The Bus at Four [Poem]

[Venem 615]

Introduction: Tom and Marty are brothers. Tom is older by a year (or two - what matters is that Tom is the elder one). This poem is about the everyday interaction between siblings... It's about how Marty, the younger one, overreacts to a situation, and how Tom enjoys his brother's 'doom', and how he cunningly avoids paying a bribe, taking advantage of his little brother's 'plight'...

 

 

 

Marty checked the time on the clock. 

'What the hell!' he exclaimed with shock.

Said Tom, 'Hey, don't you make a fuss.'

Said Marty, 'But I'll miss the bus!'

'What bus?' asked Tom, with a small frown. 

'The bus at four, going to the town!'

 

'It's half-past-three,' said Tom with glee.

'Why do you smile?' asked young Marty.

'Well, you still have time, you clown!'

'A clown, am I?' -  Marty did frown.

'Oh yes, a clown, you heard me right.'

Said Tom, his blue eyes twinkling bright.

 

At this did Marty turn bright red,

'Indeed!' he said, within his head,

Out loud he screamed, 'How dare you, Tom!

You think you're smart, but I'll tell mom!'

 

Tom's turn it was to turn bright red,

A bead of sweat slid off his head,

'Oh, don't tell Mom, there's a good lad.'

'Okay then, I'll go and tell Dad.'

'Oh no, please don't!' Sir Tom did moan.

'Then go buy me an ice cream cone!'

 

'An ice cream cone?' asked Tom, surprised. 

'They're cheap', thought Tom, 'and quite small-sized.'

Aloud said Tom, 'Alright, I'll go.'

'That's great!' said Marty, 'go, go, go!'

 

'But wait', said Tom, 'I'll check my box.'

And sped to his room like a fox. 

'What box?' thought Marty, filled with doubt, 

'If Tom cheats me, I'll knock him out.'

 

Tom took his time to check his "box".

He knew he didn't have enough bucks.

His box lay open, nothing inside,

'Ah, my box is empty!' he cried.

 

Tom suddenly had a brainwave,

It was risky, but he was brave.

Putting on a confident smile,

Tom approached his brother in style.

 

'You got money?' asked lil' Marty.

'Well, did you know, it's three-fifty?'

Said Tom to Marty anxiously.

At this Marty's eyes opened wide,

He shook his head and almost cried,

'It's three-fifty!!!' - he nearly died.

 

'My bus - I'm late - Tom help me out!'

'I can't!' said Tom, and gave a pout.

'Useless', said Marty, ready to leave.

'I'll reach on time, in God I believe.'

 

And Marty went out through the door,

Knocking a pot onto the floor.

His eyes fell on Tom's bright blue bike,

He looked at Tom with great dislike.

 

'Go now', said Tom, 'you're getting late!'

'I know', said Marty, at the gate.

Flustered and fazed, he left in haste,

And our Tom looked on, happy-faced.

 

At last, relieved, he heaved a sigh,

His plan had worked, you can't deny.

He jumped with joy, and whooped with glee,

He had fooled our dear Marty!

 

 

~ Photo (based on my Discord nickname...)

 

 

This might be my last or second to last work before I take a long break from Tanki. I have an important, career-deciding, super tough exam early next year, and I haven't studied satisfactorily. I want to reduce distractions, and hence, I must stop playing the game for a few months or maybe a year. I will also greatly limit my forum activity, reduce it to just a reaction or two and lurk around occasionally. 

I shall return, of course, but that might be late. I might even apply for a helper position if I get into a decent college and get some free time. But I genuinely need the break, otherwise my future will be even more doubtful... xD

I'll miss all you guys, and I'll definitely return!

[Person_Random 4,991]

Approved.

