Where'd you take/get that picture? O_O

Added.

Done.

Greetings, readers! Here at the Tanki Online Newspaper, we are passionate about providing you with information on all the latest updates, turrets, hulls, maps, contests or just about anything related to the community or game; and you can trust us to cover it all. We've taken a bit of a break, so let's jump straight into it! NOTICE: Suppressed media outlet The Dictator makes its way out of overlord's grasp By @Yisroel.Rabin As we're sure many of our devoted readers have noticed, over the past month or two The Dictator - Tanki's Finest News Source - has not been releasing new publications for readers to catch up on all the latest news. There has been gossip going around the Tanki community at large lately of what could've happened to the very successful outlet. Many blamed it on @Yisroel.Rabin, a news anchor for The Dictator and pretty much the guy THAT DOES ALL THE WORK AROUND HERE, and his lack of creativity. This select group of people claimed that Yisroel's lack of ideas led The Dictator to its ultimate closure back in August. Others older readers had a more simple, and definitely more logical claim, and blamed the @Night-Sisters for the pause on publication. However, the truth of the matter is that The Dictator has been suppressed by the overruling administrators of the failing TO Newspaper, possibly for its tendency to expose the administrators darkest of secrets (like we are right now). There is an endless amount of reason the administrators of the TO Newspapers would try to suppress and ultimately shut down the more accurate news source in the history of Tanki Online. Nevertheless, The Dictator has managed to break through many legal barriers the admins have set up to block it from publishing, and so we are here today to present to you another issue of The Dictator, free of any suppression and depression. Dictator's star thrown in Jail By @LOLKILLERTOTHEDEATH During August, the star of the brilliant Dictator series was thrown in Jail. As everyone knows, we have to work tirelessly and make sure that we get Flexoo anything he wants, lest he will touch us with a dirty sock. Yisroel. Rabin had been put in charge of bringing Flexoo Banana Splits every day, topped with Feta Cheese, Smoked Salmon and Chocolate sauce. When the cruel tyrant found out that Yisroel Rabin had been sneaking Bananas into his banana splits, Flexoo was enraged. Consequently, Yisroel Rabin was put in jail alongside a coconut which had fallen in front of Flexoo when he was on a beach, a potato who claims to be the brother of Ostrica, a mouldy piece of cheese from his visit to France as well as a dirty shoe which the tyrant himself was too afraid to use on us. After much begging and serving banana splits without bananas we finally managed to convince the obese Flexoo that without Yisroel Rabin's pointless articles, our already hopeless English newspaper would fail. What's worse, is that we had to stroke his ego to convince him that without his guidance and the extraordinary talent of Yisroel, the rest of our non-existent work would be useless. After being released from jail, he has gone missing and claimed to have gone looking for chocolate flavoured tuna, but his whereabouts are still unknown. Tanki newspaper moves headquarters due to budget changes By @Yisroel.Rabin We moved, and I'm working on Windows Vista. Economy crashes as tons of gold showers from the sky(box); Developers upset By @Hexed We're bringing you live coverage of not only the most interesting event to occur this year, but also the most dangerous. As you see live pictures of gold just showering out of the sky right here in Barda, the whole economy of the game is at stake. Developers are working round the clock to end this one-of-a-kind happening - sources they have been on it since yesterday morning. When interviewed, one of the game's players who was fortunate enough to witness the event had the following to say: "its only gold, why you hef to be mad?" We have received information that occurrences of the same phenomena have been sighted in many other areas of the Verse as well, including Parma, Rio, Berlin and Gubakha. Let's hope the game survives through this rainy day, back to you, Sergey. URJENT: DO NOT WEAR THE NEW XT SKINS! By @Yisroel.Rabin This is a level ten warning to all tankers who are rich enough to afford the new XTs or who are lucky enough to receive one. DO NOT WEAR THEM! They have been reported to contain particles extracted from a deadly plant located in the far corner of Serpuhov. The