Or just click on my name, bring up my profile, and voila, you have everything I have written. What language is "voila" exactly? We only have a few languages here, and voila isn't originally in any of them. Never mind, I don't really care. It's a good word.

@Llabrador --> I believe that was the entire point of the article! Writing like a sillyhead makes you look silly. And, since I always like to end my stuff with a bang, I thought I'd make a point by breaking my rule in the last sentence of my article.

I get private messages like this all the time. “CHRYSALIS OMIGOSH YOUR SO GOOD AT WRITING! I JUST LOVE YOUR ARTICLES SO CAN YOU TEACH ME? CUZ I RELY WAN TO BE A WRITER FOR TANKI YOU NOW?” Sigh. First, turn the caps lock off. Your message isn’t more endearing just because you scream every word. Second, please don’t call me Chrysalis. Chrysalis was my mother, hence the name SONofchrysalis. If I could change my username to sonofcelestia, since Celestia is my mother now, I would do it in a heartbeat. Why I ever named my account after Chrysalis, I’ll never know. And my name is Stratus, by the way. Third, I can tell you want to write, and you want to write well. I feel for you, buddy. You have the drive and the desire to create a written work of art that will be adored by scores of readers. Same here. But I can also tell by the things you have written that you’ll never make it as you are. You have some serious changes to make. Please don’t misunderstand me. I’m not belittling you and your attempts at good writing. The mistakes I’m about to list are ones I’ve made myself many times. They hinder your writings, making it looking like you have exactly zilch idea of what you’re doing. They also develop a mental image of you in the mind of your readers, and if you don’t correct these mistakes, that mental image will evolve into something the reader will never be able to take seriously, no matter how hard you try. 1.) Good writing is 80% topic. If you want to put a topic on Tanki, avoid the usual bulk stuff, like “How Long Do You Take in the Shower?”, “Post your Puppy Pictures Here!”, and “Where are You Most Ticklish?” Okay, maybe that last one would be fine, but my point is that the forum is full of topics that really don’t serve a purpose. The Off-Topic Rules page that Semyon wrote asks that you consider whether or not your topic will benefit the community. I doubt that “Which Celebrity Do You Think Is Better at Tennis?” would benefit anypony. You want to be unique, and write something unique? Then write something useful. A useful topic is a rare commodity. Although I am discouraging it in large amounts, I’m not saying you can’t ever post something pointless yet fun. I’m honestly considering putting Pinkie’s hilarious collection of “Blah Blah Blah” stories in here. Want to know more about that? Let me know in the reply section, and I’ll see if she wouldn’t mind injecting a little Blah into your day. 2.) The other 20% is pencil-scratching. How you write is as important as what you write. You can put the most earth-shattering material in history on paper, but if you put it there in a way that is distracting, you’ll get nowhere. I often cringe when I read something an exuberant tanker asked me to read, saying he used it as a writing example in his application to be a Tanki Reporter. What I read is often very, very messy. I can tell that he has something to say, but what exactly that something is defies my ability to interpret the sloppy way in which he writes. Honestly, my friend Chocolate Cherry’s little brother writes better than some of the stuff I get asked to read. And he hasn’t even been born yet! If you wan to rite somethingg, trie to show that u wernt raisd in a barn. Dont miss the apostrophe in the contractions youre using. Stp chpng yr wrds lk this is a txt msg. Abbrev. like LOL are extrm. unnec. and look really uned. DAOOWNT THPELL LOYK A CUMPLOYT DOOFUTH! GETT DA PEKSHURE?! I know you can write well if you try. Tanki is looking for good writers who generate quality material that they will be proud to publish. The rest of the universe is looking for them, too. Good writers are a vanishing breed, both in your world and in mine. Writers and the pens they wield have shaped history like no warrior wielding a sword could ever hope to. You can join the lauded ranks of the extraordinary minds that move our civilizations forward. You just need to quit writing like you’re three years old. Not hatin’, just sayin’.

