Mag, you are trying too hard, do simpler and more subtle. You repeat yourself quite a lot: e.i you used the words dumb 10 times and naive 5 times while referring to the audience. You are good with vocabulary so you can do better, take your time. Good idea though.

Nooooo, not the evil Chicken Industry ..... Say No to Chicken. ~TLM

Probably just to collect the precious award and spam from the real world one more time. a real master :)

Interesting question :) , you will find the answer here: The Leaky Mult #3 - St Valentine's Day 2018 :ph34r:

Thanks oh admin. I added and changed stuff after Mydoom proofread just to give you/AWS helper more work :D Thanks for the correction and encouragement. No live chicken will stand in our way. I told you "Imprudent and Valiant". Nope, you still have a lot to learn form the master, young impatient apprentice. TY :wub: TY :wub: hehe lol, yes you are :D The Spammies are rigged anyway. ;) :ph34r:

Let it begin!

Nice, solid story. You kind of do more description than dialogue nowadays, we miss the interaction between the different protagonists.

"You can laugh about everything but not with everyone," ~ Pierre Desproges Edito Happy Valentine's day Tanki-girls and Tanki-boys, Another festive season has arrived once again, with its share of special activities, sales and other goodies that Tanki stew to perfection to our delight: Saint Valentine’s day (SVD). This event is yet another opportunity offered by the developers, to spread love and mushiness in the game. Make sure you had lots of it as it will not last long. The shadow of war is upon us. Tanki created a brand-new weapon, the missile M4jH0L-AFG (a.k.a. Momo), loaded with the most destructive explosive known to Tanki scientist: the NanoMox7. This weaponry is unique and only one community can acquire it. Evidently every Community Manager (CM) desire it and started an internal squabbling to whom deserve it, triggering a revival of intercommunity resentments which was deeply buried and ignored for years. Despite that the matter could be easily solved through diplomacy, each CM is currently preparing for the unthinkable – War. Unless a compromise is reached during SVD, the whole Tanki community might be drawn on the brink of war after a long time of peace. Tankers cross our fingers, spreads the love and hope for the termination of this grudge between the CMs. Meanwhile, let’s go back to the present elated time and the freshest edition of the TLM that will enlighten your day. In this new edition we have the pleasure to publish articles from 2 new brave writers: GrandExecutioner and mydoom.exe. Seriously imprudent, nonetheless valiant tankers, not afraid of writing under their real nickname. May, Vulcan, the Tanki god of Longevity (Live Long and Prosper) and Isida, Tanki god of Health, be with them in this new path to The Truth (2 capitals T). GrandExecutioner makes his first appearance, and not the last, with 2 articles. One about a terrible truth and the other about Saint Valentine’s day and the never-ending search of The Girlfriend. Mydoom.exe comes along as a guest writer and a deeply romantic human being. He could not resist the urge and opportunity to express his unfathomable thoughts about what Love is! The result is shocking yet awing. Unfortunately, this time there is no article from Illuminati and you will see in one of the segments below why. You will also see a small accurate coverage of the Tanki Awards 2017 from Merovingian. Grab a pack of Oreos and good reading! ⚔ Concerns Over Reporters' Humour Leads To Shocking Discovery by Grand Executioner To fully explain how this article came to existence, I will need to start at the very beginning. An exposure article such as this cannot be rushed, so please bear with me. This will (I hope), paint a complete picture: I was very much a newbie to The Leaky Mult and so, naturally, when I walked into the office on Monday morning, coffee in hand, I was met with cheers and applause. Unfortunately, due to my clumsy nature, I spilled the said coffee all over my shirt while trying to sit down at my new desk. An admirable start to the job. I knew that for my first article, I had to prove myself and bring out the big guns...or turrets...or whatever...you get what I mean. The light bulb moment came while scrolling through the forum. Some reports of dissatisfied players emerged from the shadows of the community. It seems that a group of players (who have asked TLM to remain anonymous) have become unhappy with the humour of some Reporters. Supposedly, some readers of the newspaper believe that the standard of “funny” in certain articles has recently dropped. Now, I could have overlooked this quite easily and put it down to the fact that we are in a time of different reporters- different styles...blah blah blah... but I couldn't accept this as the answer. I needed to find out the actual truth. I got up dramatically from my chair and all heads turned to me, thinking I made some kind of a breakthrough. I had everyone's attention. Perfect. I asked out loud to the entire office if anybody wanted to accompany me in going to the Reporters' HQ to chase a lead. Unfortunately, the question was met with awkward silence. This was followed by some comments that went somewhere along the lines of “What do you want on your gravestone kid?” and “It's a shame - he looked like he had potential”. I'll admit, that didn't go exactly by to plan. So on the first day of the job, I found myself travelling on a suicide mission to the Reporters' lair in the hope I could find an explanation to an unanswerable question. Easy peasy. Well there I was, standing outside the huge golden gates with the bold letters “REPORTERS HQ” towering above me. Damn. There goes my excuse of “Sorry, wrong address” as a last-ditch attempt to get out of there. It was a trek to get to the mansion within the gates, owing to the acres of well-mown lawn around the building. When I did finally make it to the grand double doors, I noticed a sign. It read: No Visitors. Appointment with a Reporter must be made 1 month in advance. Payment in chicken