developers reportedly did this to save money in manufacturing, not knowing the extent of their actions. Developers... @Hexed Tankers: Please release a new update... *le developers release new update* *matchmaking system* Tankers: this game ded. world blow up.. Developers: Leaks show the real reason mobile Tanki will not be coming to Apple devices By @Yisroel.Rabin We have many hackers whose sole purpose is to infiltrate high secured information from sources who don't want us knowing their top secrets. We've managed to discover the truth about the latest gossip on the street and the question that's on all the children's' minds; why won't the mobile version of Tanki Online be coming to Apple devices? Well, reports show that @Hazel-Rah, a well known and old-time developer of TO has been diagnosed with a phobia of apples. He can't look at one, let alone eat one. Any mention of the classic fruit and he goes into shock for two or more hours. It was, therefore, decided not to release the mobile version of the game on Apple devices. However, the developers, of course, will never admit this rather embarrassing piece of information about Hazel, so just remember, you heard it here first and probably last! Magnum gets nerfed, V-LOG voice changes, "Da hell?" says The Dictator By @Magenta On Monday, 24th September, a surprising Patch Note was released - Magnum was to be nerfed. This news was taken with significant shock by The Dictator; everybody exclaimed "Da hell?" in unison as the latest announcement was displayed on the big screen at the Central Hall, with the exception of Yis, who exclaimed "Da friggin hell?" Semyon Strizhak, lead game designer, had after all sworn an oath to "never succumb to CM pressure and nerf or remove Magnum from the game." What happened to that oath? Maybe he was fired? Has Nives, famous hater of Magnum, conducted a successful coup? These were some of the burning questions The Dictator felt compelled to answer. While such great curiosity demands equally great valour to be quenched, The Dictator, of course, didn't lack any. The team was immediately tasked with getting at the heart of the issue, and the office walls were soon covered with pinned maps, charts, and photos, and the floor littered with half-eaten chicken and crushed Coke cans as we brainstormed day and night. The most plausible theory - according to vote - put Sergei at the centre of it all. There was motive, and Sergei was deemed perfectly capable of taking over Alternativa; the only thing lacking was undeniable evidence. Our investigative journalists travelled all over the Tankiverse, searching for answers, but to no avail. However, our wait was finally over when the Vlog came out on Friday. At first look, everything was normal; Nives spammed everyone's notifications, the thumbnail promised a bunch of new stuff, and a guy was disappointed for not being able to take the first post. But as soon as Kais stopped watching gmod videos in 4k on the office WiFi, and the Vlog finally started playing on the big screen, the bomb finally dropped. Everybody stared at the screen with aghast eyes, the Hall went uncharacteristically quiet except for the blaring speakers, and someone dropped his coffee mug as his hand went limp. [italics]The guy doing the voice-over was changed, and the new guy sounded eerily similar to Sergei.[/italics] The mystery of the Magnum nerf had finally been solved; the theory blaming Sergei made absolute sense. Sergei clearly [italics]had[/italics] staged a coup; Semyon was subsequently fired as Sergei became Supreme Leader, as was the old voice-over guy, probably because he protested against some of Sergei's plans. The oppressive tyrant had trouble hiring a new voice-over guy, so Sergei himself had to fill in. It all made sense. Will Semyon be back? If so, which Semyon? Will Sergei's brutal regime end anytime soon? How much further will the game be butchered under him? You can always trust The Dictator to answer your hottest questions. If you want to read more from The Dictator, here are the news reports from previous months! The Dictator Issues - July 2014 - August 2014 - September 2014 - October 2014 - November 2014 - January 2015 - February 2015 - March 2015 - August 2015 - December 2015 - January 2016 - February 2017 - March 2017 - April 2017 - May 2017 - June 2017 - July 2017 - September 2017 - October 2017 - November 2017 - December 2017 - January 2018 - February 2018 - March 2018 - April 2018 - May 2018 - June 2018 - July 2018 The Dictator Specials - The Dictator Special | Origins of Nives