Anytanki who has ever caught a Gold Box knows what a unique and thrilling experience it is. The odds of even seeing one are 1 in 7000; catching it is to beat odds of about 1 in 240,000, if I did my math right. One tanker, against all odds, achieving a feat of skill and luck unlike anything else in modern gaming: now there’s some great storytelling material. I have taken many a Soaring Square in my seven months of tanking, and I shall tell of two before turning you guys loose to regale us all with your own epics. * * * * * * * * On May 7th, 2015, I was at Highways CTF, on the winning team as usual. That fact pleased me not a bit, as I was miserably miffed from the previous two days of fruitless goldhunting. The May Celebrations were going on at the time, and part of the festivities was the alteration of the Golds to contain 5000 crystals on the 5th, 6000 on the 6th, and 7000 on that particular day. I wanted so badly to nab one of those bulgy Gold Bils! I had just finished capturing yet another flag when the siren blared. My tail got so stiff from the excitement, I had to stand up. I rolled up onto the left overpass to get a better vantage point, and behold, there on the pavement was the drop zone! I looked around and saw notanki, so I sat next to the reticle and waited. A moment later, a Hornet Thunder came lumbering up onto the overpass. He was on my team, so he obviously couldn’t destroy me, but he still tried to push me off into the valley below. We wrestled like monkeys in a banana barrel until a Wasp Isida, also from our team, zipped up to us and joined the fray. The Thunder turned his attention to the newcomer and pushed him off, giving me the second I needed to get a good run at him. Over the edge he went, just as the 7000 crystal Gold drifted into view. I parked myself under it and relaxed. Then the sniper got me. Just kidding! I collected my Rubik’s Riches and went on to get another 1079 crystals from the battlefund. * * * * * * * * Later, on June 4th (Tanki’s 6th birthday, when the Golds were worth 6000 a pop), I was at Polygon CP, on a team full of doofi (plural of doofus) as usual. I was getting very, very mad. Those teammates of mine were more concerned with, well, anything but the point, and I was ready to leave them all to the outcome they deserved. I had just respawned on the big wall after being attacked by a Twin. As soon as my treads hit the ground, the siren went off. I was at the base of the short ramp, next to the big brown pipe that marks the edge of the map. The drop zone was on the dirt in front of the building that juts out of the big wall. I turned around and drove back up the ramp, positioning myself for a jump to get the gold. Every other tank on the field had the same idea. A veritable tsunami of hysterical tanks came thundering up the ramp and plowed right into me, just as the Gold drifted down. Most of the tanks fell to the left of the box, and I was pushed right into it. The insults got pretty bad, but I was going to leave anyway. * * * * * * * * There you have it, folks! My two favorite Golds from the past two months. I know you all have a story or two (or ten bazillion, WMI) that you’re dying to tell, but let me lay down four rules first: 1.) Do not tell us a “Gold Box Fail” story. Anytanki can, and almost always does, miss the Gold Box. Where’s the fun in that? This topic is called “Stories of when you CAUGHT the Gold Box” for a reason. Gold Fail stories are not permitted in this topic, on penalty of everytanki looking mean at you and tapping their hooves in indignation. 2.) Do not post back-to-back stories. Either put your stories in a single post or let sometanki else tell a story before you add another one. 3.) Do not insult sometanki else’s story. You wouldn’t want your story piled on and made fun of. Show some common courtesy and refrain from ridiculing the stories posted here. 4.) Do not post any pictures. You must WRITE about how you got that Gold, not SHOW HOW IN AN IMAGE. There's already a topic for that. Now, let’s see some uplifting tales of the time you, an average Joe, did something that graces the dreams of all the other average tankmen, tankwomen, and tankponies across the universe... Eating salad. After catching a Gold Box.

Of the CREEPY variety, magic man. :(

"MLP"?! What is mulp?! I don't know if you're a... whatever that small print says.

@MA_G_I_C Am I a what now? Not offended, bud just thrown a loop. Thought I had human slang down pat until now. YES YES YES JOIN A PRO BATTLE! MAGIC IS DA MAN!

