contest [Contest] Design a Helper!

[Venerable 2,967]

Have you ever felt that the current Helper Groups aren't adequate? We don't seem to have enough Promokod Generators, or Troll Trollers, or Cookie Designers... wait - these positions do not even exist! That's outrageous! There's no helper group that can do these crucial tasks! We need more Helper positions!
Well, here's your chance! Design a Helper position which you feel is absolutely necessary in Tanki, and be as creative & humorous as possible!

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The following is all the information you need to know about the contest:

Task:

• You need to create an imaginary and funny Tanki Helper position! The description of the position should ideally include things like the job, requirements/eligibility, and benefits (refer to the Helper Recruitment portal if you want).
• Submit your entries as a reply to this topic itself.
• Word limit: 150-200 words (anything above 200 words will be immediately disqualified). Your entry can have less than 150 words, but not more than 200 words.
• Your goal is to "design a Helper" and describe the position in a humorous way.
• Remember, the word limit is small, so organize your entry accordingly. 

Rules: 

• Please enter from only ONE account.
• One entry per participant.
• Crystals will be awarded to the winners on the account they entered from.
• The Helper position you design should be Tanki related.
• Use your own creativity - don't copy the ideas in the introduction or in the example below.
• Naturally, no plagiarism.
• Game Rules must be followed at all costs, so no insulting/flaming/provoking/profanity. 

Criteria:

It is important for the participants to know what they will be judged upon. Here is the criteria:

• General Writing ability.
• Ability to express in the given limit.
• Humor.
• Grammatical evaluation (I'll be a bit lax on this and use this criterion only for tiebreakers)
• How Tanki-related your entry is.

Example:

Spoiler

Troll Troller

The job:

You must make it a point to troll all trolls on the various social media platforms online like Discord and Facebook. If you find a naughty player misdirecting a newbie by sending rickroll links instead of the Account Retrieval form, you must troll the naughty player. Trolls must not be allowed to roam about freely. Use your brain, if you have one, and make those naughty trolls pay for their mischief. Remember, it is your job to troll - those amateur players who call themselves "trolls" are just pure frauds. You are the real troll, and you must keep the noble art of trolling alive.

Requirements:

• Must be well-versed in Memetics.
• Natural flair for trolling
• Inherent desire to help rid the Tanki community of amateur trolls
• Walk, talk, eat, and smell like a troll.
• Have a fast internet connection: those "Baby Shark" video links must be sent to trolls super fast.
• Be at least 15.14285722199288177266453 years old.
• Must have at least 10 friends (otherwise you won't get full benefits; see below)

Benefits:

• Excellent environment to improve social-distancing skills
• Excellent way to lose friends 
• Memes will be at your fingertips
• Special Troll paint that also smells like rafflesia
• Special Troll avatar on the forum
• Special work accounts to troll in general chat and give Chat Mods a hard time
• Anything else you find beneficial (get trolled xaxaxa)

So, do you have a dormant troll within you waiting to be awakened? Then this is just the job for you! Apply now!

 

Prizes:

First place: 60,000 Crystals , 6 Containers .

Second place: 50,000 Crystals , 4 Containers .

Third place: 40,000 Crystals , 2 Containers .

Consolation Prize: 25,000 Crystals .
 

Deadline:

The contest will start on: 26/02/21 -Topic open (Accepting Entries)

The contest will end on: 12/03/21 -Topic closed at 12:00 UTC (Stop Accepting Entries)

*Winners will be announced within one week of the end of the contest.

Status: CLOSED

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Remember to have fun! Feel free to contact me in case you have any doubts!

[Person_Random 4,991]

We also have a contest to test your designing abilities (nope, you will still have to apply separately to become an official Designer). You will also need some creativity with a sprinkle of humor here and there and everywhere. Do you think you're up to the task? Only one way to find out - participate now and you might end up winning some cool prizes!

[Initiate 1,306]

On 1/25/2021 at 12:28 AM, Venerable said:

(I'll be a bit lax on this and use this criterion only for tiebreakers)

That's a bit mean. Fortunately he's a reporter too so he can't enter anyways, but still.
 

Spoiler

Oh wait...

