[Fools] The Dictator - Tanki's Finest News Source

[Venerable 2,967]

Ahahahaahahahaa

You thought we'd spare your eyes and not hit you with text-walls? Meh. Not possible. We're sorry that we don't feel sorry. Enjoy this special edition of The Dictator! 

 

Admin scams FR Reporter
by @LOLKILLERTOTHEDEATH

@brother_of_pro has brought to our attention one of the greatest crimes of the century. According to him, @kaisdf was to give him a whole 1000 cookies as reward for something (IDK, Sabry didn't tell me why he was to get 1000 cookies). In reality, he has only received 990 cookies. Can you imagine? Forever more, Sabry will go down in history as "the 990 cookie guy" as opposed to the 1000 cookie person. Well, that is he would have, if not for me chiming in (yes, I'm super generous)! When Sabry asked for 10 more cookies, I spammed at him 47 more cookies, so I guess he goes down as the "1037 cookie guy" lol.

 

Armadil-low?

By @Venerable

When the Developers introduced the all new Critical damage update, a Critical Protection Module, called "Armadillo", had to follow by default. Why, you ask? Um... just don't ask. 

Anyway, they soon faced a problem - the armadillos were assigned a "Protected" status by International Union for Conservation of Zoos [IUCZ], and Tanki heavily depended on them for said prized Armadillo modules. The IUCZ was quoted as saying that zoos all over the world were facing shortages of armadillos and that Alternativa better switch to alternatives lest all zoos lose a visitor or two. When the developers pointed out that lions or panthers helped the zoos get more visitors and that armadillos hardly mattered, the IUCZ changed tactics at the speed of light and began talking about the huge impact of faulty CRafting tIcket Selling IndustrieS (CRISIS) robots, supplied all over the world by Alternativa, on the automatic ticket selling machines installed at various zoos (last time we checked, only three zoos had this facility).

After the IUCZ put political pressure on Alternativa and did not get intimidated by a horrifying image (which was supposed to threaten them), Alternativa had to finally give in. [In the spoiler below, you will find the horrifying image. Caution: View at your own risk.]

Spoiler

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And hence, tankers, the Developers added this precious module to Ultra Containers, to address the concerns raised by the IUCZ. 

 

GFs in Demand

By @Venerable

Who doesn't like a GF, especially in Tanki? I mean, having a GF in Tanki is supposed to be against the rules, but hey - we still find some disgusting people typing this in chat:

 

Just looking at such posts makes me a bit angry. Animal conservation is the need of the hour, and yet we see such irrational people searching for GFs... I really feel bad for Giant Frogs... Let us all campaign against this animal abuse! Support this cause by using the hashtag #SaveGFs! 

Enjoy!

 

Spoiler

For those of you who're still confused, this is the actual Dictator topic... um, the topic in Newspaper Specials has a hidden-in-plain-sight link to this topic. 

Spoiler

Basically after reading the Dictator in Newspaper Specials, most players would think that they've been fooled and that there's no Dictator this time... however, we posted the actual Dictator topic in the Amateur Writing Section so that it doesn't attract much attention, and put the link in the bogus Dictator which brings you to this topic...

So yeah, the actual Dictator topic does exist...

Um... fooled you, I guess?

 

 

[poke971 211]

funny reply

[LSHTV 229]

ha?

[Lose 881]

This is truly a comedy moment if I do say so myself

[Tokamak 1,021]

Seriously! A non-serious article in a serious topic! I have never seen the Newspaper team stooping so low...

What next? A Serious Discussion on a Non-Serious Topic?

Spoiler

 

Edited April 13, 2021 by Tokamak

[Incorp 2,084]

On 3/24/2021 at 6:58 PM, Venerable said:

 

it was this that first made me wonder about random's and kaisdf's gender xD

Edited May 13, 2022 by Incorp