Thanks everytanki! :)

White text? I'd use blue text if Internet Explorer would let me! This browser is killing me! We are getting dangerously close to flaming. My article (does anytanki remember the article?) was originally about how to play better, and here we are. If you want to continue discussing the supply debate, please wait until I publish "In Defense of Supplies." Safer that way. "If I have to stand up for the 5% that disagree with the usage and presence of drugs, so be it. You can downvote my posts, you can insult me, but I will never back down for the respect that those people deserve." How very Nathan Hale of you. *clap clap clap* #religiouslypassionate HERE'S A POINT WE CAN AGREE ON: everyone has an opinion and a right to express that opinion. My saying that I respect the opinion of the majority was the best way I could find at the time to say "What the crowd wants is what happens." I do not believe that the opinion of 5% should outweigh the opinion of 95%. Humans, however, seem to live by that paradox. I guess I keep forgetting this whole internet thing is originally human territory. LIMITING drugs is an entirely different discussion, and is one that only the developers and game theorists can have with any measure of authority. How much does one limit the supplies? No player can answer that because we don't have access to essential performance data, like what Tanki used in the most recent update that shortened the Repair Kit cooldown time. So you're in a Wasp and a nearby Mammoth grabs a Speed Boost. Unfair, right? Not if you grab your own Speed Boost. And as for quoting, a friend suggested I try Mozilla Firefox instead of the silliness I have been using. She can quote at will just like anytanki else. But then again, Google Chrome won't let me quote, yet it lets you quote. Maybe I should take my module to the magician's lab for an inspection....

Utterly fantastic. TNT is the man with a plan (for catching gold boxes)!

@shadewarttt --> Dude, that is the best gif ever.

@NatchGa --> How on Earth did you figure out how to quote using Google Chrome? I tried forever! Now I'm jealous. It's not an opinion, it's a logical observation. Would Tanki eliminate something the vast majority wants? Yes, they would, for one reason: if it's hurting the spirit of the game. Crystal Boxes upset team battles because the team members would prance around grabbing them instead of keeping their heads in the game. Since most battles are team battles, this was upsetting most of Tanki. For the sake of the game, away with the crystal boxes. Although I do miss them, I respect Tankionline's logical decision to eliminate them, because it was indeed logical and good for the game. I don't START arguments, but I always finish them. And I'm not going to finish this one because it would be a waste of time, since I will be writing an article about it later that will cover all possible outcomes of the argument (and if I miss anything, I can always mop up in the comments section). READING COMPREHENSION, pal. Did you read and comprehend the last three statements in my previous reply? If not, I can't help you because you aren't trying to understand. If someone likes drugs, and is for them, WHO ARE YOU to try to get rid of them? Scratch that - if ALMOST EVERYONE likes drugs, why are you going to eliminate them? I respect the opinion of the majority. The majority says yes to keeping supply kits in this game. Did I mention that this is a GAME? If you want to be religiously passionate about something, I hear they have a lot of stuff going on over in the "Real Life" department.

@EuzLo --> I know, right?! It feels like a restriction that your browser puts on you to annoy you. Going to download Mozilla in a few days because a friend has that and says it lets her quote.

Cute story told in an inventive way

@NatchGa --> Alright friend, I use Internet Explorer and Google Chrome. Neither one allows for quoting. I even tried using the button to quote you for this reply, but it didn't work. So a guy gets hit by a sniper a couple of times and starts swearing like a human sailor on the chat box. Not to anyone in particular (friends, for example), just cursing the world over because he was defeated.. I can see what great potential that has for starting a conversation! Tanki is never going to eliminate supplies. They are essential, and really only about 5% of tankers disagree with their existence. I didn't say that only 5% of tankers don't use them, I said that 5% don't AGREE with them. How are you going to get rid of something that 95% of players like and use? I'm not going to get into an argument about the supplies. I am currently working on an article entitled "In Defense of Supplies" which will be released within the next two weeks. Every half-baked excuse to get rid of them will be examined and debunked. Yeah, politics is not allowed in the forum. But insults and profanity aren't allowed either. Still the lawless among us figure out a way to discuss it. I brought politics up to say that I disagree with the discussion of politics but stay silent and TOLERANT to other's political opinions. If I want them to stop talking about it, I don't tell them to shut up, I find another server where notanki is talking about it. TADA, I was comparing this to anti-supply tankers. Instead of guilt-tripping kit users, they could utilize the options that Tanki has made available to them and find their little happy place, away from all those mean old supplies.

TankDestroyer has been banned for a while. Reason--> Not admitting that I'm cuter than he is.

Tada, my corrected version. I used Windows Paint for the first time, and here is what you get. Pretty good, considering that the magicians just figured out how to put pictures on the internet.

