Unsuccessful Reporter Application

[Sacrifice 2,278]

The title was supposed to be "Guidelines on how to write an unsuccessful reporters application" but, it would have been too long so I have written it shortly as "Unsuccessful Reporters Application". Since I am done clearing out that point, here is an article that will guide you on how to successfully write an unsuccessful application for Newspaper Moderators (This works for EN Community only).

Before we get to the main points, there are a couple of things you should know. 

1) Admins look for originality and unique content creators.

2) Don't fake it, be yourself.

Now let's move on to the guidelines. Be sure that you will make it in because that is the first step in itself. Here are the main points:

 

1) Humor:

Who does not like humor? Everybody loves humor and so do the admins. As I said, admins are looking for content creators. Add humor to your application. If admins laugh, they will definitely consider your application. Even if they don't, they would definitely have a good laugh and you will have a higher chance next time!

 

2) Straight forward answers:

You don't need to fake anything. Admins are pretty understanding people. So when they ask you what is it that you are looking forward to after becoming a reporter, tell them it's all about paints and crystals. As I said, they are looking for originality and uniqueness and in the history of TO Newspaper application, they would have never got an application with such an answer to this question, making you stand out above the rest! So do keep this point in mind.

 

3) Content:

As it is compulsory, you must send in an article regarding Tanki Online. Now, I know plagiarism is not allowed, neither am I asking you to do so. But there is a huge difference between copy/paste and plagiarism. Only the clever ones know it. Admins, as I said, are understanding people, so they won't mind you looking for wormholes in the application procedure.

 

4) Spend time wisely: 

We are all busy people. We have other responsibilities to attend to. So in-order to write a reporters application, follow these rules:

• Click "Start New Topic".
• Copy the questions from the Helpers section and paste them into the blank space.
• Take a stopwatch and start the timer.
• Side-by-side, start answering all the questions of the application.
• When the timer reaches 15 minutes, stop with the application.
• No need to review it, just click the "Submit Topic" button and go to bed.

Admins know that you are busy and will definitely understand why you are rushing through the application.

 

5) Eagerness:

Alright, you have submitted the application. But the journey does not end there. There is one more task you must fulfill to assure that you have successfully written an unsuccessful application. Follow the following rules:

• Write a custom message that goes something like "Is my application accepted yet? How much longer do I wait?"
• Copy it.
• Go to Helpers of the game section.
• Go to "List of helpers".
• Go to Newspaper Reporters.
• Send the copied message to each and everyone associated with the Newspaper Community

This will strike a really good impression. How? It will show the admins your eagerness to join the team. They would definitely consider your eagerness and make an exception by letting you in. This will be the last point. Good luck.

 NOTE:

This is a humorous article and should not be taken seriously. The writer is not responsible for any player following any of the above points, neither does the writer recommend anyone to follow them. Good luck to anyone applying or waiting for a response.

Edited January 8, 2020 by Sacrifice
Font changes for headings.

[Person_Random 4,991]

Approved.

 

Awesome work! I would've laughed, but it would have been quite rude while we were discussing the potential war and it would probably go poorly in US History (a phone call to home would not be ideal at this time). You nail the humorous style that I've always wanted to perfect. If there's a sequel coming, I can't wait to read it!

 

Edits:

Spoiler

• Added/removed several commas and apostrophes.
• "like I said" to "as I said"
• A few phrases removed (again, as I said earlier, you don't really need to explain your humor, it makes it even funnier when you don't except for that one guy who never gets the joke)

 

[Viking4s 10,791]

I wish I read this before applying , I got accepted

Spoiler

Nice piece and very original. The Multiness is strong with this one.

 

[r_Given6 859]

Love the humour. I see us going back to the great era of very important guides that teach us essentials like eating chicken, multing, etc. 

Bring on the humour!

[Sacrifice 2,278]

Thank you guys for the kind words. I see you guys really liked it! I will definitely right more this weekend. You know how much college can burden you sometimes. 

Edited January 7, 2020 by Sacrifice

[ILiveOnTheChatBox123 936]

Great job, the humor was well written. Write some more if you can!

On ‎1‎/‎4‎/‎2020 at 2:07 PM, Sacrifice said:

This works for EN Community only

I am sure if Russian admins receive such messages in English, and they can't decipher it, it will help you not get accepted as a Russian Newspaper Reporter.

[Dosheg 868]

I tried this tactic in eSports some time ago and I actually got accepted. I was trying to prank the admins but now I need to work :sad:

[Crip 4,735]

It's nice and concise and I like your humour - can we get some pictures next time as well even if it's just to break up the text?

 

Comic Sans though...surely using this cannot go unpunished.

 

Seriously though, Comic Sans is just a no no (in my opinion).

[Sacrifice 2,278]

21 minutes ago, Savage said:

It's nice and concise and I like your humour - can we get some pictures next time as well even if it's just to break up the text?

 

Comic Sans though...surely using this cannot go unpunished.

 

Seriously though, Comic Sans is just a no no (in my opinion).

It honestly looked very different on PC. However, I have changed it now. Thanks for mentioning.

[Adab 2,896]

Waw.

[3dL 454]

Hahahha nice bro

[Blackdrakon30 1]

Imagine sending an application

[Venerable 2,967]

Thanks Sacrifice! ;)

[Venerable 2,967]

13 minutes ago, At_Shin said:

So, the guidelines work. 

Of course they work! If you wish to get rejected...

[Sabry 1,072]

How can we sure it works

[Iron_Man 2,376]

Well, I feel that the guidelines you gave @Sacrifice mostly have what I usually do.

On 1/5/2020 at 12:37 AM, Sacrifice said:

No need to review it, just click the "Submit Topic" button and go to bed.

Yeah! Never review. I have never reviewed my AWS articles. AWS Article=Application. Reviewing is just a waste of time. Instead delivering pizzas would be more profitable!

On 1/5/2020 at 12:37 AM, Sacrifice said:

When the timer reaches 15 minutes, stop with the application.

TIME > Reporter Application so do not waste your valuable time.

Spoiler

LOL! Just kidding folks. Well, it is true that I never review my articles. Don't you try this in your career! Sacrifice has written this article just to have a laugh and kill time.

 

Edited March 4, 2021 by Ironmantonystark

[Venerable 2,967]

On 1/7/2020 at 4:01 AM, Person_Random said:

I would've laughed, but it would have been quite rude while we were discussing the potential war and it would probably go poorly in US History (a phone call to home would not be ideal at this time).

It took me more than a year to figure out what you meant here ^ ... 

On 1/7/2020 at 4:01 AM, Person_Random said:

except for that one guy who never gets the joke)