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[BDay] The Dictator: Tanki's Finest News Source - June 2020


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The Dictator Dictates Dic. Dictator D. Dictator's Dictatorship

by @Magenta

Dictators usually dictate dictatorships dictatorially, but The Dictator dictates dictators dictatorially. Take for example Dictator Dictator Dictator Dictator's dictatorial dictatorship. Dic. Dictator D. Dictator claims Dic. Dictator D. Dictator dictates Dic. Dictator D. Dictator's own dictatorship and The Dictator dictatorially, but actually The Dictator dictates Dic. Dictator D. Dictator's dictatorial dictatorship and The Dictator itself dictatorially without dictatorial advice from other dictators. In order to dictate dictatorially, The Dictator dictates that we The Dictator Writers dictate our dictatorial editorials whilst dictating a driver to drive a dictator over Dic. Dictator D. Dictator's effigy. This is the truth. The Dictator dictates you to not trust any contrary source of information; if you should come across any, kindly report them to The Dictator's Dictatorial Sensorship office. Any other action would be contrary to the idea of a dictatorship, and hence will be dictatorially dealt with.

 

New hull Ares to be auctioned, says Opex-Rah

by @Person_Random

Tankers have long awaited the hull Ares to be released on Tanki's 11th Birthday. To spice up the celebrations, the developers have decided to make these hulls limited edition, saying little more than "Ares is special" when questioned. "After all, Jordans are highly coveted for their rare status, and we would like to capitalize on that strategy with Ares. Make the game even better, y'know?" reported Opex-Rah.

We are proud to announce that we at the Dictator have smuggled our mult admin into the Perm HQs as a bumbling visitor and stolen the auction details. On June 4, eleven of each modification (from Mk1 to Mk7) will be released, with a starting price of 2 000 crystals and a Tankoin for Mk1 to 128 000 crystals and 1 000 TKs for an Mk7. During the festivities, a special livestream will be held where interested buyers can bid through the live chat. Godspeed, tankers; get your crystals saved. Or get lucky with a container. 

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A short and definitely grammatically correct word from the Dictator's dictator

by Dictator Dictator Dictator Dictator

Police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police.

 

Newspaper Admin Sues The Dictator On Defamation Charges

By @Magenta

The Newspaper admin @kaisdf recently announced in a press conference that he is going to sue The Dictator on defamation charges. "Every. #&@*ing. Piece. Is. About. My. Alleged. Crimes. I'm sick and tired of this nonsense. The Dictator is all lies, and I'm going to prove it in court," a reporter quoted him. The Dictator is the Tanki's finest source of news, and so decided not to censor the blasphemous words. Our newspaper admin, of course, thinks otherwise, and we will not censor his thoughts because we are Tanki's finest source of news: "The Dictator is full of [censored], I tell you this. I'm sure the judge will rule against them; it can obviously not be otherwise." While he declared to comment on which lawyer he thinks will volunteer to fight for him and face such inevitable defeat at the hands of The Dictator's skilled lawyer @Person_Random, we are sure that the answer is nobody. Nonetheless, if he does manage to ensnare a naive chap, we should expect no more than a jolly few minutes of entertainment at court.

 

Abolition of Helper positions

By @Sacrifice

During the start of March, the forum saw some significant changes to its helper positions. A new group called content helpers, under the leadership of Seilah and Abovo. invaded the forum. Fearing the power of the administrators of this group, other dictators admins feared their dominance and shut their mouths. Kaisdf has been known to have said: "They came all of a sudden! I had to bow before them and present my proofreader abilities in bargain for my life. I have yet to finish my lifetime sentence of slavery!". After most of their admins were taken captive, the helpers thought that the plight had ended and now they could resume their daily life work as usual. But, given their ambitious personalities, the content helpers had other plans. Two weeks later, they abolished the Broadcasting and Designers team's official status and made them a branch of their own dictatorship. Other helper groups now fear the ever evident Content Helpers group. The.L-E-G-E-N-D and Goges.Enze were promised leadership if they avoided resistance. Intoxicated by the promise of power, these admins showed no remorse for their helpers, who were then stripped of their individual statuses and marked as content helpers. Abovo and Seilah have terrifying plans for the EN community, of which "Assert Dominance" is their top priority!

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AWS Monetization Program

by @Person_Random

Tanker! Want to earn some crystals while improving your writing skills? Then listen up, for free crystals are heading your way. It’s simple: we simply need more slaves writers to help us make the Newspaper Section and AWS more active, so we’re going to sweeten the pot for any amateur writers. All active AWS writers will be earning up to 10 crystals per view of their articles and 5 crystals per word in each of your articles from 2020. To guarantee that you will be earning crystals, please send an article here that has reached more than 100 views made on or after 1 January 2020 to be considered for this new payout program. Once you have done that and written some decent articles, click this link here to receive your monthly payments. We hope you continue to write in the AWS!

 

Update: Case-doof Spotted, a special thanks to our supporters

by @Person_Random

It has been one month since we’ve called for your help in the last issue of The Dictator, and many players have been able to step up for the greater good of the newspaper. So many of you have kindly donated to us poor starving robots workers at the Dictator. We are so grateful to have received your help and hope you can continue to help out. Below are the great contributions we have received from twelve tankers:

Ab110s4.png?1 Crystals - 7

HehJJDh.pngSpeed Boost - 2

ErDe63q.png Mine - 1

With this generous support, we have been able to spot this mysterious Case-doof, trip him, and therefore have him drop the donuts and cookies he would have embezzled for a third month in a row. We were finally able to obtain enough fuel for our Hunter Mk2 and manage to print out three copies of this wanted sign because of this miracle. This mystery man appears to be a Shaft-Wasp wearing the blue paint, so if you spot him at the garage, please, please, call the police and end his reign.

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Please continue to support The Dictator by calling 1800-HELP-THE-DICT. We thank you for your acts of kindness.

 

Le TrUtH

by The Leaky Mult

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There’s nothing here, dude.

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Ok I'll be honest... There is something. There's a super boring piece mag wrote about his toilet routine that if we didn't publish he threatened to keep whining about, so we put it up but tucked away from sight. It's okay good can stop opening spoilers now

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gawd how interested must be in mag's toilet routine?

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fine. Here's the prize for your patience. Hope the mods are gone by now

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Ze7mz7q9EJp7iIYxQqkqTymimTUawx8ozjQxzxXKGijxP-_qau9VK5MZTBPiTU3sulVMLl6j1M57Q88Ozf8ha1_E00CNBKNYi7LWiWyN6Y9kjR0PjfqiKJ-itVyTcfEk44hEBUk2a5D0F4nBlG2DObJr7z4emxVc2V87fJnllILuf6fXvtYvua-eoFe402fWhUwn4gKS6HwJXBjwsONDEc8xDEr_ccqbDTnqYp7Szlvs-ZMGirKFPfIE70MQL3XnahNFwDqC5bZt8gLTmnh60iI3jCep3B5bV7iwnss26Sonuj3dSZtVAIsDwsUUgyzNS2q04LeXZhwB4gfN6YLPdeBtbe1iYWoEPjTZRUF4z7X90K7F9MQn9podQBxx3aQQ5rumkIWqdMFG1lzsNhiO1mfX

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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On 6/4/2020 at 11:39 PM, TSY_the_crazy said:

Much better than last time.

 

On 6/5/2020 at 4:00 PM, Rename said:

I laughed so much! Keep up the good work!

 

On 6/5/2020 at 7:30 PM, jupop777 said:

This needs to never stop. Please and thank you.

*Bow*.

  • Thanks 1

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