@NatchGa --> Notice what ziggi said the guy was doing? Fussing at sometanki who destroyed him, arguing about various things, and complaining about how badly his day on Tanki was turning out. Yep, that certainly sounds like your garden-variety friendship bonding to me! (*eye-roll*) I'm not bashing the act of using the chat box. That's how I met ziggi in the first place. What I am bashing is the usage of the chat box to insult, spam, blabber for no reason, whine, complain, and do whatever is going to detract from the game. So some people disagree with the presence of drugs in the game? Then they should make a pro battle without drugs. Yes it's expensive. They could afford it if they'd use drugs to enhance their performance. I disagree with people discussing politics on this site, but it isn't against the rules. Freedom of speech, you know. But I don't fuss at people for discussing it, even though it detracts from my enjoyment of the game. It's called tolerance. Everypony screams for everypony else to tolerate him, until he sees something he doesn't agree with. Tolerance goes out the window. That's called hypocrisy. My soapbox for the day, at no extra charge.

@genak138 --> Where in Equestria did you come from? ;) I already answered Epicnerd's question, but your advice is a good supplement to what I said. Even if you did repeat some of what I said in the article and in the reply. Great minds think alike, eh?

@PenguinNEWexp --> My saying that you'll be destroyed as soon as you spawn was an exaggeration used to make a point. Unless your name is Clark Kent, if you want to compete on a fair level and win a fight with a M3 tanker, you don't use an M0 tank. Btw may I suggest you play Polygon CP? My highest battlefund there when I was your rank was 2034 crystals in a 60 min battle.

I have been avoiding the question because I'm teasing you. Yet another one of Luna's influences, I suppose. :P

@Meowmix56 --> The biggest problem with this "I'll just hang back and let everyone else get the flag" mentality is that when you do that, everytanki else will do it too. It is easier to sit in your recliner, with a cup of coffee and a bowl of prunes, and pick off enemies without having to budge. That's why every tanker who ever plays at Highways CTF plays as a Shaft who camps next to their own flag. That's also why I always win at Highways, because I use my Hornet+Isida kit to capture that flag. Who's going to stop me? No one can follow me, because they all thought they'd just hang in mid field and maintain fire on enemy defenses. Notice I said "they ALL thought". You are correct when you say that one tanker providing fire support can help turn the tide of battle. But it is simply an unwritten rule of nature that everytanki will then try to be a sniper. Who's going to turn the tide of battle when no one will leave their base and try?

@deadmanrising --> The equipment is as good as the tanker using it. I can't stand the Hunter hull. I love Mammoth and Hornet, because I can use them to their fullest potential. My good buddy Benjamin178 uses Wasp like a pro. I can't use Wasp without flipping over. It's all about the player. If you're wondering whether the strength of the hull is enough to hold off enemy fire, I can't say. I would have to see you play and how you perform to know that.

@epicnerd7 --> The very best way you can get enough crystals in time is to buy them. I realize, not everytanki has a way to pay for crystals. Younger tankers rarely have a bank account or credit card, so they often have to make do with the crystals they get in-game. I myself don't have a way to pay, as the common pony's internet access is not yet fully developed. Only Celestia, Luna, Twilight Sparkle, and the other international monarchs have access to online payment methods, so I asked Luna if she could buy me some crystals (I compensated her, of course!) Tada, my payment handicap was no longer an issue. Now I have over 500,000 crystals. I love Luna so much, for more reasons than one ^_^. NOTE: DO NOT request that fellow tankers purchase and give you crystals. Begging crystals on the chat box, forum, or any other intertanker communications network will result in a ban, as will attempting to transfer crystals from tanker to tanker. Another way to bridge the gap between your crystal wallet and the price of the turret is to wait for it to go on sale. Tanki celebrates each holiday with a selection of discounts; patient tankers can get the equipment they need for half price. But, if all else fails, the best two in-game, no-purchase-necessary ways to gain crystals are to A) Catch the gold box. S.C.Y.T.H.E wrote an excellent article in the monthly newsletter on goldhunting, and I wrote an article on the easiest golds to catch. B.) Play CTF or CP. The leader of the winning team gets a nice battlefund dividend. Play enough battles, lead enough fights, and eventually, you'll have enough to buy that Ricochet. But still, buying crystals is your best option. They're really cheap, and the Double Crystals Card makes them even cheaper.

