- Edits: one double space fixed. Also, while the 400 word restriction may not apply for short stories, you might consider making these shorts at least 400. Just so that no one has a reason to complain. Alternatively, you could post a couple of these in one go as sort of a collection. Approved This is why I play Tanki -- to escape the horrible reality of real life. :ph34r: I feel like this basically sums up everyone's life from 12-16 in a way lol. Everyone goes through stuff like this, even the popular ones. Some just decide to stay and fight rather than let stuff get to them.

ahhh this thing is still around <3 welp, I promised myself that I'd never take it down to zero even if I became a staff member. 18

Only one edit. Changed "in the distance" to "into the distance". Approved whew that was chilling. lol Loved the abruptness of it; much more effective than if you had drawn it out.

:ph34r:

The fact that it's been like a couple days since the finals and you've already written this up is pretty demoralising ;__; :lol: One of the best reviews I've read. Makes me wanna actually watch some of the live streams.

Well said Fleet! :) It appears so. Quite a shocker, Ik. 3rd oldest active clan in the community.^^

his chrysanthemums look terrible. You should come see my gardenias. You were the best astronaut around. Our trip to the moon together was one of the best moments of my life. I'll always remember how we stepped off the space shuttle together singing Kumbaya. Thank you for your time teaching me how to yodel, I'll never forget the skills you've taught me. I hope you finally meet the love of your life. Good bye :')

You too <3

Zac will always be alive in the hearts of spammers everywhere :')

Yupppp ^_^. Two years and counting. At the moment, no. Sorry, but Ranking Cups will probably be coming along soon, and we need to get back into League Two Members please fill in this form. Ty.

M8, get a brain pls -____- I mean that's a whole lot of untrue things in one post. First off, clan wars haven't really been a thing in ages. Your example of a decent clan, Falcons, hasn't even had an official one in months at least. With Tanki esports becoming more active, most clans have stopped with unofficial wars altogether. As far as official tourneys go, nearly everything you said was false. We've been extremely active, and done moderately well. In DS we entered two teams, and despite the millions of legend clans playing against us, one of our teams managed to make it out of the group stage. That's without voice communication too. We just recently had the Ranking Cups which showed that we were in the top 16 active clans of the EN community. We aren't anymore tbf, but you can't say that we haven't been active in esports. We're arguably the most active non-M3 clan. My goodness, shows how much you've followed HD's progress. the part about GC and CC is true tho :ph34r: And before you guys jump all over me for being so rude to a non-member, this is Zac :lol:. It's all good

Well guys, maybe this should be a wakeup call for us. To be honest, all that Kais said was spot on. He may be a mult, but at least he's a mult with a brain. We've come a long way since registering two moderately skilled teams for DS. I think a big part of it is that we've lost Zen, PPS, and now Kais. Apart from Dos, they were the most crucial members of the clan (Kais being arguably the most crucial). I think it's time to change some things up. We're extremely disorganised. Half our members don't even show up for trainings even if they're online. More than half don't/can't show up for important wars. Nearly all of us don't use voice communication during wars. It's not a shocker that we're back in Newcomers; the shocker is that we stayed in League Two as long as we did. That being said, I'm guessing we'll have a chance to get back into League Two. It's basically empty right now, which means that there'll have to be Ranking Cups sometime soon. If we all work together, and if Dos keeps our official squad updated, I think there's a good chance we'll be back up in no time. I think it's time to make some new Google Forms to see what times people are available/whether people are willing to participate in tournaments.

MULT DONT YOU DARE. If you leave, it'll basically mean we lose our chances of ever getting back into League two. Especially since Drakon's left us. Do you really expect DoS and me to be able to organise the whole clan the next time the IC's or ranking cups or whatever roll around (no offense meant to dossy <3 lol)? Not even gonna say anything nice and nostalgic cause I'm not gonna let you leave :[ pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. And it's true that we failed big time in the IC's, but to be fair, our squad really sucked at the beginning. By the time the transfer window went into effect we had like one game left. Edit: but wow, those pics... nostalgia.

Edits: changed font to Trebuchet MS size 14

Edits: Only one. Thanks for making my job easy hehe Formatting: Added an Hr line under your intro Slight rephrasing. "That's if they're alive" to "That is, if they're alive". That may be a Britishism I guess, but I haven't heard anyone say it. Approved Great read! Loved the flow of it. I felt like I was being carried along with the writing. Definitely gonna go check out the previous chapters when I have a chance :ph34r:

Okay people, for the record. I DID NOT WRITE THIS I was just accepted as an official newspaper candidate and as of yet, have not had anything published. I can't take the credit (or blame if you prefer) for this guide. so you all can stop messaging me about how Zac roasted me hard on my Twins article.... okiety

omg personia don't be so judgemental. I tried the best I could okay?! Maybe you should try writing 4k words on twins noob go out and fyi to all you people still wondering. No, I did not write that Twins guide.

