Greetings, readers! Here at the Tanki Online Newspaper, we are passionate about providing you with information on all the latest updates, turrets, hulls, maps, contests or just about anything related to the community or game; and you can trust us to cover it all. This time around, we've got some trusty community helpers to help us out with delivering the news. Enjoy! Parkour Survivals 2018 winning trick leaves community members jaw wide open By @Yisroel.Rabin This year the organizers dropped everything and chose one winner for the Parkour Survivals contest, and that was because the stunt pulled off by this particular player was simply so epically awesome that not even the coolest of tricks came near the level of awesomeness of this trick. I would describe the trick, but I can't, because that's how amazing it is. I'll just show you. Will the Tanki Rover ever discover water? By @GrandExecutioner At exactly 7:02 am on the 26th of November 2011, the Tanki Rover- aka Cooperosity- was launched. Any Mr or Mrs. Tanker would be able to regurgitate this date without prompting, as this day signalled the most significant milestone reached by the Tanki Online community. Seriously, if you didn't know what happened on this day, then I seriously question whether you had your head buried in the sandy beach of Rio all this time. Cooperosity was, of course, designed and built by the brilliant mind of 'The Riddler'- the most renowned scientist in the Tankiverse. More than 7 years later and players are beginning to speculate what exactly the Rover has discovered since its launch. Cooperosity was meant to be “one small step for tank but one giant leap for tank-kind”. The hope for all of us was that water would one day be discovered in the Tankiverse. Every single map has lacked any trace of H2O and its discovery would bring relief to tanks everywhere. So far we've had no reason to hope. Until now. Recently, a new species was sighted. The Juggernaut. This monster had both brute size and dizzying speed, showing off a strange turret which witnesses have described as a breed between the Railgun and Striker variety. But what's more is that when our brave tankers finally managed to bring down this beast, they found something odd inside. The tank was potato-powered. Yes, you heard me right. We all know that the engine of a common tank is powered by spinning sugar- not potatoes. The Juggernaut, with its potato-powered engine, clearly shows a new stage of evolution. In fact, The Riddler has already given Tankiologists permission to class this tank as a new species. Common tanks seen responding aggressively to the new species in their territory... Now here's the breakthrough. Sugar dissolves readily in water which means that our engines would break down in an aquatic environment. This may be the main reason why there is no sign of water, on any map, to this day. However, potatoes are insoluble and therefore are completely functional in aquatic conditions. Therefore, the Juggernaut gives us solid evidence that wherever it has come from, there could indeed be water there. Now all hope will be on the Cooperosity. Teen Choice Awards in Tanki Online — A revolutionary step for Tanki's celebs By @Yisroel.Rabin For the longest of times, celebrities in this humble community have been turned down and given nothing more than a chance to be recognized in local Space Silence parkour battles. With that thought bearing in the minds of the developers, they've introduced a brand new program, stolen straight from the outside teen society; Teen Choice Awards. Young teens around the community have the chance to, with the little knowledge they have, vote for their favourite Tanki Online celebs! These celebrities include but aren't limited to, YouTubers, famous forum spammers and mults, relatable and funny helpers of the game, and even Nives himself. This gives all kinds of demographics to grow into something a lot bigger than a friendly comment in the chat, or a friend request from a Warrant Officer; they get to be recognized through a lame show for kids that no one likes and cringes upon being mentioned! So, if you're a teen, be sure to vote for all your favourite people around the community here. Next Generation Ricochet: A Breakthrough By darthvadermaximum It was a busy day as usual for Mr. Adam one of the employees in the Tanki's top secret tank upgrade and research centre. With the recent sales and huge events, the work was kept on piling and Adam couldn't dare take a break from his work. Over the noise of his machinery, we could hear the tankers continuous grumbling over the very high speedup rates that had been levied on them. However, we weren't here to spy on Adams daily work but to steal a very rare damage enhancer...cough... um I mean to take a look at an extraordinary feat that he had accomplished. After a while, once he had finished his shift he escorted us deeper into the facility where all the research and in his words "Mad Stuff" happens. As he entered the passcode and his personal bunker opened up we could see the beauty in the distance. It was a ricochet... don't get me wrong it wasn't any ricochet but a state of the art version at that, One Mr. Adam himself had worked on. He had managed to cram in a very high-efficiency radio wave receiver into the turret and replace the green monochrome panel on the usual ricochet with an ultra HD crisp display. According to him, this will improve the life of tankers as they will be able to enjoy a wonderful game without missing highlights of their favourite TV show or sports match. Before leaving the site Mr. Adam assured us he will keep working on it to make it even better and consider adding a VR headset to the turret so that the driver can enjoy his favourite music videos while taking a break. Overall it was an enthralling experience and not to mention we totally did not slack off on our job watching a tutorial called "Ways to cheat your boss to think you actually work" on the new gen ricochet. Outrage sparks as meteorites crashed In Tanki By @Hexed With the biggest comet finally crashing into Dusty Depot and making one hell of a crater a couple of days ago, news of outrage and protests suddenly spread like wildfire. A high ranking official, who we interviewed at the National Space and Galactic Organisation, had the following to say: "At this time we can neither confirm or deny any facts/statements nor do we know thereasonof this sudden uprising. It is believed to be linked to the Cosmonautics event held in Tanki, as many people have been seen holding boards with the words 'Tanki' crossed out and 'Fortnite' written instead. We will hold a press meeting as soon as we get any further updates on the matter." Could it be because of the rumours that Tanki Online might've copied ideas and plagiarized them, that is, making comets hit the map in their game as soon as Epic Games decided to it, or is this just a publicity stunt designed to get attention? Your choice, make the right one! The truth behind 'The Dictator' contest By @GrandExecutioner The reveal of 'The Dictator' contest led to an uproar by many who demanded an answer as to why 'Tanki's Finest News Source' had stretched out their tentacles to the public. Well, what is the reason behind the contest? After weeks of intense research, I arrived at the following answer... Because 'The Dictator' is great, the Reporters are great and the Newspaper is great. All hail the master overbot @Flexoo and the ingenuity of for creating this contest. That's it. The end. . . . If you are still reading this then it means my plan has worked. Yisnoclue has read the first few lines of this article and was so impressed that he became convinced he didn't need to read anymore. He approved of the propaganda and decided to publish the piece straight away. But now I can reveal the truth. If you don't know already, the crystal prizes to fund these contests comes straight from the developers' wallets...obviously. Luckily, these devs are able to earn a steady income from regular in-game corruption and crystal laundering. Now here's the twist. Unfortunately for these developers, an organization called Next International Vanilla Extract Society (or N.I.V.E.S for short) have allied with the Newspaper team to try and take the developers for everything they have. How? By gradually converting every single article into a contest until the devs don't have a single crystal left. Of course, in response to their diminishing bank accounts, it is expected that the developers will be taking their corruption to a whole new level...which is bad news for us players. Confirmed: Tanki marketing team to begin patterning style after Logan Paul By @KillerGnat In a statement released by the Tanki marketing team last night, marketing chief executive Vineet Mormunee (vee-NEET MOHR-mun-ee) confirmed reports that the marketing team was heading in a new direction by incorporating strategies used by Logan Paul in his vlogs. In an exclusive interview with The Dictator, Mormunee revealed the reason behind the change: "Frankly, we've regarded him [Logan] as a bit of a marketing god for a while now. The way he advertises his merchandise is exactly the thing we need in Tanki." Changes are expected to be implemented soon according to our expert sources. We aren't certain what these will entail, but stay tuned for updates. The Dictator collapses By @Magenta If you want to read more from The Dictator, here are the news reports from previous months! The Dictator Issues - July 2014 - August 2014 - September 2014 - October 2014 - November 2014 - January 2015 - February 2015 - March 2015 - August 2015 - December 2015 - January 2016 - February 2017 - March 2017 - April 2017 - May 2017 - June 2017 - July 2017 - September 2017 - October 2017 - November 2017 - December 2017 - January 2018 - February 2018 - March 2018 - April 2018 The Dictator Specials - The Dictator Special | Origins of Nives