only. I tried the door regardless. Locked. I didn't come this far to turn back though, so instead of heading for the gates, I circled around the building until I found an open window, which I climbed through fairly easily. Security, as you'll soon find out, my dear readers, was shockingly bad. It seemed I was walking through endless corridors, until finally, I found a majestic door which read: Overlord's Office- Flexoo. I wasn't surprised to find the door unlocked as I turned the handle. It was common knowledge that all the Reporters were too scared of entering Flexoo's office out of fear of being sent to the “The Pit” (stay tuned for details coming in the next issue). The office was empty. My eyes were instantly drawn to the TV screens showing CCTV footage that took up an entire wall. I could see Marc scoffing down some cookies in TV#11 and Destrod flipping a table in TV#6, in what I could only assume to be a tantrum about his missing cookies. Reluctantly, I took my eyes off the screens and made my way to the grand oak desk. There was some distilled potato juice on the side which I quickly slurped down. It seemed it wasn't just a trend in Tanki HQ. I turned on Flexoo's computer to find it unlocked (again not surprising) and checked his internet history. His most recent Google search was “How to get a girlfriend in Tanki?”. While amusing, I looked past it because I wasn't interested in what Flexoo spent his spare time doing. Just then, an email popped up. It was titled, “Batch #76 is ready for instalment”. I noticed a vial on the desk near the mouse which was labelled #75. It seemed to contain a luminous blue liquid. Unfortunately, I heard voices outside the door, so I didn't have much time to investigate the office further. Instead, I quickly loaded a troll face meme on Flexoo's computer, snatched the vial and climbed out the window. When I reached the gates, I could just about hear some distant commotion. I grinned as I imagined Flexoo jumping up and down when he realised his office had been broken into. I wondered what he would be upset about the most. The missing vial, the troll face or the now empty distilled potato juice? Perhaps all three. Once safely back, I sent the liquid to be analysed in an independent lab. Well ladies and gentlemen, the results are in. It turns out that the liquid is actually a stimulant designed to “get the creative juices” flowing in the brain. There's just one catch: the side-effects include decreased electrochemical signals in the part of the brain that, yes you guessed it, makes us funny! Therefore, I have definitive proof to finally come to a conclusion. In order to improve the content and creativity of articles that the Newspaper team publishes, Flexoo has been injecting the Reporters with an experimental drug that has the unfortunate side-effect of reducing the humour of the person being injected. This has had a direct impact on the comedy of some content. In order to fix this problem, Flexoo is constantly having the drug altered in the hope that, one day, he can find his miracle cure! I returned to the office, I shared my story, and my colleagues could only gape in awe before bursting out in laughter. I only later realised it was because the latest coffee stain on my shirt... looked like a chicken. That's fine. It's not like I was expecting a parade or something. One day. Thus, the mystery has been solved! Tanki Forumer Awards 2017 By The Merovingian This year, for the first time, on top of the usual Best Helpers of the Year award, our beloved brand-new Community Manager (CM), Nives, has decided to extend it to all Tanki players. Tankers who, with their own abilities and limited resources, helped the forum to be a better place for all. To thank them for this candid attitude, I would offer them a full pack of yummy Oreos, but unfortunately TLM is a bit on the rock at the moment as we are currently facing numerous and expensive lawsuits following our recent revelations and articles. Furthermore, Illuminati, TLM’s piggy bank, is in a secret mission in Rio following a lead to discover what happened to the K of Nives. Anyway, the heart is there, congratulations to those hard-working players. Yet this is not all. In his awesome wisdom, the CM had another surprise in his helmet as he also introduced a new recognition concept: The Tanki Awards (TTA). This prize recognises the “Best Tankers” of the year in 6 defined categories among several players which were nominated by the different forum helpers’ lodges. The twist added to the TTA is that the players from the community itself will, by a voting system, decide who are the worthy winners. Well, that was a very thoughtful and thought-provoking idea from the CM. However, the results were not withholding any surprise here… most of the winners were picked as predictably among the popular YouTubers gang. Let’s not linger on this YouTube bacchanalia and move on to a more exciting and interesting award which ran unnoticed the day prior the TTA ceremony. Dear reader, I am talking about The Forumer Awards (also known as the Spammies). Whoop whoop! The Spammie rewards the players that have done, by their activities and postings on the forum, just the opposite of what would a player be recognized as an outstanding helper (e.g. wasting helpers' time, consuming bandwidth and spreading inanities, and all of this in a joyous manner tied with no restraint). Several categories have been created to fully recognise the excellence in “forumic” achievements as assessed by the Spammies Academy's voting membership panel. The voting members are part of a secretive circle comprised of Really Inspirational Peoples (RIP). I cannot say for sure who are these RIPs. However, an undisclosed source close to the circle (which not all silent as a grave) hushed several gentletankers’ name: Cedric Changerankashelikes, Maffiozo Lerigolo, Riddler Eight and Seann Scott. Sounds to me like a bunch of phony names use to hide their real nickname. We need to dig further with a deeper investigation to unearth the truth. The awards themselves are sculptures in the form