Father's House

[Venerable 2,967]

 

Prologue:

Spoiler

"Gemmy dear-" he began tentatively, with fondness and love filling his voice.

She looked at him with a violent mixture of hatred, disgust and defiance - her eyes wide open and livid. 

That look was enough. Enough to quell even the meanest of the mean. Enough to let him know -that something had broken between them, forever...

*

Jim was enjoying the party, if one may say so. There was exotic food, some imported drinks, a jolly band playing a soothing waltz, and more importantly, his friends. His friends were some of the rare creatures on earth that heard him out. They helped him. They laughed with him. They counselled him. They understood him. 

A friend came across the dance floor and handed him a glass of guava juice. 

"What's with that look, eh, buddy?" came a question, quite unexpectedly. Jim had looked as if he had been through a lifetime's worth of despair.

"Ah, nothing, mate, nothing at all... you carry on with the dancing, I'll join you in a bit. Thanks for the juice, by the way!" he said to his friend with a wink.

The wink did it - the friend walked away to the dance floor, convinced that his buddy was fine.

Jim sat down on a nearby chair, sipping some juice as he pondered over the absurd turn of events that had occurred recently. Things weren't exactly sailing smoothly back at home. Squabbles had now replaced candid chats...

*

Baby Angelica was running as fast as she could to her father, as she had just learnt how to walk a week ago. Squealing with delight, she attempted to jump into her father's open arms. Jim was laughing heartily, and he scooped up his baby daughter before she tripped and fell. 

"My darling Gemmy, running already!" he said, as Angelica tried to wriggle out of his arms and start running once again. His heart filled up with warmth whenever he called his daughter 'Gemmy'.

 

Fast forward five years, and Gemmy was standing precariously on Jim's shoulders, trying to pick an apple off the apple tree in their backyard. 

"Aaah, Dad hold me!" she screamed as she lost her balance. Jim caught her effortlessly and burst out laughing.

"Clumsy little monkey, Gemmy..."

"I'm not clumsy," she said with a scoff, "but a monkey, sure!" And she burst out laughing as she ran back into the house. Apples didn't need to be picked off trees - their dining table already had a dozen of them piled neatly in a basket. Her mother laughed at the father-daughter duo's fifth failed attempt and went on with her chores.

 

Fast forward about a decade, and things aren't the same anymore.

*

One could feel the tension in the air, even though it was Angelica's sixteenth birthday. Where did the tension come from, you might ask, for birthdays are seldom tense. The tension was always there, ever since Jim started drinking a year ago. Alcohol has an uncanny ability to drive your senses away. It can induce violent and crazy behavior. It can rent apart relationships within a few minutes. It can utterly destroy your life overnight. In short, alcohol is harmful not only to the drinker but also to those around him. 

On the night before his daughter's birthday, Jim had returned home drunk. They had a large house with a befitting backyard. A red sedan was parked on a driveway right beside Gemmy's window. Jim walked past the sedan and rang the doorbell. Gemmy strode out of her room, reluctantly walking across the main hall, and opened the door. Immediately, the strong odor of alcohol assaulted her nostrils. She made a face, pinched her nose shut, and quickly ran back to her room.

Jim didn't like that look on his darling Gemmy's face, not one bit. He shouted out to his wife, "What's that you've taught my Gemmy now - a new face? Why are you pitting her against me - leave her out of your conspiracies!"

"What conspiracies and what face - you come back home drunk to the brim, smelling of alcohol, falling all over the place, and you expect Angelica to greet you with an open nose?" his wife shot back.

He didn't like the sound of all the brutal truths that his wife was throwing at him. He got angry. 

"What are you-"

 

The tiny row mutated into a vicious verbal war shortly. Gemmy was trying her best to ignore all the shouting and screaming in the hall. But what can a thin piece of wood do to prevent sounds of such high decibel levels from entering her room? Her door was just a show-piece that night. She feared that her father might turn violent and hurt her mother under the influence of alcohol. By the time she had decided to call the police, she heard a door slam. A car engine came to life right outside her window, and just like that, her mother was gone.

A mixture of confusion and shock welled up inside her - had her mother just left the house? She timidly pulled back the curtains of her window and saw to her horror that their car had vanished from the driveway right beside her window. She feared the worst - but the worst had already occurred. Her mother had truly left the house.

She stayed awake for a long time that night. She kept repeating to herself: "Mom has left... Mom has left... I'm alone with Dad... Mom has left..." As if it would numb the shock. She hoped against hope that this was just a nightmare, but reality asserted itself aggressively. Finally, disturbed and disheveled, she went to sleep. 