What a hilarious and light little poem; I was thoroughly amused by the piece. I assume that Marty and Tom are brothers in the same family, and if I am correct, I definitely relate to their relationship. It's definitely representative of most sibling relationships, giving the piece an authentic feel. Additionally, the beat is quite well-constructed, bringing better flow to the story. The only somewhat strange part is that a couple of stanzas have six lines, while the rest don't, but otherwise, it is a great poem. Also, I wish you the best of luck on your exams!

Edits: Removed a few commas in the end paragraph.

 

[Venem 615]

Yes, Tom and Marty are brothers in the same family.

There is no particular reason behind some stanzas having 6 lines while others have 4. It could be considered as poetic liberty.

I think that the stanzas with 6 lines would have been sort of incomplete and out of place, if they had just 4 lines...

For example, the 9th stanza has 6 lines. It can't have just 4 lines, as it would disturb the rhyming scheme for that particular stanza. (aaa bbb)

On 10/14/2020 at 2:11 AM, Person_Random said:

Also, I wish you the best of luck on your exams!

Thanks a lot! 

 

On 10/14/2020 at 2:11 AM, Person_Random said:

the beat is quite well-constructed, bringing better flow to the story.

I guess learning Sanskrit has its advantages... I actually tried to keep 8 syllables in every line. 

In Sanskrit shlokas (shlokas are short verses of 2 to 4 lines usually, that convey an idea or ideal, or are just created for fun) there are different metres. Depending on the metre, you are supposed to use a complementary tune to utter the shloka. The tune is metre-specific. There can be multiple tunes for the same metre though.

The most common meter is Anushthup. It has 8 syllables in every line (for a 4-liner shloka) or 8x2 syllables in every line (for a 2 liner shloka). So if you try to sing this poem according to the complementary tune of Anushthup, you'll actually be able to do it quite easily, and it'll feel nice and different. (Although using English words will somewhat destroy the magic... xD)

On 10/14/2020 at 2:11 AM, Person_Random said:

Edits: Removed a few commas in the end paragraph

:x

Thanks!

Edited October 15, 2020 by SHREYA88

[Venerable 2,967]

3 hours ago, At_Shin said:

 

I have read a few Sanskrit shloks but I didn't know about any meters!

Well, this seems to be the best video I could find on YT that explains the meters in English...

https://youtu.be/AxtvIJdXW18

I suggest you search Anushtup chhand on YT...

If you want any more information, feel free to PM me, and also add SHREYA88 to the convo lol...

 

 

I'm glad you liked the poem!

 

P.S. @krish123_super check this link: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metre_(music)

Edited October 14, 2020 by Venerable

[Venerable 2,967]

On 10/14/2020 at 2:11 AM, Person_Random said:

definitely relate to their relationship

Surely a bot cannot..... ?

 

[Venerable 2,967]

On 10/11/2020 at 10:53 PM, Photophosphorus said:

This might be my last or second to last work before I take a long break from Tanki. I have an important, career-deciding, super tough exam early next year, and I haven't studied satisfactorily. I want to reduce distractions, and hence, I must stop playing the game for a few months or maybe a year. I will also greatly limit my forum activity, reduce it to just a reaction or two and lurk around occasionally. 

I shall return, of course, but that might be late. I might even apply for a helper position if I get into a decent college and get some free time. But I genuinely need the break, otherwise my future will be even more doubtful... xD

I'll miss all you guys, and I'll definitely return!

This last micro-textwall did not age well...

The exam was okay-ish, but I got into another good univ via their own entrance exam.

 

Looking back, I have no idea how I managed to compose a poem having more than 400 words...

[Lose 881]

On 1/12/2022 at 10:20 PM, Venerable said:

 

Looking back, I have no idea how I managed to compose a poem having more than 400 words...

join the club (Drown was 400+)

[Incorp 2,084]

Tom = Tom Sawyer

Marty = Sid Sawyer

 

seriously the similarity is weird.

 

but I really enjoyed this poem, I always marveled at the rhyme and how smooth it flows.

Edited January 29, 2022 by Incorp