We need pranks!

So why did you do it again? xD

What a nice, pleasant and understand person this guy is. I wish more people were like this. This was a huge fail; I was on the big house in the centre and jumped off to try and get the gold... But then I actually got one. This was pretty cool actually. Being that now there are only 10 seconds, you've got to think fast. Thankfully I spawn right next to the zone, but there was still a heap of people in the way, so I just drove through them before "solidating", and had enough time to become solid before anyone had a chance to move forward.

The English Community of Tanki Online, more commonly known as the ancient tribe of Trankis situated in the South American rainforests, huddled around a fire which @Hexed made with two rocks, presumably the Ancient Gold Rocks of Everlasting Fire. No one knew what would be food the next day, although it would probably be more road kill. That's what happens when you give ancient tribes tanks. All everyone knew was that they had to survive that night, just as they did the night before. Their habitat was one unfriendly zone for people as such, it wasn't safe staying there; the WiFi never worked and you could forget about cell service. Deep within the forest sat , the Tribe Master, alone, meditating, waiting for his next command from the Universe. Then it came. "When will Juggernaut come, Master? You said two weeks but it's been like three months!" Nives opened one eye to be greeted by the site of an irritant six-year-old standing in front of him, with about twenty credit cards sticking out of his pocket. "I got this one!" Yelled @Ninja from behind a wall of stones he was in the middle of building for seemingly no reason. "Although many of you have been promised by us that Juggernaut will be coming to the game 'very soon', we've been experiencing some unforeseen technical issues, and we should have it ready in the near future!" With that robotic sounding statement, Ninja turned around and went back to chiselling rocks. "Isn't that what he said last time?–" The little kid whispered to Nives. "Yes. That is, word for word, exactly what he said last time." The next morning, back at base, all seemed normal, besides for the fact that little children were getting beat up by the big guys. Parents of the children were running around screaming in terror at the site of their children being dragged around the camp by the huge bullies. No one knew how this could've happened, there was meant to be a strict boundary between the smaller children and the big boys. But the chaos came to a stop as the leader of the Mammoths, @Maf, came running in. "STOOOOP!" He yelled. "Who authorized you to do this? How'd you break the barrier?" He yelled at one of the Legends. "We didn't do it..." The Legend said. "That did." He pointed to a figure in the distance. Maf ran towards it and the once shaded foe revealed itself. The Matchmaking System Everyone gasped; everyone thought that the Matchmaking System would never show its face again, not after the last battle it had. But no, it returned, seeking vengeance. It stayed in its fixed spot for a few moments as everyone gazed upon it, before turning its back and drifting off into the tropical jungle. Maf turned and ran the opposite direction, away from the Matchmaking System, into the trees, in the direction of Nives. "Master! Master!" Maf cried out as he neared closer to the still meditating Nives. "Worry not my dear Maf, Ninja has already taken care of the kid with the complaint about Juggernaut and its whereabouts," Nives assured Maf, still keeping his perfectly still position on the rock he'd be sitting on ever since he took over Master Cedric F. Debonaturo. "No master," Maf quickly countered. "It's not about that." Maf paused, took a gulp and said. "Its back, the Matchmaking System is back." Nives opened his eyes. "If what you say is true, we must take action. No one is safe until that is taken care of." Nives got up and walked swiftly back towards the camp. "But it is crucial that no tribe members know the risks of the Matchmaking System. We shall inform them that what stands before them is a new and improved breed of the foul creature which we fought last." "Very well, Master." Maf bowed, and he took off back to the camp to inform the rest of the tribe leaders of the new method enstated pf protecting the tribe from the return of the Matchmaking System. ~ ~ ~ "That's a whole lot of rubbish!" Yelled @Vikingsrallentando in outrage after Maf had conveyed the new plan to all the tribe leaders. "We are to lie directly to our people? Telling them the creature is innocent?!" "Well, it's better than mass chaos." explained. "We prefer things to stay calm." "Yea, it'll be calm until someone goes near the thing." @Winner_Of_Turkey reasoned. "There's absolutely no point in telling everyone the thing isn't hazardous if it'll attack any second. It may be sitting still now, but it can strike within an instant. You saw what it did earlier; it can shift the balance; break the barriers. It's not safe!" "No one's saying it's safe, we're just meant to convince the tribe that we're not going to have a second incident like we did with the last time 'it' came around.", Maf explained. No one replied. "So if it's okay with all of you, we'll be holding a hearing later today for the whole tribe, and there