I find horoscopes immensely entertaining. Whether they’re guessing the amount of money I’ll make this month or making bold predictions about my love life (which invariably are proved wrong because I’m forever alone ;__; ), I always get a laugh. And honestly, writing horoscopes must be the easiest job ever, right? Anyone can write an assortment of vague predictions that can be taken any way a reader wants. Or can they? ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ In this contest, you’ll have to write a Tanki-based horoscope. Any topic is allowed so long as it’s Tanki related. It could be about the odds of a Taurus finding a Tanki girlfriend this coming week, or what battles to avoid if you want a higher DL. Be creative! Limitations: Keep it short. There won’t be an exact word limit, but I don’t want to have to wade through novel-length horoscopes. Keep it Tanki-centred. Don’t just find an online horoscope and put a Tanki spin on it. Make the main focus on Tanki. Keep it vague. Most horoscope writers have mastered the art of two-sided predictions. Your guess should be proven right no matter what the results are. No plagiarism. Okiety! Prizes: 1st place: 30 000 crystals 2nd place: 20 000 crystals 3rd place: 15 000 crystals Consolation prizes of 5 000 will be handed out to people who made a good effort but barely missed out. Entries will be judged on originality and humour. The deadline will be on the 25th of May. Competitors should post entries in this topic. Start predicting futures!

A common complaint in Tanki is that it’s losing its entertainment factor. Even the new game modes haven’t disrupted the monotony for some people. But sometimes, all one needs is a change of pace - something new to take you away from the daily grind. Here are six things to rekindle your interest in Tanki. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 1. Change your gaming style When people accusing Tanki of being boring have used Hornet-Railgun exclusively for the past year, the fault does not lie with Tanki. There’s no doubt that XP/BP, drug wars, or no-supply battles are fun, but playing them non-stop without exploring other modes becomes repetitive. If you’ve spent your Tanki career avoiding XP/BP battles, making fun of those XP/BPers who join a Ping Pong CTF and are given a sound drubbing, maybe it’s time for you test it out. Let go of your prejudices and give it a try. The fast-paced gameplay, the absence of game-changing supply users -- it’s a nice switch from the average Tanki battle. Flag standoffs are never the tedious mine-ridden affairs that they often become in non-pro battles, and teams rarely begin without both sides being equal. Honestly, there’s a lot to be said for playing more XP/BP, even if you’re perfectly happy without it. However, there is such a thing as overdoing XP/BP. Too much of a good thing is possible, if not probable with this format. After the initial excitement, boredom can set in. You may despise supplies, but they do offer a certain dynamic that’s lacking in most XP/BP battles. The predictability of XP/BP games, while a nice change from hectic drug wars, gets old fast unless you’re playing with friends. Purists will say that’s where the attraction of XP/BP lies -- it’s entirely based on skill; but honestly, I think most of us enjoy a bit of spice in our games now and then (especially me cause I don’t have any skill ;c). 2. Join a clan Clans are great. In the words of the immanently wise Tank40: “Believe me when I say this, joining a clan is the happiest thing to enjoy about Tanki Online.” "plz liek my clan page" Well gosh, what are you waiting for. Clans are ideal places for finding friends and having an all-around good time. Whether you’re participating in clan wars, discussing life on Discord channels, or multing so your friend on the opposing team can win a battle, there’s always something happening. Assuming you’ve joined a skilled clan (i.e. not Happy Dragons), you’ll also benefit from your clanmates’ expertise. If you’re feeling competitive, try looking into joining clans eligible for upcoming tournaments (i.e. not Happy Dragons). Participate in exclusive clan events, create strategies during training, go on-call with members to improve in-game communication, perform clan takeovers in public battles; so many perks. (I feel like I’m writing an advertisement or something .__.). Side note: when applying for a clan, read the page thoroughly before anything else. Don’t ask permission to join unless you’re sure you fulfil at least the minimum requirements. It’s not rocket science people. 3. Leave your clan To be honest, clan activities can sap your time, especially if you’re an important member of the clan. The pressure on you to open your schedule for every training and event can be draining. A short break from clan-related pursuits and some time to recharge away from the constraints of a full schedule is something that everyone needs. Try playing a handful of battles without friends and revel in the glorious freedom. Just make sure the clan leader knows your plan before leaving. 4. Write stuff The AWC is always open. Whether you’re writing a full-on guide or a half-finished rant, people will actually read it. You may even win some crystals. But the main reason to write is that getting your thoughts on paper is therapeutic. Sometimes Tanki simply gets on your nerves. The best way to deal with it? You guessed it: writing. It causes you to stop, think and calm down. High heart rates aren’t going to help you win any battles. Writing keeps you occupied and away from stress-inducing, keyboard mashing supply fests that battles so often turn into. Tanki writing allows you time away from battling while still keeping your mind where it should be: Tanki. 5. Take part in Tanki community events Props to the event organisers for masterminding all the events that go down in the EN community. If regular battles bore you, jump into the wonderful world of EN events. Through the hard work of the organisers, new events are hosted on a weekly basis. Aside from being a change from the monotony of regular battles, events are places to meet like-minded tankers and relax a bit. The odds of actually winning crystals might be slim, but considering you aren’t gaining experience while participating, it’s not an unwise use of time. Of course, one setback to anyone wishing to be a part of the events is timezone issues. Understanding how standard time works is vital to joining any community hosted competition. Make sure you’re up-to-date on the announcements and ready to go as soon as the link is posted. If you happen to live in the far east, you might find the events beginning at rather terrible times of night. Call me for a shoulder to cry upon. #AsiansNeedEventsToo 6. Take a break Just do it. Sometimes all you need is an interruption to your incessant Tanki playing to rekindle your interest. Click that red X. Everyone complains about supply abusers and terrible updates, but they keep right on playing. Stop. okthx ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ And there you have it. If you aren’t set for at least a year with stuff to keep you occupied… well then I haven’t been a very good writer ;__;

