Come Alive

[tweezers 1,034]

       

 

Skateboards covered in stickers, shearing paint off railings.

 

Cans rattling in hands, colours blossoming on walls.

 

Lanyards dangling from keys, engines howling into the night.

 

Laces trailing from hi-tops, locomotive lights illuminating faces in tunnels.

 

A collection of souls, appearing seemingly at random, taking over a city, taking back a city, enshrouded by darkness.

 

Keyboards dusted with crumbs, clicking as symbols appear on screens.

 

Papers, slowly curling, sighing as they are stacked on one another.

 

Books covered in ink, whispering as hands leaf through them.

 

Fabric, coloured in hues unknown, stretching as it is fitted.

 

A collection of souls, appearing on schedule, taken by a city, giving up to a city, enslaved by light.

 

A man walks down a street lit entirely by neon signs. He wears a suit, and carries a briefcase.

 

A woman walks down an alley populated by A/C units and empty boxes. She wears a business jacket and has a handbag on her shoulder.

 

He walks onwards.

 

She turns left.

 

They collide.

 

Awkward apologies.

 

Brushing of shoulders.  

 

Sidesteps, and onward motion.

 

But it is too late.

 

They know.

 

They know.

 

It’s in the way the man’s briefcase rattled when it fell to the pavement.

 

It’s in the way that the woman’s handbag did the same.

 

It’s in the way that they’ve both memorized the timetable of the police patrols roaming the streets, and have timed their respective journeys with the gaps between them.

 

A hidden smile spreads across both of their faces as they keep walking.

 

Two walls bleed starbursts of colours behind them.

 

The same goes for the women who cross each other in a car park, and recognize the lanyards emblazoned with performance logos clutched in each others hands.

 

A scent of burnt rubber and fuel permeates the air around them.

 

Two young men in their office cafeteria take note of the other’s tattered shoes and light stance.

 

In their cubicles, identical board stickers colour the walls.

 

A man standing on a subway platform notices the way a woman on the opposite platform peers off it and subconsciously measures the distance from the edge to the track.

 

At night, the tunnels come alive to the light of their fluorescent lights.

 

Their jagged edges call out to each other, creating a partnership unlike any other. Colours, speed, music, adrenaline; they form a key that unlocks the night and allows their souls to step through, out into the freedom of the darkness.  

 

Within those souls is held what unites them all.

 

Spirit.

[kaisdf 3,320]

Article Approved.

 

Beautiful. One of the best pieces I've had the pleasure of editing. Still preferred the story in General 1. Beautifully subtle, saying little, but just enough for the reader to infer exactly what you mean.

 

Unfortunately, I have a major issue with the piece. Terrible accuracy. See the spoiler for the astonishingly long list of edits.

 

Edits:

• "She wears a business jacket has a handbag on her shoulder. ." -> "She wears a business jacket and has a handbag on her shoulder."
  

Awful.

 

:P

 

 

[Pyre 3,485]

Hax.

[Hippin_in_Hawaii 639]

Woah..... I am motivated to read more. So, write it!

 

[edit]

Please?

[/edit]

[thethiefofvictory 339]

Wonderful story. One of the best I've ever read in the tanki forum. 

 

Wait. I just gave that award to another story too. Well, isn't this a good day!

[Destrod 2,634]

 

       

 

 

Omae wa mou, shindeiru.

 

incase you're too lazy, here's the translation.

[P.4.R.K.O.U.R 329]

Omae wa mou, shinderou.

You mean Omae wa mou, shindeiru?

[kaisdf 3,320]

You mean Omae wa mou, shindeiru?

NANI?!

[tweezers 1,034]

Woah..... I am motivated to read more. So, write it!

 

[edit]

Please?

[/edit]

The pen is willing, but the mind...is not. 

[P.4.R.K.O.U.R 329]

The pen is willing, but the mind...is not.

*Closes book*

And that's why, students, the pen stabbed the mind...

Edited November 7, 2018 by P.4.R.K.O.U.R

[Guest]

Very nice Tweez.

[tweezers 1,034]

Very nice Tweez.

Thanks :D

 

finish your story too nubmult

[Guest]

Thanks :D

 

finish your story too nubmult

What story? :I

[Person_Random 4,991]

Hey, great story.  So now on to the premium Ms. M critique.  (My writing teacher)  Her advice to you would be to change your writing style once in a while and try something new.  Right now, I'm seeing that you follow my mentor, who has choppy sentences, so I would suggest trying to write in a different style.

 

P.S. Challenge me to do something too.  I'm slightly bored.

[Venerable 2,967]

Took me a very long time to actually understand this piece — but when I did understand it, the feeling that followed... Oh it was blissful!