we will, together with Master Nives, inform the people that there's no possibility of another war." Again, no one responded. "Thank you!" The leaders stood up to leave, but just as @Lucifer was about to leave, Maf called him over. "Yes, Master of Mammoths?" Lucifer asked once everyone had left. "We need someone to stand guard tonight while the tribe rests. We cannot have that thing coming in and killing everyone in their sleep." Maf explained, hinting at Lucifer. "You want me to stay up the night and stand guard over the grounds?" "You won't be enough on your own, you'll need an army. Luckily, you hold the eSeptor in your hand; you're the head over the entire division. I ask, on behalf of Nives, that you and your entire team stand guard tonight, to create a safeguard for the entire tribe, to keep them safe." "It would be my honour, Master." ~ ~ ~ Later that day, Nives entered the public tribe camping area, dressed in his silk black robes, an honourary article of clothing past down from Master to Master. He was followed by all the Masters of the tribe. They marched swiftly and silently down the camp toward the dais where formal addresses were held. The chaotic and noisy tribe went suddenly silent, and all that could be heard were the footsteps of the leaders marching their way to the high podium which overlooked the entire campgrounds. Once at the top, Nives stood at the podium silently, with all the Leaders behind him. And then he spoke. "As I'm sure all of you know, The Matchmaking System has returned to the Trankis Tribe. And I have confidence in my words when I say I believe that its return strikes fear into many of you. Nevertheless, I assure you that the path it has returned on is by way of the Tankiverse. If it were not for the will of our forefather and founder, Bruce Langa, it would have never returned. Therefore, from the fact that it has indeed returned I come to the conclusion that we stand not before the same foul creature we encountered a few months back when it first showed its face. I am under the impression that it has changed since we last saw it. I believe it is no longer a danger." "It is for that reason, that we will not wage war on the creature once more, and we will not lose lives like we did the last time we waged war on it. Last time was a dark past I assume we wish not to return to, and thankfully, we won't return to it." With those words, Nives stepped down from the podium, and the tribe began discussing what they'd just heard among each other. Meanwhile, Nives went over to Lucifer. "So, Maf tells me you've agreed to create a gate around the perimeter with you and your men." "I indeed have, Master." Lucifer confirmed. They both took a look at the tribe from the podium platform. "We can't lose this, not again." "I agree, which is why I want you to take this." Nives said, handing Lucifer a green pebble. "What is this?" Lucifer held the pebble in confusion. "It's the Onlookers Stone." Nives said. "If anything is to go wrong, meaning if it turns up, swallow this pebble and I will know. However, be sure you and your team defend in complete shadows. I don't want the tribe stirring up speculations as to why the entire eSports army is guarding the grounds." "Understandable." "Okay, good luck and keep us safe. We're counting on you." ~ ~ ~ That night, after the entire tribe had gone to the tents, the eSports army, led by Lucifer, made a perimeter around the campsite. All was quiet, there were no signs of any out of the ordinary whereabouts. All was safe. "Hey, like, this is totally safe." whispered happily to @Mr.Latvian. "It ain't showing up, and even if it does, we'll just kick right back to where it came from like we did last time." "Last time people died before we kicked it anywhere," Mr.Latvian growled. "Now be quite and take this job seriously, this isn't a game." "Alright, alright. It's just that I have faith in the Almighty Developers Gods." kenanahmed proclaimed in a patriotic tone."@Hazel-Rah is the greatest, most talented, most fie–" "–Hazel-Rah is a legend fake god, ken." Mr.Latvian interrupted. "All this came from nature, there's no 'by means of the Tankiverse', because there is no Tankiverse! If that thing comes back, you better be sure the so-called-god who created it doesn't come back and rescues us from it because it definitely won't, and we'll have to fight for ourselves, against––" Latvian's rant was interrupted by a ground-rattling thump. "––it." Latvian finished in a whisper. It was back, it's shadowy figure was visible in the trees ahead, and it was edging closer to the two eSports officials, then it stopped, it stood there, staring at the two officials. Kenanahmed, Mr.Latvian, and the Matchmaking System stood as still as the trunks of the trees around them. Then Mr.Latvian began slowly walking towards it. "What are you doing!?" Whispered Kenanahmed. "You'll get sucked in!" "I'm fulfilling my destiny." Mr.Latvian said back, in a calm but drowned out voice. "I'm going to greet him." And with those words, Latvian touched the Matchmaking System, opening the vortex to the Perished Realm, and stepped into it. The vortex closed, leaving the Matchmaking System face to face with Kenanahmed, who was now all alone. "Warn your people." Said the Matchmaking System. "The War Wagon is on the road, and it's heading your way."

I always forget it's there.

