About as short as a Wasp's lifespan. Other than that, great job! :D

Vanilla.

Viking Firebird is where it's at (no judge pls)

Also can the contests in the next issue include Continue the Story? xD

What an ugly shade of blue... :P

trolling... also known as schadenfreude, sadism, etc. Also, I spelled that first try

You're mental indeed. since when did the yis write philosophical?

Nice! Can't say I expected the plot twist. :D

Time to bash the team in the next edition of the Tanki Tribune! xD

Understanding boys is a science that I can help you with: THE SCIENCE OF BOYS: here I'm too lazy

And yet some nugs think it's a wise idea not to promote me to "distinguished member" of the AWC. :P Please feel free to take offense. Lol I'm not really that mad :ph34r:

Wow this got approved real quick :huh:

Tiny Fears The human crawled across the floor of the brightly lit cave, sticking to the shadows. As he scampered from hiding spot to hiding spot, wielding his club made from the bones of a mammoth, he could not help eyeing the giant foot that was dangerously close to him. "Jack! Pass the sauce, will you?" hollered a behemoth from across the cavern. The human jumped, startled, and eyed the foot in fear. It shifted slightly as a voice bellowed back, echoing around the cavern. "Fine. Here you go, Sam." "Now now, you two. Be nice to each other." spoke a female voice. "Listen to your mother." a male voice called out, rumbling throughout the chamber, causing rocks to vibrate. The human glanced up at the ceiling, so high up, it was all but impossible to see. A few stray boulders tumbled down onto the ground. The human pressed on. He knew home was close ___________________________________________________________________________________ Jack felt something brush past his leg. He paused, mid-bite, eyes widening. "What is it Jack? Something at school today?" asked Father, concerned. Jack slowly lowered his gaze to his foot. He locked eyes with the minuscule, hairy creature, trying his best to stifle a scream. "Hu... Human." "Well Sam, go kill it." Mother said in a matter-of-fact tone, returning to her slice of elephant and oak trees. "Your father didn't spend all that work hunting just to have this dinner stolen by some pests." "Why? I killed one yesterday. It's Jack's turn." "Okay then. Jack, kill the human." Jack paled, and slowly got up. He backed up a few steps, looking at the human in fear. The human replied with an equally fearful gaze, both petrified for entirely different reasons. "If you want to overcome your fear, this is the only way." Sam taunted, reclining in his chair to watch the spectacle. "Sam, how many times have I told you not to talk with your mouth full of elephant? And for heaven's sake, spit that tusk out!" chastised Father, giving Jack a momentary reprieve. ___________________________________________________________________________________ The human inched towards home, on the other side of the cavern. Nature had given him a good sense of judgment. As the door was only a thousand or so paces away, he could make it if he caught the giant by surprise. He clearly did not want to kill him, and since giants were often lumbering and slow, he would have a considerable head start. Nevertheless, he gripped his club tightly, slowly moving towards the door. Every step counted. ___________________________________________________________________________________ "Do I have to use my bare feet?" Jack mumbled, looking at the abomination. He could already feel the hairy head, the sweaty skin, the saliva, pressing into his sole. "Honestly Jack, how many times do we have to explain this to you?" exclaimed Father, throwing his hands up in exasperation. "You're not ruining your mother's newly made shoes. Plus, he won't hurt you. It's if you let him go that he'll come back centuries later with swords and spears. That's when the real pain begins." "But it's yucky and creepy!" Jack protested. "Just get it over with! Sam has killed plenty of humans quick and easy. Is it yucky, Sam?" "Nope, not at all. Rather satisfying, actually." "Says the giant who loves peeling his sunburns." grumbled Jack. "Hey!" "Jack, apologize to your brother." Mother called, looking up. "Sorry." ___________________________________________________________________________________ The human watched the dialogue between the giants. He was getting closer and closer to safety. If they were distracted enough, he would have ample time to make it. As the giants began arguing all over again, he bolted. 900 paces... 