5 Magic Tricks You Can Perform In Tanki

[Magenta 5,165]

 

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Howdy, aspiring magicians!
 
Magic! So fascinating! Shame that it can be performed only in the real world. Or maybe not? Maybe it can be performed in our favorite, the Tankiverse? Why give up hope, eh? Let’s try? Too many questions? Maybe just one answer? Why? Because the guy who’s supposed to answer is lazy, perhaps? Well, where is the answer? Maybe the whole of this article is the answer?
 
Enough small talk. Start reading, or you’ll fail the annual Tankogward exams. Rush mAgic!
 

 
 
 
Introduction
 
 
We all like to have some fun, and the game itself provides none of it – unless, of course, you’re a talented guy who’s always winning contests (like me), which enables you to buy tons of drugs (again, like me). I now know for a fact that this article won’t win the Best of AWC at the end of the year because I just said the game isn’t fun. Maybe the judges will be fairer than I think? Who cares? I’m just giving my loyal readers a good time. Waiting for the likes to roll in, guys. Please. Just one from each one of you. Please.
 
Anyway, where was I... well, we all like to have some fun. So we invented parkour. Races. Football. All those other events, the names of which I cannot possibly recall without going back online right now, which I can’t, so I’ll just put a link in these brackets when I’m online [http://en.tankiforum.com/index.php?showforum=233]. Diverting from the topic again I was, sorry, so, umm, where were we again… so we invented all that stuff, to have fun.
 
Fun Fact: Sane, non-no-lifer humans do the draft of most of their articles offline, on MS Word, usually. No-lifers just stay up all night and type out their stuff on some Tanki page.

 

But the list lacked something that I really like. Magic. Is it not an art, to be able to fool while simultaneously entertaining? How could such an important item be missing on the list? It had to be present, to be made possible. And I, the most modest and capable man on earth, took over the burden myself. After all - being honest here - who could be a better man for the job than myself? It would be unfair to the people if a less competent man was to be appointed. I simply couldn’t stand this injustice. I had to do it. Just had to. Compelled, I was.
 
So without further ado, of which I and you, the reader, have been having a lot lately, let’s proceed to learning Magic in Tanke, step by step!
 
@Marc da Editor: It’s Tanki, not Tanke.
 
Me: Who gives a bollocks?
 
 
 
Disappearing into thin air
 
 
Step 1: Choose a map.
 

An ideal place in an ideal map

 
Ideally, the map should have a building or any kind of opaque object that is large enough for you to hide behind. Something like Berlin, you know? Your audience can stand/sit/do-whatever-tanks-do in front of the building, the building platform acts as an ideal stage, and behind the building is great for behind the scene stuff, which you’ll need for this trick. Talking about an audience…
 
 
Step 2: Get a naïve audience.
 

Behold le magician...

 
Easy. Just invite a couple of your friends who are online. Don’t invite too many, because too many is just too many, and difficult to manage. Don’t invite any super-smart ones.
 
Tip: A good rule of thumb is to invite people who are dumber than you are. This is important, because if your audience is smart, it might figure out that what you just did is not magic but mere trickery.
 
Tip: 3-5 is an ideal size for the audience.
 
 
Step 3: Go behind the building.
 
Just do as I say. Also, make sure you haven’t planted a mine somewhere. Since drugs are not necessary for this trick, I suggest you keep drugs off while making the battle.
 

"Behind the building" should look something like this

 

 
Step 4: Go Poof!
 
Make sure nobody is watching you. Then ask your audience to check behind the building. Don’t forget to remind them that they will find you dissolved into thin air. Why? Because the audience is dumb. Dumber than you.
 
Immediately after you send this message on the chat, press the ‘Esc’ button on your keyboard, found at the top left corner, and then press ‘enter’, a button found one button below backspace, as well as on the bottom right corner. This must be done quickly, lest your audience climbs behind the stage and finds you still present. The whole thing will then become a flop. You’ll become the laughing stock of people dumber than you. Shame. So, much practice advised.
 

