Greetings, readers! Here at the Tanki Online Newspaper, we are passionate about providing you with information on all the latest updates, turrets, hulls, maps, contests or just about anything related to the community or game; and you can trust us to cover it all. Christmas tree in the New Year map loses power By @Yisroel.Rabin Have you noticed that the tree lights on the New Year map were out for a short bit? Well, no, it wasn't a bug or glitch, it was just some klutz who apparently got the cable stuck in his tracks and pulled it around the map three times before finally ripping it, causing a fire to start in the western area of the map. Fire Chief @Hate told one of our reporters that it was a definite three-alarm fire and took around six hours to completely put out. He said the fire started at around 7:30-ish in the evening and wasn't out until 1:00 AM! "Ya, it was hard, we had eight trucks on the scene. Thankfully no one was hurt, being the fire started while the area was deserted. Unfortunately, though, some nearby houses needed to be evacuated immediately and have since succumbed to smoke damage. The residents have since been transported to Red Alert's shelter, being it was the closest shelter available. I'd like to also notify all your readers that the perimeter of the area where the fire was has been closed off and is not to be entered. We've got a few reports of daredevil teenagers going passed the taped off zones. Our thoughts and prayers are with those who are have lost their homes to this incidents, and we hope we could resolve the situation as soon as possible." Red Alert Homeless Shelter The tanker who caused the fire to start has since been identified as Max Kirov, Semyon Kirov's son. His father, who also happens to be our former Community Manager has responded to the press saying he's sorry for his son's misbehavior and carelessness and says he'll pay for all the damages caused by the fire with all that dough he made from his job as CM. Major blackout causes widespread panic By @Marc The introduction of the new paint, Holiday Lights was extremely positive. Player feedback, on the whole, was largely supportive. Players' excitement can be seen in this post, this post, this post, this post and … well you get the point, the list goes on. Unfortunately, a Tanki-wide blackout caused this new paint to no longer light up. As you can imagine, players are rather enraged and demanding refunds! Godmode_ON accidentally shows his true colours this New Year By @Yisroel.Rabin The community wasn't expecting much from @Godmode_ON around this jolly time of year; everyone expected him to be on holiday with "family." But they were wrong. Godmode showed up to the New Year map on December 25th, looking a little different than he normally would. He joined a battle full of legends, probably expecting to dominate the battlefield, when he spawned right in the centre of the map, wearing the 'Sweater' paint. A rather hilarious atmosphere grew amongst the tankers. Everyone began laughing at Godmode as he scurried away. He dropped gold boxes to distract tankers, but everyone was more interested in chasing him instead. He got away after a long couple of minutes of being chased, and hasn't been seen since. "It'll be quite some time before he decides to show up again," told a group of AWC members in an exclusive interview. Alternativa invests in glorious new technology! By @Marc In light of recent terrorist events, Alternativa, just in time for the holiday celebrations, has had an innovative breakthrough! After several long months of waiting, their patent has finally been approved. Their optimistic CEO, LoRd.S3rg3I.MLG has wasted no time implementing this new technology into the game. Now, the state-of-the-art Televisions installed in maps such as Stadium and Factory are impenetrable; completely bulletproof! Take a look at the first trial run: . Reporter Administrator caught stealing donuts By @Yisroel.Rabin In the spirit of the holidays, there has also been an increase in crimes committed in the United States, one of which by our own Reporter Administrator. @Flexoo was caught breaking into a sweets shop called "Sem's Goods" after midnight on New Years. A day after his initial arrest for breaking in and potential stealing donuts, his house was raided by the T.O.C.I.C. (Tanki Online Crimes Investigations Comity) and the SSD (Stolen Sweets Department). Traces of over one million donuts were found around his house, all of which from bakeries around the world. A further investigation into Flexoo's background, and his true identity is discovered: An evil mastermind plotting up his plan to take over the Tankiverse in his underground laboratory in Zimbabwe, who also happens to have an odd addiction to donuts. His bunker has since been closed off and Flexoo has been sentenced to life in the highest prison on Earth; Prison of South West Magistral. Russian Community Manager loses all his money to gambling By @Marc Kasim had an eventful New Year. He started the year by purchasing 2,000 Containers in order to get the elusive new Synesthesia paint. Unfortunately, things didn't go to plan. He was unsuccessful and had gambled all his life savings away. Now, not only does he work longer hours but he can no longer afford clothes! He has been seen, for five days straight, wearing the same clothes! New Year brings new resolutions for the Helper Team By @Destrod It's that time of the year again, and Sergei alabanov's White KnightsJhave re-taken their oaths in servitude. After the emergence of the Best Helpers of 2017, the entire team was compelled to change their ways. The Reporter team, known for it's all supreme power excessive importance in nothing, has vowed to break the sacred code of multhood. Supreme Leader FFlexoo got his hands on a cracking whip, and he is not afraid to use it on those who fail to provide three articles per-hour. It has been predicted that at this rate, interviews and troll articles such as this one will become a lot more common. RIP guide writers. I- The chat moderation team has been revamped, with even harder selection criteria (as if it wasn't hard enough), greater moderation time shifts, and access to a new kind of software, codename: Knife Sharpener. Upon usage, it directly transfers a banned user to an isolated island, where the community manager shall slowly torture his victims. Methods include strapping to a chair and forcing to watch Dora the Explorer, creating belief in the flat-Earth Theory, and hypnotizing the victim to say that the Harry Potter movies were better than the books. Brrr, typing this makes me shiver.Q EForum moderators have received a....gem of a treat. Geddit? Special paint Ruby? A gem? *cough* moving on, their new year resolution requires them to pay homage to their admin, in the form of progress in the Helpers vs Players Forum Game. FYI, the helpers are trailing by 2269...D...2270 points. The moderators also received Forum Character Powers, which gives them special powers based on their names. For example, @Ninja can browse the forum whilst being hidden from the public eye, @SwiftSmoky received a cool new avatar which features a forum moderator avatar, quickly switching between Goldleaf and Marlboro cigarettes, @Hate has the ability to.. *cough* oh boy.T Other helper groups received similar modifications, all involving an admin rising to dictatorship, new toys to playA with and Nives, sitting on the corner chair with a smug look of pride on his face: Synesthesia secret password leaked By @Marc This prestigious new paint has resulted in hours of tireless searching for some desperate tankers. Whilst most have been largely unsuccessful and nowhere near the answer, we, the Reporter team, with our combined efforts, have finally solved it! No, this wasn't supposed to get out and yes, this is strictly confidential but the truth must get out! This poem will assist you in finding the password and give you what you desire: If you want to read more from The Dictator, here are the news reports from previous months! The Dictator Issues - July 2014 - August 2014 - September 2014 - October 2014 - November 2014 - January 2015 - February 2015 - March 2015 - August 2015 - December 2015 - January 2016 - February 2017 - March 2017 - April 2017 - May 2017 - June 2017 - July 2017 - September 2017 - October 2017 - November 2017 - December 2017 The Dictator Specials - The Dictator Special | Origins of Nives