800 paces... The human's heart pounded as he raced across the stone floor. His hand reached out in anticipation of the warm refuge ahead. And then the father hollered, causing the ground to shake, sending the human flying. ___________________________________________________________________________________ "Jack! It's getting away!" Father shouted. Jack nodded and blocked off the human's path with a simple stride. The human hesitated before skirting around the giant foot. Jack took another stride and blocked it off again, forcing it into a corner. The human looked up, terrified, as Jack loomed over him. "What are you waiting for? Step on it!" Jack slowly lifted a toe and slammed it down near the human. It trembled, backing up further into the corner. "Just do it! Honestly, you act like a baby sometimes." Sam whined, impatient. Father and Mother glared at him but said nothing. Jack's lip quivered as he lifted his foot up. The human curled up in a ball, waiting for the end. Jack closed his eyes and paused a moment before stomping his foot, although rather halfheartedly. It was far worse than he had imagined. His feet, hypersensitive because of anxiety, immediately felt the anomaly and jerked back. "It's weird and squishy!" Jack wailed. "Damn it, Jack!" cried Sam. "Ow, ow ow." groaned the human, hobbling across the floor. ___________________________________________________________________________________ The human stumbled around blindly, jerking with pain. When the foot came crashing down, he had felt something snap. His mammoth club had clattered a few hundred paces away, out of reach. As he massaged his ribs, he tried to blink the light out of eyes and crawl towards home. He was so close. Only a hundred more paces and this nightmare would never have happened. Now he was set back a good three hundred or so paces. With his added injuries, and the giant's foot in the way, he would never make it home in time. But not all hope was lost. The human took note of the giant either unable or unwilling to kill him. If he could only find a way to use this to his advantage... ___________________________________________________________________________________ "Can Sam finish this now? I've proven I can touch it. It's a start." Jack pleaded, looking at Father, and then Mother, when he did not relent. "Sorry. You're gonna have to finish the job, or you'll never learn." Jack, turned back, crestfallen. He lifted his foot and smashed it, narrowly missing the human, albeit intentionally. The human looked shocked for a moment, and then something registered. He sprinted with renewed energy towards Jack's foot. Jack recoiled in shock with a yelp as the human dashed past, leaping over stones as if he was unscathed. "Block him off!" Sam barked, clearly wanting this rather awkward episode to come to an end. Jack instinctively shifted his foot slightly, causing the human to slow down as he contemplated his best option. He knew he wouldn't have the courage to step on the human a second time, not after the traumatic experience of the first. Then again, there was no other choice. As Jack stared off into space, attempting to sort out the dilemma, he did not notice that the human had shuffled ever so close to his foot. Nor did he notice that Sam was trying incredibly hard to suppress a grin. ___________________________________________________________________________________ The human observed the large and hairy foot, all twenty paces of it, blocking him from his safe haven. He was losing blood fast, and beginning to see double. There was no other option. He began to tenderly crawl over the pinky toe. Glancing up briefly, he felt relieved as the giant had not noticed yet. Good. He would need all the luck he could get. He descended the ridge between the pinky toe and it's adjacent neighbor, before ascending the fourth toe. Holding onto hairs for support, he clambered across, making sure the giant was still preoccupied. He consoled himself with the thought that he was nimble anyways and could scramble in a jiffy. As he plodded across the middle toe, he wrinkled his nose, overcome by the vile smell. This giant clearly had no sense of personal hygiene. Nonetheless, he miraculously made it across without fainting. He looked up again, sure that he would have been noticed by now. For some reason, the giant hadn't. Not wasting any time, he scrambled forward, elated. Safety was only a few paces away. As his blood slowly funneled out, he experienced a fresh bout of nausea. ___________________________________________________________________________________ Jack saw Sam pointing downwards out of the corner of his eye. Following his finger, he slowly lowered his gaze until it rested on the monstrosity. "Good lord!" Jack cried, stumbling backward. The human rolled off, apparently dead or unconscious. Relieved, Jack began to walk towards the table, sweat breaking out in at least seventeen places. "Jack, make sure it's dead and not faking." Father said, starting on the dessert. "Or you won't get any avalanche cream." Jack trudged back, dismayed at his bad luck. He nudged the human, squeezing his eyes shut. Nothing happened. Good. He nudged it again. Nothing again. He nudged it once more, just to make sure. It bit him. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!" Jack cried, knocking his head on the ceiling, although more out of disgust than pain. The human half rolled, half crawled to a hole in the wall, disappearing out of sight. "Damn it, Jack! I won't be surprised if it comes back a few millennia later with tanks and missiles! You're grounded for the next five centuries!" Father hollered, his face turning red.