Will consider it. Not going to spew bad quality content just to keep a series running. Thanks for the feedback.

Added. Added already. ANNOUNCEMENT & REMINDER Although this isn't mandatory, if you feel like helping me out, whenever you post your new nickname(s), also specify whether you're updating a new string of nicknames which is already on the list, or you're adding a new list of nicknames which isn't yet on the list. Also, when posting a nickname string, be sure to also specify if you have a list of alternative accounts in the alt account list because if you do, I need to replace your old nickname with your new one in that list as well. What a post should look like: Nickname string: OldNick1 → OldNick2 → OldNick3 → (CurrentNick) Update my already existing nickname string in the list. Also, update my nickname in the alt acc list. OR I do not already have an existing nickname string in the list, nor do I have any alt accounts in the alt acc list. Again, this isn't mandatory, but it helps me out. Thanks!

Didn't know I was an animal.

doesnt look 4k

Done. Added.

Added.

Sure You can buy a couple in the Shop, at least indirectly. Just buy everything and you got yourself a so-called couple.

Stuff stuff

I just wasted so much time...

Um, Tanki's broken; I can't see XT skins if I can't get to my garage because half the UI is missing. :P

Added.

Added. Added.

#5 seems obvious, no?

:blush: Thanks.

Greetings, readers! Here at the Tanki Online Newspaper, we are passionate about providing you with information on all the latest updates, turrets, hulls, maps, contests or just about anything related to the community or game; and you can trust us to cover it all. Nives meets with Soviet Union CM, Maksim Khusainov, to discuss denuclearization By @Yisroel.Rabin Last Thursday, our beloved community manager, , met with the Soviet Union dictator, Maksim Khusainov, to discuss strategical plans for the future of the two communities potentially merging allied forces, how the merger could negatively affect the Soviet Union's forces due to over-accessibility to noobs, but most importantly, the critical deconstructions of Soviet nuclear threat. Nives put his point on behalf of our community quite blunt; either the Soviet's take down their threats or we get 50% off sales for the next ten years. Knowing sales are never to be given so lightly, the Soviets were forced to denuclearize. Reporters in need of dire help By @LOLKILLERTOTHEDEATH Ever since the beginning of the reporter team and the Tanki newspaper, our motto has been to mult try very hard to do nothing at all help fellow Tankers. Recently, Community Manager Nives discovered that various members of the administration and helper team, who shall remain nameless, play a game of fortnight. They have received a warning that unless they mult work harder, they will be promptly removed from their positions and replaced with new and wholly unexperienced, unconcerned helpers, including a pig, a mug, a teddy bear, two slices of pizza, a soccer ball, a brick, a panda and my incompetent self. As a result, poor reporters such as myself, Hexed and a good many others are experiencing what will be now remembered in history as the the day reporters were forced into doing work. We have been asked to do some actual work! I know dear reader, the horror! Helpers of the game, helping the game? That should be illegal! From now on, the evil robot will have us work tirelessly to get in at least a total of 10 articles per month. If we don't do it, we are told that he will use a dirty sock to coerce us to do it, to which human has the courage to disobey him. PLEASE PRAY FOR US AND SAVE US FROM THE SAVAGE TYRANT THAT IS FLEXOO! Newly released artificial intelligent 'Drones' turn on tankers By @Yisroel.Rabin Drones may seem handy (and expensive), but they have secretly been turning on tankers behind their back without anyone noticing, until now. Reports have risen from multiple tankers from multiple locations that their drones have been betraying them. One report claims their Trooper drone has been sneaking out of the Garage late at night to empty the fridge of all its contents, leaving absolutely nothing. When asked, the Drone simply replied with an automated message; "I'm the «Trooper» drone. I was built by Professor Hazel Rah PhD, whom I love very very much. My sole purpose is to defend my holder in the battlefield." Other reports claim that their Driver drone keeps cheating on them. Meaning to say that they secretly help other female tankers in the battlefield, and steer them in the right direction, as appose to helping the rightful owner of the drone. When Hazel Rah was asked about what may be causing these issues, he replied with an odd "I didn't kill him. Semyon left on his own accord. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?!" This is here simply to fill up some space By @Flexoo The Dictator formally turns to the community for requests By @Yisroel.Rabin Hazel's ponytail contains unspeakable powers By @Yisroel.Rabin If you want to read more from The Dictator, here are the news reports from previous months! The Dictator Issues - July 2014 - August 2014 - September 2014 - October 2014 - November 2014 - January 2015 - February 2015 - March 2015 - August 2015 - December 2015 - January 2016 - February 2017 - March 2017 - April 2017 - May 2017 - June 2017 - July 2017 - September 2017 - October 2017 - November 2017 - December 2017 - January 2018 - February 2018 - March 2018 - April 2018 - May 2018 - June 2018 The Dictator Specials - The Dictator Special | Origins of Nives

I am.

Wait, what? How does this relate to anything I said? Unless, the tanker in your story was me, in which case, I don't remember this happening, but it most certainly does sound believable.

Helper of the Month

Might as well make a retroactive results topic saying "Congratulations Bydolord on winning the contest!"

Not sure if this a compliment or an insult. :lol:

They said I'd never sink, and I sunk my first day. Who am I? A] The Titanic B] Matchmaking System