 

Edited February 28, 2021 by Initiate
"The "d" is silent and invisible..." - Venerable ||| "Stop replying here." - Initiate

[AEGIS 24]

Gold Grabber

Job- Have you ever seen pros taking golds from noob players or people who can’t even turn their turret. Yes? Then we are proud to announce gold grabbers who grabs a gold from a pro player and gives it too those noobs or non-buyers. By grab, I mean deduct the amount of crystals earnt from a gold from their account and add it to the noobs acc. If they say “admin gold plz” in chats, or drop golds for themselves by creating a private battle they will be called noobs. Does it mean pros can’t take gold? NO!! There won’t be many grabbers so they can’t give out many golds. How many you ask? There will be one for each rank so total 31.

Requirement:

    ·         You are yourself not a noob.

     ·         1 helper /Rank.

     ·         No bans/chat bans as well.

     ·         You need to drop golds according to your Rank (Recruit-10 and each rank 10+).

Benefits:

     ·         You will get spectator.

     ·         Special Gold Grabber Avatar on the server.

     ·         Blessings from the noobs.

     ·         Special Gold Grabber paint. (The tank is covered with Gold boxes.)

     ·         You can drop containers, but you need to buy them first.

                                                                                                                       Apply if you don’t care about golds.

Edited March 10, 2021 by cosmooss
Idk.

[AEGIS 24]

@VenerableMy entry has exactly 200 words , Please tell me if it is fine. Hopefully you will like it.

 

[Venerable 2,967]

1 hour ago, cosmooss said:

@VenerableMy entry has exactly 200 words , Please tell me if it is fine. Hopefully you will like it.

 

Your entry is fine. 

An important point to note: Please be as professional as possible even if this contest requires you to be humorous. You still have time till 12th March, so feel free to edit and perfect your entries! 

[AEGIS 24]

I had 300 words but I couldn't submit it  :(

 

[AEGIS 24]

If u allow more words I can make something much better.

[Venerable 2,967]

Just now, cosmooss said:

If u allow more words I can make something much better.

Well, one of the criteria for judging is "your ability to express in the given limit". You have to do your best and not cross the word limit. I have also mentioned (last point of "Task") that the word limit is small, so organize your entry properly!

Remember, you still have time until 12th March. You can make your entry better till then. Have fun!

[superior1KING 68]

Hopper Hunter

Job:

Sick n tired of nasty hoppers for ruining your nearly perfect gold take , this is your best opportunity. Kill hoppers while they are trying to take the gold in the air and you will be rewarded. The nearer you kill them to the gold , the more benefits you will have ( extra bonuses for container golds).The requirements may be difficult , but they are worth the benefits.

Requirements:

• You must have shaft mk7
• You must have the heavy capacitors augment equipped
• You must have the booster drone
• You must record your hopper hunting. Otherwise you will not be able to get benefits
• You must have good sniping skills

Benefits:

• Special Anti-Hopper paint in the garage
• Special protection against hopper (stun+heat immunity)
• Chance to get the best sniper of the year award
• Fame among players who do not like hopper as well
• A chance of winning Spectator account if you manage to kill 1000 hoppers

 

You are only allowed to kill hoppers when golds are dropping

We hope that the hoppers will not try to take revenge. They might, so think before you Apply

Edited March 3, 2021 by superior1KING

[intestinito 335]

Tech Support bot

Do you feel useless? Have you ever wonder what would feel like to be the tech support bot? Do you know absolutely anything, even those questions that has no answer?

if you think so, this might be the ideal position for you! 

 

Requeriments, who are we looking for?

Someone who: 

• Knows only 2 types of answer to common questions
• Weights more than 370 lbs
• is still maintained by his parents
• Be over 25 years old and with at least 30 years of experience
• Has a decent sound knowledge of the English language
• A week of clean karma

Benefits:

• a perfect opportunity to overpass your previous 370 lbs
• Excelent environment to share with other helpers
• Just 16hs a day 
• minimum salary in form of crystals for the work you do
• Special paint to wear in battles and a forum Avatar

 

It may take up to 9 months for an application to be answered, however, there is a possibility that it may take more time to fully look the application. if you're still alive, you will be contacted. if you are not contacted within 9 months of submitting your application, consider yourself rejected.

 

Good luck! 

 

[Lose 881]

The "Guide" Writer

Ever seen a Lose guide? Ever wondered how one could learn such power as to create a guide where you learn so much, yet you learn nothing at the same time? Well, this is your chance! You now can create guides that cause people to wonder: "Why?"