of a spud which is spray-painted gold. The valuable piece of art was designed by a very famous artist from Tanki Online: no other than Kirby - a talented man being to whom potatoes mean everything. This unique tuberous sculptures were manufactured in utmost confidentiality by Electrolux & Co: a company which also produces the top-quality tanks of TO with this great motto: “if your turret turns, it is not made by us”. TML’s reporters were obviously invited to the ceremony to cover this classy soiree in a grand and derelict barn of Chernobyl. This year, we were very blessed to have the ceremony hosted by the two unmatched winners of the most prestigious Spammie: The Ultimate Spammer of the Year. I hereby present you with the omniscient and inexhaustible FBI (5-times winner), seconded by overdrived and prolific Darren4Turbo (2-times winner). To complete the show, the Hammer-Sisters pop group performed live. Night-Sister, the lead vocalist of the band, displayed a great performance and set the room alight with the hit of the year: I Don't Feel Like Multin'. The previously apathetic audience got revived and was frantic to the rhythm of this entrancing tune, just like any Gold Box’s siren would do on any average mult. As the ceremony progressed, the winners were announced. First, the less prestigious awards were handed out. And then at the end, at the apex of the party, the most coveted award of all. Without further ado, here are the results and the winners per category: The Best Ideas & Suggestions Forumer – ENIGMA_8 The Best e-sport Forumer – TaHaYaNToDo The Best Forumer Clan – Happy Dragon The Best Parkour Forumer – DoNotParkourStunt The Best Forum Game Forumer – darknessofshinningstar, The Best Supporting Forumer – Coopero (I smell something fishy here) The Most Promising Forumer – TSY_the_crazy The Lady Forumer - Mikasa And now what we all are waiting for, the best of the best, la crème de la crème, the award that clearly recognizes excellence in spamming: The Ultimate Forumer Spammer – Adriel.RB Our brave and dedicated reporters managed to catch some very inspirational words from Adriel.RB, who terminated the 2 year winning streak from Darren4Turbo: “Spin for 2 minutes and you get an earthquake experience for 1 minute!”. I have seriously no idea of what he was talking about, but who I am to understand a genius and true spammer master on his way to stardom? It’s a rhetorical question - I know who I am: a mult reporter of course. We reached out to Coopero by the stage after she received her award and asked her how she managed to win an award that is solely given to ordinary players (not Helpers). She seemed uncomfortable and clung tighter to the golden spud, but then she suddenly raised her index finger and pointed to the back of the barn while shouting: “Look, a Gold Box is falling!”. Everybody instinctively turned to look in the designated direction, but we saw nothing apart from a shiny chandelier. As we turned back to face Coopero, she was… gone. We are still in wonder on what was that about?! Maybe she needed a new pair of glasses, as nobody reported any GB during the whole event, and this would explain her mysteriously low stats regarding the number of Gold Boxes caught which is [redacted] (Speed boost boxes are not Gold Boxes, k). Overall it was an irradiating evening celebrating a solid year of "foruming" (an increase of post by 69%), and we are all looking forward seeing another one in 2018. Merovingian, reporting from the Spammies 2017, Chernobyl for the TLM. So long Mults… ⚔ Valentine's Day Creates Mass Epidemic Amongst Tankers By Grand Executioner It's Valentine's Day! For some lucky few, this day acts as the perfect excuse for bragging rights! Yet for most, today serves as a reminder that another year has passed, and your soulmate is nowhere to be seen. This misery is particularly amplified in Tanki Online. The search for a Tanki Girlfriend has never been more intense than the days leading up to Valentine's Day. Today, Tanki players forget winning crystals and try to win the hearts of female tankers. Players all over the world can be found ditching clan wars and on the lobby chat in desperate attempts to find a Tanki Girlfriend. It has been categorised as an official epidemic by G.O.D.M.O.D.E (Global Official Disasters Monitored Online Daily Establishment). Curious by this phenomenon, I asked Dr. Lovenives for his verdict. Here's what he says - please excuse his English (he's picked up some bad habits from his foreign Tanki Girlfriend): "Hmph...yes, vwell iz no surprise. In de reel vorld, females outnumver males and iz no difficult much to find a girlvriend- esspesially vit these, vhat do yu call it, ahh yes, dating sites." "In Tanki vowever, the populotion ov female Tankvers iz very low and require a lot ov attention so iz more hard to get a Tanki Girlvriend." But don't despair Tankers! I've managed to track down a player who has been successful in getting a Tanki Girlfriend, and he has offered The Leaky Mult exclusive tips and advice. Because of fear his Tanki Girlfriend will read this article, he has asked to remain anonymous. "The most important thing is to set yourself apart from the competition. When I first saw my future-girlfriend in battle, she was wearing the First Love paint to complement her sexy and slim Wasp figure. Loads of guys were trying to ask her out I wrote a love poem instead, then dropped a gold, killing everyone else, so she could take it. That led to our first date, which was a private walk through Forest. Wha...Erm... no princess, I'm not talking to anyone. No, it's not another girl. You know I only have my turret pointed at you lovebug..." At this point, I had to cut out some of the explicit language which may not be suitable for some of our younger Tankers. So, let's skip to the part where his girlfriend was out of the picture: "The difficult part is keeping your Tanki Girlfriend. I buy my girlfriend a Teddy Bear Gift from the garage everyday with a different love poem, so she knows I think about her everyday. When in battle, be willing to make sacrifices and take the damage