Noted. :P Thanks.

I'm a very literal guy. Neil did the moon walk.

I don't know if this is coincidental or not, but: 20 move three keys to centre and get 57 move over one key to the right and get 68 above 6 is 6f ...

Equation to figure out. Half of Tanki + other half of Tanki - tankers without money = result

Nives, stop lying! — RIDDLER said I could drop him a black gold.

There weren't too many entries, but there were enough to gather the best of the bunch and reward the winners with decent crystal prizes. Let's find out who won! _______________________________________________________________________________________ Winners In 1st place prize of 20 000 goes to @darthvadermaximum for his comic! The 2nd place prize of 10 000 goes to for his comic! _______________________________________________________________________________________ Congratulations to the winners. Tell us if you want to see more contests like these in the comments down below! Have a good one.

The deadline has hit. Entries for this contest are no longer being accepted. We will begin the judging process. On a side note: Due to the low number of entries, prizes may be changed.

Rip of the day achieved; going back to bed.

It's so sad that it becomes funny then sad again.

I just bought International because it looks cool. And I think I bought the second coolest paint on my alt...

I think Tanki will die before then. :x It could be anyone though, I wasn't here back in 2011.

He hasn't left long ago enough, in my opinion. Also, I doubt I can have an interview with anyone ready for I70 if I start now. xD

Nope. :P

Loving those letters.* I randomly learned how to make them and now I love them. Let's stick with that. ;)

Doodling during class. :rolleyes:

—> Click me to view the album <—

— My Photos of the Day — Halloween Album 2017 Modeless Spectator: Yisroel.Rabin Tankers in Pics: The EN community (nicknames above photo) Total Pic Count: 13 Total Photoshoot Pics: 1,605 —> Album <— Is a smaller album this time around, but it's still special! ^_^ Thanks to all those who participated!