 

Requirements -- what are we looking for?

• Has too much time on their hands
• Is willing to spend countless whole minutes on a completely useless guide
• Is at least 13 years of age
• Has heard the English language spoken before (no need to be fluent)
• At least three past bans

 

What's in it for you?

• A massive and quick loss of most friends
• Comedic skill loss/A lack of comedic skills gained
• A special paint that looks just like the default Green paint (we swear it's different)
• New knowledge of a subject; no matter how random it is, you'll learn it!

 

Be noted:

It may take up to two years to read your application if we do, and may take up to another year to come to a conclusion.

You can only apply once. If you don't get accepted, it's a sign.

 

Good luck!

Edited March 2, 2021 by Lose

[mjmj5558 2,346]

Meme spammer

Once, the forum was a really active place, but now, you can rarely see any new topics or replies. To prevent forum moderators from sleeping all day, your task is to spam all topics with memes and some nosense messages. 

Requirements - who are we looking for?

• Can create meme from the most serious topics
• Has at least 25 hours of free time a day
• Has at least 5 warning points
• Was banned from the forum for x days recently

Benefits - what's in for you?

• You can post memes anywhere, legally
• You won't be banned - from the forum - anymore
• Learn new, awesome spamming tactics
•  Get one crystal / post
• Perfect opportunity to get rejected as a forum moderator after having this position
• Special paint to wear in the battles and a gray forum avatar

Do you have some unposted memes an free time? What are you waiting for? Apply now!

Note: unlike other positions, you need to send a DM to the admin, Adriel.RB (and don't be suprised if you get a pigeon as an answer or something like that).

Edited March 8, 2021 by mjmj5558
Added a nice profile

[superior1KING 68]

can we get a definitive win to adriel as well 

[Volturo 181]

Punch Dummy

 

Job:

The Tanki community has been facing an issue with toxicity, particularly in parkour battles. As a punch dummy, your job will be to reduce this toxicity by giving these testosterone-filled egomaniacs a way to release their aggression... by destroying you over and over again. You will join parkour battles and let yourself be killed, perhaps enjoying a snack as you watch. Your noble deeds will surely make Tanki a safer place.

 

Requirements:

• Must have the lowest modifications for all equipment
• Use Lightweight Construction to make yourself easier to flip
• Can only play in parkour battles (can't sabotage your team in normal battles)
• Low self esteem
• High pain tolerance
• Cannot return fire - you're trying to pacify, not provoke
• Have a punchable face

Benefits:

• An excellent chance at claiming the world record for lowest k/d ratio, although competition may be tough
• The unique ability to get destroyed by your own teammates
• Fame - everyone will want to join your battles to destroy you
• Free counseling to cope with your PTSD
• Special Punch Dummy paint with the MyTanks logo on it

 

Think you have what it takes to be the biggest dummy? Apply now!

[mjmj5558 2,346]

5 hours ago, At_Shin said:

Do you think you meet the above requirement? Apply Now!

I knew what position you linked even before clicking on it..... The revenge.

[Bydo 20,119]

Tanki Mum Advisor.
Job description.
To be the most annoying parent at any age.

Requirements
Being there to give the wrong advise.
Teaching others on how not to get burned by Firebird.
Must have a good credit card to buy players gold box’s ,even when you have no food in the house to eat.
Be on call any hour of the day or night to battles.
Need to have baking skills to cook tasty meals from flying hulls and parkour-est tanks, you destroyed in battles
Mostly to be OK to get paid with in game invisible money that vanishes in a blink of an eye.
Be a push me pull me and learn to multitask on a dime.

Benefit's
Being able to help others by doing nothing.
Learning to use a giant flyswatter to get rid of the  flying giant bugs that annoying you.
Spending more time on Tanki and less time cleaning your room.
Calling the medical team to get advise on how to heal a freezer burn from an invisible turret.
But the most important thing is to be able to tell your parents that “you do know it all”..

Edited March 8, 2021 by Bydo

[Venerable 2,967]

Guys we've got just 7 entries till now - compare that to the 23 replies we have here... there's still time until 12th March, so get writing! Good luck!

