Up in Flames

[Galaxy_Collapse 8]

_{(Before reading please note, this article is only fiction and is not based on a true story)}

Have you ever had a feeling that something is too hot to handle? I believe we all have, and some of us have had it more than once. I have, but in my case, it wasn't just heat. It wasn't some heat like 80ºC (like how we consider something too hot to handle) - it was something that could probably kill you if you handled it for more than a minute. I'm talking about something like 1,000ºC. What's even more surprising is that temperature isn't even measured at the source of the heat, but the air around it!

 

It was just a regular day in a house on the outskirts of Sydney. Not a cloud in sight. The temperature was expected to rise above 25ºC. Just an average summer day. Or at least, that's what we thought...

The date was February 10; an insignificant date that has nothing to do with anything in particular. Suddenly, at three o'clock, the doorbell rang. I rushed to answer it, and it turned out that the person at the door was just the postman delivering a package. "That must be the new lighter we wanted to start the gas cooker we have out in the backyard!" I thought. So the postman had to get me to sign the package, which I did. So I had something to start the fire to cook shrimps on the BBQ that night. I put it somewhere to be safe, so it didn't set anything on fire.

 

However, at 5 p.m., I went to get the lighter to start the BBQ. My brother was playing with it, and he didn't let me play with it. "Give it back!" I exclaimed. He didn't give it back. He was constantly pressing the button close to him (which, of course, made the flame appear) and letting it go. However, the next time he pressed the button, it didn't just make the flame flicker - it actually set fire to something. I tried to put the fire out, but because it was so hot it spread like a wildfire. Thirty seconds later, it got to a point where the fire was burning down the whole house! Burning bits of the roof fell to the floor and so did the beams. It seemed that we had to get down, get low, and get out FAST. However, a beam fell down that blocked our way to the window, and another one blocked our way to the door!

 

It seemed that this was the end; that I would die due to my brother's carelessness. However, I can't really blame him - he was seven years old back then. The walls around us, the beams that fell from the roof, the roof itself, were all burning. It was extremely hot in there, to say the least. I started to lose consciousness, and as I did, I was wondering if it was the end. "Is this really how it ends? In a fire, with my brother who caused it? Please, no. I don't want to go," I began to scream. "I don't want to go, I don't want to go, I DON'T WANT TO G-"

 

"Where? Where am I?" I ask as reality begins to fade back into view. I look around. "Am I in heaven?"

"No. You're in the hospital. You're so lucky to be alive," the doctor says. "You were in a coma for 50 days. Half your body is burnt." 

"You're so lucky to be alive," she repeats. 

"Dad? Mom?" I look around the room and see them cry with both sadness and happiness. "What happened?"
"The firemen and the ambulance services got there just in time. Your brother made it out ok, but I didn't know if you were going to make it. Your body is covered in third-degree burns. *sniff* We're so happy you're alive!" 

 

Now, my body is still covered in the burns from ten years ago. It has been a difficult going. I wasn't able to walk for two years and wasn't able to open doors for five. I was in a wheelchair most of the time. Every time I go to do anything, I still can feel the excruciating pain from ten years ago. I now live with my boyfriend and a year ago we got married! I don't really blame my brother for that time 10 years ago - I blame myself. I shouldn't have looked away at that moment. I should've been more careful with the firelighter. But it is what it is, and nothing can change that now. I have begun to accept that and move on. It seems that I went up in flames and lived to tell the tale. 

 

Moral of the story: Exercise caution when around fire. Don't be as careless as the boy was with the lighter. Also, keep firelighters and anything that could cause fires out of reach of children at ALL times. 

[Venerable 2,967]

Approved!

 

Galaxy_Collapse brings us a nice little story with a strong message - do NOT play with fire. The plot is developed well, and the idea behind the story is very good. What I like about the story is that Galaxy_Collapse uses simple words to describe serious events and also conveys an important message. 

While the story was good overall, it had a few writing issues. I found many instances where you changed tenses in between sentences. If you are narrating an incident which has occurred in the past, you should use the past tense throughout your narration. Once you come back to the present, do not forget to use the present tense. This was the only major issue. 
Also, the phrase "too hot to handle" is rarely used to describe hot things - it actually refers to a situation or a person that is too dangerous to get involved with. I have not edited it out.

Edits: 

Spoiler

• Minor rephrases
• Changed numerals to words (avoid writing numerals in articles; use the names of the numbers as much as possible)
• Made the tenses consistent
• Removed a few commas:
  In compound sentences, we use commas before "independent clauses". Independent clauses are essentially a group of words that can be meaningful sentences when used alone.  So, always check whether the part of the sentence after the comma forms an independent clause or not (that is, whether it is a meaningful sentence on its own). If not, then remove the comma. 
  For example, "The beach is a lot of fun, but the mountains are better." Here, the conjunction "but" is joining two meaningful sentences, "The beach is a lot of fun" and "The mountains are better". So, the comma is necessary.
  In "I couldn't get up, or run", the comma should be removed because "or run" is not an independent clause. Hope this helps!

 Great job, Galaxy_Collapse! This was a good story with a great lesson.

[Mursal 58]

This fire was so rampant and dramatic. Thirty seconds and the whole house is in flames! 

Good job, a light and compelling story - something I love.