Every tanker has his bad days. Sometimes wan69 doesn’t lead the fight at Cross DM, occasionally Snow-Tiger-Girl botches a ramp jump at Aleksandrovsk, and, once in a blue moon, WMI doesn’t catch the Gold Box (although the odds of him NOT catching it are equal to me making a hole-in-one at Canterlot Links while being eaten by a mutant banana that’s standing on an alligator). But there are those among us, maybe even you, dearest reader, who simply never seem to have a good day. Your shots never find the target, someone flips you over as soon as you pick up the flag, and you even swear that you can hear the Gold Box laughing at your pitiful attempts to grab it. I’ve been there, and I know how depressing it is. Some things you can’t help, like your opponents’ superior tactics and knowledge of the map. But there are a few performance-killing mistakes you might be making, such as: 1.) Not rotating your turret. I was playing a Duality DM yesterday, and I found a guy I could destroy without difficulty. He was three ranks higher than me and had some pretty expensive M2 equipment, but he was making a beginner’s mistake: he wouldn’t turn his turret to shoot me when I came up next to him. All I had to do was pin him to a wall and pump my Ricochet into him; easy kill. The guy eventually left, tired of me following him around and destroying him. Any non-unicorn pony can press those turret control buttons, so I know you people can! It’s easy. 2.) Chatting incessantly and pointlessly. My good buddy ziggi_the_best, no longer on Tanki (*sob* I miss her so much), told me about a Polygon CP she played where some tanker was constantly using the chat box, fussing at sometanki who destroyed him, arguing about various things, and complaining about how badly his day on Tanki was turning out. “I’m pretty sure he could’ve played better,” ziggi said, “if he would’ve shut up and actually played.” Chatterbox tankers are an enemy’s favorite type of target. You can’t control your tank when you are using the chat box, so you offer no resistance when they rumble up to you and shoot you point-blank. In fact, devious players in Deathmatches will often chat something like “Which is the best turret?” then drive around butchering the tankers who stop to respond. Yes, I do it too, all the time. Your point is? 3.) Not using your supply kits. Honestly, why don’t you use them? They are an essential part of the game. Don’t worry about the chat chumps who bust their keyboards to tell you that you’re a “revolting drugger noob”. They use them just as much as you do, and if they really wanted to fight without supplies, they could just shell out the 5000 crystals for a pro pass so they could make a supply-less battle. Don’t feel guilty for using the perfectly legal power-ups Tanki offers. 4.) Playing CTF and CP like they’re DMs. In Deathmatch mode, players earn a point for every tank they destroy. Deathmatch is quite fun, but it doesn’t give you nearly as many points (or as many crystals) as a good team match does. Capturing a flag or point is the most lucrative in-game act a tanker can perform, next to nabbing that Gold Bil. In spite of this, many players (usually the ones on my team; :angry: ) will stumble around the map trying to shoot opponents rather than capture anything. Their position on the leaderboard is invariably very low, whether they make one kill or a hundred, and the opposing team gets a gigantic portion of the battle fund. You want to play DM? Then join a DM or a TDM battle and leave the CTFs and CPs to us professional stuff-capturers. 5.) Using inferior equipment. So you’re a Lieutenant, eh? Goody for you! May I ask why you’re still using an M0 tank kit? This is flank-obvious. You are not going to beat an M3 Mammoth + M3 Twin if you are using a little M0 Wasp and Smoky kit. Don’t rank up a lot without buying better equipment, because there will come a day when you can’t spawn without being obliterated. Rainbow Dash abandoned her first two Tanki accounts because she ranked up to warrant officers in both but didn’t spend her crystals wisely. When the time came to buy an M1, she had barely enough to buy a repair kit. She tried but failed to buy crystals through the silly little host site she was using (Miniclip.com), so her first two months and first two accounts on Tanki were totally wasted. * * * * * * * * Bad days will happen, and it’s easy to get discouraged and maybe even feel like giving up, like my old lost friend ziggi_the_best did. Just remember that your Gold Box will drop someday soon. But keep an eye out for WMI. He’s a sneaky one.