Oh boi, maybe we could even stir up some Tanki YT drama and potentially have some diss tracks and fight matches until everything becomes so toxic it collapses.

130

Rude.

I'm a reporter, I need crystals.

Like in spectator mode, just press \ to hide another chunk of the UI.

This is a good place to come for the UI contest.

Sorry, looks like you're before first place.

^ I was more suprised about that last bit though, about the secret server.

http://prntscr.com/izlwkl

Funniest in a while.

It took a bit, but it wasn't hard. I made this table format for the newspaper archives a couple of months ago. B)

My OCD created this, it even changed the random order they were in. Please add or I will cry. ;C Just a warning, in case you do use it. Every time you update the table, highlight the whole thing, copy it, then click 'Save Changes', because sometimes posts with a lot of content crashes, and you lose all your work. [/th][th]TANKI ADMINISTRATION Cedric Debono (Former Community Manager) @semyonkirov (Former Community Manager) @r_almighty010 (Former Community Manager) CHAT ADMINISTRATORS @Shar0n @r_EddyBeGood0 FORUM ADMINISTRATORS @Yele ESPORTS ADMINISTRATORS | Goodbye topic @joostcool | Goodbye topic WIKI ADMINISTRATORS @Galaxy @Issho_Fujitora REPORTER ADMINISTRATORS @Night-Sisters @Lhamster @GoldRock @Shedinja @conanthedestroyer ESPORTS ADMINISTRATORS | Goodbye topic @joostcool | Goodbye topic CHAT MODERATORS @r_therussian0 @Alligator @GhostRider750 @MizARee @FlipSquad @r_AdvocatusDiaboli0 @Barghest @vilmos98 @M0STFA @FrankDeGraer @BaddDad @Pabloblue @GoodKn1ght @Klakier @jule4ka @MrJudge @drijfsijssie @chaktirasgt_9000 @Tombapapa @IR1 @angelreaper @L-I-O-N-K-I-N-G @avimin @JL6H @maximus001ma @mannybakshi @deadtoyou @Maroni1 FORUM MODERATORS @Duchess (Former Forum moderator) Adeligator Nickname changes (Former Forum moderator) @falcosenna1 (Former Forum moderator) @AMDTU (Former Forum moderator) @Mosca (Former Forum moderator) @Zuzuca (Former Forum moderator) @Irontank1v (Former Forum moderator) @MisterGeneral (Former Forum moderator) @JamesM10 @Shadow_Error_X @husto @Tareq.Jami @beaku @StormBringer1995 @Pyrrhic @M4D_GENiUS @xMoneyMaker @HiS.RoYaL.HiGhNeSs @MarineMan2 | Goodbye topic REPORTERS @Tofu [HI] @Viking4s [EN] [FR] @Ranger7 [EN] @hogree [EN] @Raphael2 [EN] @Tommy60 [EN] @Fen-Harel [EN] Coldplay Nickname changes [EN] @Zenyth Nickname changes [HI] [Manager] @M.O.N.O.X.Y.D.E [FR] @skitee [EN] @SN7 [EN] @r_SwagBoy110 [EN] @Valletta [EN] @MisterGeneral [EN] @Ilia.ArchangeI [EN] @JL6H [EN] @MusicJam19 [EN] @already.dead [EN] @aojsd [EN] @bdeck [EN] @cablaz [EN] @chriswu [EN] @Fjelstad1678 [EN] @FOG-LIGHT [EN] @greyat [EN] @jokjinari [EN] @Kevred [EN] [EN] [EN] @MadDog21 [EN] @mcmonkey25 [EN] @Meliora [EN] @mydoom.exe [EN] @Phoenix-Warbird [EN] [EN] @sonofchrysalis3 [EN] @SpreadLoveNotHate [EN] @Spy [EN] @St.Guardian [EN] @S.C.Y.T.H.E [EN] @The.Skilled.Legend [EN] @TriNitroToIuene [EN] @L.I.I3.3.I2.T.Y @Lankbouv [EN] [eSports reporter] [EN] @stanzhang [FR] @MiZ0o0 [AR] [Manager] @So [AR] @eragon33 [Designer] ESPORTS HELPERS [Official] @BarKode @SpaceCowboy18 @Fragrance [Official] @DarkOperative @Lankbouv @xMoneyMaker @Modesty [Official] @The.L-E-G-E-N-D [Official] [Moderator] @RicoGod [Official] COMMENTATORS @GeneralVeers @brambo6 @GoldRock @Ben WIKI EDITORS @Lankbouv EVENT HELPERS (Former Event Helper) @Adiela (Former Event Helper) @xMoneyMaker @Spoon | Goodbye topic Adeligator Nickname changes @Mr.Latvian EVENT ORGANIZERS @FelRigge63 @Hate I_NuB_I Nickname changes CONSULTANTS / HELP SITE @SHOAIB.ZAFAR (Former Help site consultant) @wertweuri (Former consultant) FACEBOOK MODERATORS Fake.News Nickname changes @Ambitious @DonCarnage @MandolinMarc @DarkOperative @unholycloak5 TWITTER MODERATORS @Lhamster VIDEO MAKERS @Robbie @Rekstarr V-LOG TRANSLATORS Stratosphere (Former Vlog Translator) @SHOAIB.ZAFAR (Former Vlog Translator) UNOFFICIAL HELPERS @DEGA - Former Creative League Director @Ilia.ArchangeI - Former Creative League Director @artty77 - Former member - Former member @shadewarttt - Former member @I.D0M - Former member - Former member @ldea - Former member @Destroy @TS7StudioHD Table by Rabin :X