And then you'll fly straight to the illuminati HQs

 
Tip: You could also press Tab and then click exit and then press enter. The choice is up to you. Do whatever you’re faster in doing, because speed is really important.
 
Fun Fact: In the old days, people used to disappear quite frequently in Berlin. Officials said that lag was the cause, but some brave reporters found out that it was Semyon all along. Semyon was apparently kidnapping these poor tankers, and released them only after Alternativa gave him the sum of money that he demanded. It was only after came that the kidnappings stopped. Why? We don’t know.
 
 
 
Levitate
 
 
Step 1: Get some good music.
 
Good music is important to keep spirits up. Play this song in the background while performing the trick. For added drama, you can also ask your audience to play it in their computers/laptops/whatever.
 
 
Step 2: Choose a map
 
In your chosen map, there should be at least one building that has a roof similar to this:
 

Area formula for trapeziums can be found here.

But obviously you don't need to know that, aye?

 
For the trick, you’ll have to climb on to the roof. So make sure that the map you chose has a building - with the required roof - that is easy to climb on to. This building in Year 2042 is ideal:

 

I'm talking about the blue building on the left. Ever heard of the "rule of the thirds?"

You're gonna have trouble finding the advised audience. Big time.

 
 
Step 3: Get a naïve audience.
 
Again, get an audience of 3-5 people who are dumber than you. You could reuse the same audience you used last time. Though this is legit magic, dumb and naïve people are still necessary, since most people already know of this trick. They should stand below on the ground, somewhere from where they can see you levitating.
 
No need to post the picture again, I presume?
 
 
Step 4: Get onto your chosen building in your chosen map.
 
The building I chose in Year 2042 was easy to climb into – you literally just had to drive onto it. But if you feel like, you could waste a couple of hours trying to parkour on to the roof. Totally up to you. For all I care, just get onto the goddarn building.
 
Tip: Parkour can get tedious after a few tries.
 

I'm on top of the world, ei...

 

Step 5: Drive to the edge of the roof.
 
Basically, the prop on the edge of the roof is invisible, but it’s a solid one. So you’re tank can rest on it, but your audience cannot see it. This tricks your dumb audience into believing that you’re levitating.
 

One of my students who take magic lessons from me

 
Tip: Since this invisible-but-solid part of the roof is a pretty slim area, I suggest you get a slim hull that will fit in, typically a wasp or a hornet.
 
Fun Fact: This invisible-but-solid can also be shot through.
 
 
Walking/driving/doing-whatever-tanks-do on water
 
 
Well, first you would have to find water in the Tankiverse. If you manage to do that, send me a PM and I’ll personally show you how to walk/drive/do-whatever-tanks-do on it.
 
Fun Fact: The skybox in Rio is just an illusion, as are all the skyboxes in all other maps. So that’s not water, that’s just a hologram.
 
 
 
Walk/drive/do-whatever-tanks-do through solid walls
 
 
Step 1: Choose a map.
 
Honestly though, not much choosing that you can do here. Rio is one the very few maps - if not the only map - with props that you can perform this trick on. If you know any other map, you’re free to use it. It’s difficult to describe in words what exact kind of props I’m talking about, but you’ll know by the time you’re done reading about this trick. But for now, let’s just use Rio, k? Attaboi.
 

Rio de Janeiro, the city of heat!

 
 
Step 2: Get a naïve audience.
 
Again, get an audience of 3-5 people who are dumber than you. You could reuse the same audience you used last and last-to-last time. Though this is legit magic, dumb and naïve people are still necessary, since most people already know of this trick.
 
Stick your NUGgets somewhere around here:
 

I do have tons of mines and red marker, like, YUGE tons

 
 
Step 3: Go behind the spooky prop.
 
I mean this prop here:
 

You'll need a light hull and a turret with good recoil to get there.

You know why. Everybody does. Wait, did you say no?

Boy, you're gonna have trouble finding the adviced audience. Massive time.

 

 

You just have to stand behind it, somewhere here:
 

Somewhere about there...