Jim just kept staring at the front-door blankly, stupidly expecting his wife to walk back in again. He soon slipped into an alcohol-induced slumber. The alcohol wiped out all worries temporarily, and he slept in peace.

Gemmy slept uneasily, tossing and turning in her sleep due to nightmares. But her father slept peacefully in a virtual bliss that kept his worries at bay.

*

Next morning, Gemmy woke up early. She was disoriented at first, but her senses caught up pretty soon. The shock still hadn't worn off when the full gravity of her mother's departure suddenly struck her. She sat up straight in bed, shivering involuntarily. Getting off, she put on a jacket and slipped her phone into a pocket. She slowly made her way to the kitchen, walking in a daze, and saw her father sleeping on the couch. She suppressed a violent urge to throw something at him. Without sparing him a second glance, she rushed into the kitchen, wishing to eat something to overcome the nausea. She gulped down a glass of water, panting slightly. She took deep breaths to calm herself down - she needed to think, and hence she needed a calm and composed mind. She had to do something about her life, her future. Her mother was truly gone, there was no point in asking her to return. She could go and live with her, perhaps. A divorce was inevitable, and her mother would obviously get her custody. 

Maybe she could run away... try and make a living out there somewhere...

But that thought immediately vanished as it came. It was foolish to try and do that. Going to her mother was the safest option. She pulled out her phone and typed in her mother's phone number. Before she typed the last digit, however, her father tramped into the kitchen.

They both froze the instant they saw each other.

After a minute of silence, Jim made as if to say something to his daughter. No sound came out of his mouth. He put his hands on the kitchen counter, slightly overcome with emotion.

Finally, he gathered some courage to speak.

"Gemmy dear-" he began tentatively, with fondness and love filling his voice.

She looked at him with a violent mixture of hatred, disgust, and defiance - her eyes wide open and livid. 

That look was enough. Enough to quell even the meanest of the mean. Enough to let him know - that something had broken between them, forever...

With as much contempt as she could muster, Angelica looked her father in the eye and said: "I- I'm going over to Mum."

Jim broke down, then and there. He wept bitterly, overwhelmed by this sudden decision of his daughter. There was no denying - his wife will divorce him, and his Gemmy, his darling Gemmy, will be snatched away from him and sent to her mother. His wife's actions on the previous night had confirmed his worst fears - he was going to lose his daughter forever...

Gemmy dismissed the pity that rose within her at the sight of her sobbing father. One must not pity the pathetic, she said to herself in her mind. 

Later that day, her birthday celebrations were rather subdued. All her friends left rather hurriedly. Gemmy had texted them about the recent turn of events, and they had collectively decided to leave quickly after the birthday cake was cut. They said they'd help her out if she needed them and that she should call them up immediately should she face any trouble.

*

She left the house with a sense of finality on the next day. She had totally ignored her father. Her belongings were safely packed in her bag, and she walked over to the bus stop without pausing for even a second to look back at her father's house one last time. 

That's what it was, now. Her father's house.

~   *   ~   *   ~   *  ~

 

 

~ Photo

 

Edited November 14, 2020 by Venerable
Fixed a few formatting issues that creep in when PR uses his legendary phone...

[Person_Random 4,991]

Approved.

Wow, excellent story - I struggle to crank out any stories (short stories mostly), let alone any of this caliber. I especially enjoyed the snapshot format of the plot; it helps distinguish the path of the relationship between father and daughter. Now, about your questions. First up, the title. I couldn't think of anything better to name it myself, but the story does need to wrap around the 'house' theme more, if you will (e.g. mentioning the house in the context of "their house" and then "her father's house" would be a perfect way to demonstrate this, though the execution will be tough). And don't worry about the appropriateness of the piece because I feel that there aren't any highly censorable parts (extreme and detailed violence, any suggestive themes), so everyone should be able to enjoy the story. I hope this addresses your concerns; keep up the great work!

Edits: minor grammar fixes.

Spoiler

Again, there were some little issues with the commas, but there have definitely been far fewer this time around. Excellent!

 

[Venerable 2,967]

On 11/12/2020 at 5:22 AM, Person_Random said:

the story does need to wrap around the 'house' theme more

Ah yes, it does. 

On 11/12/2020 at 5:22 AM, Person_Random said:

I feel that there aren't any highly censorable parts (extreme and detailed violence, any suggestive themes)

I tried my best to avoid any such content. I even left the quarrel incomplete, and just used this sentence- "The tiny row mutated into a vicious verbal war shortly". 

