Machines of Flight wishes you the best of luck! P.S. Wonder who came up with the club tag first?

Welcome to the AWS! Nice story by the way.

The YWA's full of depressed writers... yet they never let me say anything sad. Wonders why...

Nah it ok Thor. I do evil critiques and I think he's glad you broke my line.

I think I could be featured.... could I?

#MakesAssumptionsTooQuickly

Honestly, I considered that name once, but I didn't like it. Your New Name: puduy

Wonder why this didn't make editorials.

Quite enjoyable, but I would like to hear some more details like in specific not generalizing what happened over a year. Otherwise, nice journey throughout your Tanki career!

Who says?

Feels bad... Poor kid, he has to get all his leaves far far far away from home. Last pick belongs to those like me (at least at church)

I think I agree with Parkour and also Magenta. I'm not saying it's bad, but then you might want to check it more by drafting it on paper or making sure you have an idea down before you start writing. Also, grammar, my expertise subject, is a matter that you might want to work on. You have a decent amount of dialogue, but then you should enter and add another paragraph to make it make more sense. (Cue the descriptive dialogue speech I gave Thor)

Coincidentally, there is a character named Aaren in my story too. Weird...

#Doesn'tKnowAnyone

Hey, great story. So now on to the premium Ms. M critique. (My writing teacher) Her advice to you would be to change your writing style once in a while and try something new. Right now, I'm seeing that you follow my mentor, who has choppy sentences, so I would suggest trying to write in a different style. P.S. Challenge me to do something too. I'm slightly bored.

#Hypocrite

Slight grammar issues, but a very good storyline. Though I think they say 'only child' not 'unique child'. But I look forward to Chapter 3!

Technically, if you derive for x as a function of y, then the derivative is 0, but if you derive as y as a function of x, then the derivative is undefined.

JPfan078

#PostsonSundayMorningSoHeCanBeCelebratedWithTheSundayPostAndForThoseInChurchWhoReadTheirEmailsWhenTheyShouldBeListeningToTheSermonLOL

Rinks 126

Writer's Block, Chapter 2 For the confused editor and half of the readers who want to catch up: Chapter 1 Gard letted me out. Landed in some weird skuare again. Oter guy wallked up too me. But he loked nicer. He went and sheaked my hand hard. His gripp was like ten gards. “Hi,” he said, and so I replyed to him. He looked a little mean but I guess that he want to help me so I talked, hopingg he would heplp me. “Hello,” I said, “Why are we stuck here?” “Well, you’ll learn to like it here. We only get a few minutes off of this place every round. And those take forever.” He talkes so fast, I not keeping up with his word. He didnt even answer my question! What kind of persn was that? “And then we take a little break then and you can wander around. Some never return.” I shudered at that statement. Anyways, it was my turn, so I piked up a dice and rolled it, then moved forrward a bit. He gave me tip on making poam, anoying poams still stopped me short. But it wasnt poam. It was some fakt thingy caled “trivia”. He taught me that. I understanded it more a lot more. Still, I got stuck. It was about authors, good and bad, and this one taled about the books of author. I dont read wel so I didnt know. Luky thing that gards didn’t mak me read the Person’s books again. Those were bad and boring. In stead, I readed another thing: a story i never saw. To be exzact, I didn’t read, a speak thing boommed out loud sound works. I liked betr but the story line (a new word i lerned) made no sence. For instanse, the guy liked pink, which made less sense than the whole thing. Because aren't girls supposed to like pink? And nothing else made any sense. After my turn, my new frend helpd explane the story so i get it I think I see what this story mean. \ During the waiting for my next turn, he gott bookes for me and teach me reading faster and better. Teaching me grammar too so I can write good if I ever write short storys. I like writing about the things that happend, and he give me a journal to keep track of every thing I want to write. Maybe I would win this game and be the best. Sorry about making anyone's head spin. Please let me continue this series, I promise this guy's grammar will be better. - P.R.

I read this during church service and this inspired me to write again. Thank you very much. Now on to the evil critique. I loved the description, it was very well written. However, you might want to work on formatting (Titan-Magnum over Titan+Magnum or describe the hull and turret without explicitly stating it. If you are upset about this, you can critique my next article. I promise it has many spelling and grammar errors! Until then...

It's ok, you'll improve To Thor: I would like you to work on your descriptive dialogue, which will make part 6 better than part 5.

How did Quarks approve this?