 
 
Step 4: Walk/drive/heck-just-do-whatever-tanks-do-christ! through the wall.
 
If you go straight through, you’ll self-destruct, though your dead tank will still emerge on the other side. So you’ll have to go through the corner, something like this:
 

Wait lemme ask someone whether this is even legit...good

 
You’ll need to practice a lot for this one, or else you’ll self-destruct.
 
 
 
Make bushes glow-in-the-dark
 
 
Step 1: Choose a map.
 
This map should have night-mode available. Bushes will still glow in day-mode, but night-mode just looks cooler. Steer clear of Future (the map), because it doesn’t have bushes. You’ll obviously need bushes.
 

Bushes!

 
 
Step 2: Don’t get an audience.
 
Trust me, pretty much everyone who has played the game for 10 hours or more knows about this one. This trick is better performed for beauty than for magic. I wanted to do 5 tricks in this article, but a good fifth one wasn’t coming to my mind, so I just settled for this one.
 
 
Step 2.5: Perform in a rank up party or a photo shoot instead.
 
Though well known, few people have the presence of mind to use this spectacular freak-of-naturetanki in situations where some beauty would certainly help. You have entertained those dumber-than-you friends of yours enough. Now go impress some of your smarter friends!
 
 
Step 3: Get firebird.
 
Plasma turrets and freeze do send out glowing stuff, but firebird is the most spectacular.
 

Most people have M2

 

 

Step 4: Shoot into the bush.
 
Preferably, ask a friend to help you flip you 90 degrees to the ground, so that you can shoot in the ground, where the bush is. If your friend flips you 180 degrees, that person is your enemy, not your friend.
 
Tip: Flip where the bush is, don’t go into the middle of nowhere and then flip 90 degrees. Won’t help. Also, this will work even if you don’t flip.
 
You can now use this trick in your friend’s rank up, or act as a background in a photo shoot, or you could do it in a photo shoot without being condemned into background-hood. If you do the latter, don’t flip 90 degrees, cuz that’ll look ugly. Don’t flip 180 degrees either. Just don’t fip. Just don’t. Anyway, this picture will explain it:
 

The crop function was on strike

 
Fun Fact: This trick was originally featured on @Hexed’s article. I just borrowed it. Don’t look at me like that, @Ninja! I just borrowed it, man! Kk, I’ll give him credits. Credits: @Hexed. ‘appy?
 
Tip: 

 

Umm @Magenta the last trick won't work if you have Dynamic Lighting off eh
http://prntscr.com/iythqd

 


Anyway, guys, that’ll be all. Hope you enjoyed this brilliant guide on doing Magic in Tanki! The “pls subscribe fur mur articles” joke is stale, so I won’t use it. But nonetheless, leave behind a like, even if you don’t mean it.
 
And yes, Magenta is back!
 
Ciao!

 

 

Other writings by me:More interviews by me:

-An Expert's Extensive Guide On Onions And What To Do With Them-Personality Cut Down: Cutting Nives with Knives

-5 Magic Tricks You Can Perform In Tanki-Personalities of Yesterday: Night-Sisters

-The Paint Invasion - Strategy Room-Interrogating The Helpers: Reporters

-Mag's Journals: My Visit To The EN Reporters' HQs - Part 1-Interrogating The Helpers: Forum Moderators

-Part 2 - My Visit To The EN Reporters' HQs [Mag's Journals]-Interrogating The Helpers: Wiki Editors

-Dear Love

-Lost To The Snow (Published in the 78^th Issue of The Newspaper)

Edited August 5, 2018 by Magenta

[Blackdrakon30 2,943]

Approved

 

 

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I didn't make any edits; looks pretty much good. Loved the idea; the balance between humor/sarcasm and a guide-like format made a very entertaining article.

 

And just so you know, the judges (whoever they might be) don't like Tanki either.  :rolleyes:

[Magenta 5,165]

And just so you know, the judges (whoever they might be) don't like Tanki either.  :rolleyes:

Lol, right.

