A Thought: Why does this hurt so much?

[Person_Random 4,991]

Just why does this hurt so much?

A couple weeks back, during the middle of TankiSport Season I, I lay in bed, reading hurtful comments. I breathed in and I could not help it. An overwhelming sensation of disappointment and anger rushed past me. Tears slid down my face as I lay there, taking in all the hate. There, I promised myself, that was the last time I would cry over something so small. Words shouldn't hurt, right?

I went through the rest of the season and fielded a couple more of these snarky statements without comment. I was determined to make it through past TankiSport Season II and continue on, a stronger person. But I'm writing this here, so yeah, I didn't make it. Strangely enough, it was not the hateful words that would fill me with this pain once more. It was the exact opposite - the lack of words, the deliberate ignorance.

I've made it through plenty of these sticky situations - I've been made fun of by the most eSports players possible, had plenty of tough times becoming a reporter, and struggled quite a bit to fit in in school - after all, that's why I'm still playing Tanki.

Yet each time, whenever someone says something hurtful or is hateful, I can't take it. I've worked hard to achieve my goals. As a student, I study frequently to earn my grades. As a reporter, I try to find new ideas and work with the people who can make my work even better, and if I don't know something, I will make sure to learn it. But of course, nothing is ever perfect. I still end up making mistakes or bombing quizzes. I still end up making a typo or two on my article. I still struggle to keep my team active. But it's always getting better.

Inevitably, I will stand up to them. These interests and duties have been my passion projects. Just take Newspaper for an example. From the beginning of high school, I've always wanted to be a reporter, and finally, in my third year, I became a candidate and finally a full reporter, and finally, in my final year, I earned the co-administrator title. Those were my dreams and hobbies, and to look down on them and discredit my hard work, well, that was really hurtful. One of my favorite YouTubers once said that I had the right to stand up, that it's the right move to stand up. So I did. I told the haters in eSports I was learning and trying my best. I told the people who discredited my Newspaper work that it has always been my dream and that looking down on it was not okay.

That's when all the problems started. They got angry. They ramped up their antics. Instead of saying, "I'm sorry for this comment. I didn't mean to hurt you", I was greeted with hate - whether that be threats, a video featuring some of my statements, verbal insults, or pure hate and ignorance. I didn't do anything to deserve the hate - I just told people who hurt me that they hurt me. But instead of acting like civilized adults, they instead went ahead and acted so rudely.

And here we are, hidden in the corner of my room, crying once again. Even though I know that they are doing it on purpose to make me hurt more and regret how I reacted to their rudeness. It just hurts so much. I didn't do anything wrong to deserve this hate. I just stood up for myself.

Is holding your ground and being yourself not okay? Is it only fine to have things your way? Why do you have to punish me for something that I did that wasn't even wrong?

Sorry for the Ted Talk, but I was really trying to get this off of my chest. I just want closure on this. I don't want to hurt over this anymore. I just want to stop caring.

[Devoid 2,601]

For those that don't experience criticism either at all or extremely infrequently, this piece gives a nice look into all the stress and anxiety negative comments can give.

I urge everyone that read this piece to keep the thoughts expressed in the back of their mind, and when you're thinking about criticizing someone or something, think twice about the ways of which you're phrasing it; there's nothing wrong with sharing your opinion on something, just make sure you phrase it in a way that's not degrading to the person that's the recipient of the criticism.

[kaisdf 3,320]

"They hate me cuz they ain't me" - if people want to waste their time being jealous and trying to bring you down to their level, rather than work their way up to yours, that's on them 

[Karot 251]

@Person_RandomI'm sorry to hear that your going though such terrible acts, and I understand that people are hurt by words. But if you thought that was bad.. you have no idea, but I'm sure you already knew that. The world is a cruel place to be in. 

I'd tell you to stop caring about the hateful comments and ignore, just do you. 

 

[Lose 881]

Holding your ground is acceptable, and recommended. However, people get satisfaction from different things, and sadly, hurting others is one of them. Hurtful satisfaction is unfortunately satisfaction nonetheless. There's not much that can be done in terms of making sure everybody likes you, in terms of everybody finding you as good as a person as you try to be. I figured this out the hard way as well, and for the most part, I'm still figuring out how to cope and combat with it. I personally love the work you do and acknowledge and appreciate the effort that you put into it.

 

From one writer to another (granted there's a big difference in skill levels (i need lessons pleas)), I can see that your eSports and Newspaper articles are top notch. The dedication I see to what you're passionate about is something I strive for. There's a reason you're a proofreader, Newspaper co-administrator, and eSports helper. Don't go away due to those that don't care, stay for those that do. Because there's far more that do than don't, even if they simply don't show it. 

 

Mark Twain — 'Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.'

[Spy 14,687]

It hurts because you let it get to you.

[Jay 1,431]

1 minute ago, Spy said:

It hurts because you let it get to you.

Well, no one is perfect, I am sorry.

[Spy 14,687]

Just now, Jay said:

Well, no one is perfect, I am sorry.