Noice!

Nice article and well written! I definitely do not have the patience to sit down and type all that though, so kudos

Nice article +1. Poor dog. #cliche response

And all of a sudden, 90% of my articles surface to the front page. Someones gonna think I'm a spammer :ph34r:

Damn this is good. Deserves to be in the Newspaper.

And when are you going to finish your series? Looking forward to it.

And we're stuck in an endless loop. Good job.

IDK... I'm just really good at expressing depressing topics and no, that wasn't supposed to rhyme

Referring to yourself in the third person is the first sign of madness :P

I am the only one of my species on this planet. Feel blessed, humans.

How to Write Goodly Wanna write a good article? Tired of getting rejected for the AWC for "spamming"? Don't know how the English language works? Well, you've come to the right place! I'll be teaching you all taekwondo how to write goodly. By the end of this, there will be no reason for GoldNug to reject you from the reporter team, unless your name is mydoom.nug, then there's a reason. First, your article needs to have an intro, you know, a hooker to get your audience interested. It needs to scream out "READ THIS!!! IT'S WORTH YOUR TIME!". READ THIS NUG PLS ITS A GOOD ARTICLE Once you've got that down, put a brick on the keyboard and start typing. JIa;ejfia; fjeia;woslkdfj ai;woiejf;alkdsjf iea;jiojdf;s Add in some interesting facts. Don't make it all opinionated. Juggle it around a bit so your audience doesn't click that big red "X". Did you know that McDonald's Chicken McNuggets are only 45% chicken? That the surface of the Earth is two-thirds water? Include quotes from certain sources and give credit where credit is due. According to Wikipedia, "turtles are ectotherms", whatever that means. Make sure you use credible sources. Wikipedia is a very credible source because it sounds professional. Sprinkle in a little bit of humor. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. Include images. Make sure your transitions are smooth and concise. Now that I've shown you an image of a tomato, let me show you an image of a potato. Don't use personal pronouns like "I", "you", and "we", unless you want to address your audience. Now that the author has shown the audience an image of a tomato, let the author show the audience an equally impressive image of a potato. Edit for spelling and grammar. patatoes is the very bestest food in teh planet. Potatoes are the very best food on the planet. Try not to start a riot. Irishmen, please do not read the above statement. Reference important figures at least once. GoldNug is my senpai. Sound professional, use a thesaurus to avoid repetition. The average density of water per mole is a highly quantified value that can be simplified over the Riemann Zeta function... what am I talking about? The conclusion is arguably the most important part of an article. You must wrap up the article and leave the reader with someone to take away from it. And that's all for today, folks! Try out a personal "signature ending" or something. Bai nug liek dis article Once you are done, you should end up with a masterpiece like this: DEM ARTICLES READ THIS NUG PLS ITS A GOOD ARTICLE!!11!!!!1!!1 Jofijaeilskdjfa;lskdj;ofialwjesd;flkjiow;leksjdfoi jfaiwoefja;oeifja;wlejfw; ifa;owiejfa ;. Did you know that McDonald's Chicken McNuggets are only 45% chicken? That the surface of the Earth is two-thirds water? Probably not, because you're a nug. Also, according to Wikipedia, "turtles are ectotherms", whatever that means. Hah! You probs didn't know that. Wikipedia is a very credible source because it sounds professional and uses hard words lots. But seriously. Why did the chicken cross the road? Guess. To get to the other side! Now that I've shown you an image of a tomato, let me show you an image of a potato: Now that the author has shown the audience an image of a tomato, let the author show the audience an image of a potato. patatoes is the very bestest food in teh planet. Potatoes are the very best food on the planet. Irishmen, please do not read the above statement. GoldNug is my senpai. The average density of water per mole is a highly quantified value that can be simplified over the Riemann Zeta function... what am I talking about? And that's all for today, folks! Bai nug liek dis article As you can see by the sheer brilliance of the above example, this guide is highly classified information that is not widely known, so if you disclose any of this information, the FBI will come after you and murder you in your sleep. On that happy note, good luck in your writing endeavours! Bai nug liek dis article

"pieface101 was destroyed by BLASTER872" Reason: Dem spelingz ar emazein