Players feel like they cannot compete without 'drugging' themselves which leads to even more 'drugging'. It's a vicious circle.

This is a problem in many real-life sports too. I'm sure some of you aren't oblivious to the doping cases that float in and out of the news or maybe you are because, as we've established, Tanki is your entire world. Just like in Tanki, many feel that the players who drug are spoiling the sport for everyone else.

So yeah don't drug kids.

 

4. YouTube Container Openings

For a time all I would see on YouTube were “FIFA Pack Openings”. There seemed to be some sort of trend to open these packs and scream in rage or roar in celebration (sometimes both at the same time when it was hard to distinguish between the two). Well, now all the Tanki-related content I see on YouTube are “Container Openings”. Tanki YouTubers make entire videos of literally them just opening containers. Now all that's missing is the overdramatic celebration. Oh wait!

To the YouTubers I seem to have accidentally promoted...you're welcome. I'll send you the bill later.

 

Now we know that FIFA is a game based on a sport- which means Tanki is a game soon to be based on a...

Oh come on! I'm spoon feeding you the answer here.


3. Admin gold pls

Here we go. The top 3.

You know all those gold-diggers players who seemed to be obsessed with chanting "Admin gold pls"? Guess what? We see them in sports too. But instead of praying for a gold box siren, they repeatedly squeal "Foul ref" in the hope that a penalty is given in their favor. That's right penalties are the gold boxes in the sports world.

Some say they can still hear the faint echo of "Admin gold pls" to this day.

 

What's more is that in "Reason No. 8" we've already agreed that the admins are the referees in Tanki. Yes, we did agree. Yes, I may have forced it on you. So in both cases, the players are irritating the referee/admin to gift them a penalty/gold box. Boom.


2. Introduction of Rugby Mode

This entire update screams sports. Various players assumed that the release of "Rugby mode" was just the developers trying to desperately lure players in from the "outside". I don't know what their reasoning behind this was as I can't imagine there is a massive number of fans of both Tanki and rugby. Or maybe the developers were attempting to make the game appealing to rugby fans. So now you could exercise just by sitting behind a screen, right? Wrong.

On the contrary, the purpose of this update is to make the transition from an online game to an actual game smoother. If a football or basketball mode comes out you know what's happening.

 

A rugby player who has been struggling to find opponents after recent "drugging" allegations

 

1. Nives said what?

The fact that Rugby Mode only made it to 2nd must mean that No.1 is a biggie. And boy is it a biggie.

I'm sorry to say but our beloved Community Manager is in on this despicable movement towards becoming a sport. Brace yourselves.

In the Community HQ, you may have already scanned through the FAQ section which consists of questions targeted towards Nives. Now let's take a look at the Sports questions...

 

 

 

 

When asked what is his favorite football club he answered: "I'm more of a hockey guy". That's fair enough. I don't have anything against hockey. He also mentioned 2 questions below that he snowboards. Finally, he stated he supports Zenit- his local club- and will support Germany (besides Russia) in the World Cup. Naturally, we can assume he watches at least a little bit of football then. So here we have him mention 3 types of sports.

However, when I asked him what he thought about sports he replied with...

 

 

 

 

 

Why is it that he talked about volleyball here and not once outlined hockey, football or snowboarding? Why is it in the FAQ section, volleyball was nowhere to be seen? I could only arrive at one conclusion.

Nives is keeping up a pretense. And a lousy one at that.

It's clear he's NOT interested in sports from his inconsistent answers - especially the way he began talking about the gym. The gym. I mean seriously? Working out isn't a sport ! The only plausible explanation is that our Community Manager has been instructed by his employers (at Tanki Online HQ) to spread the word about how sports are "awesome" and how we should all do them.

Why?

Because Tanki Online is about to become a SPORT!
 

 

Closing thoughts

Shock! Horror! Now that you've read the 10 reasons I can only imagine your reaction is somewhere along those lines.

So you've seen the evidence and you have no doubt that Tanki is becoming a sport. Slowly but surely it is happening. But now you might be thinking why they want the game to become a sport, or when it will happen, or... okay you could be thinking a lot of things.

Now in terms of WHY Tanki would want to become a sport, I have not yet reached a sound conclusion. It could be because the developers are aware that their player base is falling. Maybe they've spotted a gap in the market to move away from an online game and bring it to life. Perhaps they're working closely with the eSports staff to make this transition as fluid as possible. Could they be planning on putting us in actual tanks and calling a real-life 'Deathmatch' a sport?

Regardless, I believe I may be able to answer WHEN Tanki is going to become a sport. It seems Nives may have accidentally leaked the secret plans in the FAQ section.

 

 

Oh boy. Quote me in Nov/Dec when Tanki becomes a sport.
 

 

So what about the other details? Who knows? I'll leave it to you to work that out. Right now I'm off to play some sports, otherwise known as Tanki.

 

 

 

[1] Header edited by @Merovingian

 

Edited May 5, 2018 by GrandExecutioner

[You.Have.to.die 519]

Nice GrandExecutioner!

