[Story] Another Row Forgotten

[Venerable 2,968]

Another Row Forgotten

 

Sam sat on the sidewalk underneath a flickering streetlamp. A few benches on his left lay uncared for. On his right, there was a pile of bricks, probably left there by workers. He kept staring at the pile for quite some time. He noticed an ant meticulously trying to climb up the pile of bricks. It kept falling down. But it still persisted and began the climb once again.

Hah, thought Sam, how annoying it gets when elders tell us about those ants that never give up. Humans are supposed to have the best qualities of every other creature, eh? I don't think so. I'm not an ant for God's sake!

The persistent ant disturbed Sam. He felt angry, that the perseverance of ants gave the 'perfect' and 'knowledgeable' adults some unwanted inspiration, which was used against him so often. Ants shouldn't exist, he thought bitterly. He got up in frustration and started walking along the sidewalk, away from the pile of bricks and the ant. The streetlamp above him went off with a final flicker. The sun had just begun to rise. It looked like an eager little boy, peering over a fence to see what wonders the other side had in store. 

Sam stopped for a moment to witness the Sun's breathtaking ascent over the horizon. At that moment, he almost forgot all his worries. The ant was momentarily forgotten. Then with a start, he realized that he had school after half-an-hour and that he must hurry and reach home in time for breakfast. 

He began jogging. Along the way, he deliberately kept stepping on the tiny ants traversing the sidewalk. It gave him some sort of savage pleasure, to see the venerated ants either scarper or get crushed beneath his feet. It eased his frustration a bit. With his frustration momentarily at bay, he now jogged somewhat peacefully. The lush green trees that lined the edge of the sidewalk soothed his eyes and relaxed his wrinkled facial muscles. He forgot stepping on ants and began devouring the blissful sight of soft, golden, early-morning sunshine falling gracefully upon the bright green trees. 

How fickle the human mind can be, he thought. Just a short while ago, he was deriving pleasure by crushing ants, and now he was awed by the beauty of Nature. Why, he even forgot why he was angry and frustrated in the first place! Ah, he thought, is that why Mum asked me to go out for a walk? So that I'll forget why I was angry at her? 

"I hate you, Mum," he said quietly, as a smile threatened to burst out on his quivering lips.

* * *

Presently he reached his house and rang the doorbell. He was panting and sweating profusely. He bent down, exhausted, and put his hands on his knees. His mother answered the door.

"Hullo, sweetie! Enjoyed the stroll? Oh, you seem to have run. Come on in," she said to her son, ruffling his hair as she let him inside. "I've got your favorite breakfast ready - muesli and milk with some strawberries and plenty of sugar."

Sam couldn't help smiling now. He quickly went over to the dining table and began scooping up mouthfuls of cereal. His mother was about to tell him to wash off all the sweat first, but stopped. She looked at her son for a moment. Out of nowhere, she was overwhelmed by affection for him. He isn't such a bad boy, she thought. That smile of his when she mentioned muesli with strawberries and milk - oh how delightful and heartwarming it was! And now, look at him - happily munching away! No, no. She could not bring herself to ask him to wash up. It might make him scowl. She did not wish to see that expression on his handsome young face.

Sam stole a glance at his mother. Why was she looking at him like that? Oh, she thinks he'll forget their fight? But wait... did he remember what the fight was about? No, a voice inside his head answered truthfully. As he munched on a juicy strawberry, he tried to remember exactly why he was angry at his mother. When his memory failed him after five minutes of furious thinking, he gave up and attacked the last spoonful of cereal in frustration.

Why do we forget our rows with our loved ones so annoyingly fast? He scolded himself for forgetting why he had fallen out with his mother. The school bus was due any time now. He got up, gathered his backpack and cap, and trudged to the door. 

"Bye, honey! Behave yourself and enjoy your time at school!" said his mother, ruffling his hair again.

"I always behave myself; what are you talking about?" said Sam grumpily, and deftly avoided a kiss from his mother. "I'm thirteen, Mum!"

"Okay, okay, young man. Have a great day!" she said, waving her hand and chuckling at her son's indignation. And Sam boarded the school bus that had stopped right outside their gate with a light heart. The feeble sense of determination that had risen inside him a few moments ago vanished as he saw his friends beckoning him to their seats. He did not need to know why he was angry at his mother. At least not for now.

