I copied this from our website. Ask Yisroel.

Pfft, I wrote that bit :rolleyes:

Secretary of State Angry at President for Taking Credit for Everything

 

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to report these serious allegations. Our very own Secretary of State, Goldm0lt, has contacted me (a few days ago but I'm lazy) to report on these allegations.

 

According to him, he designed most of the web page, wrote most of our esteemed president's words on the title shpiel, and that Rabin is taking all the glory from him.

GoldRock, that is exactly what I was aiming for. This is to be taken SERUOUSLY! 

Daheck?! What is this garbage?!

tl;dr version:

TSY_the_crazy "just not funny"

 

...he’s taken the first really amusing page in the forum in a long time, and unwittingly milked the joke to death.

Happy Birthday, Warrior Tanks!

^Seconded - loved the twist at the end. Very impressive short-story writing!

I was  kicked out  for something which I didnt even did xDDDDDDDDD 

even tho I provided everything that proved that I was right but no one care here! all they care bout is putting russians who were kciked out form RU Cl to get  a place in EN lmao 

Debunking the Myths: Are ChooChoo_Ima_Train’s rumours about eragon33’s “corruption” true?

Was reading through this topic, and I just thought I'd briefly log back into the forum to share a document I previously wrote to clear up this matter. Oh, and it's great to see the Creative League thriving with designers from the community continuing to share their work here. Let's keep the friendly atmosphere going rather than provoking old fights, I'm sure the CL will go onward and upwards from here ^_^

The @dictatorship of the Newspaper was a highly @Important position. No @Wonder @N.o.6.o.d.y knew @W-h-o  really in @Control. , @The stated @Leader was @Shedinja… @But @How did he get into @Power? The truth behind this @Mystery is @One of @EvilPride and @Sly @Fraud. The ultimate deception.

***

January 2018.

It was now or never. @Shedinja walked briskly through the dimly-lit corridors, keeping head down as he stuck to the @Shadows. He could hear a loud Serbian voice coming from the floor below, ed by muffled laughter. @Fen-Harel was keeping the Reporters @Busy in the social room, as planned. Good.

It wasn’t long before his path was @blocked by a huge @Titanium door. @Looking around to check the coast was clear, Shedinja @Keyed in the password. With a beep and an @orange , the door slid back to reveal a huge @Safe. The place where the entire Newspaper @Funds of millions of @Crystals were @Guarded. His breath becoming more rapid with every passing , he entered the @Combination, and the safe @Clicked open.

***

“@Agent.Trojan, have you got the crystals? Do they suspect anything?” @GoldRock asked, sitting back in his lime-@GreenChair as Shedinja entered. 

“@Agent.Provokator, the problem is @Remaine…” started Shedinja, but GoldRock held up a hand to @Silence him.

“I know about Rem. He’s too @Sharp for his own good – he suspects we replaced the rest of the Newspaper team with clueless s on purpose. He’s onto us, isn’t he? No matter. I will deal with him, @just @Like I dealt with @Night-Sisters.”

Shedinja nodded, with a @DISTINCT sigh of relief.

“And now,” GoldRock @Continued, “@You are no longer needed. The @Time has come to replace you.”
He pulled a revolver out of his pocket with a small, @Evil.Smile.
“Wha-what…?”
“Fen is a @Loyal agent. He will take place.”

GoldRock paused for a moment, took aim, and fired.

Word count: 310 words.

Version without usernames:

Honestly, if all of these posts by RIDDLER have secretly been subtle trolling attempts, I could totally imagine an amused RIDDLER sitting at his computer screen and laughing at our reactions.

The scary thing is, I don't think they are...

Thanks ! Really appreciate it  :wub: 

0 :)

Since this appears to provide some valuable content for readers on the topic of CC9 and it's a good-quality piece, moved to eSports News section!

Thanks Gustin9!  ^_^ 

And a special thanks to my French Reporters for this surprise gold drop  :wub: 

Approved!

On 4th April, 2016:

 

[issue 53] Contest: Time Capsule

 

Create a written message to the future readers of the newspaper. Be creative! Mention the recent major community events. Include pictures,  the community's dreams for the upcoming year, or even speculate on the future of Tanki X and the Newspaper. There are no strict guidelines. The goal is to create a definitive message that will intrigue the 2017 readers of the Tanki Online Newspaper.

Then on 5th June, 2016:

 

[issue 53.5] Results: Time Capsule

 

The results are out. I must say that I was rather disappointed with the low number of entries. Nevertheless, here they are. In one year's time the winner's entry will be posted. In the meantime, enjoy Tanki's birthday celebrations and stay tuned for the upcoming Issue 54.

 

 

First Place [35,000 crystals]:  @mtbarden3

To be published June of 2017...

 

Second Place [20,000 crystals]: @Guanlong999

 

 

 

Greetings, to the tankers of 2017! 