50 FPS though. ;)

I'm a newb :/ Device 1 | Laptop MacBook Air (Early 2014) 13.3" Processor: 1.4 GHz Intel Core i5 Memory: 4GB 1600 MHz DDR3 Storage: 128 GB SSD Graphics: Intel HD Graphics 5000 1536 MB OS: Mac OS High Sierra Version 10.13.2 Tanki FPS on average: 50 without graphics Cost: Oh, Idek xD

I don't see why it should equal infinity. The video you showed suggests that proof of such a theory is that when the denominated gets smaller, the result becomes bigger, so zero would have to equal the largest number; infinity. But that's not proof. You can't divide by zero, because to divide there must be a devision, and zero isn't a division. Hence, there's no answer; undefined. :D Besides, division is multiplication backwards. 100 ÷ 10 = 10 10 x 10 = 100. If 100 ÷ 0 = ∞ ∞ x 0 ≠ 100 ∞ x 0 = 0* Just like zero times any number equals zero because you are taking nothing and multiplying it, so too any number divided by zero is undefined because you aren't dividing it to begin with. To put it into perspective, you're K/D is precisely your kills divided by your deaths. You want to take these three people you killed, and divide it by the amount of times you died. So if you never died, you can't divide it. Repetitive and simple. *Note: I didn't watch the second video until after I posted this, so yea, it basically says everything I do.