 

 

 

P.S. The story has ended. Before any Reporter "welcomes" me to the AWS, I'd just like to clarify that I am the owner of the Tanki accounts: SHREYA88 and Venerable. I have already written two stories in the AWS from SHREYA88. So please keep this in mind while you review my story. Thanks!

[Person_Random 4,991]

Approved.

Welcome to the AWS! Just kidding, another great story down. I'm impressed at the way you turned a pretty normal situation like a little household argument (*coughs*, a bot like me never gets into conflicts at home, so I don't know what you're talking about) into such a narrative. The way that you ventured into Sam and his mother's thoughts was also key in this story and really helped strengthen the plot. I'd like to see more of these stories in the future!

Edits: removed commas, other minor fixes.

Spoiler

 

By the way, when putting commas after conjunctions like "and", make sure to only use them when connecting two independent clauses. I have attached an example below.

Incorrect example: She went shopping for groceries, and went to get some gasoline for the car. (The comma is not properly used here as the phrase following "and" is not a standalone sentence or IC ("went to get some gasoline for the car" would not be a complete sentence))

Correct example: She went shopping for groceries, and her husband went to get some gasoline for the car. (The comma before and is properly used to connect two ICs (she went shopping for groceries, her husband went to get some gasoline for the car))

 

 

[Venerable 2,968]

12 hours ago, Person_Random said:

Approved.

Welcome to the AWS! Just kidding, another great story down. I'm impressed at the way you turned a pretty normal situation like a little household argument (*coughs*, a bot like me never gets into conflicts at home, so I don't know what you're talking about) into such a narrative. The way that you ventured into Sam and his mother's thoughts was also key in this story and really helped strengthen the plot. I'd like to see more of these stories in the future!

Edits: removed commas, other minor fixes.

  Reveal hidden contents

 

By the way, when putting commas after conjunctions like "and", make sure to only use them when connecting two independent clauses. I have attached an example below.

Incorrect example: She went shopping for groceries, and went to get some gasoline for the car. (The comma is not properly used here as the phrase following "and" is not a standalone sentence or IC ("went to get some gasoline for the car" would not be a complete sentence))

Correct example: She went shopping for groceries, and her husband went to get some gasoline for the car. (The comma before and is properly used to connect two ICs (she went shopping for groceries, her husband went to get some gasoline for the car))

 

 

Thanks a LOT for the awesome feedback! Commas, it seems, will always trouble me... but I'll try and overcome this 'comma' issue.

Thanks for italicizing certain thoughts... I had never thought of it! It has a great effect.

Thanks for the mini-lecture on independent clauses! I'll try to keep that in mind.

And please do continue to give critical and detailed feedback, I never feel bad!

 

A little background as to how this story came about:

I had just finished reading the Trials of Heaven series by Nat, and a few great stories by other AWS writers like Lose and Dupuy, and I had found that their works had a certain richness; the text had some beautiful and sometimes powerful words and phrases that had a profound impact on the reader. 

Also, I was rereading a book, Sparkling Cyanide by Agatha Christie, and it had a wonderful style of writing. (before the AWS, I never read books for their writing finesse, but mainly for entertainment.)

I wanted to try and write that way. My previous stories were decent, but they rarely had any rich words or phrases (except Not For Nothing, perhaps... xD). I think when you asked me to be more descriptive, Random, it helped me to start using better synonyms. To describe the same mundane thing in more than two lines does require you to add some figures of speech, some idioms, or better synonyms...

So I just wrote "Sam sat on the sidewalk underneath a flickering streetlamp." in my notebook, and began writing as if it was my English exam, and that this sentence was the cue to start a story. Of course, when you do this, the plot does tend to change a lot, but I managed in the end!

Edited October 12, 2020 by Venerable

[dupuy 318]

Very nicely written! I love the accurate representation of the course after a conflict has occurred between a parent and child. It is sooo realistic! (I know from experience lol)

[Atomic_Tanker 249]

On 10/7/2020 at 1:02 AM, Venerable said:

venerated ants either scarper or get crushed beneath his feet

Very nice story but i  feel sorry for these ants xD

Edited October 13, 2020 by Atomic_Tanker

[E_polypterus 2,374]

Very nicely written bro: ))) and just like @dupuy it strongly reminds me of a few of my own personal experiences xD

Edited October 13, 2020 by E_polypterus