Greetings, readers! Here at the Tanki Online Newspaper, we are passionate about providing you with information on all the latest updates, turrets, hulls, maps, contests or just about anything related to the community or game; and you can trust us to cover it all. This month we'll be diving into unheard of hot subjects and letting you know all about what they don't want you to know. Nives bans Magnum because he hates it By @Yisroel.Rabin If you've checked out your garage lately, you'd've noticed that Magnum has since been removed from the game. Big fans who camp with Magnum 24/7, like @Maf, weren't happy about the sudden and unbeknownst removal. So, as the cookie crumbles, players began complaining. After things calmed down, Tanki developers responded. "We don't know where it went." Being that response didn't help anything, people began speculating. It was later discovered that our very own community manager, , is the culprit. He's mentioned before in livestream(s) that he 'absolutely hates Magnum, so if it suddenly disappeared from the game one day, you know who did it.' Later, the cameras were checked, and it was found that Nives had indeed stayed late one night, pretending to do work stuff (practicing turning his turret), and snuck onto the main database after everyone had gone, entered the password; H0tH4zel123, and deleted Magnum from the game. In other news, to counter the bad, Tanki will be holding a 70% off sale on Magnum for the next week! So snatch those Magnums at an incredibly cheap— Oh... Nevermind. Newspaper Team Follows 3vil H4mst6r’s Path By @Destrod After the community was put in a state of shock by a certain weasel-y rodent warlord(Not to mention any names) , The seemingly new Reporter team has vowed to follow in their master’s footsteps. Leaded by the audacious and cunning flex of O’s , World Domination seems like a walk in the park. Further questioning was of little good, as the team did not come up with conclusive answers: "We’re not taking over the world, wink wink"- Lord Zenyth "I need to rank up, please"-tweezers "ok"- Flexoo So there you have it. The world will come to an end by means of a black dragon being rode by a pair of quantum tweezers, while a killer penguin wrecks havoc on the ground, with a hexed rabbit acting as a spy. Everyone at home; hide your cookies and grammar mistakes. The true reason behind Tanki lags has finally been revealed By @Yisroel.Rabin Recently, a frustrated XP player got fed up with the lags in Tanki Online, and decided to call for an investigation on the offices of the Tanki Online head offices. The DDAOG (Donuts and Detective Association of Online Games) launched a full-on investigation into the situation. Detective and Professor at Ronald Edward Kook Towns High School, more commonly referred to as R.E.K.T. High, lead the investigation. Files were checked, and no evidence leading to the possible reason of the lags were found. Computers were checked, so were drawers, shelves, ovens, toilets and even sock door was checked. Nothing was found, until they checked the basement. Downstairs, behind a huge steel door was the main database computer. All was clear once and for all... Bugs Bunny complains about natural security By @Destrod Warner Bros. prodigy Bugs Bunny showered the Tanki Press with little raindrops of liquid whining, the chemical formula of which was described to be 'Whine2O', as he was savagely attacked by a horrendous tanker, Elmer J.Fudd, who was equipped with the state of the art Hornet-Railgun combination. Since the beginning of Episode 1 time, the code-named 'wascally waabit' has been outsmarting the primitive hunter by his immensely superior intellect and psychic manipulation. However, the odds were much less in his favor, now that the capped rifleman had acquired his very own tank, after constant bribing and the agreement of one condition, which the Tank Merchandise Officer explains here: ' This tank has been put in the custody of Elmer J.Fudd provided that he respects the letters 'r' and 'w' and does not mix each other therein. Does the buyer agree?' ' I agwee...*cough* agwe... agree ' Bugs was outraged. He demanded that the tank be removed of his possession immediately. The Tanki Staff however, had different ideas. Unless the buyer broke the only condition he had agreed upon, the tank would not be withdrawn. A special report the following day announced the annulment of Fudd's Tank deal. The buyer was found bamboozling around in a local bar, after consuming fifteen pints of an unknown drink call-signed Destrodka. Constant uttering of the words dwunk, disowiented and wabbit ultimately resulted in the intervention of an FBI( Foolish Bamboozler Interrogation) team, which broke in and apprehended the 19th century vagrant. Although it caused negative commotion at the bar, one of the agents was kind enough to yell "That's all folks" before leaving the room. The happiness on Bug's face can only be illuminated by this simple yet deep meme: People living in battlefields complain about the noise By @Yisroel.Rabin The international police department have recently began getting complaints from elderly residents of the battlefields about the noise players have been making. One elderly grandmother in particular had a very compelling complaint. "Yea, hi, this is Mrs. Bluebasket from Kunger. I'd like to file a complaint about the loud shots these crazy youngsters are firing around my house, occasionally hit it. If these people don't calm down, I swear I'm leaving, and I'll be taking my house with me. I'm trying to watch TV and these kids decide they can do whatever they want. Y'know, back in my day, we didn't