The Apocalypse is already over though.

...And destroy one tank. :x

Just make 100s of Recruit accounts and add them all up to be a Legend.

I'll like you if you like me. :rolleyes:

1 x 1 = 1 So why does many 1s = more than many 1s? 111 111 111 x 111 111 111 = 12345678987654321 earth flat4sure

I'm immature, but not because I play video games.

This is a special picture, it's the first picture on Google Images when you search "picture."

SECRECY LVL.: * * * * * CRUCIAL: EXTREMELY CODE: BLACK AND WHITE AND RED ALL OVER SUBJECT: THE CHARGEs OF NIVES | DOC. #724 APRIL 1 '18 As you may all know, Nives has recently been charged with ten counts of violant attacks on innocent civilians in Czechoslovakia, his hometown. Right off the bat, it is crucial that no standard community member hears about this. If you know of someone who does and shouldn't know, put him in solitary confinement immediately, we'll have his brain extracted to a Mexican cactus. For the next four or so weeks, Nives will be unavailable to communicate with any of us, not even Ostrica. However, I've managed to break a technical barrier, and so I have limited contact with him. The KGB is currently holding him hostage in an isolated underground prison fortress, somewhere in Iceland. I think I managed to find his coordinates; 13.1631° S, 72.5450° W. I think that's in Iceland... Right? If you have any questions you'd like me to ask him, ask away. But please remember, it is essential that no one knows even the slightest bit of this incident. We've got Nives' twin brother to step in for a few livestreams, and whatever else this community needs a manager for. If you tell, you die. Bye! - Rabin

I feel so sad, this is bad, just kidding I'm glad. I can rhyme! Okay, bye Destrod, see you tomorrow, we'll all miss you, but we can't give you attention forever. Topic closed.

Notice to reporters Guys, I ask you to please take some time to write a segment or two, as Hexed is quite busy lately, as he's become the new owner of Godmode_ON's account. Remember not to tell anyone! :D #OOPSIE Greetings, readers! Here at the Tanki Online Newspaper, we are passionate about providing you with information on all the latest updates, turrets, hulls, maps, contests or just about anything related to the community or game; and you can trust us to cover it all. <EDIT REST EVERY MONTH> #1 By @Yisroel.Rabin #1 #2 By Yisroel.Rabin #2 #3 By @Yisroel.Rabin #3 #4 By @Yisroel.Rabin #4 #5 By @Yisroel.Rabin #5 #6 By @Yisroel.Rabin #6 #7 By @Yisroel.Rabin #7 #8 By @Yisroel.Rabin #8 If you want to read more from The Dictator, here are the news reports from previous months! The Dictator Issues - July 2014 - August 2014 - September 2014 - October 2014 - November 2014 - January 2015 - February 2015 - March 2015 - August 2015 - December 2015 - January 2016 - February 2017 - March 2017 - April 2017 - May 2017 - June 2017 - July 2017 - September 2017 - October 2017 - November 2017 - December 2017 - January 2018 - February 2018 - March 2018 The Dictator Specials - The Dictator Special | Origins of Nives

If Tanki sucks money, why aren't they rich? HMMMMM?

Tanki should ban Tanki for breaking the rules. ^

I was out of ideas before I was born. :x "Serious" answer below. Yis is busy, School is tough, He's become dizzy, The workload is rough. But The Dictator will strive, when school dies, it'll be fun, please, no run. :c *bow*

:lol: Pretty weird how it looks amazing.

What?