to protect her. Challenge anyone who insults her to a 1v1. Try not to drug too much, as ladies are put off by a "dangerous" lifestyle. Oh, and drop golds for her. Lots and lots of golds. " Unfortunately, the interview was cut short when I joked about whether his girlfriend was a "gold digger", to which he responded by raging and challenging me to a 1v1. Good Luck Tankers, and may Cupid be with you! ☠ What is Love? By mydoom.exe Well, what is it? It’s not simply a four letter word, not the meaning of life, and contrary to what everyone says, not the first feeling you experience when initially meeting @Yisroel.Rabin, although it’s pretty close to that. Love is an eternal sense – a pure, undiluted feeling of joy and longing for one’s beloved equal. It’s a precious gift given to us by God Himself, otherwise known as Maf. Unfortunately, in this modern world, love’s true meaning has been corrupted by the Devil, otherwise known as Maf, to such a degree that people seriously believe that love at first sight is a reality, true love can be expressed to males and females, regardless of gender, and that simply meeting someone online can qualify as a sincere relationship. In reality, these are all sinful traits, and thus one will be punished in the next life for enacting them. Of course, there are other tainted definitions of love, but they’re minor (We can all forgive one for thinking they love @mydoom.exe, for instance), and so won’t be covered here. First of all, love at first sight is nowhere near being a true, sincere kind of love. You can only really love someone at first taste. Think about it – how many times have you ever sat down to dinner and thought, “Man, I really love this chicken (otherwise known as Maf)”? That is true love right there: A glorious fusion between a person and their food. Now, you don’t actually need to eat your partner, or at least not whole, but if you honestly do wish to be united in mind and body with your significant other, then you should at least give them a little lick to see if you’re really meant for each other. Maybe even take a small nibble at their toenail or something like that if you’re feeling adventurous. Second, true love can never be expressed to just anyone you like, male or female. It has to be a certain person. True love has to be true – one must never abandon their first tastes, unless they have fallen to the Satanic realm even after you’ve enlightened them. Furthermore, this is 2018 you actual caveman, why would you limit your options to just male or female? There are tens of thousands of genders out there, with hundreds of people choosing at least three of each! I myself once dated an Apache attack helicopter before realizing that it preferred pancakes over waffles (An egregious sin. I still pray that its soul can still reach heaven before it dies), then finally finding my match with a beautiful T-34. Finally, simply meeting a person online can never qualify as a true relationship. You need to play a couple of battles with them. Friend them on Discord. Get into a voice chat. Make a Ugandan Knuckles raid on a VR server just like you’ve gone back in time to when it was still relevant in 2018, even though it’s stale now in 2018. In other words, enhance the experience to beyond just being online avatars speaking to other online avatars. Instead, be an online avatar speaking to another online avatar that you speak with on a daily basis, and with multiple other online avatars that you own on different social media websites. Maybe, if you’re persistent enough with the borrowed credit card, you’ll even get to learn their real name - that’s true love in this new and exciting digital age. To conclude, what have we learned about love? What is love? Baby, don’t hurt me for repeating the question. Don’t hurt me. No more. I’ll explain if you don’t hurt me, and- oh, I don’t know, what can I do? What else can I say, it’s up to you. I simply clarified the definition of what love really is, and how it’s been twisted over the many centuries that it’s been in existence. But ultimately, love is up to each person to really discover for themselves. It’s more than simply a concept, an idea brought out of the void: A person must discover what form love shapes itself into for them. More specifically, who love shapes itself into. Maybe you already know someone who is the embodiment of love in your eyes. Maybe that special embodiment of love is waiting for you on this Earth, wondering about who their true love is too. After all, as said by a wise man, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”. You are the beholder, you just need to find the beauty in order to finally complete the definition of what love is. Otherwise known as Maf. Thank you very much to @mydoom.exe for his special proofreading skills. If you have any question regarding TLM, please leave a post below. We are looking for sponsor to support our journal (with lots of crystals) against the evil Chicken Industry Corporatin (ChIC) which get stronger every day. Recently they made an alliance with, yet another evil corporation, the Totally Tasty Cookies (TTC), and they are trying to take us down via dishonest and expensive law suites. Any help is welcome. So long Mults… TLM is the world's first truly independent, non-profit, viewer-supported news and documentary service. It does not accept advertising, government or corporate funding in order to provide real and independent news imbued with verifiable facts, history and context. Its mission is to engage millions of viewers in solving the critical problems of our times, and fighting against the evil chicken industry that we vow to put down once for all. Say No to chicken and No to cookies and join our noble cause. Further good read from The Leaky Mult + The Leaky Mult #1 - November 2017 by Illuminati & The Merovingian + The Leaky Mult #2 - New Year 2018 by Illuminati & The Merovingian + The Leaky Mult #4 - October 2019 by The Merovingian + The Leaky Mult #5 - December 2019 by Given, Viking4s & The Merovingian + The Leaky Mult #6 - December 2020 by Tokamak & The Merovingian