 

First of all, let me introduce myself. This will have changed in the future, but currently, I am a Warrant Officer 3 (Nickname: Guanlong999) who has been playing the game for around 2 years. People are able to get to a high rank quickly in 2 years, but me? Not really. The reason for my slow rank-ups is actually because I sucked at Tanki 2 years before I wrote this -the non-turret turning Staff Sergeant, equipped with Ricochet Hornet. To be honest, I was starting to get bored of the game, mostly because I was horrible. I went in and out of the game, spending more time on other games, and finally returned to the game when I fell in love with Railgun, after trying it out once. That’s enough about me.

 

We have 9 turrets: Railgun, Shaft, Thunder, Smoky, Hammer, Vulcan, Isida, Firebird, and Freeze. The number of turrets keeps on increasing. Who knows if there’s going to be a new turret in 2017, but I’m hoping for a new hull for us to test out. Everytime I think all the ideas are already implemented, I get surprised! For some reason, I never thought of the possibility of a machine gun and shotgun in tanki!  

There are quite a lot of things going on right now. I’m pretty sure Tanki X will be at least out for open beta testing by 2017, but only time will tell. After all, the day when we will all be able to test Tanki X is like the day a million dollars fell on your head. On most Tanki X videos, I can always find a comment that asks something along the lines of “When will Tanki X be open for testing?” So yeah, it’s creating a lot of hype right now. Some lucky players have already been given the invitation to start testing out Tanki X.  

 

When I wrote this, we had just passed May Holidays, which we had a wonderful time in. 25% off turrets, hulls, and paints (on separate days), followed by battle funds increasing each day and resulting in 2 times battle funds by the end of it, it was a great way for tankers to get crystals and take advantage of the sales to buy the stuff they wanted. I personally think that 25% off isn’t that much, but I understand that tanki can’t be constantly giving out 40/50% discounts. 

 

It was quite hard to find a good nickname that someone hadn’t already chosen, so Tanki did something called “The Nicknames Database Update.” It basically allowed you to take the nickname of a Tanker who hadn’t played in a long time, through a series of tests to see if the tanker was still active. I’m not really good at explaining it, so you can look tohttp://en.tankiforum...howtopic=315003 for a more detailed explanation. 

 

Spring Showdown was a battle that took place between the girls of Team INT and Team Russia. Both teams played excellently, but Team INT ultimately fell short, losing to team Russia. There was a special paint, that had the team you were supportings colours on it. If the team won, you would get a certain amount of crystals, which depended on how many people actually bought the paint.

 

       In the future, many things will have happened to Tanki -reporters will probably come and go, the newspaper might have changed, but there’s one thing I hope won’t happen -I hope Tanki won’t rot in the dust of Tanki X. Tanki X might have been improved so much that it’s way more realistic and engaging, and Tanki X might be the first choice for Tankers, but I do hope people will still come back to Tanki, since after all, it’s the original, where it all started, where you met amazing people through the forums and the game itself. It’s the game that you can play on any decent computer, without having to download it. It’s the game I fell in love with the first time I tried it out. I don’t know if other people will, but I will still play Tanki Online, despite the rise of Tanki X.

 

 

 

Third Place [10,000 crystals]: @omrot 

 

 

 

Hello fellow tankers of the future,

 

My name, in 2016, is omrot (in case I have changed my name by now). Right now i am only a first lieutenant and I hope to be a Generalissimo by the time you read this. Tanki Online has gone some recent changes in the past few months:

 

• The furthest back i can recall is the Premium accounts update. This update gave people, who purchased Premium, a chance to get double the crystals they got in battles as well as being able to purchase items in earlier ranks. 

• The next update would probably be the first announcement of Tanki X. This happened about 4 months ago but since then, everyone in the community got to see the rapid development of the game. I got my code for the beta testing of the game not long ago and I believe that Tanki X has a great potential to be one of the most popular online games around the world. Right now it only has 5 maps and no more than 50 players  :P. 

• Our next update was the Daily Missions that were released not so long ago. You have probably mastered the Chains and are already at a 10 week streak (right now we only have 4 week chains).

• Just a month ago or so, the legendary Semyon Kirov, Tanki Online’s “mascot” had to quit his role as the community manager and hand it over to our new CM, Cedric Debono (you’ll probably hear a lot from him).

• We continue our timeline with the following update, changing one’s official username. From now on we can change our nicknames (but it costs 100k crystals so think before you do)
• The latest update, which we just got 2 days ago, is the promotion of her highness (i hope i said it right), GoldRock from a normal newspaper reporter to Lhamster’s personal slavepartner. Congratulations mult, we all wish you the best.

 

These are the most important updates i could think of (if i forgot something, it means it is not important).