I applaud you for your years of service and achievement. My heartiest congratulations and best wishes for your retirement. I will always remember the first day we met. Your way of making me feel part of the team made a lasting impression on a nervous, inexperienced graduate. I continue to benefit from your personal wisdom and engineering expertise, and hope you will stay in touch and join us for occasional social events. Have a wonderful retirement! Congratulations on the happy day of your retirement! After these many years of working together, I will need to adjust to the idea that you are no longer in the next office. I have thoroughly enjoyed our association. I will always remember our trip. I was amazed at the ease with which you conducted your presentations, undaunted by the skeptical comments. I have tried to pattern my own presentations after what I have seen you do so successfully. I hope I can do your reputation justice! Again, congratulations on a well-deserved retirement. Few have worked as hard as you have. I hope you will enjoy directing your energies into your other special interests. I just heard about your retirement plans. It sure will be dull around this greenhouse without you. You know, of course, that you are our source of community information. After landscaping more than half the yards, you seem to know everyone and everything. We will miss you. Now you can hop in that motor home and head for Miami, but I know you'll be back. A man with a thumb as green as yours can't leave it stuck in that lifeless, Floridian sand for long. Come by and see my gorgeous chrysanthemums when you get home. Best wishes. surely you're much too young to retire! You were my first client, and we've experienced the ups and downs of the market together, but more ups than downs, I believe. Best wishes for your retirement. Congratulations on your well-deserved retirement. As one of our most faithful employees, you'll be greatly missed. You were always so willing to pitch in on any project, and you have always brightened up the whole office. We already feel as if a part of us is missing. Don't be a stranger! :ph34r: I remember competing against (and losing to) you in almost all of the newspaper writing contests back in the day. Barely even knew you back then and had no idea what a great friend you'd become. thanks for everything^^ and your acceptance into HD was one of the best things that ever happened to us as a clan, honestly. You've got our eternal thanks for the time you invested in HD. Keep on being awesome, baii

Honestly, I don't think this spam is all that bad.... All our important announcements are given on Discord or Skype and the clan page isn't being used for much atm. As long as it's just for this one week I think we should be ok. And I'm sure if we're beginning to spam too much then a mod will contact us before closing the topic. After all, we did get permission lol. no kill dos

Hi please don't post spams on our clan page. If you continue I'll have to give you a cease and desist letter and take legal action against you. Please liek my clan page.

aha, but my post was an april fools obviously :ph34r:. The level of writing this issue, particularly in Rab's piece, is only rivaled by Phoenix-Warbird's article from two years ago and Hog's chicken guide. pffft reporters, so gullible.

oOoOoO an April Fools topic :wub:

why no hi for me? ;(