Such a theme does tend to have some violence or suggestive stuff, so I was slightly uneasy about the appropriateness of the piece. Thanks for those reassuring words!

On 11/12/2020 at 5:22 AM, Person_Random said:

Wow, excellent story - I struggle to crank out any stories (short stories mostly), let alone any of this caliber.

Thank you very much! I had never thought this story had such a "high caliber"... It means a lot! 

On 11/12/2020 at 5:22 AM, Person_Random said:

Again, there were some little issues with the commas, but there have definitely been far fewer this time around. Excellent!

Lol, I actually wrote this story in like 3-4 hours (though the plot had been revolving around in my mind for quite some time), and I was sure that the plot would have some glaring gaps or the grammar would be thrown to the wind. Thankfully, I somehow managed to proofread the piece one final time (quite reluctantly, ngl) and deliberated to identify all the independent clauses. I found a few and promptly added commas. Some unnecessary commas were removed, though I still love putting commas everywhere... 

 

P.S. I noticed that some italicized words weren't italicized anymore after your approval, PR. Was it intended, or was it your legendary phone? With your permission, may I italicize some words? I've also edited the story again to fix some formatting issues (asterisks were shifted to the left, so I aligned them to the center again).

What are your thoughts on the usage of italics?

P.P.S. The beginning of the story (Jim at the party) takes place before Gemmy's mother leaves the house, and after Jim begins drinking. I think it's quite obvious, but some clarification never goes amiss...

 

To everyone: I am currently experimenting with a style of writing wherein I use only pronouns. The whole story would contain no names, and the reader wouldn't know the name(s) of the character(s) throughout the story. I tried to write this story in the pronoun-only style, but, as you all can see, I failed miserably. It's pretty tough to pull off such an ambitious task. The best I could manage was reducing the number of names used. [I haven't revealed the name of the mother... (I don't know her name myself!  )]

Also, I might continue writing some short pieces in the AWS and not completely stop posting here, as I had mentioned in "The Bus at Four". 

This was the first time I included a prologue, by the way... 

What are your views?

Edited December 8, 2020 by Venerable

[dupuy 318]

3 hours ago, Venerable said:

 

 

To everyone: I am currently experimenting with a style of writing wherein I use only pronouns. The whole story would contain no names, and the reader wouldn't know the name(s) of the character(s) throughout the story. I tried to write this story in the pronoun-only style, but, as you all can see, I failed miserably. It's pretty tough to pull off such an ambitious task. The best I could manage was reducing the number of names used. [I haven't revealed the name of the mother... (I don't know her name myself!  )]

Also, I might continue writing some short pieces in the AWS and not completely stop posting here, as I had mentioned in "The Bus at Four". 

This was the first time I included a prologue, by the way... 

What are your views?

I very much understand your position. I personally think a story is best told with mystery surrounding some individual characters, in this case their names, but others should be revealed to the reader. A story can be very boring if the author tells the reader the names of each character, but it can be very restricted and confusing if no one is named.

As a lover of classical literature, I like to balance between these two extremes. When reading Dickens, for instance, one will notice that the names of the main characters are revealed, but others, such as Betsy Trotwood's unknown husband in David Copperfield, are not. (Great book if you want to greatly expand your vocabulary and quickly gain an even greater appreciation for an author who mastered the English language.) I actually left some names in the War For The Kingdom's series out of the piece, such as the garrison commander in the first chapter or the field officer. The messenger's name was left out until he as a character became central to the plot of the story, after which I named him.

In short, balance to every story is what makes it worth reading. I am sure you can successfully write with just pronouns, but I prefer a mix of pronouns and names in my work, as this gives a level of mystery, but also makes the piece logical for the reader. This is, of course, my personal opinion on the matter. If you do manage write something using pronouns only I would still be interested to read it!

[Venerable 2,967]

I wondered where to share this video... then this topic popped up...

 

[Incorp 2,084]

On 11/10/2020 at 10:57 PM, Venerable said:

. Alcohol has an uncanny ability to drive your senses away. It can induce violent and crazy behavior. It can rent apart relationships within a few minutes. It can utterly destroy your life overnight. In short, alcohol is harmful not only to the drinker but also to those around him. 

This is true, @nikunj04 so be careful while drinking ;) don't get addicted. 

Nice story btw, now I  have some free time I'll be rereading my favorites of the WC