have Hammers, putting holes in your walls. We had Smoky, Twins, and Firebird. None of these did too much damage. These days kids are handed fully automatic machine guns to fire around at will. KEEP IT DOWN YOU FOOLS!" Police say they're "looking into it," but that isn't good enough. People already began moving from the wild areas to more deserted areas, like the long abandoned Wolfenstein. But it isn't just the grandparents complaining, kids are complaining too. "How do you expect me to play Tanki when I have a Railgun firing at my door every five seconds?!" Parents Revolt to Tank Driving By @Destrod A number of frustrated and angry parents have laid siege onto their offspring’s computers, more precisely, a horizontal tank icon with orange blast waves gushing out of it. The children merely stare at their computers in silence, upon which they are blamed for imagining "tank driving". Upon being questioned as to the reason of their actions, the parents blurted: "The use of the word ‘drugs’ for children by playing this game is ridiculous! I say they should learn something less violent from the game terminology." "My son wakes up, only to yell at me that I turned the skybox off, right after I changed the ceiling color." "He makes the ‘railey gunny’ sounds all night." The parents have clearly shown us their concerns, which are properly placed. The developers have insisted on keeping their jobs while adding three changes to the game, changing the word drugs to ‘pretty pink ponies’ according to the parents’ requests, changing railgun’s charge sound to a squeaky sandal flop, and adding a Parents Safety button in the settings. New ketchup turret goes wrong By @Yisroel.Rabin A new turret for your hull just hit the game a few days ago; Ketchup! With the release of the turret came much immediate excitement from players. However, as time progressed, players realized the horrible cons of the release of a turret that literally sprays ketchup. Due to the high amounts of ketchup used daily in the battlefields, plants, trees and fields have been severely infested with a new disease called 'Ketcherupitis'. The disease causes the organisms to begin growing moldy and horrible smelling leaves, which continue growing rapidly with no known antidote. As of right now, the whole of Forest has been practically buried in the infested disease. Sandbox has also been shut down due to the hazards, and all other major rural areas have been shut down too. Doctor OstrichForLife, a ketchup expert, has began a full investigation on the disease, and is in the process of creating an antidote for the new disease that's been spreading universally like wild fire. Fast food restaurants, as well as major companies like Heinz, have it bad as well. Heinz has recently announced that they have, for the first time ever, ran out of ketchup. As a result of ketchup's current crisis, Heinz and other major companies have begun selling ketchup bottles for hundreds of dollars. Tanki has since discontinued the Ketchup turret, with good reason. A response from the developers is being awaited world wide. AWC Nugs Point Their Pitchforks on The Dictator By @Destrod After witnessing the awesome power of the enormously growing humor series The Dictator, the rebels from the notorious Amateur Writing Club advanced to create a so called 'replacement' for it; The Leaky Mult. Besides the awful selection of naming which has no resemblance or relation to a humor news series, the overall concept of it has been stolen. Reporter prowess hushed down the rising rebel article, reducing it to a mere AWS Topic, Astonishingly, no hints of plagiarism were found. The difference in quality, however, can be seen by a blind man in an Arctic blizzard. The article was the beginning of a revolution, one which would give rise to a spirit among the AWC rebels, The spirit of Multhood, something foreseen by chosen Reporters, a long time ago. After the day of approval, article content writers Multovingian and Ill-uminati came up with quite a convincing 'marketing stunt': " We are grateful that the almighty Reporters blessed us with their presence and appreciation, and we are here to tell you that this piece was, by no means a source of pain for the Reporters' original content-ship, ity, thing, whatever. It was in fact, a way of promoting the writing of Reporter content by amateur writers, and I am proud that we have done so, courtesy of the original creators." They fell for it. Reporters will be promoting the article in future and might even award crystals to the two authors. Any normal person would see through the cliché, but the Newspaper Team is full of mults, after all. If you want to read more from The Dictator, here are the news reports from previous months! The Dictator Issues - July 2014 - August 2014 - September 2014 - October 2014 - November 2014 - January 2015 - February 2015 - March 2015 - August 2015 - December 2015 - January 2016 - February 2017 - March 2017 - April 2017 - May 2017 - June 2017 - July 2017 - September 2017 - October 2017 - November 2017 The Dictator Specials - The Dictator Special | Origins of Nives

Thanks to @Ninja for accidentally dropping me golds. We did the classic troll where you tell everyone to join because there's a gold, and then just take it. I felt guilty after, so I dropped one and ran before people had time to realize what even happened. xD I got 10 friend requests. :X Then @Adriel.RB decided to shower me with golds. He's trying to stuff me till' I explode. Someone stop him! He's trying to kill me! D;

Isn't that what we do? :huh:

1) Take a video 2) Giphy.com

It could be of anything, as long as it's Tanki related.