[RevengeAttacker 217]

Nice

[Jaaames 1,622]

Love this :D

[Crip 4,735]

This is pure class!

 

I can really relate to your writing style. Great job!

[Viking4s 10,791]

Entertaining, funny and well written. :wub: 
Keep it up.

[GuidoFawkes 2,361]

I didn't know non reporters could write for the newspaper

[thunderousrailgunner 1,934]

Awesome !

[Viking4s 10,791]

I didn't know non reporters could write for the newspaper

It's relatively new. See more details on the subject here in the AWS: ★ New Initiative - Be Part of The Newspaper ★ 

[GuidoFawkes 2,361]

It's relatively new. See more details on the subject here in the AWS: ★ New Initiative - Be Part of The Newspaper ★ 

wow thanks. they talked about crystals but they didn't say how much;;; any idea about that?

[Viking4s 10,791]

wow thanks. they talked about crystals but they didn't say how much;;; any idea about that?

No because it depends on the quality of the article. Writing a good articles should be your primary objective, not the prospect of crystals.

 

Writers will receive a crystal prize as a token of our appreciation, or a motivational bonus you may say. Please do not

  ask reporters or administration about this bonus, how big it is, or why someone was awarded more or less crystals as

  someone else. This bonus will depend on quality of the article. Simply put, better articles will be awarded with more

  crystals, those that won't be as astonishing will be rewarded with less. Don't take this as some easy way around to get

  crystals. We will be looking for top-notch articles that meet the Newspaper standards or are very close to them.

  Originality and hard work will pay off. Plagiarism and any other poor attempts to go around the rules will be strictly

  punished!

 

[GuidoFawkes 2,361]

No because it depends on the quality of the article. Writing a good articles should be your primary objective, not the prospect of crystals.

actually the prospect for me is to get enough articles in french so le journal français won't have to be a part of the stupid english newspaper like it is now.

 

and of course that is so that there can be concours in français, cause i hate writing in anglais

 

 

so my next question is : can i now be part of le journal français through that new initiative or is it only for english newspaper?

Edited May 4, 2018 by GuidoFawkes

[Viking4s 10,791]

Actually the prospect for me is to get enough articles in french so le journal français won't have to be a part of the [awesome] english newspaper like it is now.

And of course that is so that there can be concours in français, cause i hate writing in anglais.

So my next question is: can i now be part of le journal français through that new initiative or is it only for english newspaper?

Sorry, this is a question you will need to ask Flexoo about.

[Magenta 5,165]

Right now, the only exercise I get from playing Tanki is occasionally moving my fingers. Some players don't even do that. It's common knowledge that someone with Twins just leaves a brick on his space bar.

Now now now, did you just assume our genders? Edited May 4, 2018 by Magenta

[Guest]

actually the prospect for me is to get enough articles in french so le journal français won't have to be a part of the stupid english newspaper like it is now.

so my next question is : can i now be part of le journal français through that new initiative or is it only for english newspaper?

There has to be enough French reporters to warrant a separate Main Topic or else it would be publishing on a super varied schedule. So it would be more productive to have a French reporter writing for the EN Issue rather than not at all. We are still taking applications for French reporters by the way. We will take articles written in English, Arabic, Hindi, or French as part of the new initiative.

[gokuMI6 1,290]

A good read as always

 

Thx for putting your fear into the Heart of the tankers  :P :lol:  

[GrandExecutioner 1,403]

Now now now, did you just assume our genders?

I hear Vikral is still waiting for your corrections Mr Fancy Pink.

 

 

 

TRIGGEREEEEED :P

 

 

[Magenta 5,165]

I hear Vikral is still waiting for your corrections Mr Fancy Pink.

 

 

 

TRIGGEREEEEED :P

 

 

No I PMed him.

 

 

 

ROASTEEEEED :P

 

 

[GuidoFawkes 2,361]

There has to be enough French reporters to warrant a separate Main Topic or else it would be publishing on a super varied schedule. So it would be more productive to have a French reporter writing for the EN Issue rather than not at all. We are still taking applications for French reporters by the way. We will take articles written in English, Arabic, Hindi, or French as part of the new initiative.

i know about this and i'd really like to become a French reporter but... you gonna have to get rid of that requirement where you can't get a ban for at least 6 months to become a reporter..

 

6 months is just ridiculous, I can't even get 1 week

[GrandExecutioner 1,403]

No I PMed him.

 

 

 

ROASTEEEEED :P

 

 

I hope it was worth the 1 month wait. :P

[Magenta 5,165]

I hope it was worth the 1 month wait. :P

Don't worry, it was.

[bc200214_777 582]

grate artikel grand

 

luv le logo

[zxcvbnml97 0]

They want it to be a sport because now people only pay them in in-game purchases, if it were a sport, people would have to buy actual tanks from them in order to play. We will probably soon be hearing about a new factory opening. :ph34r:

[Aigaion 636]

:thumbsup: 

[tankionlinenomore 0]

i am so shocked by how tanki is becoming a sport why has come to this.