[Story] Immune (Chapter 14 + Chapter 15)

[Kuhaku 87]

Hello, this is I_Am_Unkown, and here is Chapter 14 and 15 of my story, Immune.

 

 

 

Index

 

Prologue + Chapter 1

Chapter 2 + Chapter 3

Chapter 4 + Chapter 5

Chatper 6 + Chapter 7

Chapter 8 + Chapter 9 + Chapter 10

Chapter 11 + 12

Chapter 13

 

 

 

Chapter 14

 

“Sir, I believe that we are strong enough to retake Castle Ebro”, I addressed the farmer,”Hailey and I believe that we can sneak in the castle and eliminate Commander Sarinthious, what do you think?

 

“True, you have greatly progressed in you training, but do you truly believe that you can kill him safely without any casualties? He is a dangerous man, commander of a mighty army, and he has two Yusvengal weapons.”

 

“We have two weapons, just that they're spread out, and plus isn’t that an advantage?”

 

“What about the army he has at command, as well as the Garrison that defends that castle?”

 

“Well that's the thing, I have, however, made a plan that we think will be able to successfully take down Commander Sarinthious.”

 

“I trust you wholeheartedly with your plans, you are a boy with a brain smart enough to take down an entire country. But does Hailey trust you?”

 

“Yes, she does. I’m sure she would she might have some changes to the plan as well. She has a brilliant mind that can easily catch life-threatening errors”. It was true enough, I had thought. Hailey could easily save our lives if needed. Combined with the fact that White Light could produce a light that could blind only certain people, it would be very useful for her to watch our backs. I asked the farmer,”You’ve been training non-stop just like us. However, you’ve practiced with multiple weapons so which will you be using when we journey to Castle Ebro?”

 

“I believe since I’m best with a sword, I’ll be bringing my shield and that. So tell me, what’s your plan?”, the farmer replied.

 

“I think we should inform Hailey at the same time, so we can make changes to the plan if needed.”

 

“I agree, go get Hailey, I think she’s in the library”.

 

I went to go get Hailey and found her in the library reading the book on Yusvengal weapons, trying to see if she could find anything else on our Yusvengal weapons. “I talked to the farmer about our plan”, I told her,”He wants us to go meet him in order to make changes to it.”

 

Once we were all in the same room, we finally talked about the plan, to kill Commander Sarinthious and the end to his reign.

 

 

Chapter 15

 

I told them the plan, showing the map of Castle Ebro.

 

“Unfortunately, due to the fact that our old house is near the main village, we won’t be able to return to the house and see what’s become of it. Instead, we’ll be staying near a much smaller village, called Marie which is a bit north of the castle.

“There we will pick up some much needed supplies, and then stay there for a day or two. We’ll see what’s going on, how the castle recovered from the plague, and whether or not we can find a room in the town inn. In addition to this, we’ll see if we can get inside the castle walls, and if we can scout any hazards for our mission to assassinate Commander Sarinthious.

“During the scout mission, we’ll be looking for places where a guard might see us. Our plan is take a small boat to the bottom of the cliffs, then scale the wall. The palace will be directly above us, so it should be fairly easy to kill Commander Sarinthious. The plan is for the farmer and I to scale the cliff, and assassinate the Commander. Hailey, we’ll need you to make sure that the rowboat doesn't crash into the rocks and destroying our only hope of escaping. If worst comes to worst, I’ll blind the soldiers with Dark Vortex and escape.

“Once we successfully kill Commander Sarinthious, we’ll escape the way we came, but it’ll be much easier climbing down than up, since we can just use a rope to slide all the way down.

“Now, does anyone have a suggestions?”

Hailey and the farmer looked at me in disbelief. The farmer said,”Well, Jonathan you’ve done it again. A great plan, hopefully, it’ll succeed. But what do you think we should do after we kill Sarinthious?”

“Well Hailey, that decision is entirely up to you. Our sole purpose for taking you in was to put you on the throne, as the rightful ruler of the kingdom. What do you think?”

Hailey spoke with an uncertainty and said,”Well, I don’t really know. I’m so thankful for both of you for saving my life that day. Perhaps I’ll make you my advisors or something. But once we kill Sarinthious, do you really think that well, the people will believe that I’m truly the ruler of the kingdom?”

“Of course, everyone in the surrounding farms, everyone who was poor was just waiting for you to become Queen. Your father did tax us quite a bit, but he was still a fair king. The people will accept you. Even the nobles living under Commander Sarinthious rule don’t like him very much. He seized power in a non-regal way if you ask me”, I told her.

“I agree”, the farmer said,”You were always a kind child. Looking out for the entire kingdom. The people will definitely agree that you are the rightful ruler. Prepare your bags both of you, if this plan succeeds, I don’t think we’ll be returning to the Ghost anytime soon. And Hailey? Once you’re done, come to my room, I have something I need to give you”.

At the time, I didn’t think that this was unusual. I guess I had thought that the farmer was just giving her a special pendant, or piece of armor, or perhaps a jewelry item as a gift to the true queen. Little did I know that he was planning for his own death.

 

___________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

I want to give a special thank you to all my brilliant readers out there!

Edited April 23, 2017 by Yisroel.Rabin

[Crip 4,735]

Approved.

 

 

Edits:

- Changed "Good" in "Good enough to take Castle Ebro" to "Strong".

- Several punctuation errors (neglecting to add a question mark for example).

- Four typos.

- Removed mirror sentence.

 

Nice! Definitely the longest series that this section has ever seen. English and use of dialogue is generally sound. One thing I will point out is about the use of synonyms. Repeated usage of the same word tends to make reading become a little tiresome. Try to vary the words which you use.

 

 

Edits be Yisroel.Rabin:

- Fixed 'Index' links

 

Note: For the next part, don't copy the text for the post to get the same format, first click 'Edit' on your post and then copy the text. The formatting gets all mixed up otherwise.

Edited April 23, 2017 by Savage

[yonatanthesuper 314]

Approved.

 

 

Edits:

- Changed "Good" in "Good enough to take Castle Ebro" to "Strong".

- Several punctuation errors (neglecting to add a question mark for example).

- Four typos.

- Removed mirror sentence.

 

Nice! Definitely the longest series that this section has ever seen. English and use of dialogue is generally sound. One thing I will point out is about the use of synonyms. Repeated usage of the same word tends to make reading become a little tiresome. Try to vary the words which you use.

How can i learn english to speak like you?

[Yisroel.Rabin 16,224]

How can i learn english to speak like you?

You don't want to.

[Kuhaku 87]

How can i learn english to speak like you?

It takes lots and lots of practice.

And when you feel like you've had enough practice

practice more.....

 

and then when don, you may be

praktice more to git good