The Leaky Mult #3 special St Valentine's Day is coming soon!

all the little pieces interlocking which each other: grandiose story really nice

Thanks Thanks, all screenshot :P Thanks Thanks. "You can laugh about everything but not with everyone," - Pierre Desproges

"You can laugh about everything but not with everyone," - Pierre Desproges Edito Season Greetings folks, Here is the second edition of the TLM! Yes, we are still alive and kicking. This special time of the year is for celebrations, gift-giving, family gathering and ... introspection. It is time to review your action of the year and to do one last good thing, or at least one if you have not done one yet, before the conclusion of the year. And reading this newspaper is exactly what you need to get that tick off your list! ? We are delighted that you liked the first edition and hope that you will enjoy even more the new one, which contains more revelations, more breaking news and even more alternative news (we don’t do fake here). Grab a pack of Oreos and good reading! _______________________________________________________________________________________ ⚜ The Unlimited Black Box Rain Glitch - What really Happened? by The Merovingian During Black Friday, a major glitch known as The Unlimited Black Box Rain Glitch (TUBBRG) occurred (watch video). As much as TO wishes that this unfortunate mishap was buried and forgotten, we have decided to investigate the root cause of the mysterious glitch and expose the direct involvement of both a very famous satirical journal "The Dictator" and an ex-administrator of the reporter’s team in the matter. Unfortunately, at the start of our investigation, most of our informants were on Russian holidays and 100% of the internal document, related to the affair, have been mysteriously lost on the train between the Molotov and Magadan train stations. These unfortunate turns of events left us with no choice but to use the power of our grey matter (ouch, that’s going to hurt). Consequently, two awesome TLM reporter brains have been put up to great strain during a brain storming session to come up with two plausible theories, one for each of us. Prepared to be enlightened, if not blown up: 1/ First theory by Merovingian Easy peasy lemon squeezy. Night-Sister, ex-administrator, made an article about camping (a long time ago). A Russian developer, call him Ivan, stumbled upon it while roaming the forum for no reason. The article gave him the idea to go camping for the Russian holidays. While packing, Ivan prepared some potatoes sandwiches, but he left one unattended on the desk. A hungry rat came by and snatched it. The food-stuffed rat died near the servers’ room because of an overdose of potatoes that started to ferment in his dead stomach. The smell of the corpse attracted a family of cockroaches that made a nest nearby. Those then crept on a live wire, causing a short-circuit that created a bug in the TO’s system that lead to the TUBBRG. Therefore, I blame Night-Sister. 2/ Second theory by Illuminati Yis, a reporter wrote an article. The "funny" article was published in "The Dictator". Ivan read it. He LMAOed so intensely, that while dropping an "Oh boy!", he dropped his pint of distilled potato juice, which then spilled on his keyboard. The liquid created a short-circuit in the keyboard, which triggered the TUBBRG. Therefore, Illuminati blames Yis. We challenged each others' theories. I disagreed with the Illuminati one because there were 3 major flaws in it: Firstly, Yis is not that funny, ok. Secondly, TO’s Keyboard are distilled-potatoes-juice-proof. Finally, You Can Only Blame Night-Sister, ok. Therefore, his theory, full of holes, is unlikely to be able to explain what really happened. Illuminati was not keen on my theory - he stated a major fact that actually completely destroyed my theory: "There is no such thing as a potato sandwich" he claimed... Darn, I searched the internet, nothing. He was right. Then he countered my three points to consolidate his theory further. First, he pointed out that a developer loaded with fermented potato juice can LMAO at Yis’s funny article, and it is common knowledge that developers upload a lot of it. Now I’m more inclined to accept his pin-point argument. Secondly, my esteemed colleague, and successful reporter, also stressed out that the distilled-potatoes-juice-proof keyboard was installed after the TUBBRG. Darn, he was right again. And finally, the article that caused the burst of laughter was about Night-Sister (here, he just adapted his theory and now blamed Night-Sister instead of Yis. (Smart, isn't he?). Consequently, Illuminati’s revised theory stands correct and triumphant. I now must concede, accept its theory, and eventually blame Night-Sister (and because we have no other alternative theory to put forward, this one must be the only possible one). Then, dear readers, full of expectation and thirsty for The Truth (with two uppercase T's), there it is, one more mystery solved. And, if you are wondering about another potential TUBBRG occurring following the publication of the next "The Dictator", well…I have both bad news and good news for you. The bad news is: The distilled-potatoes-juice-proof keyboard has now been fitted to all developers PCs and laptops. As a result, no more TUBBRGs. The good news is: Don’t be sad, because now you will have plenty of time to read more funny articles from Yis. △ Staff Christmas Experiment Criticized by Illuminati A resourceful staff member has been publicly "called out" after an approved community experiment, set up by the aforementioned, had its potentially debatable fundamentals exposed. Apparently this individual (who cannot be named, unfortunately), supposedly decided to run an interesting test to see if the Tanki community discriminates between the genders where charity is concerned. According to our sources, this person used a secret alternate account (using the existing name originally) and ask for donations towards making his Christmas better. He then essentially made himself a nuisance, both on the public chat and in the forum. Basically, his appeal went something along the lines of this. (Anonymous): "hi guys, im reely poor and my family kicked me out for playing too much tanki so pls, if you have any gold or spare money spread the love at christmas kthx." Apparently, even after this heart-wrenching piece and several hours of trying non-stop, Anonymous eventually gave up, especially after the one "kind" person who offered to buy him a gift turned out to be a scammer and he very nearly lost his account. But then, the second part of his experiment came into play. He spent $18 to equip himself with a new name - Mrs.Calamity. Then, he repeated the experiment. However, this time the message was a little different. (Mrs.Calamity): "Hi all. I'm going through some tough times right now. Family really trying to ruin Christmas for me (I'm getting no gifts this year). But you could help make this Christmas special for me. Please donate me a gift using these payment links or send me a special