 

As for me, I started recording my parkour two days ago so i won’t be surprised if you will all know me as a famous youtuber by the time you receive this message. 

 

If I had to make any estimation for the future, I would say that Tanki will find about 4 new ways to make us, tankers, use more supplies. Another wild guess would be that a new paint will be introduced, called Salmon

 

Unfortunately, I also assume that Tanki Online will empty out of players as everyone would rush to play the new Tanki X.

 

As for the community, we have all created some pretty difficult goals for the developers to achieve. First of all, we want Tanki X to be released until January 2017. Furthermore, we request all the turrets and hulls to have XT versions and m4 to m68 modifications (right now we only have m0-m3). We also require Lhamster to close down the tickling chamber so we won’t feel threatened when confronting him (though I doubt whether anyone has the guts to actually tell this to him). 

 

This has been my time capsule for you, newspaper readers of 2017. I hope this shows you how primitive we used to be and maybe my estimations were accurate. Guess I will just have to wait and see.

 

Sincerely,

 

omrot

 

p.s. We just heard the announcement of Genesis being launched in 2017. It is going to connect my phone to my tablet to my car. I am so excited. Hope there won't be any delays and you will all enjoy it

 

 

 

 

 

Honorable Mention [3,000 crystals]: @Read_My_Lips 

 

 

 

Dear Tankers,

Another year is about to pass, RIP 2016. The community has hugely changed overtime. In case you future tankers haven't been following the news, this message will refresh your memories!


Shaft will receive a damage indicator in early 2017. The reason behind this is cows from a nearby farm have murdered their farmer and escaped the farm. As a result, they decided to stay on the battlefield. This is disturbing tanker's gameplay massively and something has to be done about it. Due to how fat a cow is it is difficult to destroy them. This is why the developers decided to give shaft a new feature to compensate for the terrible laser. How does this damage indicator work you may ask? When you are in scope mode a small indicator above your HP bar will appear only when you have charged enough to kill your enemy (see picture below). Only shafts are able to kill these cows and the indicator will help them save precious reload time. When this indicator is released into the game there will be a contest. Whoever kills the most cows will get the official 'Tanki Milk Reward'.

 

Epilogue....

 

 

 

 

 

The format of the Tanki Newspaper will be changed in late 2016. Instead of the boring design in the 'Main Topic' it will be replaced by a chocolate bar! We want to get the community involved in reading the well-written articles our reporters have provided. As you all know the game's physics will change shortly. A loophole has been discovered which will allow you to print in '3D', in other words, you will be able to print and eat the delicious official 'Tanki Chocolate'. However, these chocolates can only be printed out using a special printer which you can buy from AlternativaPlatform. We hope you will be satisfied with your monthly chocolate!

 

We are happy to announce that Tanki X was recently released. To compensate for those who didn't try out the open testing there was special 10k gold boxes for 3 days! You better start playing Tanki X so you don't miss out on any exciting community events. Speaking of community events, the first Tanki X competition will take place in early 2017. The difference in graphics between Flash tanki and Tanki X really grabs player's attention. Tanki X wants the community to get creative. Your challenge is to draw or use editing software (e.g GIMP) a 'new world'. You have to make uo your own tanki graphics! You can make cartoon tanks in a battlefield, make monster tanks, the idea is up to you. Good luck!

What you have all been dreaming for is finally coming. You all really want to know who is behind the mystery tanker Godmode_ON. Godmode_ON won't be directly revealed. The community has to team up for this event because it will be very difficult! Your task is to find the letters G, O, D, M, O, D, E, O, N in random maps. How will this work? The first day you will have to find the letter G in a map. What makes this contest super tricky is the map is unknown and the letter will be at the same time each day and will vanish after 1 minute. There will be a special format battle called Godmode_ON for this event, which will only unlock each day when the hunting begins. Once the 60 seconds is finished everybody from every one of these special battles will be kicked. Your goal is to find the letter, take a screenshot and post it in the official forum thread. If 1 day is missed then you all lose and Godmode_ON won't be revealed. Better start searching! Below is an example of what a letter would look like, except these letters will be in much more difficult places.

 

More exciting news about the future of the Newspaper: We are allowing you to CHOOSE which contest you want to be held. Reporters will be making several contests. They will be displayed on the main topic. However, only a certain number of them will be chosen (approximately 3). All of you readers get to vote which contest(s) you want to be held. Contests will be much more exciting than before.

Well that is all from us. We really hope you will enjoy what is coming in the future and good luck on the battlefield!

 

 

 

And now, one year later ~

The winner of the contest is... *dramatic drumroll*... @mtbarden3!

0 ^_^

Oh no

3

0 :ph34r:

Ah man!

 

10

0, ty for alerting me by quoting my post :P

Article on the new alterations, hot off the press. Enjoy!

0 ^_^

Completed a while ago, just released now due to organisational delays. Enjoy!