And what does it have to do with what I said? If you let every bad comment get to you, you are gonna get hurt. There are so many people who do not let this stuff get to them, are they perfect? I don't think so 

[Devoid 2,601]

2 minutes ago, Spy said:

It hurts because you let it get to you.

I'm sorry, but people can't just let everything go through their mind without getting upset at times. Sure, some people might have higher tolerances for criticism and stuff like that than others, but you're lying to yourself if you disagree with my points (and in doing so, are indirectly saying that you never let other people's opinions of you affect your morale).

[Karot 251]

All I gotta say is to believe in yourself, believe that you can overcome this weakness. You've got friends here who wanna help, maybe they can give some advice 

 

[Person_Random 4,991]

First off, thanks for the kind words! I'm still working on getting my tolerance and not letting this get to me. It's a learning process, and as much as I've had a hard time earlier in the day, I think it's a great learning lesson and a great opportunity to understand that the world isn't always sunshine and rainbows. A lot of the words received are positive and uplifting and put a face of realism and optimism.

However, that earlier comment did slight me a bit... "just because it got to me". 

I do agree that I shouldn't let this get to me. But it's also true that both of the recent points strike a chord with me.

Tolerance isn't infinite. It's bound to run out. Trust me, I've tried. It took a good several months of tenure in my eSports position before this finally got to me. Of course you can ignore things. But it's like going on a diet or resolving to achieve a goal - it takes a lot of willpower. You can get quite a ways, but in the end, this repeated negative sentiments - the very same ones that got me up and got me to report this incident - forced me to cave in.

There are ways to increase my tolerance, as I've demonstrated above (it was an instant and common problem in grade school, but now, as I approach my final year in high school, it's much less common. I've only gotten majorly upset about these issues maybe two or three times in the past year).

But it's not infinite.

And oh boy, do I wish it were.

[Lose 881]

Just now, Spy said:

Why would you even care about stuff people say on the internet? They don't know you or your personality. Imagine if every admin would let things you said about them in your videos get to them)

If it was as simple as just not letting the comments affect you, then PR, along with me and most likely many others would not be partaking in this discussion right now. 

[Karot 251]

1 minute ago, Lose said:

If it was as simple as just not letting the comments affect you, then PR, along with me and most likely many others would not be partaking in this discussion right now. 

Agreed

[Karot 251]

1 minute ago, Spy said:

It is much easier than you make it look, how can you get hurt by people you can't even see? They don't even know you.. 

I agree it might be easy for you and me but if the roles were reversed maybe you wouldn't even say that, so maybe you could stop making it look easy and instead give the person some advice. ez

[Lose 881]

1 minute ago, Spy said:

It is much easier than you make it look, how can you get hurt by people you can't even see? They don't even know you.. 

Circumstances matter much less than you make it look. Some of the lowest points in my life have been caused by people I've never met in real life. Some of my best moments in life as well. Just because text isn't verbal, doesn't mean it isn't spoken. Words are words, people are people, and hurting is hurting. The fact that PR let it get to them, despite how true that may be, doesn't relieve any of the pain that's been caused. Telling somebody what they did wrong doesn't undo the wrongdoing. What's PR gonna do -- go back in time and make the comments un-hurt? 

 

Everybody will react to the same situation differently. I, for one, experience horrid anxiety whenever I post anything, and have a tendency to jump to the worst conclusions whenever someone mentions my name in a conversation. But it's a bit difficult for me to rewire my brain so it "doesn't get to me" -- it's literally how I am. For you, it may be easy for you to shrug off insults if you don't know them. But I'm not you. Nobody is you except you. 

[Person_Random 4,991]

I mean, I'd love to have that work, but to be honest, it's quite unreachable.

That does remind me of a good story...

This was pre-COVID, 2019 December. I was at an art museum, lining up to see some random exhibit I didn't know. Anyways, I tripped (as I am quite clumsy), and I ran over the foot of some random person. I mumbled an apology, but that of course didn't stop him from saying "Excuse you" rudely while he thought I was out of earshot. The words reverberated in my head, shame washing over me. For the next 15 minutes, I just felt off. I tried to erase it out of my head, but it took a long time before the thought of the comment went out of my head. And this is from a stranger.

My mom told me to think of good things and remember them and think of bad things and try to forget half of it. Indeed, that is the strategy I used then and now. But it's not immediate. Anything that someone says doesn't just go away immediately.

I just feel that it's quite insensitive to think that everything could be erased. And it's even more difficult when it's someone who you are trying to please, someone you are trying to get along with. (No, we are not getting into the story where I was roasted for my awful cooking skills )

Even if I tried, I couldn't get over it immediately. It's not something I can do. It might be a trained ability that takes years and years to hone (and trust me, I've gone a long way). I just don't think its completely perfect, but then I am working my best towards it!

[Maf 32,300]

Sorry for the temporary downtime and removal of some comments, but it had to be done.