in-game gift. Thank you - you guys mean the world to me." Yes, the two appeals to look remarkably similar. Totally no bias involved. Anyhow, the gifts began to roll in: paints, containers, Gold Boxes, crystals and lots of gifts offering deep messages of support. His message even touched the normally cold-hearted Administrator , who wasted her Christmas break sending supportive emails to Anonymous. @TSY_the_crazy also was affected by the appeal, and sent several hopeful date requests via expensive in-game gifts. Eventually, after TSY had sent his third date request in under an hour and Mrs.Calamity had racked up close to a million crystals and assorted paints including Flow, Synesthesia, Spectrum and Helper of the month (no one knows how this one got there), Tanki HQ got wind of the operation and decided to intervene, stopping the gift procession. Anonymous revealed his experiment to the world and was immediately received by outraged cries, especially when he told the community that he would not be returning their gifts and intended to keep them. All the former EU6 girl-digging buyers wrote out a lengthy complaint to the CM, , asking for justice to be served. Both Anonymous and Mrs.Calamity disappeared overnight. The general rumor is that he was deported to Siberia. According to a statement by the Chat Moderation team, they did see this dubious experiment happening but decided to overlook it since it was Christmas. Or they were all asleep because everyone knows chat mods are heartless. One or the other. ⚜ Wild Tanks on the Rampage by The Merovingian Imagine that you are in middle of a battle, killing opponents by the hundreds to complete the 7000 kills tier, and then several new tanks appear out of the blue. The map is full! How can the map support extra tanks? When you take a closer look, they do not appear to be interested by other tanks, nor do they seem to belong to any team, as their health bar is plain black. Amazing as it seems, you just had your first encounter with a herd of wild tanks! Yes, wild tanks. These savage kinds usually progress in herds, graze in green grassland, and enjoy racing on flat and open spaces. They rarely approach populated areas, and avoid towns and public places. If they do, it would be because their peaceful life has been disturbed. Yet, since the start of cold December, many tankers have made such encounters and reported them to the National Observatory Of Beasts (NOOB). One tanker described to the TLM the rowdy scene he witnessed on Solikamsk: "One teammate was hurrying back to our base with the enemy flag via the main road, when suddenly I spotted a dozen tanks, all wearing a Rhino coat, flanking him. He only survived the encounter because he managed to find shelter at the bottom of a ditch." He pursues the recollection of the shocking event: "After this incident, it took some time before everybody recomposed themselves and realized they were undomesticated tanks." And he finished in disbelief: "Wow, I never saw those kinds before, and I think it was a good thing." More stampedes of untamed tanks have been spotted on maps from the Perm region, creating complete confusion in the battlefields. Tankers unfamiliar with this deadly appearance turned on panic mode at first sight of these herds. Soon, they all started to run like headless chickens in the hope escaping an imminent and certain death. Hundreds of scarred tankers contacted the Tanki Online Tech Support to report what they believed to be Russian (hacker) raids. However, these wild tanks are not the domesticated ones that you would find in your garage. TO uses tanks that are bred in captivity and sourced from stud farms located in China. The wild tank lives in the open, among the wild low grasslands around Molotov, where they normally live peacefully. And since the implementation of the natural protection act of the WWF (World Wide Fund for Nature), they have multiplied in numbers. Professor emeritus Coopero, a renowned tank Behaviourist Specialist (BS) from the WWF, has explained to the TLM: "After a week-long observation, we found out that the powerful sound of the new Magnum turret is responsible for their strange behavior. The deep and low sound waves of the potent shell explosion create strong vibrations that spread through the ground over long distances, which disorient the wild tanks' location nerve system." She added that the "results of this inquiry should act as a wake-up call for TO and compel Alternativa to do more testing prior the release of such an overpowered turret." She recommends every tanker to follow the guidelines set out by the NOOB regarding the observation of wild tanks in their natural habitat. Beware the Mammoth. The beast is slow, but it can still crush you easily if you stand between them and their preferred food resource (which is potatoes). Regarding the Hornet and Wasp breeds, they are more tempestuous and not afraid to attack when they sense danger. If they charge headlong at you, then your only chance to survive is to jump into a river. So, the TLM ask its precious readers to think before approaching them. And above all, do not provoke them, stand in front of them, or eat food with potatoes in their vicinity. You have been warned. So long mults… △ Insurance Panic as Gamer Runs Wild by Illuminati Car Insurance companies are contemplating suing Tanki Online after an interesting night left more than 350 vehicles with no data evidence. Tanki Battle Moderators broke into the Wiki facility this morning to find @Maf unconscious and his charge, @RIDDLER_8, gone. It appeared that @Maf had been the handler and keeper of Riddler ever since Riddler went wild with all of his ideas in the I + S section. @Maf had kindly offered to keep Riddler safe and offer him a place to properly think out his deas before he posted the first thing that came into his head. Regardless, we now know that Riddler wasn't ideal during his period of freedom. It is common knowledge even to people like Riddler that most modern vehicles are fitted with a black box, designed to record vital statistics for insurance claims. Unfortunately due to his lack of common sense, Riddler sometimes can't tell the difference between virtual and reality. Hence why many people woke up this morning to find their car broken in to and the black box ripped open. Alarmed onlookers described a "Corpulent wild man covered in lime-green cursing about the amount of drugs he was getting from the boxes". They also said he complained that he never got Spectre and that the RNG was rigged. "I didn't know what RNG meant," said a witness. "But it sounded dodgy so I phoned the police, just to make sure." Thankfully, Riddler was captured early today after trying to buy food using things he called "crystals". He was escorted away, still claiming adamantly that "Tanki is Pay to Win!!" and asking a policeman for gold. However, with the extensive damage done to the black boxes, it means that most of the inhabitants living around the HQ area can no longer make car insurance claims, though the Car Insurance companies