A comedy.

[a1653 77]

Tanki online. When was Tanki ever offline? Before it was created, of course! Oh no, here come the tech people,who are better known as techies, all simultaneously shouting at the top of their voices, "OFFLINE MEANS WITHOUT INTERNET, WIFI, OR MOBILE DATA!!!" and, "YOU INSULT ME!"
Oh, so you're not a mass of 250-500 million humans who are befuddled by everything other than themselves and their devices and who like digital things only; you're one human. What logic is behind that insulting statement? Since you said 'me', you must have meant that you were one person. I only heard one shout of "OFFLINE MEANS WITHOUT INTERNET, WIFI, OR MOBILE DATA!!!", and I only heard one shout of "YOU INSULTED ME!!!", so I am forced to admit that unfortunately for all humans, there is only one techy (tech person) available to us. I fear that this will cause devices to go out of fashion since everyone except one lonely techy is frustrated at their devices. 

Now before you read the next part of my article, if you have not read my last article, please read by clicking this: Article. Dull link, isn't it? If you have read my last article, which was also my first approved article, please continue with this article. I am about to show an email which was sent by me to my maths teacher. For the sake of privacy, I have changed the names included within said email. My maths teacher set a homework assignment that got us (my class) to send her (the teacher) emails detailing how we use math in our real lives. Oh, one more thing - I have to show you this image so that you will understand one of the jokes in the email. The image that you are about to see, unless you die or your mum comes and smashes your computer just because she's found out you're on Santa's naughty list or something else pulls you away from this article, is a joke from some of my teacher's students from several years back. You see, my maths teacher is obsessed with unicorns and the like, which is the reason for the image you are about to see. The 'my' in the image refers to my teacher, by the way.  

 

Isn't that funny?

Now to the email. By the way, a1653 is my account name, so it represents me in the email. Please don't film your face people, that was a request for my teacher only.

WARNING: BEFORE YOU READ THIS EMAIL, I BEG YOU TO FILM YOUR FACE AS YOU READ IT SO THAT I MIGHT SEE YOUR REACTION. PLEASE!

a1653: Dear Mrs Patterson...
The email: get out of here, whatever your name is! The email kicks a1653 off the computer and out into space because the email is actually a NASA engineer who is being paid by the U.S government to secretly create human space rockets which are disguised as normal space rockets just so that the world loses a few hundred thousand producers of carbon dioxide. Let's see what Greta Thunberg thinks of this new climate action...

The email discovers the homework assignment on google classroom.

 The email: You say that according to HHS email etiquette, I am supposed to make every email that I send in school polite. Sure I am sort of doing that but I am a playing card after all. Puzzled at my statement?. No need to be. I am, after all that you have witnessed, a joker who surprisingly doesn't wear a suit. Get it? Jokers (the playing cards) have suits- spades, clubs, diamonds, and hearts - and I don't. Laughing your head off yet? It seems so. I'll give you a bit of time to pick it back up and screw it back on. Sorry for trying to force the fire-breathing unicorns out of your head and trying to replace them with my puzzling English. Anyway, this is the point where Mr Puns changes to Mr Math Puns.
So to how I have used maths in my real life. I use it at school. Yes, sorry to disappoint, but school is part of my real life. I know what you are thinking. That answer is not applicable is what you're thinking. Oh all right. I'll tell you how I have used maths outside of school. My brain does love a good bit of maths, and I sometimes lapse into trying to figure a maths problem out. Does that count? It seems not, strictly speaking. So, it seemed we have just discovered that this email must be a person because it is funny, talkative, and strict. What a strange disguise for a person, being locked up in multiple computers and having a single-use lifespan. Maybe this person's a spy. Maybe someone is paying him to spy on HHS with the promise of extraction from the computers. Whatever. Anyway back to maths.

A new person who just came into the scene: Oh who cares about 'strictly speaking'! Obviously, this email person thingymagjigy just put in that part to make a massive joke. Get out of here you email person thingymagjigy!

The new person kicks the email off the computer and out into space, then rescues a1653 from impending death which was just a few seconds away.

a1653 ( I know, you thought I was dead! Did you have a funeral and inform my parents?): Thank you so much!

New person: You're welcome!

a1653: What's your name? Mine's a1653

New person: The name's Thomas

a1653: Thank you very much, Thomas!

Thomas: You're welcome!

a1653: Bye!

Thomas: Bye!

Your student,

a1653

Please tell me how many times you laughed in the comments!

Enough said.

[Venerable 2,967]

Approved!

 

First of all, extremely sorry for the late approval - life has been busy, and Mr. Procrastination didn't help make matters better.

On to your article. 

Your English is great - good vocabulary and grammar - but there are a few issues as far as the content is concerned. When your English is above par, what you write comes in the spotlight.

I'll be honest here - you seem to be writing whatever comes to your mind, without actual planning. You are also making a large number of assumptions throughout the article. This is a major problem, because any reader who does not react to your article in the way you've expected him/her to, will not find this piece enjoyable, simply because your comedy is heavily dependent on those assumptions. 

What you need to understand here is that you cannot force a reader to think in a certain way (well, technically you can, but the execution is extremely difficult - only the best authors can pull off such a feat). I liked the way you provided some background material so that your jokes would make more sense, and I encourage this in case you intend to narrate comedic incidents (which only you have experienced) in the future, but doing this repeatedly is exhausting. 

I'd recommend you to actually plan out your article properly. Do not just write what comes to your mind. Let the plot simmer in your mind for a good while, then type out an overall article structure in a Word document (or a GDoc). The draft you type will form the foundation of the final article. Go through your piece over and over again, and make any necessary changes. 

