Other [Issue 77] The Dictator: Tanki's Finest News Source - July '18

[Yisroel.Rabin 16,224]

 

Greetings, readers! Here at the Tanki Online Newspaper, we are passionate about providing you with information on all the latest updates, turrets, hulls, maps, contests or just about anything related to the community or game; and you can trust us to cover it all. 

 

 

Nives meets with Soviet Union CM, Maksim Khusainov, to discuss denuclearization

By @Yisroel.Rabin

 

Last Thursday, our beloved community manager, , met with the Soviet Union dictator, Maksim Khusainov, to discuss strategical plans for the future of the two communities potentially merging allied forces, how the merger could negatively affect the Soviet Union's forces due to over-accessibility to noobs, but most importantly, the critical deconstructions of Soviet nuclear threat.

 

Nives put his point on behalf of our community quite blunt; either the Soviet's take down their threats or we get 50% off sales for the next ten years. Knowing sales are never to be given so lightly, the Soviets were forced to denuclearize.

 

 

Reporters in need of dire help

By @LOLKILLERTOTHEDEATH

 

Ever since the beginning of the reporter team and the Tanki newspaper, our motto has been to mult try very hard to do nothing at all help fellow Tankers. Recently, Community Manager Nives discovered that various members of the administration and helper team, who shall remain nameless, play a game of fortnight. They have received a warning that unless they mult work harder, they will be promptly removed from their positions and replaced with new and wholly unexperienced, unconcerned helpers, including a pig, a mug, a teddy bear, two slices of pizza, a soccer ball, a brick, a panda and my incompetent self. 

 

As a result, poor reporters such as myself, Hexed and a good many others are experiencing what will be now remembered in history as the the day reporters were forced into doing work. We have been asked to do some actual work! I know dear reader, the horror! Helpers of the game, helping the game? That should be illegal! From now on, the evil robot will have us work tirelessly to get in at least a total of 10 articles per month. If we don't do it, we are told that he will use a dirty sock to coerce us to do it, to which human has the courage to disobey him. PLEASE PRAY FOR US AND SAVE US FROM THE SAVAGE TYRANT THAT IS FLEXOO!

 

 

Newly released artificial intelligent 'Drones' turn on tankers
By @Yisroel.Rabin

 

Drones may seem handy (and expensive), but they have secretly been turning on tankers behind their back without anyone noticing, until now.

 

Reports have risen from multiple tankers from multiple locations that their drones have been betraying them. One report claims their Trooper drone has been sneaking out of the Garage late at night to empty the fridge of all its contents, leaving absolutely nothing. When asked, the Drone simply replied with an automated message; "I'm the «Trooper» drone. I was built by Professor Hazel Rah PhD, whom I love very very much. My sole purpose is to defend my holder in the battlefield."

 

Other reports claim that their Driver drone keeps cheating on them. Meaning to say that they secretly help other female tankers in the battlefield, and steer them in the right direction, as appose to helping the rightful owner of the drone. When Hazel Rah was asked about what may be causing these issues, he replied with an odd "I didn't kill him. Semyon left on his own accord. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?!"

 

 

This is here simply to fill up some space 

By @Flexoo

 

 

 

The Dictator formally turns to the community for requests

By @Yisroel.Rabin

 

 

 

 

Hazel's ponytail contains unspeakable powers

By @Yisroel.Rabin

 

 

 

If you want to read more from The Dictator, here are the news reports from previous months!

 

The Dictator Issues

- July 2014
- August 2014
- September 2014
- October 2014
- November 2014
- January 2015
- February 2015
- March 2015
- August 2015
- December 2015

- January 2016
- February 2017
- March 2017
- April 2017
- May 2017
- June 2017

- July 2017

- September 2017

- October 2017

- November 2017

- December 2017

- January 2018

- February 2018

- March 2018

- April 2018

- May 2018

- June 2018

 

 

 

The Dictator Specials

- The Dictator Special | Origins of Nives

 

[thethiefofvictory 339]

Honestly though, this was not as funny as before. Drones was decent, but I don't know much about how to improve it. But it did feel... boring.

 

Although:

 

"Helpers of the game, helping the game? That should be illegal!"

 

Oh, the irony, Lolkiller, oh the irony.

[tweezers 1,034]

 he will use a dirty sock to coerce us to do it

 

So that's where it went. 

 

FLEX GIMME BACK MY PROPERTY! 

[C.O.N.Q.U.E.R.O.R 3,845]

Was bland this time around. Consider shutting the Dictator down for a while or releasing every other month.

[gokuMI6 1,290]

Nice work

Really in need of some idea's i can feel you Mr,Dr,Savage

[Aigaion 636]

ooookay than

So that's where it went. 

 

FLEX GIMME BACK MY PROPERTY! 

In Soviet Russia, Property if theft  :lol:  :D

[Flexoo 6,980]

So that's where it went. 

 

FLEX GIMME BACK MY PROPERTY! 

Nooo, no no. This one is definitely mine. I ensure you, I know which sock is mine.

[Yisroel.Rabin 16,224]

Was bland this time around. Consider shutting the Dictator down for a while or releasing every other month.

Will consider it. Not going to spew bad quality content just to keep a series running. Thanks for the feedback.

[P.4.R.K.O.U.R 329]

The Dictraitor

BREAKING NEWS: A dirty sock has been found in the possession of @Flexoo, a mult. Reports have confirmed that it is an unlicensed dirty sock and hence, illegal. The accounts of witnesses, who had been tortured by him, have been taken. Authorities have been trying for the past 5 days to get past the barricade of dirty socks around his residence. Will Flexoo, with his dirty socks, be able to achieve world domination? Stay tuned to find out, with The Dictraitor, Tanki's worst news source. Edited July 13, 2018 by P.4.R.K.O.U.R

[Magenta 5,165]

Meh