are now arguing that Tanki should pay for the damage. is especially furious after his car insurance told him he couldn't claim on a scratch on his Porsche without the black box evidence. We attempted to interview @Maf for his outlook on it all, but his phone number apparently no longer works. We hope another deportation to Siberia hasn't occurred, but we are fearing the worst. ⚜ Breaking News: No Gift for Good Kids this Xmas! by The Merovingian Merry Christmas or not!? TLM is deeply sorry to announce to its youngest and most angelic readers that Christmas is on the verge of being cancelled! TLM is going to reveal the entire story in this breaking Xmas news special. Unfortunately, this heartbreaking sad tale is about a very special and prominent character. A man who has lost his way and dignity due to a devastating dependency. Long story short, Santa is addicted to the video game Tanki Online! That is it, the cat is out of the bag. Yes, our very beloved game is the source of the issue at hand! How has this happened? Once upon a time, Alternativa approached the old man, known for his good humour and bonhomie, to record his remarkable and unmistakable voice for the special Gold Box siren planned for the TO’s Happy New Year celebrations. The Nutty-One, head of the TO developers’ team at Alternativa, told us that at the time it was "a real honour and privilege to be able to record the beautiful voice of a such famous and jovial old chap". The company wanted to reward him with a "rather large amount of Potatoes", but Santa did not accept anything for his participation: "I’m merry enough to help this game that celebrates the good spirit of winter with millions of kids." However, after further talk, the joyous old man finally accepted the offer of a free account and a free Beginner Pass from the generous Tanki folks. All began innocently - the white bearded man started to play the game and loved it right away, obviously. Him being Christmas Father, toys and games are things he enjoys naturally. However, minutes of fun turned into hours of more fun, and hours then escalated to entire days of non-stop playing. Santa became badly hooked. Puck, Head-elf of Production at the North-Pole Gift factory, expressed concerns about the change of behaviour in his boss. He reported that: "Santa has started to lie to his entourage - Elves, friends, family members and me - regarding the amount of time he was spending playing TO. Additionally, he started to isolate himself from us to spend more time on TO." During the investigation, we learned even more worrying news from Lutin, a little green troll responsible of the Love Of Logistics department (LOL), about an incident that happened last year (2016): "It was the worst time ever", he started, "lots of kids did not get their presents in time". He added that Santa suggested to "give them [kids] a free Tanki account instead" and that would be a "better idea than a boring and noob P2W U-box". Finally, shaking his head, he added with sadness in his voice: "At the start of December time, he grew restlessness and irritable. Mainly because he was unable to play due to his tight delivery schedule of gifts to kids around the world." "The situation worsens after the Summer Events. At the end of the 48 hours crazy weekend, we realised that Santa did not go to bed at all - and he did not shower." This was disclosed by Santa’s personal elf-assistant, Miss Fairy, and she finally summed up with a tone of urgency in her voice: "He was really a mess and we had to act quickly before the preparation of Christmas 2017". At that time the Distinguished Elves Society (D3S) managed to convince Christmas Father to follow a special rehabilitation program in called the Rehabilitation Experience at Kungur Tabernacle (a.k.a. REKT). Two months later, D3S’s spoke-elf revealed us that the cure was a success and that Santa was clean. He assured us that he did not play TO nor had gone close to a computer since then (all electronic devices have been locked in the Reindeers’ barns). They also assured us that we had nothing to worry about this year and that gifts would be delivered on time and in full. Unfortunately, TLM’s conscientious reporters checked Santa’s ratings and they found out that right after the announcement of the TO Winter special holidays (on the 21th) Santa’s account was positively active again and he was topping the Scoreboard of the top 100 players for Crystals earned (see the screenshot from the 23rd of December). Santa’s spokes-elf has not responded to our call regarding this information, and we fear that this year, Christmas is in danger. And you will probably not receive your long-waited gift. Consequently, TLM is sending a global message: if you see a prominent old man with a white beard, dressed strangely with a red and white coat and feverishly playing Tanki Online, please contact the emergency line of the D3S’s website. More Breaking news: Father Christmas has been found in a cybercafé in Reykjavik (Iceland’s capital). The owner reported him to the local police, as the old man was stinky and was scaring the kids around him. The LOL's elf-manager succeeded to repatriate him back to the North Pole and managed to get him back to work thank to the invigorating special North-Pole drinks based on potato juice and a full box of Oreos! That was a close shave, but now all is back to normal. However, TLM strongly advises our young readers to hide their PCs and lock their TO accounts during the Eve of Christmas. Merry Christmas to you all. _______________________________________________________________________________________ Thank you very much to @mydoom.exe for his special proofreading skills. If you have any question regarding TLM, please leave a post below. As the previous edition did not received 30 likes we did NOT reveal anything about the "Camper Conspiracy" that operates within the very core of TO in this edition. Remember we need more than 30 likes on this edition to be able to publish the terrible, horrific, and scandalous truth! "Likes" do not grow on trees, consequently, you are required to use your finger to click on the like button below, otherwise this secret will remain untold. & TLM is the world's first truly independent, non-profit, viewer-supported news and documentary service. It does not accept advertising, government or corporate funding in order to provide real and independent news imbued with verifiable facts, history and context. Its mission is to engage millions of viewers in solving the critical problems of our times, and fighting against the evil chicken industry that we vow to put down once for all. Say No to chicken and join our cause. Further good read from The Leaky Mult + The Leaky Mult #1 - November 2017 by Illuminati & The Merovingian + The Leaky Mult #3 - St Valentine's Day 2018 by GrandExecutioner, mydoom.exe & The Merovingian + The Leaky Mult #4 - October 2019 by The Merovingian + The Leaky Mult #5 - December 2019 by Given, Viking4s & The Merovingian + The Leaky Mult #6 - December 2020 by Tokamak & The Merovingian