 

BTW, the tanker in the banner is @Stratosphere, and my student from the Tanki Academy Of Magic is @SerialAmazingKiller. Thanks to both for their temporary lending of their beautiful tanks for my pictures.

Edited March 1, 2018 by Magenta

[Hex 11,520]

Activate Windows squad!

 

[Magenta 5,165]

Activate Windows squad!

 

 

LOL!

 

We should open a club for all those guys like us out there.

[lukey0 27,543]

Haha very nice!

[Magenta 5,165]

Haha very nice!

A perfect example of a perfect audience :ph34r:

[marc.jp_44 20,837]

So without further ado, of which I and you, the reader, have been having a lot lately, let’s proceed to learning Magic in Tanke, step by step!

 

@Marc da Editor: It’s Tanki, not Tanke.

That was an unexpected mention.  :wacko:

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Well, considering I do enjoy your work quite a lot, I'm going to be more critical this time. I really liked your originality and style of idea, as well as the structure/design of your article ... it was spot on. However, I think the humour wasn't as good as you can get it to be. You're quite a funny person, but this made it look like you're trying too hard to be funny. I think it'd be cooler if you looked at some other "real" cool tricks that few know about. 

[Magenta 5,165]

That was an unexpected mention.  :wacko:

You've a reputation for being a grammar nazi.

 

Well, considering I do enjoy your work quite a lot, I'm going to be more critical this time. I really liked your originality and style of idea, as well as the structure/design of your article ... it was spot on. However, I think the humour wasn't as good as you can get it to be. You're quite a funny person, but this made it look like you're trying too hard to be funny. I think it'd be cooler if you looked at some other "real" cool tricks that few know about. 

The whole point was to turn well known stuff into "magic," thought I agree I messed up the last trick. But alright, advice duly noted.

[marc.jp_44 20,837]

You've a reputation for being a grammar nazi.

Grammar Nazi*.

[Magenta 5,165]

Grammar Nazi*.

Mult.

[Merovingian 656]

Mag, you are trying too hard, do simpler and more subtle.

You repeat yourself quite a lot: e.i you used the words dumb 10 times and naive 5 times while referring to the audience. You are good with vocabulary so you can do better, take your time.

Good idea though.

Edited March 10, 2018 by Merovingian

[Magenta 5,165]

Mag, you are trying too hard, do simpler and more subtle.

You repeat yourself quite a lot: e.i you used the words dumb 10 times and naive 5 times while referring to the audience. You are good with vocabulary so you can do better, take your time.

Good idea though.

Idk what you mean by me trying too hard. But yeah, I get your point about using the same words again and again - a couple of others pointed that out too. I'll pay more attention to that next time.

[shafter9 156]

"Fun Fact: This invisible-but-solid can also be shot through."

IDK, can it?

[Magenta 5,165]

"Fun Fact: This invisible-but-solid can also be shot through."

IDK, can it?

Only one way to find out...

[r_trooll15 827]

Only one way to find out...

Look it up in parkour section?

[Nine 693]

This is a @Troll

 

:lol:

[Guest]

Umm @Magenta the last trick won't work if you have Dynamic Lighting off eh

http://prntscr.com/iythqd

Edited March 31, 2018 by I3.R.0

[Magenta 5,165]

Look it up in parkour section?

Go to the field and try out -_-

 

[gif soon]

[rishabhhaunt 1,629]

Nice topic. But if I was audience then u were busted  :ph34r:  :ph34r:

[Magenta 5,165]

Nice topic. But if I was audience then u were busted  :ph34r:  :ph34r:

But you aren't :ph34r:.

[Magenta 5,165]

Umm @Magenta the last trick won't work if you have Dynamic Lighting off eh

http://prntscr.com/iythqd

CG, now you have an honorable mention!

[rishabhhaunt 1,629]

But you aren't :ph34r:.

:c

[Guest]

CG, now you have an honorable mention!

(cwl)

[peter2003tankist 17]

Nice article ;)!