[AEGIS 24]

On 3/8/2021 at 7:40 AM, At_Shin said:

Can we get a definitive win for adri for this beautiful poster he made for us with his supreme drawing skills? 

Okay here's my entry just for fun - just so you know I am forum mod...if you didn't actually know that.

Devil's Pet advocate -

Job Description:  Official helpers who will argue with anyone, anywhere, at any time of the night or day whenever an unfortunate soul has made the unfortunate mistake of questioning a questionable update in the game we love (tanki online).

 

Requirements: 

• Must have excellent arguing skills.
• Must have accurate knowledge of the game rules and the EULA.
• Must have the ability to intimidate other players and make them feel either

1.  Stupid, or
2.  fabulously annoyed.

• Clean dev's laundry (well, you are the dev's pet, aren't you? So go Clean, Clean, Clean!).
• and last but most important of all - you need to master the ability of making utterly pointless arguments sound like a million dollar idea. Please complete this sentence and we will know if we want you - "Hopper with Crisis is balanced because ....(to be filled up in the application form).

Benefits:

• An excellent chance to get in the good graces of the developers.
• Annoying/mesmerizing Hundreds and Thousands of players with your well-crafted arguments.
• Chance to greatly improve your ability to annoy other players and appear as a highly educated person with your precise citations form the E.U.L.A. and Game rules.
• Become a wannabe lawyer.
• Special Paint - Devil's Advocate Pet.
• Best way to boost your already big ego.

Do you think you meet the above requirement? Apply Now!

you are disqualified caus you have more than 200 words hahahah. I am joking xd.

 

[Bydo 20,119]

On 3/9/2021 at 7:45 AM, Venerable said:

Guys we've got just 7 entries till now - compare that to the 23 replies we have here... there's still time until 12th March, so get writing! Good luck!

Be very quiet the more you talk about this . the less chance I can win .. I need to finally win at my age..

[Demonic.King 73]

Sorrow-Sharer ( For adults below 15, I mean to write "Sorcerer" )

The Job :

Bullied by wasp bombs? Annoyed over hoppers stealing your golds? Upset because someone killed you while you had 10000 mines planted? Feeling lonely because none to heal you in MM or no Tanki GF to make mine hearts for? OR ARE YOU UNABLE TO REACH LEGEND RANK?  PR don't kill me pls .This helper won't won't give you golds or increase your rank or be your tanki gf for a day so u can click pictures with, But instead the Sorrow-Sharer will provide you moral support.

Requirements :

• Bodybuilder ( to cover tanker's face with pillow till they die incase they cry too much )
• Bullied for years by Buyers and trolled in MM
• Available 48 hours a day in order to listen to all sad stories
• Minimum 15 years old and maximum 23 years old
• 24 years of experience of losing your Tankk GF/BF.

 

Benefits :

• receive a call by Messi to be his cheer girl in matches. 
• Special animated paint "Tears".
• Monthly subscription of tissues 
• Brand ambassador for pillow brands

Edited March 11, 2021 by Sylvian

[Lowlife 79]

.

Edited March 23, 2022 by Merciless

[Sabry 1,072]

So many good positions there, I wonder in which will I apply

[chinufire1 119]

Tanki Match-Maker

A match made in heaven, this helper - vibrantly distinguished with the “First love” paint is a true wingman/woman. Whether you’re looking for someone to share a gold rain with, or someone to chill at the beach with in Rio, this tanker will find the perfect match. Some say the true princess/prince is locked away, hidden amongst the sewage tunnels of Silence, but this helper, will find you’re one true love. A companion you’d take a thunder shell for and protect with your Titan dome. They’re expert’s in the field of matchmaking, finding the right tanks, based on aesthetics, personality and style of gameplay.

Requirements:

• Capable of human interaction
• Must have an active Tinder profile
• Must have impeccable taste in fashion and design
• Needs to be willing to be a surrogate tank in case of a pregnancy
• Needs to be available as a chauffeur to drive tanks to and from dates

Benefits:

• 5% commission from gifts purchased from couples
• Spectator mode to see potential partners for your client
• Exclusive “cupid love hearts” smoky shot effect

If you want to help your best friends find their partner for Valentine’s Day 2022, now’s your chance!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Venerable 2,967]

There are only two hours more until the end of this contest - at 12:00 UTC, this topic will be locked. Hurry up if you still wish to enter!