We're going to keep this topic open despite the sensitive subject, however please keep the comments civil and constructive :)

[Person_Random 4,991]

Thank you Maf! (sorry couldn't hyperlink because phone)

 

[alkyng 3,080]

Umm that remembers me of a story happened with me in 2013

I was in an unofficial Tanki forum, little on age somehow, my laptop was crowded with many softwares and cracks and the desktop was crowded for sure. And for sure it's not without viruses. And even maybe downloaded the cracked Minecraft thought it's a free game

One day when I came from the school I opened my laptop and entered the forum, then I wondered with a topic that I have created about a software to hack Tanki (or to hack others PCs as I remember) and there are some who answered with my topic.. I just stunned a second and I wondered !  I went to my brother and I asked him to swear that he isn't the one who did that, and I realized that he isn't (with some doubts).. I went directly to the topic and I said Guuuys it's not me I swear, the topic continued maybe some hours and some moderator deleted it and everything is fine.   Then after a while the same person created a new topic with same content, and the players are accusing me and no one can believe me that it's not me.. I swear to them trying to convince them.. By the way after a while the moderator removed the topic.  Then after a while the same person created a new topic and this topic become something popular in the forum that time, and I try to swear no it's not me and after some minutes that person write "this software is a guaranteed and free of viruses I have test it" and he react with everyone to convince him to download, and I try to say guys noo it's not me. (contradict myself). by the way the story completed with this way, etc... Lastly the topic reached 3 pages, and my account get banned from the an administrator.. Which I really don't blame him for that. No one believe me except lastly a one show some sympathy with me and tried to help

Honestly the story baffled me a lot and how that happened.. I was stupid as the most intuitive thing I have to do is to change my password after that directly and to uninstall my random software + download an anti virus.. But you don't have to expect a lot from a child.  Maybe I have tried to download a hack for Tanki in that time or something. Nothing else have been hacked nor my official account in Tanki nor my Hotmail (and I still use it till now).   For sure I haven't entered my password in a website to increase my crystals (I'm not that stupid tho LOL) that's too intuitive.

But at least I think now you can believe me

[Authority 9]

"What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger". This is a very famous quote that you must learn to stick to when on the internet, especially in socially proactive games like tanki online. If there's a thousand people that would criticise you and your work, just know that there are over a thousand more that would love it, so don't take anything too seriously. Just keep calm and move on  @Person_Random

[Tokamak 1,021]

your life first, tanki second, and e-sport last
e-sport players are just all talks anyway.

[Venerable 2,967]

Let's see this from a different point of view - what is the practical way to deal with such a situation?

You see a hateful comment, you feel hurt, and yes, not everyone can filter the hurt out and work on the criticism. 

What next? Yes, let your feelings out, but you do need to stop at one point. You have to emerge stronger from this episode. Once all your emotions are safely out of the way, your mind will automatically start thinking logically. And in that calm and composed state, you will be able to respond to the comments appropriately. Or not acknowledge them at all. Your discretion will play its part.

Also, fighting fire with fire isn't always the right option. If someone posts hateful and toxic comments, you do not need to do so in response - just staying calm and true to your character is more than enough and does the trick, more often than not. 

And we're here to help. 

(Psst... eSports players shouldn't be taken seriously... they're there for our entertainment. Especially my entertainment. :x)

[Tokamak 1,021]

8 hours ago, asem.harbi said:

 

Well, first things is to remove the topics and hide it. Just don't leave it live and visible.

Second thing is to change your password and make a new strong one. Then go to all the PC/laptop you logged on form and log out any live session.

Third check you historic and see if there is other topics/post that are not from you.

Don't share your password, or use the remember my password option, and always log out when you are done with the forum.

[Devoid 2,601]

2 hours ago, Tokamak said:

your life first, tanki second, and e-sport last
e-sport players are just all talks anyway.

56 minutes ago, Unleash said:

As tokamak said e-sport players are all talk only.

Person_Random hinted in a post earlier in this topic (whether it has since been hidden or not, I do not know) that maybe eSports Players aren't the only people that are criticizing her work and affecting her morale, the others just weren't ever named (probably for a good reason). Maybe such people that she was indirectly referring to are people who's opinions are more valuable than just people that address anything they please (a.k.a eSports Players), or are people that she has to listen to...

[Person_Random 4,991]

A lot of people are correct that eSports players do get under my skin. However, the other (now hidden) post in which I explained multiple other things was also true - I developed some tolerance to these players, but still, it got to me in the end, as I detailed earlier. It's easier to ignore these cases now with more tolerance and also since I've talked to more players in the community not in the scope of just the general chat.

However, I also received similar comments from some other people, who also openly criticized my work in similar ways. Unfortunately for myself, I did not happen to think said persons would do such things, hence the unexpected negative reaction. The culmination of taunts in eSports as well as some other actions by others left me back in this point where I was upset since someone else criticized my work a while back. This then brought me back to a former conversation with a friend, who suggested that I take these experiences and turn it into an article - I'm a Newspaper Reporter, aren't I?

With this topic, I wanted to shed some light on the feelings when people choose to do childish actions such as further insults, being rude, etc instead of owning up and saying "Hey, I am sorry I made you feel this way. I didn't realize this would happen. I didn't mean to make you feel this way and I won't try to do the same things again" when confronted about potentially rude comments (which I experienced) as well as turn this into a learning moment and initiate positivity.

After all, we don't want this cycle continuing with more people and more problems, right?