Yes I used to do that as well or wait for off-peak games with 1 or 2 players per team (usually CP or TDM). About 2.5 minutes the finish early signal come quickly and job done, I finished first. Choosing the losing side will not be an option anymore because soon enough you won't see the list of games available, enhance you won't be able to see/choose a side. But yest you're right we should equally be able to fished first or top 3 in the losing team because that would keep some player playing. I agree that not many will need to do it but it's step in the right direction to keep more player in a losing team.

A link to the tutorial from the game window (at least for low rank) and one on the main page should be made visible.

Seriously

The big reward you have got is from this Best Helpers of the Year 2017 you will see at the bottom there is a list of normal player that have been seen by the Administration worth to mention for their contribution to the English Community. I don't know what you did but you left a footprint. I don,t see how this statement fit with Sliced being in the player list in the Best Helpers of the Year 2017 .

A secret animated paint in container: Synesthesia :blink: see http://ratings.tankionline.com/en/user/returned/

I enter once such map with supply off, it was 7-1 for the reds (2-3 magnums) and I joined the blues. We managed to come back to 9-9 with a couple of Isidas and ghosting tactics. On the last flag both team had the opposite flag. We lost at the end because they smartly changed equipment and protective module and our team was chasing gold boxes (noob legends). To win as blue team you need to master ghosting and survival (how to stay alive as long as possible).

auto(politically)correcter :D

Edit: Thanks Mia, I'm not sure if you are dead serious or sarcastic (I have not seen many post from you so I don't know you much). So I have 2 answers: 1/ It you were sarcastic/funny ;p 2/ It you were dead serious

Highlands is ok, but still favour attackers. Future is impossible to attack.

good luck talented young man

Polygon is very difficult to defend, it should be in the other side and notin the middle. Same for Iran, the map is too small to have it in the point in the middle. Brest seems fine.

Nice guide. Good work BD30, I can't wait for the next instalment.

It's coming [Review] Matchmaking