eat ur veggies

Greetings, readers! Here at the Tanki Online Newspaper, we are passionate about providing you with information on all the latest updates, turrets, hulls, maps, contests or just about anything related to the community or game; and you can trust us to cover it all. A new turret and hull appears; tankers distressed By @Hexed If the War wasn't enough already, Tanki Online decided to stress it's player-base even more by adding in - not one, but two entirely new items in the game: a turret and a hull. Currently named as 'Terminator' and 'Juggernaut', which by the way, if you haven't guessed already, is available to only two people in the game, @Hazel-Rah and @Impulse. What's more surprising is the fact that the turret, a.k.a Terminator, is actually a dual-barreled Railgun, which by some means can also fire a volley of six rockets towards a person in quicker succession than Striker. Even the reload times for Railgun are so low, resembling that of a Thunder. Juggernaut, the hull, on the other hand has a massive amount of armor-plating on its sides and sports around three thousand hitpoints, but what's even more mind-bending than the turret is that it can drive even faster (or close to) than a Wasp. Do you have any idea what's going on? Are the developers really looking forward to add a new turret or hull in the game, and are just testing it in the game like how they did with Striker? Where could the turret be available for purchase, in the Shop or the Garage? Or could it just be that the developers and game designers were bored and wanted another YouTube publicity stunt designed to get attention and views? Speak for yourself! Semyon rises from the dead; EN community in terror By @Yisroel.Rabin A couple of weeks back marked an unusual reporting by a group of mid-teenagers. They reported that they'd found scary graffiti on the wall, reading 'Beware The Rise Of Semyon!'. The authorities took it as nothing more than a joke, but were later proved wrong. Last Tuesday, the graveyard called Chotripitu Cemetary, in Perm, Russia, was the centre of attention when a grave stone labeled 'Semyon Kirov' went missing. The next night, Semyon was spotted in a local variety store, buying a switch blade knife. When police arrived at the store, the cashier was missing, along with all traces of Semyon. Ever since then, random appearances of the former EN community manager have been reported all around the globe. He's been pinned with a prize of ten million crystals for the person who catches and delivers him to the authorities. If seen, call 1-800-GOT-SEMY. Sergei and Kasim place bets on War; mystery of falling K/D solved By @Flexoo The highly anticipated War is in the full swing. The temptation of containers has absorbed the whole communities and everyone is fully concerned about strategies and best ways to reach the victory. As we recently learned from one of our Perm contacts, this game of Chess where every single move decides if you will fall deep in the abyss of losers or stand your ground to see the rays of victory fully consumed even two community representatives, namely Kasim, the Russian CM, and Sergei, our own community manager. As the contact mentioned, these two started chatting about the possible War outcomes but when the theme shifted to best community that will win, the two quickly transcended from friendly teasing to all-out war of words that ended in a bet. The stakes were really high. Both guys bet one year of their wage on success of their respective community. When Sergei finally realized how much he actually put at stake, he decided to help his community win. Should he try to mult the enemy team or should he rather try to provide a decent K/D ration for his faction. He is indeed a community representative and so he chose to do the right thing, follow the rules and provide enough kills to win this War. Although being seriously occupied with his work, he managed to make 200 kills on first day. However, the second day did not go as well as he planned. Equipped with his trusty Isida/Viking M0, Sergei seriously wanted to rock the world of all the other faction players. But as it happens, things don't go as we often plan and so was the case with Sergei. His K/D was so awfully bad it triggered the system to malfunction, at one point the K/D simply showed # ERROR 000 - impossible to calculate. Just few minutes afterwards, development team send a really harsh e-mail to Sergei with warning that if he continues to participate in War in any way, his account will simply be blocked. As an official reason, developers mentioned that they simply don't have resources to deal with such multing, erhm type of gaming style. Kasim went even step further and sent Sergei a DM saying: "Hah, get rekt!" It seems that Sergei had to leave things in hands of the regular players and now he's just praying EN faction will make it to the successful end. If not, it's very possible that Sergei will have to wear one same T-Shirt for the whole year like Semyon used to. The Dictator faces inevitable closure, speaks The Director By @Hexed *woop woop* that's the sound of the police *woop woop* No it's not, you're reading it right now. FAKE NEWS! The desperation is real By @Flexoo What a bummer! It's a shame, but Yis asked me with immeasurable sadness in his pink eyes to deliver this message for him. After countless months of Dictator, he's running low on gossip. If you can, please shoot him a PM with your ideas. In return, he promises you the cheapest in-game gift he can buy and Tanki postcard with his autograph. Please do not ignore this lucrative offer. If you want to read more from The Dictator, here are the news reports from previous months! The Dictator Issues - July 2014 - August 2014 - September 2014 - October 2014 - November 2014 - January 2015 - February 2015 - March 2015 - August 2015 - December 2015 - January 2016 - February 2017 - March 2017 - April 2017 - May 2017 - June 2017 - July 2017 - September 2017 - October 2017 - November 2017 - December 2017 - January 2018 - February 2018 The Dictator Specials - The Dictator Special | Origins of Nives

This actually seems cool. Nice job TO!

It's simple. I'm too busy creating cheat sheets for tests to remember about posting pictures I took. So here are a few (bad) pictures I randomly took from the New Year's event. More noob pics here.

I don't want to speak to much, in fear that I'll say something wrong, and may offend someone accidentally, so all I'll say is that despite the fact that I barely knew PC-JACK, he was a member of this community and did whatever he could to uphold it, and so I respect him. R.I.P. PC-JACK