List of noobs who realized they're noobs. :X

OMG i totally agree with this claims. i too am leik u and i too agree that in 2060 there will defenetally will be a third world war. in my humble opinion, we must stop these by creating a giant rock, and sit on it and advance no where. we shud have no scool, we should never read books and we should for sure never progress. progressing is dangerous and can lead to humans dying of their own creations. a scary thing to think about but it is the fact of it all. by sitting on a rock for the rest of humanity, we are garenteed world peece and happiness. there will no war because everyone will be sitting on the rock. there will be no politics because everyone will be sitting on the rock. but most importantly, we will not adanvce, and that is the main thing. by not progressing forward we enter a whole new world, the old world. nuclear power will no longer be a race, neither will white or black be a race. we all be one giant ROCK NATION! the rock nation is the only way we can survive any further. no religion, no culture, food, air, electronic advancement, government, potato farmers, iphone makers, animal safety, toilet plumbing. just a rock, like in the stone age. back then it was so much more simple. if a friend was dying u wouldnt be worried about calling the ambulance because there was no ambulance, and even if there was there wud be no phones to call them, so ur friend just died. simple and easy. life in our day and age has become so advanced it is just to dangerous. protection is danger and danger is protection. the rock nation shall uprise to the ultimate religion race government dictatorship thing, and only with that can we survive and prevent ww3 in 2060. with rock nation there will be no 2060. life will be simple and lawless. there cannot be crime if there is no law to brake! just listen and think about this grandbreaking discovery and come join me and other rock-heads in this ultimate rock nation organization for life. nuclear power and radiation are a direct cause of human activity, and the only way to stop something caused by human activity is to stop human activity altogether. so all together we should stop being active and sit on the holy rock of inactivity. by sitting and doing nother we will prevent virus and infection, and 20% of the worlds radition shall go down in minutes. if everyone in the factorys would simply go on a strike and drop everything in the factory, the factory wud not run and radition would be gone. global warming will not work because its all humans, and humans are evil (except for me and night fury ofc), and if humans dont work global warming dies. want global warming to die? then die! scary but true, join me 2day is this incredible adventure to the world beyond and backwards for ultimate peace and happiness for eternity.

Nives face reveal.

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Have you dreamt of writing for "The Dictator"? If you have, good for you - if you haven't, you're about to know what it feels like anyway! This is your chance to write for "The Dictator - Tanki's Finest News Source". Learn how to enter below! Task Your task is to write a piece in "The Dictator" style, and potentially have it featured in next month's issue! Make it as funny as you like, because when it comes to humor, the sky's the limit! Don't make it too long, nor too short; about two or three paragraphs will do. Make it about anything you wish, as long as it has some sort of connection to Tanki. Remember, you want to keep things original, and not use old jokes. We will go through and filter out the best ones to be featured in next months issue. Submit your entries here. The Rules A max of two entries per individual are allowed (if more than two are submitted, only the first two will be judged). This includes alternate accounts! Entry must have some sort of connection to Tanki. It has to be funny. It's for The Dictator, after all. Most importantly, plagiarism will result in immediate disqualification. Deadline The deadline for submitting your entry is Friday, the 27th of April, 2018, 17:00 UTC+0. The Prizes Crystals per winning entry: 25 000 Crystals Example NOTE If you want to use stuff like specific fonts / sizes / colors, images, GIFs and more, you can type out your entry in a forum post and send us a copy of the BBCode. To get the BBCode of your post, press the 'BBCode Mode' button at the top-left corner of your post editor ( ). Remember, the key is to be funny and original. Do your best and have the chance to be featured in next months "The Dictator"! Good luck!