Well, I wish you all the best for your next article! You're bound to become better with each article - and that is all that matters.

Edits:

Spoiler

Nothing much, just a bit of formatting and "de-typo-fication". As mentioned above, proofread your work at least once. :)

 

[a1653 77]

Thank you, @Venerable, for lately approving my article. I shall take your advice. Can you give me an idea of what I should do for the next article?

[Venerable 2,967]

8 minutes ago, a1653 said:

Thank you, @Venerable, for lately approving my article. I shall take your advice. Can you give me an idea of what I should do for the next article?

Totally up to you!

You could even write a story, to be honest... let your creativity flow!

[Lose 881]

I'd like to echo basically everything Vene said -- the writing itself is great, perfect English. However, how the words fit together, while it does make sense, doesn't flow. Writing is a form of art, and like all forms of art, if everything doesn't fit with everything else; not only in the context of what's around it, but the bigger picture and what may be implied, then the artwork is not at it's best. Writing is very similar to music in this aspect of flow. It's like when someone tries to sing a tune, but with one too many syllables -- they have to speed up to fit it, and usually it doesn't work. 

 

Forcing emotions, is a lot like trying to fit in one too many syllables. With enough skill, and in the right circumstances, it is possible; but only the best can do this. You can't really make someone's decisions, or tell someone what or how they should be feeling -- you can only influence these things. I think if you plan things out a little more, and make it more flow-y, then I think you genuinely can become a great writer in the AWS. To help with flow, what I do personally (this varies from person to person) is read it out loud, but not to myself. I try to read it out to at least someone, as it helps point out areas where not only you said something wrong, but where things don't exactly fit.

[a1653 77]

20 minutes ago, Venerable said:

Totally up to you!

You could even write a story, to be honest... let your creativity flow!

No, no, no, I need ideas, thank you very much. So please give some ideas.

19 minutes ago, Lose said:

I'd like to echo basically everything Vene said -- the writing itself is great, perfect English. However, how the words fit together, while it does make sense, doesn't flow. Writing is a form of art, and like all forms of art, if everything doesn't fit with everything else; not only in the context of what's around it, but the bigger picture and what may be implied, then the artwork is not at it's best. Writing is very similar to music in this aspect of flow. It's like when someone tries to sing a tune, but with one too many syllables -- they have to speed up to fit it, and usually it doesn't work. 

 

Forcing emotions, is a lot like trying to fit in one too many syllables. With enough skill, and in the right circumstances, it is possible; but only the best can do this. You can't really make someone's decisions, or tell someone what or how they should be feeling -- you can only influence these things. I think if you plan things out a little more, and make it more flow-y, then I think you genuinely can become a great writer in the AWS. To help with flow, what I do personally (this varies from person to person) is read it out loud, but not to myself. I try to read it out to at least someone, as it helps point out areas where not only you said something wrong, but where things don't exactly fit.

Thanks, Lose. I am afraid I that this is the writing style I use for this sort of comedy. I usually make heads roll by using my greatest asset;my mouth. I have only just started, so I might develop...

[Tokamak 1,021]

Next article should be either:
- A day as a Tanki Helper
- Guide to create bad update

[a1653 77]

A day as a tanki helper? I don't fit the requirements. Guide to create a bad update? Why would one need a guide for that?

[a1653 77]

11 minutes ago, Tokamak said:

Next article should be either:
- A day as a Tanki Helper
- Guide to create bad update

See... Tokamak?

[Lose 881]

8 minutes ago, a1653 said:

 Why would one need a guide for that?

The Lose motto

[a1653 77]

And what might that be? 

[a1653 77]

3 minutes ago, Lose said:

The Lose motto

Do you need to make one up?

[Tokamak 1,021]

22 minutes ago, a1653 said:

A day as a tanki helper? I don't fit the requirements. Guide to create a bad update? Why would one need a guide for that?

You stroke me as someone with vivid imagination and with a good sens for comedy? was I wrong?

It is because you dont fit that whatever story you make will be interesting.

Tanki bad update are not bad enough, there are still players who like to play the game, hazel needs more ideas.

Alternatively it could be: Hazel's guide to bad update. (but this could be risky if you go too far or too personal).

 

I don't think you will be good at making serious article.

Edited April 24, 2021 by Tokamak

[a1653 77]

10 hours ago, Tokamak said:

You stroke me as someone with vivid imagination and with a good sens for comedy? was I wrong?

It is because you don't fit that whatever story you make will be interesting.

Tanki bad update are not bad enough, there are still players who like to play the game, hazel needs more ideas.

Alternatively it could be: Hazel's guide to bad update. (but this could be risky if you go too far or too personal).

 

I don't think you will be good at making serious article.

I might be able to make some serious articles; I have a serious side, you know. But I enough my funny side quite a bit more than my serious side. But there is still promise for serious articles in future.

[alkyng 3,080]

On 4/4/2021 at 2:11 PM, asem.harbi said:

Before you post a joke, you have to think twice about it you have to show it yourself from a sudden angle to show if you will laugh

...

such a random joke you throw from your head directly

... 

if you just tried to brainstorm your mind for a one minute you will extract an extraction that is enough to make your joke a 1% laughable

 @Venerable This is what you was trying to explain but with a respected way, though you criticized me with a topic but it seems you get inspired.

Edited April 26, 2021 by asem.harbi

[alkyng 3,080]

@a1653 I haven't ever meant you LOL, this description was for a two not you. But I'm here just trying to reach Venerable's point that he struggled to elaborate it

[a1653 77]

But why comment here?